Yeah, okay, this may be the most absurd thing I've ever written. And I kind of like it. I find it humorous. But, then again, it's 1:30 in the morning, and as I once told Kate811, at this time of night everything short of genocide is freaking hilarious.
I don't own anything. At all. Sad, ain't it?
Almost nothing has changed at Seattle Grace since Meredith Grey started working there. Well, okay, there is that whole free clinic thing. And the changes that happened after the nurses went on strike. And her boyfriend's ex-wife is now her boss. And Cristina's getting married. And George is dating that Torres chick. But she's getting off track and that's not the point! The point is that nothing really changes at Seattle Grace, except when it changes. And it really hasn't changed all that much.
But there is one thing. One slightly minor, but ever so important, change at Seattle Grace.
Alex Karev is happy.
And Meredith Grey—his drinking buddy, his female counterpart, his would-be confidante—doesn't know why.
And that annoys her. Because Meredith Grey is one of those people who need reasons.
He's happy and that wouldn't happen without reason.
Meredith Grey has never known how to leave well enough alone. If curiosity killed the Meredith, she'd be one dead Meredith.
But, she consoles herself, they do retort—the other they, not the they who say that curiosity murders felines or Merediths—that satisfaction brought her back.
Well, at this very moment, Meredith is a dead cat, because she's got plenty of curiosity and no satisfaction. And that has got to change, because Meredith doesn't like being a feline zombie.
Flat out asking him won't work. The man can close up tighter than a bear trap when threatened. Besides, where's the fun in that?
No, clearly flat out asking won't do. And neither will asking around. Of all the things Alex owns, secrets are the one thing he's amazing at keeping.
Which can only mean one thing…
Meredith Grey is going to play sleuth.
She's going to look for clues and she's going to form a hypothesis and then she'll put it to the test. And if any suspicious looking men with scars across their faces and only one and a half ears show up at her doorstep demanding that she stay away from the docks or else, well, she's going to drive straight to the docks, possibly even driving over the speed limit.
Yes, Meredith Grey is not playing games. Alex Karev is happy and she's going to find out why, even if it gets her tied up on a sinking houseboat.
Meredith Grey may have read too many Nancy Drew novels as a child.
She starts by asking around. As she suspected, this leads her to absolutely nowhere. Whatever it is, Alex Karev has not been spreading it around. Even Cristina doesn't know anything except that he's been acting "like a damn pansy who needs to man up, speaking of, here comes George."
Now Meredith doesn't exactly know what acting "like a damn pansy who needs to man up, speaking of, here comes George" means, but she gathers that it's not a good thing in Cristina's book. Which means that he was showing emotion of some sort.
Izzie claims that he's acting weird and secretive and she doesn't like it because Izzie likes to know everything. That means that he has something to hide.
George points out that Alex hasn't been out drinking with them for months. Which means he has somewhere better to be.
Derek points out that Alex comes to the house maybe once a week. Which means he's staying somewhere else.
Meredith notices that every time he comes home, he does laundry. Which means that wherever he's staying, he doesn't have access to a washing machine.
Meredith pieces this all together in her head. So far, she's got that Alex is a damn, secretive pansy who has somewhere better to be and who is staying somewhere without a washing machine.
Clearly he's living in a hotel! The Archfield, of course!
Okay, so she might have had some help deducing that from the key card that was left in a pair of jeans he left. But still…
So Meredith has her hypothesis. And her suspicions. Now all she has to do is prove these things, which shouldn't be too difficult.
Meredith knows a lot about Alex after all of this sleuthing. For example, she knows that he makes a habit of getting Addison coffee when they operate together. So sweet.
She also knows that Alex has this strange hatred of cell phones. He owns one but rarely picks up. And he doesn't like to carry it around at work. Which means that he leaves it in his locker while he's at the hospital.
But most importantly, she knows that he borrowed a lock from her house. And she happens to have the combo for said lock.
So she sneaks into the locker room in the middle of the day with a blatant disregard for her secret sleuthing identity. And she twirls the lock, opens the locker, grabs the phone, and immediately goes straight for the text messages without any furtive glances around. Nancy Drew would be proud. Maybe even the Hardy Boys.
