Jack, Cam, Bren, Sweets, Zack and I were all at the same table at a Karaoke bar. Well, I don't really count Bren's new boy toy of the week, since he wouldn't be sticking around like any of her other 'boyfriends'. Poor Booth. He always had to be there for her, but when he needed something it was like plucking teeth out of Bren's mouth. He always thinks the pain she causes him is worth the beer they have after every case, but I worry, if he would always be so willing and great to her. My best friend needed to be pointed in the right direction; she is in denial- maybe he is too. That would be a sad story because she only listens to him. Special Agent Seeley Booth was right in front of her- maybe not forever- and she could see how much they both cared about each other.
"Well someone should sing, now that we're here!" Sweets said childishly smiling at everyone around us. I smiled; some times puppy dogs needed a bone to catch. His smile got wider with my attention. That kid was so easy to please, it was cute- in an innocent way of course. I laughed freely. The sound echoing in my own ears- was I already drunk?
"How about you, Dr. Brennan?" Jack asked, but her eyes went wide with horror. I nudged him…"oh, sorry, I forgot about that. Well I'm not going again, and Sweets and Zack… you both already went…" Jack continued picking up my hint. Booth had been shot in a place like this, taking a bullet for his 'just partner', Bren. She had been singing one minute and on the floor with him the next, pumping him chest, willing him to live. Then he had faked his death and hadn't called Bren- personally. Which surprised me, he always had her best interests at heart. Or her in his heart… Any way she hit Booth pretty damn hard- at his own funeral- and I didn't want this night to be ruined. Hidden messages were so hot, and I knew Booth was going to sing about Brennan- I just knew it. -If he did sing.
"I think that Cam and I are too drunk to read the words on that little screen." I said squinting in the distance and slurring my words. Living up to my squint name. Cam nodded agreeing with me. She didn't really stop nodding. I laughed. She laughed. "Well Booth, that only leaves you," I said smirking, "or Tom." Tom was Brennan's date for the night, or her one nightstand.
"I have the perfect song. You can go next." Booth said getting up and eyeing that Tom guy carefully. He was so protective of Bren; some times I wondered how she couldn't see that he wanted her. But right now I was just wondering how she could breath with Booth always watching her.
Then I saw Jack's gaze on me and I smiled at him, meaning to kiss his lips- but missing and pecking his nose instead. My giggles filled the room, and Cam joined me. Zack just looked concerned, and Jack was staring at Booth laughing. Brennan was suddenly alert and uncomfortable, with her sad little girl face smoldering her. Tom was too drunk to notice, his eyes glazing over slightly.
I laughed again and then stared down Booth, but he was already on the stage. We all cheered him on, as he started. He was a really good singer surprisingly…and the song was just perfect, I couldn't have picked a better one my self- that defined how I knew Booth was feeling at this moment. I made my brain shut up and listened to Booth, staring at Brennan for a reaction, but her eyes just brightened when the musical background of the song started…before the lyrics that is. He sung the first verse, bitterly.
I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta, gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss! It was only a kiss!
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go
I saw Brennan look down at her feet, thinking hard. Surely she knew I was singing for her.
Booth's voice just got sexier, when the seductive parts that probably tortured him, played on the screen. But now his heart was being belt out, roughly.
And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside
Booth wasn't looking at Brennan or Tom, who was smoking a cigarette…he was staring at the screen. But he knew the words by heart. Every one in the place was cheering him on. He flung off his green military jacket, so expertly, flinging it to Cam, she laughed. Some things never change. And the flesh of his stomach flashed the crowd. The cheers just accelerated.
I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta, gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss! It was only a kiss!
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go
Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside
I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...
"Booth…that was really good." I said, because everyone else was shocked, and Tom was a little confused at the look on Bren's face. She was hugging her sides, and her eyes were lowered to the floor, but you could feel her guilt. When Booth finally looked over to Brennan, her grip lowered to her chair, her knuckles turning white at the pressure. Booth was staring at her, with a twinkle in his eyes. Hope? I couldn't tell. "Who knew you could sing?" I added to lighten the mood that hung over the awkward silence between the 'just partners'.
"And I managed not to get shot this time." Booth answered me, laughing bitterly. Everyone was staring at Bren to see her reaction to his song, but she took the easy way out. She got mad at him for bringing up the shot he took for her. Everything was for her. Everything he did. Didn't Bren see that? Was she in denial? Or better at compartmentalizing then we all thought?
"Booth! You arrogant-why would you say that? Why would you bring that up? In a karaoke bar!" Brennan was pissed off, such an easier emotion then love...why was she so mad? Had his fake death cut her deeper then I assumed? Or was Bren just being stubborn? Scared maybe?
