My Dear – Mukuro Rokudo & Chrome Dokuro & Hibari Kyouya
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Have you ever heard the saying, 'If you love something, set it free?'
Mukuro smiled. He had known about this affair since a long time ago. Since the battle for their future, since the awkward stares and slight brushing of fingers. He had known of this since a long time ago. It should not have come as a surprise.
Did you ever let them go?
Why was it he that was last to receive the news? Did she think he was blind? Mukuro knew full well that this had been going on for ever so long. He never tried to stop them. Why would he?
I did.
He helped her with the wedding plans. Picking out a dress to fit her frame and face just perfectly. Even agreeing to walk her down the aisle. He did never try to stop them. Instead, he aided in their development.
It hurt.
How did it feel to watch her walk down the narrow white passage? How did it feel to see her smiling up at a man that was not himself? How did it feel passing her off to another? Hoping and praying that she would turn back?
It still hurts.
He just stood and smiled though. Waved her off in a shooing motion when she had looked back with just an ounce of insecurity in her eyes. He was not going to ruin this for her.
I loved her.
When she had turned back and said the two words that pierced his heart so, he still smiled. And he would keep smiling, all the way through her reception, her first dance. He would never show her how unhappy he was.
I still love her.
She would never see him not smiling. No, never. Because he only wants the best for her, he will keep smiling. Until his face is frozen, until it hurts to even look at a picture of the past. Until he dies, he will smile for her. Only for her.
But she loves another.
He doesn't want to accept her choice of a partner but he does not reject. Instead, Mukuro smiles and nods, telling the young bride that it's fine. That he doesn't really care, as long as she is happy. And so he does.
Someone who never tells her that he loves her.
Mukuro is angered by the man though. Someone so heartless that they could not even spare her a look of affection.
Who never holds her tight.
Were they not married? Did he not care for her? Did he not love her? No. No, Mukuro would not ruin this. He had promised.
Who never does anything more than simple acknowledgement.
A promise to himself, to four white walls, and to an unspoken silence. A promise of love, passion, and of preciousness. He would cherish her for as long as he was needed to. And now he was not needed to. But he wanted to. Could he continue?
He is not good enough.
One look at the expression on her face and he knows that his dreams would not be happening. He was mischievous and she was just plain adorable. Mukuro supposed that she would need someone much more chivalrous to accompany her. What was a cowardly prince compared to a hard working peasant? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
But she loves him.
What she had told him never hurt, because words could easily be twisted and 'I love you s' could be said without meaning. But her face had confirmed his deepest fears, his darkest secrets. She loved a man who was not himself.
And who am I to complain?
He could only stand at the sidelines now. He was only a spectator, no longer a main player in her life. A good game was one he was watching. A game of twisted lies, fake smiles, and dead ends.
She told me that she loved me.
He knew what she meant, but it still warmed him and hurt him more than she could imagine. Giving himself false hope was not something Mukuro prided himself on, but just for this once, he'll allow himself on Cloud Nine.
But as a brother.
He heard her. Loud and clear. But that didn't mean that he wanted to hear it. He wanted a different type of care from her.
As a savior.
Mukuro didn't say anything though. As always, he just sat still and smiled, she never noticed the difference. But then again, he never wished for her to.
She never knew that I loved her in a different manner.
Physical pain was nothing. Emotional turmoil was a different story. Just from the fact alone that she would never know hurt more than one could imagine. He kept this feeling bottled for the longest time. To Mukuro, this was the best remedy, no matter how bitter it was.
I would never let her know.
She could never know. The life that he had wished for her was without a hitch and for her to be drowning in affection. He only wanted the best for her. And so she shall receive.
Never.
He wouldn't ruin her happiness. He couldn't ruin her happiness. He had a promise and Mukuro always kept his promises. Even when it was killing him. Slowly but surely, it ripped at the person he was.
She slipped away.
She came over every Sunday. It stung to see her smile and chat about her life. Like a scar that just wouldn't heal over, it reopened again and again.
Like grains of sand falling from the cracks of my fingers.
She always came to see him. But it was never the Mukuro she knew that was smiling and speaking with her. He was an empty shell, a mere copy of the man he once was. A broken copy.
I could not compare.
He wasn't the man she loved and he would never be. She needed him to be himself; there was no need for her to grow worried. He couldn't burden her with anything more, he just couldn't.
She loved him.
No matter how heartless the man was, she would only smile to him. She never smiled like that to Mukuro. Never. A smile of gratefulness, a smile of friendship, or camaraderie but never one with the love that she granted him.
And he to her.
Mukuro did not want to admit it, but he was glad that indifferent as that man was, he did care for her. And deep inside, Mukuro knew that they were happy. With or without him.
I let her go.
There was no need for hesitance. They were happy together and he should accept it. It was pointless to try to force hate out of the couple. It hurt when he released the dove into the sky. She would never come back. His hold on her was released.
I set her free.
It hurt for every time he saw her smile. It hurt every time he heard her voice. It had hurt so much more than Mukuro had expected to wrap his arm around her small shoulders for a family picture.
Because that is all I can do.
There were times when he wanted to cry, to berate himself for not holding her closer. But he never did. Because what he did was something to be kept a secret. There would be no evidence of his promise, nothing to show others of the pain he harbored inside.
And so I set her free.
She was his everything and he couldn't do without her smile. And for that reason alone, the decision did not need debating.
Free to love the man she has chosen.
She loves him; Mukuro knows that, so he would never interfere. Her smile is reward enough. Even if it kills him. Even if it feels like someone has taken a piece of him and ripped it into shreds before tossing it into the sea. Never letting him retrieve it.
Free to not love me at all.
If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be. He had let go, would she come back? And even if she did, would she love him? Or would he still be her backbone? Something to keep her standing?
Because I love her.
Mukuro was not a coward. Those who knew of his ordeal thought of him as one. Someone who didn't have the courage to stand up, to take a chance. But he had promised that he would not hurt her. He would never do anything to cause pain to her and the best way to prevent such was to take the pain upon himself. A sacrifice that would bring her joy was hardly a sacrifice at all.
Have always loved her.
My dear Chrome,
I am delighted to know that you have conceived a baby boy. I am even happier to know that you are letting me name him. As his Godfather, I declare this child to be Agapitos Hibari, meaning beloved. I wish you the best with this child.
Always yours,
Mukuro Rokudo
And will always love her.
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... Author's note : ummm... what should i say about this story... ughhh, let me think... oh yea. i don't really support this pairing, it's just that a friend gave a prompt of, "MAKE MUKU-CHAN SAD MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
and so i did.
Review, s'il te plaît ?
(that was so canadian...)
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