I can't even begin to explain to you the size of the block that parked itself in my head.
What the hell is going on?
Jealous!bandit is proving itself to be such hard work. I admire those of you who find inspiration to write her, because she is kicking my ass.
So I come to you, once again, without a new "Selfish" chapter (I mean, I have one ready, complete to the last word, but I just don't like it).
This, however, is a gift, for dear OQForever. This idea was hers, the plot and everything, but she asked me to write it out for her, so I have.
My dear, lovely friend, I hope you like this. I tried to give your idea the weight it deserves.
It came out pretty angsty. More so than I expected, but I don't think too much. Well, you'll see, and I hope you approve.
So, guys, this is another entry to our "OQ feels" file. And even though "Selfish" refuses to be written, there is another one on the way – this time, another glimpse in the missing year.
I hope you like it, and I hope you take the time to tell me if you did. You know how much I love talking to all of you.
And, again, go say hi to me on Tumblr (edourado) and throw things at me – ideas, plots, prompts, rocks, you decide.
Much love to all!
Again, this is unrevised. I rushed with this because I wanted to post something today. Forgive any mistakes, please.
Robin is not sure how he feels about New York.
Sometimes it's too loud and too bright, there's too much happening at the same time, people talking, so many people talking and moving everywhere, he couldn't think straight.
But other times, he liked it. The noise and the movement and the brightness distracted him from smaller towns and quieter kingdoms – and their rulers. The vendor talking to him, the lady he helped cross the street, the kids playing with Roland in the park, Mr and Mrs Parker, from downstairs. Sometimes he liked the unbelievably rapid flow of things, it kept him from thinking of red lips, fair skin, dark hair, velvety voice and smooth curves.
Of Regina. His beautiful, wonderful Regina, his love, his soul mate, his heart. His whole heart.
He liked New York when it managed to make him stop thinking about her, even if just for a minute or two.
Not today. Not tonight.
The city was moving in it's fast pace, as usual. He had walked, gone to the store, to another store, talked to people, took Roland out, brought him back, gone out again, rode a bus, got lost, found himself, walked into a pub, bought a pint, talked to a lady until he realized she was smiling way too much, twirling a lock of hair around her finger and arching her chest towards him.
Then he went back to the loft, thirsty for something stronger, sharper.
A liquid that can conjure courage, give strength, or even act as a love potion of sorts.
Robin allowed his mind to wander back to Storybrooke while he walked those three blocks home. His heart tight in his chest, he remembered the first time he saw her, really saw her, standing there with one of his arrows in her hand. He remembered crowding her, disappointing her, being presented with a kiss he didn't deserve.
Their time together was so scarce. Barely no time at all for him to enjoy her, to make her smile, to make her sigh, to hold her. But then the moments they did have were precious, so precious to him, and he would remember them until the day he died.
His mind was sorting through his favorite moments with her, his favorite places to touch her, her had on his arm, caressing that tattoo that marked him as hers, when he opened the door to the building.
"Oh, hey, there you are!"
Marian was on her way out, her bag safely tucked under her arm. She smiled slightly at him.
"Hey", he tried to smile back. "Where are you going?"
"To the, um, drugstore. Roland is having a sleep over with the kids down the hall, I thought I would get something sweet", she smiled again, and his heart did... Nothing.
Marian is trying her best. To coax him back to her, to make their life in this strange city comfortable. He can see she was determined to start fresh, to make the best of this, and that only makes everything worse.
But he feels so distant. Miles and miles and miles away from her, even if she is right there, sitting in front of him, eating her lunch. All those feelings that once made him silly in love with her are so absent it's hard to believe they ever existed.
But he has to try. He's in this, they are in this, for the long run, so he might as well try his best to make it work.
"Can I join you?"
The pleasant surprise on her face made his guilt peak.
"Oh, sure, of course."
They walked to the nearest drugstore and bought silly things. Candy, chocolate milk, chips, a magazine that promised "100 ways of making it in the city". On their way back, her arm was twisted around his, her face leaning on his shoulder when they had to stop and wait to cross the street.
The pressure on her cheek on his shoulder made him want to sigh. Gazing ahead, he saw another pub, and what the hell. Pointing it to her, he suggested they go in. Roland was safe with the neighbors, there was no harm, right?
She looked at him and offered him a strange smile, almost a wicked one.
"Sure, why not?"
They walked in, he ordered whiskey for the both of them. They drank, and he made jokes, forced his mind off the girl serving pints at the bar with a tag on her shirt that read "Regina", of all names.
"I know you miss her", Marian said, her speech starting to slur a little after the third dose he bought them. "Do you want to... Talk about her?"