God, after everything we've been threw I should know what she was feeling, but my best friend was just so much more complicated then anyone else I knew…but I still love her to bits and pieces.
"Because it's a fact Brennan! A fact. I thought you liked concrete evidence." Booth shouted back, this wasn't they're normal bickering. Why was he taking her bait? And why wasn't he calling her Bones? And were they still talking about his comment?
"You're the one who decided to die on me Booth! How… dare you." She was in his personal space now, but Booth didn't even flinch. Bren's voice was a hushed whisper but we all heard it. If they weren't so pissed at each other it would have been hot. Oh, God…
"How dare you pretend like you gave one shit when I died! I saw you. Everyone else was sad, but you? Couldn't help but insult God, ounce again! At my funeral, Bones! My funeral." He repeated to let it sink in.
"This isn't about your imaginary friend, Booth!" Brennan yelled at him, their lips almost touching. Please. Someone push them together! I bit my tongue. Imaginary friend? I love her. God, I really do. Oh…look at Booth's face. He looks like he might laugh or hit something. Maybe their first kiss would be a 'shut up already' one. Best fucking kind…and they do fight a lot.
"Really? I would have never guessed!" Booth snarled at Brennan sarcastically- not that she would notice. That was just mean of him. Tricking her like that, but then again maybe he didn't notice...Somehow I managed to smile. Booth had a very hard boner, and Brennan eyes were a little darker, her voice a little huskier. "What is this about? You tell me! Because I'm obviously the clueless one here! After everything I'm the one who still just doesn't get it!" Booth shouted in a somewhat disbelief. People were staring at them. Everyone in this place, had their attention on Booth and Bren. Brennan and her knight in shinning FBI armor couldn't give a shit.
People started chanting 'kiss kiss!' I laughed, thank you for understanding people! I joined the chant, and so did Jack and Cam. Zack looked confused and worried, suddenly standing up in surprise. Sweets was smiling devilishly, and concentrating on Agent Booth's and Dr. Brennan's every move. No one even dared to try and stop them. Not even the manager. He could feel the sexual tension from a few feet away. He, too, had a smile sneaking upon his lips.
"You and me. Not your imagination!" Brennan was shouting again. Booth moved in even closer to her, and she gasped. Booth shifted and they stared at each other some hidden challenge in their eyes. She was daring him to say something. I squealed against the roar of gasps and snickers and whistles.
"Well apparently a lot happens in your imagination, Bones! Because if it weren't for your books- one book in particular- then I wouldn't have had that dream about us, now would I?
Remember 'Andy'? That guy that will never be me in reality?" Booth was beyond disgusted; his hands on her shoulders, holding her…down? There was silence. He had crossed the line they set for their relationship and now Booth- poor guy- was going to pay for it. Brennan could be pretty nasty. I really want someone to push them together damn it!
"So now what you want is my problem? It really was only a kiss! One kiss! It was like… my brother and I kissing. It was mistletoe and Caroline and my family. It was not about us. Andy never will be you. I don't want him to be you. Get over it, Booth." Brennan warned, trying to convince herself of something. They really did kiss? Oh, God. Was she really was hurting? She must be dying inside. They had kissed! And now she had to pretend she didn't care. Did Bren care? This was Booth! Of course she cared. She probably thought about the kiss every single day. Did they French kiss? Or was it just a peck? It couldn't be a peck, oh, I hope not.
"Oh, sorry. I forgot you kiss Russ with tongue." Booth spat broken and hollow somehow, Brennan just stared at him in disgust, but they were getting closer to each other by the second, and there were tears in her eyes…that didn't stop Booth like it usually would. "I forgot who I'm talking to! Dr. Temperance Brennan, the snobby scientist who pretends she's perfect and everyone else is below her. Am I not a high enough rank for you, Bones? Are you into rich guys who break your heart- like this guy over here?" Booth scuffed.
"Stop it!"
"See? You don't want to admit it so you're taking your anger out on me. You know I'm right, Brennan. You don't care about anyone but your self! I'm just not rich enough for you. I know who you are damn it! Do you thing all those guys you sleep with- to satisfy your biological urges, as you say- give a shit about you? Do you think all those guys who left you deserve you? Look me in the eyes and tell me how you can let those jerks take advantage of you, Temperance! As your 'just partner' I want to know." Booth was fuming. Tears crawling down his face. His jaw was clenched and his lip was bleeding because he was biting on it so hard. Oh. My. God. Bren was going to kill that poor guy! An FBI man was crying over her…about to cry.
"Booth you're an arrogant man who expects everyone and everything to revolve around him because he's insecure about his status! I told you money doesn't mean anything to me! You think you know me? You obviously don't Booth! You just wish I would jump into bed with you, so your pissed at me because I won't. Not ever. Who I have sex with is none of your business, Booth!" Brennan shouts back without thinking but her voice was shaky.
