Bella's POV

Edward has been gone fro months, and I can't get over it. It's like I'm forbidden to remember but terrified to forget. I never want to forget those eyes, that face, his voice, his touch…..I still love him. He has to come back. That's what I told my self for the first couple of months. Now I've given up. Edward isn't coming back. But I feel like he's here with me. I want him to be. Jacob puts a few more stars in the sky, but he's nothing like the meteor that Edward was.

I'm just confusing myself more. I need to stop analyzing everything about it. I am ripping myself into little pieces! I can't think about Edward….it hurts too much.

I decided like the one time before when I needed sleep to listen to my headphones. Charlie had brought me some CD from the station that one of his buddies made for me.

I thought now would be a good time to listen to it. I popped the silver CD into the player and plugged in the headphones. I went to number one and pushed play…..

I waited for you today

But You didn't show

.No.

I needed You today

So where did you go?

You told me to call

you said You'd be there

And though I haven't seen You

Are You still there?

I gasped. I could feel the tears start to flow down my cheeks. This was me. I need Edward, but I don't know if he's here. I feel him….He said he would never leave me…..

I cried out with no reply and

I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I'm never alone.

I'm holding on as tight as possible to his memory, to my memory of him. He has to be here!...

And though I can not see You

and I can't explain why.

Such a deep, deep reassurance

You've placed in my life oh

We cannot separate

'Cause You're part of me

and though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen

…like the voice…..I hear you. I know you're here. He has to love me. He is a part of me, He took parts of me away…my heart, my lungs…..

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I'm never alone

I was sobbing now. It was only a matter of time now before Charlie heard. I wondered if Charlie would even bother to check on me. I have cried so much lately…..I can't let go of him….

We cannot separate

You're part of me

and though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen

He can't separate us no matter what! No one can replace Edward…not even Jacob….I can't heal over time. I will always need him…

I cried out with no reply

and I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I'm never alone

As I heard the song slow, I decided that I should stop the CD here. I pushed stop and turned off the player. I took off the headphones and threw them against the floor.

I was crying and I was mad. I knew Edward wasn't coming back, andI was never going to get any sleep this way. Right as I thought that, Charlie walked in…..

"Bella, are you okay?" He wasn't one to respond well to tears, so I'm surprised he even asked.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be fine. It was just that CD," Why am I spilling my guts to him? Oh well, "…It was just the lyrics to that song…I just need to be alone."

"Ummmm…okay then." And with that Charlie walked out and closed the door behind him.

I was left to wallow in my tears. I knew I would never get to sleep after that, so I did the one thing that I normally wouldn't suggest. I had only done it once before. I intentionally took cold medicine when I wasn't sick. It knocked me out within the next ten minutes.