Yes, he did. He wanted to explain, in excruciating detail, why he felt so out of place here, how he loved his son more than life, and how happy he was that she was alive, and that she would have a place in his heart forever, but that it wasn't enough, it would never be enough. That Regina held in her hand all the love that he had to spare, his heart and soul and body, and the brief moments he had with her were the most fulfilling of his life. But he would never do that to her, of course not.
Marian had nothing to do with him and Regina.
"No, I don't."
He drank to forget. But, as he should have learned from previous attempts, it didn't work. It made everything worse. It made his heart ache more, his mind look further, his imagination to create, in painful detail, what could have been.
He drank four more doses, while Marian stopped at the third.
They paid, walked out, Marian laughed when he stumbled over his own feet.
"Here," she said, swinging his arm over her shoulder, her fingers clenching over his tattoo.
Roland had made him an expert in playing pretend. So he did.
For just one moment, he pretended it was Regina pressed against him, walking the streets of this confusing city.
Turning his head, he pressed a kiss to her temple. The scent was wrong, the feel of her skin against his mouth was different, but he pretended.
When they reached the sidewalk and the light told them to wait, she looked at him and he didn't recognize the look on her face, but he recognized what it meant.
Dipping his head, he pressed a kiss to her lips, and the way she kissed him back was all new.
Perhaps he got used to the way Regina kissed him, and was now so unfamiliar with the kisses of his wife. No matter, he could guide her the way he wanted it, the way he needed right now.
So he kissed her. Shifted the bag with their purchases to his elbow and turned her head back a little, urging her to open up for him.
"There he is", Marian said, a little louder than he would have liked, so he kissed her again, feeling her hand rise to his face.
The light changed, they walked the rest of the way, she opened the first gate, than the second one, and she laughed when he stumbled on the stairs, shushing him.
"You're gonna wake the entire building", she said, inserting the key to open their door.
Walking in, he sat the bag on the floor, and snatched the bottle of whiskey they had found when they first arrived in New York. Popping it open with his thumb, he took a swig, the large amount burning a path down his throat and settling in his stomach.
He sat on the couch and sighed, feeling tired, dizzy and a little angry.
His eyes were closed when Marian sat on top of him, her hands on his chest.
Robin rested his head on the back of the couch, his mind in the vault, when he pressed her against the wall in the morning, after she had told him they shouldn't do it again. But there she was, solid and real and beautiful and his, right there, how was he supposed to-
Her hands rose, grabbing his face and landing her lips on his, her tongue slipping into his mouth.
He kissed her back, his free hand rising to her hair and pulling slightly, angling her face to the left, biting her lip, trying to convince himself it was full enough, it tasted just like her, like his Regina.
"Easy, darling", Marian whispered against his mouth. "I'm not going anywhere."
Supporting a hand on his chest, she sat up straight and pulled her shirt over her head, and he took the chance to take another gulp from his bottle, still clenched in his hand.
"You might want to slow down a bit."
He shook his head and she chuckled.
"Suit yourself."
She was back to kissing him and Robin opened his mouth to her, the taste of the alcohol strong in his breath. Head spinning, he braced a hand on the small of her back, and pushed his legs, getting up from the couch with her still perched on him.
"Oh! Where are we going?"
Robin didn't answer, he wanted her to shut up for a moment, so he could concentrate.
He made his way to the bedroom, her lips on his neck now.
His knees touching the mattress, he pulled her leg from his hip, making her stand in front of him.
"Stay there, I'll be right back."
He left Marian smiling, shedding her jeans and walked to the bathroom. Locking the door, he looked in the mirror above the sink, his own angry eyes staring back at him.
Turning the tap on, he splashed his face with water and took deep breaths.
His heart was going to beat out of his chest any second now, he was sure.
He can't do this. It's impossible, it's ridiculous, trying to lead a normal life, away from everyone he knew, everyone he loved, away from what he liked to do.
He was the leader of the Merry Men, he was a thief, he liked to walk around the forest, to feel the dirt under his feet. He wanted to shoot something with his bow and arrow and teach Roland how to do it too. He wanted to breathe in and smell the grass.
And, God, most of all, he wanted to hold Regina again.
With a few more generous gulps, he finished the liquor and cast the bottle aside. Closing his eyes, his world started to spin, fast. Bracing himself on the sink, he looked at his reflection again and cursed, for the millionth time, that damned Snow Queen, for casting a spell on Marian – who was innocent in all of this – and forcing her out of Storybrooke, for forcing him away from the woman that made his heart beat strong and steady.