"You think I'm insecure? Do I have the need to take down anyone who gets close to me? Am I the one running away? Do I believe that everyone is going to leave me? Am I the one who can't even look at myself without seeing my past? I am the one who calls my partner when I can't sleep at night? Do you really think that I'm insecure?" Booth asked, and Brennan couldn't even look at him anymore. What he was saying hurt her, where it mattered- her very fragile heart. I noticed a lonely tear crawly down her cheek. Booth clenched his hands into fists. "Am I a whore who sleeps with a new asshole every fucking night, because I'm afraid to make a commitment?" Booth asked and Brennan just gasped. I gasped. Every one of us was staring at him, a whore?
He went too far. If I were Brennan I would have smacked him. But this wasn't just some jerk. This was Booth. They loved each other. And he called her a whore. Normally she would care what a man said about her sex life, but Booth exceeded 'normally'.
"Is that really what you think of me?" Brennan asked, backing away from him, the mood shifted. Her tears bubbled over. Bren never cried in public. She usually cared what people thought. She was strong. She had to pride!
"Why do you care what I think? I don't have any claim to you." Booth snapped, but his eyes were softer and his voice was lower. His eyes were flickering everywhere. They didn't land anywhere.
"Oh." Brennan stood powerless next to Booth and slumped down, her eyes darting anywhere but him. I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Bones…" Booth whispered, pulling her chin up, and making her look at him. But she smacked his hand away.
"Don't call me Bones." Brennan whispered. Booth just walked away, out of the club. Bren sat down and the tears just started to flow down her checks, dripping steadily in to her lab. Streaking her make up down paling cheeks.
"Oh, God." Jack whispered, running after Booth with Cam next to him. Dr. Sweets was just speechless standing in front of her. Zack and I sat down next to her, and just held Bren really tight. Booth had probably broken her heart. He thought of her as a whore? No way, he loved her. She loved him. She trusted him…
"Bren, it's okay. We'll make it threw this."
"Dr. Brennan, I don't know what your going threw, but I'm still your 'right hand man', as Cam says, and we are all here for you." Zack said, softly, dropping his scientist act for ounce.
"He's right. I'm a whore." Brennan said, biting her lip, until it was almost bleeding.
"He only holds the amount of power over you, that you allow him to, Dr. Brennan." Sweets started, but I just shot him a look. Bren and me went to the bathroom and just stayed there for a while. Sweets and Jack and Zack and Cam and Booth were all there waiting. Brennan's eyes were red and still a little puffy, but her eyes narrowed at the sight of Booth.
"Why is he here, Ange? I can't talk to him…" I felt her shudder under my arm. I held her together- even tighter. "He figured me out."
"Just ignore his sorry ass. I would." I whispered in her ear. "And no matter what any one says…I know you're not a whore. Brennan, you are not a whore." I told her, hugging her tighter against the waist. I was holding her up. For ounce my best friend as being what she called 'weak', I called it human.
"Bones…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm just drunk…. I really didn't mean any of it. I'm so sorry…I was just mad at you…I'm so sorry. Please, understand." Booth started to ramble I just shot him a disgusted look, but when I did and I saw the heartache in his drained eyes; I almost started to cry. How did things between him and Bren sour so quickly? After 4 years of partnership?
"Don't call me Bones." Bren snarled not even looking at him. Every one with us was surprised, but I patted her shoulder. Good for Bren. Even if Booth loved her, and she loved him- he made a big mistake. He had walked out on her…even if he as back a few minutes latter.
"I-I…Temperance…" Booth was dying here, and Tom seemed to have come out of nowhere, to her rescue? Did this guy think he could replace Booth because of one mistake? Booth was still here, after everything he knew. Every thing they went through! How dare this Tom jerk take her home! "I should not have said anything…" Oh really, Booth? Really? The only time you don't open your big mouth is when you want to tell her you love her!
"But you did, and I don't care anymore. My name is Dr. Brennan." she was shaking under me, and Tom walked towards her and took her hand. She let him. I was disgusted, Booth looked like he would die or burst in to tears; right there; in front of everyone. He was a very manly man, a guy's guy. He just didn't cry. Ever… He was biting his tongue on this one though.
"Let's go, Temperance." He whispered in her ear, and Booth couldn't look he just flinched and clenched his jaw in defeat. He wouldn't object. He had no right, at the moment. He was supposed to protect her. Instead he just hurt her. This time. What about everything else? All the other things he says and thinks about her, where would that go?
