LazyStupid In Love Chapter 1, a boondocks fanfic

Hello world and all who inhabit it ! So I am sitting here on this beautiful Thursday night while all of my friends are attending a sweet 16 , which I was spose to attend , but parents love to take things away from you at the last minute ! So I decided to channel all of my energy into a banging hot story ! YES ! Because who doesn`t love a good story ! But , I hope you enjoy this one very much . I tried my best , and if it`s not good , leave feedback , hopefully not negative , but just leave it . I would GREATLY appreciate it so very much ! I love you all ! :)

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Boondocks . Sorry .

I don't know

It's not you, it's the ones who hurt me

And I just can't afford to be hurt again so...

This was it. I couldn't be here anymore. It wasn't him, it was me. All of me. None of me was living in the present; it was living in the future. I had been too burned, and I just didn't want to risk heartbreak. It's been two years, and we have gotten nowhere. No conversation on marriage, kids, our future. Nothing. Everything I worked so hard to protect had been broken in to, shattered, and destroyed. I just couldn't keep taking the blows, the bruises, the hits. They were pressing into my body and wearing my defenses. I just needed to get out of this mess.

[Verse 1:]
Hold on
I'm not really trying to go through this again
I'm not jumping up and down about loving
(Excuse me if) I don't want to dive back into that pool of love I'm done swimming (I'm good)
See I don't feel like getting to know you (no)
What you like to eat (no)
And what you like to do
See that's too much information to deal with
play the love game with another (cuz I quit)

I needed to tell him. I just needed to stop being so scary, and grow up. I'm Jazmine DuBois. The little, innocent girl who grew up strong, brave and ready to take on anything. Being in the ER taught you that. I was strong; I had seen some things most people couldn't dream of. Yet I couldn't say those two little words 'I'm done'. Why did those hurt so much? Because they told a story. They told the truth; hidden behind each word was a truth, a short story no one knew. Those words were eating me alive. They wouldn't let go, and they weren't going to let go until I latched on and stuck to them like glue.

Don't wanna start over again
Cuz I've had enough
I don't wanna hurt again
Sorry I give up
already know what I'm missin
Pain and heartache
I'm tired of it cuz my eyes are staying dry now Don't wanna let another in
Cuz I'm cool on that (cuz it might happen again)
Got on top of that (and it keeps repeating)
See that's insanity but I'm cured from this disease can you forgive me

I needed one more day. Just one. I needed to sort my head, and think of all the things I wanted to say. But I couldn't. I couldn't wait anymore. My heart was hurting too bad. I just didn't feel like loving anymore. I was drained, waiting each and every day for a progression, yet it seemed like twelve steps backwards. It seemed to get worse; the fighting, the strain, the stress, all of it. I just needed to be on my own. I just needed some space, some place to think and be on my own. So why couldn't I say it?

[Chorus:]
You gotta forgive me
I know it might sound crazy
But right now my heart's a little lazy
I'm tired of hookin up
tired of caring
I don't feel like loving you (feel like loving you)
You gotta forgive me
I know it might sound crazy
But who knew love could be so training
tired of hookin up
tired of caring
I don't feel like loving you (feel like loving you no more)

'Crap,' I thought. The tears were coming. Not those again. They were just another reminder of why the wall I had built was slowly crumbling around me. I couldn't keep a straight face anymore. Everything was breaking around me, I needed to get out. Out of me and him, out of us, we, they, them. I wanted it to be Jazmine, her, she, I, me. So when did that come? The sense of self and independence? After I got done ripping his heart out of his chest?

[Verse 2:]
Baby there's something that you gotta understand
It's not your fault but I changed my plans
And I've said that before
but now it's different (I really mean it)
Oh
See the problem is that I've (I've)
loved so hard and I've got to burn and im not
goin down that road again
Cuz I've found a different route

I guess the growing he taught me, made me grow away from him. I never thought I would ever be without him. Everything I used to do would be surfaced around him. Now I was overly-excited to get out of the house. I couldn't even think for myself. Everything I did revolved around him. It was dangerous; I was a time bomb, just ticking away. And now that I have finally diffused myself, I have to let go of the source, the trigger: him.

Don't wanna start over again
Cuz I've had enough
I don't wanna hurt again
Sorry I give up
already know what I'm missin
Pain and heartache
I'm tired of it cuz my eyes are staying dry now Don't wanna let another in
Cuz im cool on that (cuz it might happen again)
Cuz I've got no time for that (and it keeps repeating)
See that's insanity but I'm cured from this disease can you forgive me

He was everything I wanted in a guy, and needed occasionally. But he was what I needed when I was sixteen, eighteen, even twenty-one. I can't keep letting him be the reason I stayed home some nights when I wanted to go out, the reasons I would cry at night when he wouldn't come home because he was out 'at late night business meetings'. I knew he was screwing her. She was just so willing to give it up to him because he was CEO. She thought if she gave him a part of her, he would leave and take over the world with her. Well she got her wish, because he doesn't need me. I'm done with him. I don't want to love something that's destroying me. I don't want to love him anymore.

My friends told me the pain would be temporary, that I would cry some days because it would be hard. But I don't think I can cry over him anymore. If he knew how many tear stained sheets I washed before he came home, he would have thought I was dehydrated. It was ridiculous. I kept to myself, because I was afraid that if I started, I wouldn't stop. I wouldn't be able to stop the words that would come flying out of my mouth, spitting fire on everything. They would trample him, smash him, and murder him. So I held them in, kept them ready for battle, and waited until they were well trained before I sent them on their way. I felt sturdy and stable. I felt ready to fight, but I was so sure I was going to lose.

[Bridge:]
I hope you understand
I mean I wanna love again
I just can't do this no more
I'm sorry

I couldn't believe it was now. The time felt so perfect. If I didn't say it now, I would be trapped, stuck in this house. This image he and I built on the outside. He was falling apart just as fast as I was, but he wouldn't say it. His damn pride got in the way; it pulled all emotion out of him. Communication was the worst. If he didn't agree, or if I was getting too deep, it was all wrong. He didn't care about things outside of work. He didn't want to meet my friends, come to my award dinners, or simply read my medical entries. He acted so tired all the time, like the screwing around he did with her was wearing him out. He made me feel disgusting. We hadn't had sex in months, because he 'didn't want to be worn out before work'. Ha, that was when I knew, he had found someone else. Well, he thought I didn't know, but I did. And when he found someone else, so had I. I had confided in someone who would listen, who cared, and who was just always a phone call away. Two can play at this game, yet only one can win.

"Jaz, dinner's ready," he yelled from downstairs.

"Okay, be there in a sec," I shouted back.

Tonight would be the night, the night I win the war.

Ehh , was it alright ? I hope so . So there will possibly be a continuation , but it will only contain one more chapter . It will be discontinued after the next chapter , so don`t get your hopes up too high only to have them destroyed , but I did warn you though ! But leave those comments , and keep reading ! Happy Boondock - ing ! (well at least it sounds cute when they say happy simming . ) :)))

~Kacey .