Taking his shirt off, he threw it in the hamper and opened the door again, finding the bed empty.
Perhaps it was for the best. He wasn't feeling at all connected to Marian lately, the scar of being separated from Regina again still red and angry, his mind was too fresh with memories of her.
She didn't deserve this.
Walking towards the dresser, he took his shoes off – and had to stop and hold himself against the wall twice to avoid a fall.
"For a moment there I thought you had escaped through the window", said Marian, walking back into the bedroom, a glass of water in her hand.
Standing straight again, he looked at her and started to tell her that they should go to sleep, that he would take a shower and sleep the liquor off, that he was sorry, that he was so sorry.
"Marian."
"Yes, I'm here", she whispered, walking to him and planting her lips on his again, continuing from where they have stopped before. "You know I don't like it when you drink too much," she said, and he frowned, because never had he drank too much while they were married, and the once or twice he got tipsy, she laughed at how silly he acted. "But today is not one of those days."
That's all it took.
For his mind to spiral back towards that night when he nearly went mad trying to make sense of the mess they were in, to the moment he finally stopped denying himself the thrill that it was to be with her, to kiss her, when he decided he wanted more than kiss her, he wanted to know every single detail of her, he wanted to taste her, he wanted to bury himself deep into her and learn what she liked, and to that moment when his lips finally descended on hers again and she held him back, she kissed him back and he lowered the zipper of her dress and felt her skin under his hands and Christ, that's it, this is it, this is us, she's mine mine mine, my love, my queen, mine.
His mind wasn't here with Marian anymore. In his mind, he was with her, the woman he pressed against him was destined to be his, and she had found him, again, she found him, so he devoured her, he consumed her kisses and ran his fingers down her back and onto her rear, that hypnotizing, divine ass that had his mouth dry and his blood pumping faster, his teeth on her lip and his tongue on hers.
Pressing her against the wall, he lifted her legs and locked them around his waist, sighing when she worked his buttons and his fly out of the way and released him, wrapping her hand around him a little bit too tightly.
There was no time for that, he needed her too much, he wanted her too much, he missed her too much, so he pressed his chest against hers, making her moan in his mouth and position them the right way and then yes, finally.
The world was still spinning. Something in his chest was heavy, something was itching, and he needed it to leave him be, because this is where he wanted to be, here, with his love, his soul mate, his Regina, God, Regina, he loves her.
He started to move on instinct, not knowing what was left or right, up or down, his own name, where he was, he just knew her. She was here, finally, with him, wrapped around him, sighing under him, her skin slick and warm against his, and he needed it to last because something inside was saying "not real", and yes it was, real, so real, her legs were hooked around his hip, hands on his arms and she was breathing hard while he moved inside her, his lips on her neck, tasting skin and leaving unconnected whispers of adoration to Her Majesty.
She was there. This was real. Regina. Regina.
"Regina..."
He felt her tense around and against him, her hands squeezing his arms tight, and Robin remembered how she used to shudder and how her nails would pierce his skin and how she would cry in his ear when he would run his lips, tongue and teeth on that spot below her ear, so he leaned forward and did just that. Her skin felt salty on his tongue, and he ran it through his teeth, and even then he missed the feel of her full lips against his.
"Robin!"
It wasn't the throaty moan he adored, but his head was spinning too much for him to care.
"Regina", he sighed against her throat again, lifting his head and kissing her lips, still moving within her, ignoring the uneasy feeling on the back of his mind. "My love..."
Her hands rose to his face, grabbing fiercely, and Robin kissed her harder, pressed her against the wall harder, his chest and his hips, using his legs to gain momentum, making her gasp and tighten her legs around him.
"I love you, I love you, I love you so much, I love you..." He mumbled, swallowing her words, wishing he never had to separate from her.
His legs started to burn after a while, and he braced his arms under her, pulling her from the wall, taking three steps backwards and collapsing on the bed, her surprised gasp sounding angry to him, and he should have minded her.
"Sorry, love," he said, sitting up and placing a soft kiss on her lips before turning them and settling on top of her.
He mumbled things on her skin, he poured all the weeks of longing and agony and the pain of missing her, he showed her. The intensity and the depth of his sentiment were hastily, drunkenly and sloppily expressed.
"I love you, Regina," was his mumbled declaration and he wished his brain would get rid of the fog for a second, so he could more eloquently translate what his heart beat every minute of every day.
He raised her arms over her head and intertwining their fingers, he felt her squeezing his hands harder than usual, the right one trying to untangle itself from his.
