By request of the #TeamJamko Twitter crew, a couple extra scenes set before the (GORGEOUS) dress-shopping preview and photo spread this week.
"The thing is," Eddie said, carrying the remains of a dish of roasted vegetables into the Reagan kitchen, "Of course I want to find the wedding gown of my dreams, but the whole…wedding industry thing, and the idea of all these rules and things we're supposed to do – I'm just not into that."
"Emily Post would find modern weddings all pretty familiar," Erin agreed. Besides which, she thought, the entire family was governed by policies and regulations in their daily lives, and she could see her future sister-in-law was squirming under the yoke of social wedding expectations as well. She could understand wanting to bring some personality and creativity into the event.
She deftly lined up a row of plastic containers of meatloaf leftovers on the kitchen counter, and Eddie started distributing vegetables among them. "Focus on the first bit. It's your wedding, you and Jamie. Use all the how-tos and the bridal mags for ideas that suit you. They're not a Patrol Code. And they are trying to get you to spend as much as they can squeeze out of you through any means necessary. There's no upper limit."
"Oh, I get it," Eddie gave a dry laugh. "Been having a few of those conversations."
"I bet you have."
"It's not like I want to start off in debt up to our eyeballs. We both want something pretty simple. But I do want something memorable. Something that says who we are. I don't even know where to begin looking, though. It's not like I have time to start a Pinterest board or anything. All I know is Kleinfelds is supposed to be some sort of gold standard, but they seem a little beyond me."
"Well, I don't want to intrude," Erin said, looking up from bagging bread rolls, "But this is something I've done before, and helped a couple friends with. If you could use any help, or some company…I don't know if you have a dress team put together already – "
"Would you?" Eddie cut in. "I've been wanting to ask, but I know how busy you are. My girlfriends are all either cops with crazy shifts or have little kids to chase around these days. And my Mom. Well. I'll explain Mom one day, but let's just say she's on strict orders to be on best behaviour, or she will not know her grandchildren."
Eddie's decisive tap of the serving spoon on the last container seemed to underline her point. This was not hyperbole. She'd wondered why Eddie had never once mentioned her mother except to give her name when Frank asked.
It also explained some of Jamie's unsubtle panicking over the cost of the event, if he and Eddie were not counting on any contributions from her family, or didn't want them involved in the planning. The increase in salary that came with his promotion would only go so far, and they wouldn't want to ask Frank for much. She wondered if Frank had given them a clear idea of how much he was expecting to put in, so they would have some firm figures to work with, and decided that her father probably hadn't even thought about it. It was her mother who had nudged him about such things, for Danny and Linda's wedding and her own to Jack.
"Ah."
If only Mary and Linda were still alive, Erin thought. And Grandma. They should all have been here for this, to welcome Eddie properly and give her an in-law buffer to help her deal with all the Reagans. And for the sheer assistance with extra hands and experience. Mary would have been overjoyed at being a grandmother again. She'd been baby Nicky's daily caregiver until Nicky started school, and beyond, picking her up and giving her dinner when Erin and Jack both had to work late. Little Jack had had the benefit of his grandmother's care, too, but not Sean. Mary's cancer, and then Betty's, had slipped in like a pair of malevolent, unwanted house guests so quickly and unexpectedly that it seemed like an invasion from within.
Erin knew she'd been inordinately lucky in her mother and grandmothers. They'd been the kind of moms that all the Reagan kids' friends wished their moms were like, even if they'd been difficult enough to be related to at times. Despite that, she couldn't imagine not trusting them, not knowing for certain if they were in her corner, even through the worst of times. That was such a gift, and one she hadn't appreciated until Nicky's tempestuous adolescence. She hoped she'd managed to pass that down to her daughter, that rock-solid confidence in her unconditional love and respect.
It occurred to her that while she'd never seen herself as the Reagan matriarch – more of a regent for her mother, who should have been – she could see Eddie stepping into that role one day, and with far greater ease. And yet Eddie needed her help now.
There was no way Erin could stand in for all the older Reagan women who should have been here, but she had some extra resources.
"You know who else really wants to spend more time with you," she said, "Nicky. What do you think of the three of us teaming up and at least getting you launched on the search? Kid's got a great eye for style. And she's way more up on fashion trends than I am."
The little anxious crease that had appeared in Eddie's forehead faded, and she smiled. "That would be fun," she said. "We could plan ahead for whenever I'm supposed to get a Saturday off."
"Let's do it," Erin nodded firmly. "I know you guys haven't set a date yet, but this is a long process. Can't start too soon. Can I make a suggestion?"
"Please."
"Start with a big shop with lots of variety. Try on a ton of dresses and see what you like. Then a boutique or two, because you just gotta try on some of the real high-end stuff and be a queen bee for a while. Have you had any ideas at all what you'd like?"
Eddie looked rather more enthusiastic, and as Erin spooned gravy over the tubs of leftovers, she followed behind, closing all the lids.
"Sort of? Nothing too fancy, but I like the old-Hollywood hourglass look. And all that silver brocade, on the real vintage gowns."
"You've got the right shape for that," Erin nodded. "Not me, I looked like a stick at twenty-two, no curves to speak of and about nine feet tall in heels and a floor-length dress."
"The perfect sample-size, in other words."