"Do you still want to be my partner?" Booth asked. She looked him up and down, and staggered but her eyes didn't move. She was cold. I saw a tear escape his eye at her hesitation. And it was heartbreaking. Did he think he wasn't good enough for her?
"I don't know." She said, looking at him straight on. He moaned painfully. Brennan was whipping away dry tears. Her heart was aching to hug him. Touch him, and be there for him like he was for her. But she didn't dare. She just shed silent invisible tears. I could see them. Booth nodded slightly…
"I know, Bones, I know." He murmured silently. She hesitated again in front of him.
"Don't ever call me Bones again."
"No."
"You are in not position to ignore my wishes." She informed him, shocked.
"I'm not going to leave you like everyone else."
"Why not?"
"I love you." He whispered finally looking her. I wanted to either punch him or squeal but I couldn't decide. "Despite all of our disagreements, and perspectives, and every thing we say to each other… I want you, Brennan. I just need you to be my Bones, again." Brennan just stared at him, with wide eyes, and shed another tear of hers as she walked off with an eager Tom. Leaving her heart with him, I'm sure.
"That was the worst time to tell her!" I screamed.
"I wanted to prove to you that she doesn't love me." Booth whispered, torn.
"You called her a whore, Booth!" I continued.
"I was mad. You disagree? She's going off with that guy to fuck him, right now. Maybe I'm spot on." It was the heartache talking right?
"You will never know, though, because you called her a whore. Honestly what the hell were you thinking?" Jack stepped in.
"I just need a cigarette." Booth looked around. Searching. He was lost without her. Bren. His Bones.
"No, Booth." Cam ordered in a very serious tone. She was being boss lady, and thank god she was! Honestly a cigarette? I didn't even know Booth smoked!
"Your right a cigar is more appropriate." Booth nodded, we all shook our heads, and Cam told him with silent eyes to knock it off. I saw the urgency and fierceness in them.
"Fine, then just get me some liqueur and anything that I can snort, smoke, or prick my self with. Anything. Everything. I need to feel numb. I have to!" Booth said, talking to himself more then to us. Booth was in to drugs? Whoa.
"No, none of that. No drugs. Stop it Seeley." Cam said more firmly.
"Fuck, I don't give a shit any more, okay? Get me to Vegas! At least fucking Atlantic City. I need to do something! God. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm an ass. God. God. God." Booth said, grabbing a very expensive bottle of- well, I really had no clue actually...but I could smell it from here. Poor Booth. Poor Brennan. This was fucked. That was the only way to describe it. Fucked. They were fucked. I was fucked. We were all damn fucked. Then the bartender noticed the bottle missing. Shit. And he looked at Booth. Double fuck for the poor sexy FBI Agent. This was worse then him shooting a clown, after dropping a serial killer off a balcony.
"Hey, man! You have to pay." The bartended shouted.
"Fuck off." Booth said, turning to leave the bar, but the guy didn't give up that easily. He jumped over the bar and tackled Booth. But Booth was an FBI Agent, and his gun was pointed at the poor guy. My god. Who was this man?
"Stop, Booth. You can't steal." Jack said. People were already on the floor.
"I can do anything I want. Remember? I'm government. I'm fucking FBI!" Booth was swirling and laughing at the man in front of him pleading for his life.
"I'll give you a choice," Booth started "I either walk out of here, with this fine bottle, of…who cares? Or I blow your balls off. You got 3 seconds to think." Booth continued. This was not the Booth we all had grown to love. This was Booth drunken and heart broken, it was his risk taking said revealing it self. The Seeley with a gambling and, I guess, drug addiction. It was a horrible site. Cam walked up to him. This very grave man, and she hugged him. Was that all he needed? A hug? Did he miss Brennan's arms around him? Was that it? Then we all saw something we never thought we would. Booth hugged her back, letting one teardrop, along with the very expensive bottle of what ever. But the tears didn't stop. He wasn't sobbing, or even crying, or even making that pained face that showed someone you were crying. The tears were just falling from his devastated eyes. The bartender just stared at them. We all did.
"Come on, big guy. You should get home." Cam said, grabbing Booth and walking out of the bar, with a glance goodbye to each of us.
"Damn. Booth snorts and gambles and drinks and pulls his gun out when he is drunk." Sweets said trying to get us out of this mood.
"How could I let Bren go off with that guy? Poor Booth." I said, but I hated how I was taking sides. "But why would he call her a whore? Really? And he meant it. He was so angry."
"I know." They all said.
"I guess my celibacy died with them. Jack? Bathroom. Now." I said. Jack was looked at me and laughed. Then we all did. But it wasn't as loud as it should be. Three members of the squint squad were missing. Two that we wouldn't have back to their normal charming and sexy selves any time soon. They were both broken.