"Oh, my love", he sighed against the skin between her breasts, moving faster against her, feeling the hand he released close on his hair, pulling slightly, and that only spurred him on, and on and on and on, and for all the power in the world, there was nothing if not her, there was no one if not his Queen, Her Majesty, with her smile and her voice, and the touch she reserved for him and this is not real, but yes, it is, it has to be, for him to be able no keep his mind, for his heart not to implode inside his chest.
This has to be real.
He took the hand he was still securing on the mattress and placed it on his chest, above his heart.
"There is nothing", he said against her ear, still moving, his teeth nibbling. "No force in the world that can keep me from you."
Yes, yes, right there, he could see her, almost, right there-
"No magic that can make my heart forget you, my love, my love, my love-"
He felt her swallowing and his hand went to her throat, he wanted to feel everything.
"My everything."
This is not real, it's not her, it's not her, she's far, you don't have her, you can't have her-
Clarity came seconds after his dive. In his bad, drunken race towards all things her, his surroundings were so blurry he lost sight of reality.
Marian, real. Regina, a fantasy. A dream, an impossible crave. Even if it would always, in his heart, be her.
It was like a hundred arrows in his head. Robin closed his eyes tight and tried to stop the angry lump rising from his chest.
Dizzy, his world lost it's axis and spun around him, out of control, and his face met fabric and a pillow, and he took a big breath, releasing it and allowing that darkness to close it's sharp claws around him and pull him under. Maybe in the dark his brain will stop forming images of her and his heart will stop trying to tear itself apart.
Maybe in the darkness.
.:.
Regina.
That name, since the first time Zelena heard it, has been a curse and no matter what she does, no matter where she turns, there was that cursed name, Regina, mocking her and letting her know: you can't win.
This has been the last card she had up her sleeve. When the allure of a family failed to pry that stupid thief away from her sister's side, the curse of that Snow Queen had made itself useful and presented her with a new alternative.
Of course Zelena could heal herself. And even if she couldn't, Rumplestiltskin could help.
Yes, her powers were gone, and she had only this tiny portion of it left, but healing from another curse didn't always required magic. She could easily find something to counter the effects of that icing bother, but the solution presented itself. Regina, so eager to find a way, to wipe the concern off her lovers eyes and to not let his son without a mother, sacrificed her happiness so dear old Marian could live.
Pathetic. Hasty. Stupid.
But, for Zelena, welcome.
So off she went with Robin Hood and the little boy, the first steps she took away from Storybrooke marking her new vow: she would make him forget her. They had a son together, after all. He had loved this woman once, after all. All she had to do was put on a good show, learn his preferences and he would forget about that unworthy queen in no time.
It was a surprise when the noble Robin turned sour.
It annoyed her that his eyes would wander away every time she would speak.
When she found him drunk on the building door, she thought she had an advantage. Liquor and seduction were powerful things separate. Combined, they could work beautifully.
She felt proud when his lips landed on her temple, she felt secure when he kissed her lips and held her close to him, and she felt victorious when he fumbled through her clothes and impaled her against that wall.
Until he said that damn name.
"Regina."
If he was sober enough to open his eyes, he would see the flash of green that passed through hers, the magic on that pendant not enough to control her rising anger.
And it got worse from there. He swore loyalty and love and eternity, and Zelena tried to stop him, but he was so far gone in his delusion that he didn't even notice how angry she was.
"There is nothing, no force in the world that can keep me from you",he swore. "No magic that can make my heart forget you, my love, my love, my love, I love you forever, I am yours forever, I love you, Regina", he mumbled and mumbled and Zelena was so angry she could almost feel her palms tingling with magic.
"It's always going to be you", were his final words, the ones he said before he passed out, his body halfway off hers.
Zelena pushed him to her side on the bed they shared and tried to calm herself.
She knew about his feelings. She knew about the stupid destiny, that dictated they belonged to each other. She had to calm down and regroup.
Obviously, convincing him and his heart that he loved her was not going to happen. So she had to put on her big girl shoes and start doing what she did best.
She would have to start fighting dirty. Regina was not getting the best this time. She didn't put all those miles between them for nothing.
Sitting up on the bed and rearranging her clothes on her, she looked once more at the sleeping thief beside her.
He is very good looking. Too noble and boringly good, but she could see herself enjoying him. So much for savoring victory with him as a trophy.
Sighing, she got up from the bed and walked to the living room, picking up one of Roland's toys out of the way.
After drinking a big glass of water to calm herself, she gave up on thinking a solution tonight.
"You just wait, sis", she thought. Time would bring a way. She was sure of it.
"Dearie."
The next one is called "Frustrated". Care to guess the plot?