"It's not all it's cracked up to be. I think being the perfect sample-size as a kid is one reason why I was so determined to become a lawyer. Especially after a year of being a college senior by day and cocktail waitress by night. It paid the bills, but it sure pointed out the contrast in how people treat you."
"Okay, I gotta hear more about that gig sometime."
"Quid pro quo. What was your worst college job?"
"Oh, I – didn't really…"
Shit. Of course. Eddie's father would have taken care of her every need, at the time, and assured Eddie she didn't have to worry about a thing.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to bring up old memories."
"No, no…it's probably time to revisit a lot of old memories. There's a lot of mistakes I don't want to make. And with Dad getting released soon, there's a lot to deal with I've probably been happy to avoid."
She pulled herself up to her grand height of five foot three and a half, and her eyes told Erin that this wasn't something she would say to just anyone.
Erin smiled back, grateful for the gesture of trust, and they worked together in silence for a while.
Eddie paused, toast in hand. "Only two shops? I know what I'm after."
"You've got some good ideas now," Erin allowed, "but two is plenty for day one. This is quite a process. It's not like finding a dress for any other event."
"And your faithful secretary is documenting 'maybes'," Nicky added, tapping her phone.
The pale morning sun streamed into the diner, making a tableau of their brunches and picking out the steam from their leisurely second coffees. It was enlivening, after the week of snow and sleet that still graced the streets. Eddie was grateful for Erin's offer to drive them all in her Forrester. Eddie's Porsche, like a thin-skinned racehorse, hadn't been out of the garage in a month except to turn over the engine.
"I've booked a session with Julie in an hour at RK," Erin said, scanning her own phone, "They're more of a hands-off place, but they have a huge selection, so hiring a pro stylist to bring along is a good way to kick things off. She said to plan a three hour window, and to take lots of photos and notes. Then after lunch we've got an appointment at Gabriella's. Don't look at the price tags there. It's just to try things on and dream a little. For now."
"But if you like something, you can always look for it in a cheaper version, or see if something can be altered to match," Nicky pointed out, sensibly. Eddie nodded, impressed and relieved. She'd never have thought of hiring their own stylist to navigate them through a dress warehouse, on this first mission, or being so strategic about designs. "Oh, hey, have you thought about what you want to do with it afterwards?"
"Haven't even considered it yet. I guess I'll know more as we go. I have to admit, I'm divided in two. Of course I want the dream dress, but it's a lot to spend on something that's probably going to be worn once."
"You could get something pretty simple, and have it altered into more of a going-out dress after," Nicky went on, gathering steam, "Or you could decide to donate it. What's Uncle Jamie wearing, anyway?"
"He's still deciding. Wearing his dress blues makes a lot of sense."
"But?" Erin prompted, into the slight pause.
"But he talked about wanting to wear something that sets his personal life apart. And he said – honest – that he wouldn't want to make it look like he's a decorated cop and I'm not."
She felt a smile tugging at her lips as she spoke. Erin raised her eyebrows approvingly.
Nicky sighed. "He's such a good guy."
"He really is," Eddie agreed. "In fact, after he said that, we did talk about both of us getting married in uniform. We both have every right to request it. And it would save a ton of money."
"And be totally badass and egalitarian," Nicky's eyes lit up. "Oh, man, as fun as the shopping's gonna be, part of me wishes you would!"
"Part of me would love to see my mother's face if I did," she replied, wryly. "But no. I do want a dress. And Jamie does dress up awful nice in a suit. At least, I'm saying this now. We haven't started looking yet."
"What about your bridesmaids?" Nicky asked. "Are you going for a theme, or are they doing their own thing?"
It was a natural enough question, but one that Eddie had been avoiding. She could see in Erin's eyes that Erin had wondered about the bridesmaid question herself, and was hoping her daughter wouldn't bring it up.
"I – ah – haven't really got that far," Eddie told her. "I have friends, sure, but not many that I could, you know, ask to help out and be part of things like that. I used to, but being a cop, and since Dad's case went public…I've probably kept to myself more than I should on the job. Jamie and I really do kind of have our own world. And my new partner's pretty great, but we've really just met."
"I'm sorry. I keep stepping in it."
Nicky sounded a little gulpy, and Eddie quickly reassured her. "No, no, you couldn't know. I used to be surrounded by all these friends, I thought, and then – I wasn't. Sometimes that's what happens, with cases that hit your family. And when you're a cop, you don't spread those stories around."
"Well, nobody says you have to have to do the whole wedding party thing," Erin said. "I just had my best college friend stand up for me, and Jack had his brother."
Eddie nodded. "Who knew dress hunting would bring up so much other stuff?" she said, trying to sound lighthearted.
"Because a wedding puts both families on display to each other, and the rest of the world," Erin replied seriously, "Warts, skeletons and all. And it's supposed to be for life. What you see is what you get. Which, like you said, makes it a time to look back as much as look ahead."
"That's very smart," Nicky said.
"That's why I'm so glad not to be doing this alone," Eddie added with a heartfelt sigh. She raised her coffee mug and clinked with the other two.
"Hey, there aren't many of us Reagan women, but you got us for good – and for life," Nicky reminded her.
Erin smiled fondly at her daughter. "I think the rest of the departed Reagan women would be with you on that. Now come on. We have all the time in the world for introspection. Let's go have idiotic amounts of fun."