She quickly scrolls through the text messages, but the stupid man doesn't put names in his phone, just letters. He's got about a zillion from someone labeled "A". Meredith hopes that nobody is blackmailing him with his deepest, darkest secrets. Okay, so Meredith might have read Pretty Little Liars in her spare time. But the books are freaking addicting and she never has been able resist a book in a bright, pretty jacket.
Just as she starts to read the texts—Nancy Drew would do it and that makes it okay—she hears the locker room door open, so she shoves his phone back in his locker, closes the door and lock, and runs into the bathroom, leaving the door the tiniest bit so she can look out.
"What do you want to talk about?" Addison asks as she walks into the locker room. Meredith strains to see who she's with. She can't see, but she does hear whoever it is walking around the room. "Nobody's here, Alex," Addison sighs.
"You're the one with the problem with people knowing," he points out.
"What did you want to talk about? What's so important that it couldn't wait until we got back to the hotel?"
Meredith smiles. She's solved the mystery and she's even managed to get herself stuck in an awkward, potentially dangerous—at least it will be if either Addison or Alex find out she was snooping and eavesdropping—situation. Nancy Drew would be very, very proud.
"I want to tell people," he announces.
"Not here," Addison stammers, moving to leave.
"Let me finish," he requests, grabbing hold of her elbow. "I want everybody to know about us. Except different."
"Different?" Addison asks suspiciously.
He clears his throat nervously. Meredith has to fight the urge to squeal—she's never heard him actually nervous before! "I want people to know about us and that…"
"And that?" Addison prompts, not sounding much better than him when it comes to the nervous thing.
"And that we're getting married."
Dead silence. "Oh," she stammers after awhile.
"I don't mean today. Or tomorrow. Or even next week. I can wait, Addison. But I… I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Are you okay?"
The damn man moves in front of Addison, blocking Meredith's view. But not before she catches sight of Addison's face and the tears in her eyes.
"I… I want to," Addison says slowly. "I want to have you forever, but…" Now she trails off.
"But?" Now it's his turn to prompt.
"Alex, clearly I suck at the marriage thing. What if I screw this all up?"
"Are you saying I don't suck at the marriage thing?"
"You've never been married," she points out. "And you don't suck as badly as I do."
"No, I'm pretty sure I suck at it more. At least you've had experience."
"Have we forgotten the whole adultery thing?" Addison asks. "I'm pretty sure I'm the suckiest person ever at marriage."
Meredith wants to scream at them to stop arguing about who's suckier at marriage, but that is a Nancy Drew no-no.
"It makes me nervous too, Adds," Alex replies, apparently reading Meredith's mind without her knowing it. "But I want you and I want you forever."
Another silence, save Addison's heavy breathing. "So what?" she enquires after a time, clearly thinking about the logistics of things. "We go from nobody knowing to everybody knowing?"
"That's how it's going to happen and you know it."
"And they go from thinking we don't even like each other to knowing we're… engaged." She samples the word like it's the first taste of a bottle of wine—slowly, swirling it around in her mouth, and deciding she likes the taste.
"They're grown ups. They can handle it," Alex replies with a little scoff.
"And if I agree to this…"
"Then we can suck at being married together."
"I'm not promising anything, you know. I really am the suckiest person ever at marriage."
"All I want is to have you sucking at being married to me," Alex replies easily.
"Okay," she agrees cautiously. "Let's do this."
He kisses her exuberantly, but their pagers go off simultaneously and they groan as they glance at the interrupting electronic devices—and people wonder why he hates technology. Ha.
"I have to go," Addison says despondently. And then she brightens. "But I will see you later at the hotel."
He steals another kiss. "See you later, Mrs. Karev."
She laughs. "It's not Karev yet, Karev, and that's Doctor Karev to you."
"See you later, Dr. Karev."
"It's not Karev yet!" she insists with a laugh and then runs out because she has to. It doesn't really looks like she wants to.
Alex grins after her for a moment and then follows his fiancée out the door.
Meredith finally exits the bathroom, thankful to be alive. Nancy Drew would be so freaking proud. The mystery is solved and she's filled with satisfaction.
And that satisfaction is bringing the Meredith back. Just call her Lazarus.
Actually, don't. Lazarus is a guy's name, and, in any case, her name is Meredith and she's not a cat or a resurrected dead guy.
I'm curious to see if anybody else thinks this is as funny as I do (although I'm not sure you can replicate the funny of a late night story worm while it's being written), so reviews would be lovely and much, much, much appreciated. :)
-Juli-