For the first time in my life, I can finally admit that every issue, and every damage; emotionally or physically, was my fault. I spent too many blames others for my issues If I had just stopped thinking I was a perfect asshole who just had a terrible family and school, I could've maybe put in some real efforts to change.
Hi, I'm Gumball. I'm a twelve year-old cat with many issues. Anger being one of them, and being a huge burden to my mother, Nicole.
You see, because of my childish behaviour, I cause many damages to public property such as my middle school, our home, and businesses.
Who has to pay all the damages caused by me? My mother of course, by working long, stressful hours till the point of overtime, all because Darwin and I couldn't keep our shit together.
Well, I couldn't keep my shit together.
I'm the reason Darwin is like me, not his fault he's destructive.
He even saw that before me, hence the reason why he separated himself from me. Won't lie, it pissed me off at first, made it worse when my sister, Anais, followed his footsteps too. She did maybe she was afraid she'll turn like me also, not wanting to risk her intelligence and end up like me.
Kind of funny thought, not too long ago she wanted to start a dumb race with me just so she can be like what I was.
My dad…. Well, my dad, Richard, isn't that concerning. He's one of the few who gave up on me when others tried to put up my shitty behavior.
Ever since he risked his life for me at the Junkyard to show how much he loved me, he would hope that I would change into becoming a better person.
Sadly, that wasn't the case, I just went back to being the piece of shit he knew and hated. So, he gave up on me, and just started eating his heart out and sit on the T.V. all day till Mom comes home from work. If you want to know how that's working out, he's been happier around the family once he gave up on me… Kinda sad, but I don't blame him.
Just like my friends back Elmore Junior High, they just gave up and stay away from me after countless time of neglected and just overall being a real dick.
Penny was one of the last, and I appreciate that she stayed to longest, but her lost was the worst of them all. Our breakup ended with tears surrounding our cheeks, and screams that my our throats dry…
She just slapped me and told me I wasn't the Gumball she knew… How she wished she had my old self back, the funny, carefree, Gumball who smiled every time we hugged and kiss….
...Fuck….
The only thing that made me happy was beating it off. Oh, how good it felt. I was actually calm and overall less moody at first. It got me thinking that if I just masturbated once a day I could be happy and stay stress-free.
Isn't that what studies show?
But overtime, it became a chore to do. Doing it three to four times a day, just to function. I couldn't sleep and it made me just a angry bitch all the time for the little things. Not saying I'm angry because I beat my dick, I'm angry because I choose to beat my dick when there's a problem, and not face my issues.
If I just stopped and think about why I'm so depressed and such a burden to my family, maybe I could've changed? But no, I only care about pleasuring myself till I sleep and stay inside my room.. Isn't that just selfish?
I-It's all too late for me now, I just want to end it all. The damages is done. I thought about suicide, because no matter what I do, change of diet, read self-improvement books (A step-up for me, in my eyes), try to not be a moody-bitch, it all just breaks-down to square one.
So, I'm going to do it. My family left to go shopping, with me, denying the invite, of course. While they're gone, I'll write my goodbyes,cut both of my wrist while crying my eyes out in a bathtub (Overrated, yes, but the fastest way to go, drinking antifreeze would just take hours before it kicks in) and call the police. I don't want my family to see my body, that would just leave a huge memory scar on their minds.
Suicide is a selfish act. Everyone says that.
But is it considered selfish if you did it for the sake of your family's happiness?
If I leave, my Mom would no longer work hours and hours of work if I was never there destroying property.
Darwin and Anais would stop waking up hours before me so they don't have to talk or look at me. They can go in the bus first and not wait inside the house till I went to my seat.
And my Dad can finally take the family anywhere without Mother nagging how he doesn't put effort to bring me along.
It's a great picture, really.
Before I go and end my miserable life, something popped up in my mind. I mention the police earlier.
You know when you hear the sirens, you look over and see red and blue lights flashing? Red means stop, like a stop sign (If you're being followed by the cop during a drive, that is).
So what does blue stand for?
To me, when I see the blue lights, it telling everyone "Hey, everyone relax, we're here now, you're safe." Since my neighbourhood is going to be lighten up but those colors, I want everyone to know who's reading this, whoever it may be, Mom, Mr. Robinson, Dad, just know that when you see those two bright lights through the window, or your windshield. Just know this.
Stop, you're all safe now.
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