Manda's Note: just a heads up, majority of this was written between the hours of 1 and 5 am and I'd PLANNED on writing it and keeping it to my self but my lovely marshmellow decided that she wanted to read it and then she gave me the idea and the corrage to post it. so here it is. leave your thoughts. I love to read reviews. oh! and a heads up this is at the same time as Quinn's pregnancy and it is a multi chapter story so it doesn't just end here. yea so i'm gonna shut up and stop rambling and go back to watching Glee now with my Britt.

He's held her hair back enough times after drinking binges since they were thirteen years old to know the basics. First, make sure she doesn't have her glasses on (he made the mistake of forgetting them once and they fell into the regurgitated grossness), if she does have them on slip them either to the top of her head or take them off completely. Second make sure to try and grab all the hair out of her face. She's going to feel like shit after and her hair has always been one of her most confident things about herself. Third, keep a soothing hand on the back of her neck. It's a thing he's repeated over and over for the past three years. Santana never quite learned how to handle her liquor very well and if he'd being completely honest he never expects her to learn either. Her main concerns are drink fast and as much as she can, hook up with whoever's in front of her, run to Puck when she knows she's going to feel like shit. Because (and she learned it when she was eight) the boy who's four months older than her exactly will baby her till she feels better. This time though as she pukes into a trash can in the tree house and he slips her glasses off, ties her hair back in an elastic, and lightly rubs the back of her neck, he knows that this is different, and, it scares him to the bone to know just how different this is. Because she hasn't had a drink in days, her eyes are filled with salty tears, and she's more vulnerable than she's been since she was eight years old. Because there's something that's been missing for too many weeks now, something that the stick across the floor had told her to quit waiting for. It chills him inside and out to know that the reason she's throwing up her guts now is a mixture of nerves and human nature.

The moment she regains enough of her strength she pulls her head from the trash bucket and reaches for a breath mint before collapsing back into him. He doesn't for a moment hesitate before slipping her glasses back on her and leaning his head down to kiss her clammy forehead. He just wishes he could carry her into his bed and let her sleep a little more. He hates the fact that they've been reduced to spending nights together hauled up in the old tree house. But, there's not much he can do when the pregnant blonde in his bed and the beautiful Latina in his arms are in the mixed of a power struggle. He kind of does want to meet his kid, his daughter, and the only way to assure that is to make sure the once bubbly blonde is happy with her surroundings. Even if that costs him the right place to care for Santana, he's pretty sure his mother would even object to that one. She's loved Santana from the first moment she'd met her. In fact, he's pretty sure she might have taken the news that's sitting in front of him now at the very moment better than she'd taken Quinn's announcement as she'd shown up on the door the snowy December night.

"I hate you for this"

Her strained voice whispers out and he nods his head, his mouth silent as he drops his head to her shoulder. She should hate him for it. He hates himself for putting her through it. They'd known the risks though, the risk of neglecting to use a condom. But, they hadn't used one since half way through their first time. It hadn't felt right having a barrier between them, thinking back on it now it sounds stupid and carless and he wonders if the next time they have sex they'll remember to find one beforehand. Still, even without the condom it's hard to believe this has happened. Sure, he'd given up on the pull out method, he couldn't ever unwrap himself from her in time but, she's been on the pill since she was twelve, and, the morning after pill is a frequent in her system. So their methods of protection suck when they're really thought about.

"I know"

He agrees with her as his arms wrap around her from behind and he can feel how extremely tense she is. He knows there's no soothing this out of her. Santana can play the tough girl when it comes to most things but, this is bigger than she is. This is something different all together. He knows that its just a matter of time before she cracks and her whole tough outlet crumbles down around her. he's just a little afraid that when she cracks he's going to too. Puck's never liked to see her in pain, normally it's a pain that someone else has created, this, this is pain that's all his down.

"You know that this isn't going to work… right? I'm not staying this way. I'm not going to be Quinn."

Biting his lip he nods his head. He knew the moment she slipped the un open EPT test onto the floor of the tree house that had the results been what they were she had a one track mind. She was the only one who ever looked out for herself, it was only natural. So, this was her decision. She was the one who decided the fates and whatever she decided was ok because Santana wasn't like the rest of them. She put herself before anyone else, and he wasn't looking down on her for it. That was just the way it went. This pregnancy didn't fit into the guidelines of Santana's life. The pregnancy needed to be put to an end and she'd see to it being done by the end of the week. As mad as he wanted to and tried to feel he couldn't make himself hate her for being so straight forward, he couldn't hate her for what she needed to do.

Looking in her eyes puck felt himself cringe for a second before he pulled Santana closer to him, ignoring her resistance. He knew she was just trying to disconnect herself which made him even more determined as he pulled her to the ground of the tree house with him till they were both laying down. As they laid there in one another's arms, Puck's hand soothingly rubbing Ana's back, he felt her finally give way on her solider like stance as she broken into a million pieces. For someone he hadn't seen cry in years his shirt was quickly becoming damp and he'd hardly ever felt more guilty in his life.

"Wondering what things would be like if they were different Santana?"

He whispered into her slightly convulsing ear. His own words coming out choppy as he struggled with his own emotions, it was something completely new for him. he hadn't felt this way when Quinn had told him he'd screwed up. The only other time he'd felt the most liquid fill his tear ducts had been when he'd spoken the words to Santana. When he'd informed the thickheaded Latina that he was having a baby by her worst enemy and so called best friend. This though, this was on a completely new level. He knew that this was pain that he wasn't going to be able to erase with a simple 'I'm sorry' and a kiss. This was a new turn that their lives had taken. Something they'd both feared going through. It wasn't as if he wanted to beg her to change her mind, he didn't want to piss her off, but, he was actually for once in his life… scared. He knew a side of Santana he was pretty sure she didn't even know herself. The girl who'd grown up watching Disney movie after Disney movie with his baby sister, the one that babysat for the people down the street with all the crazy kids, the girl who'd one day make the perfect and caring mother. He'd been so afraid of watching himself through the years that he hadn't thought of what the effects would have done to her. This wasn't just some passing thing. from how well Puck knew her he knew that the memory of the baby they'd be getting rid of would stick out in her mind as a milestone of their teenage years. It was in that moment that Puck decided for sure that they weren't any longer little kids who could take on the entire world with just a snarky comment. Now, they actually had things to worry about. One of those things being the results on the stick that laid across the room.

"had she not been pregnant right now… I might have almost considered this."

Between her cried her voice was shot. Not the same confident cheerleader she normally was. Then again, with him she was never over confident. His lips found her temple and left a soft kiss there. He knew she was just saying it to make him feel better. Trying to save them both from the things they both knew weren't true. Because, as much as Santana might have wanted to think about and consider what it would have been like she had a wall built around herself that kept images from that from getting in. she seemed to always have something against allowing herself to be happy. Allowing herself to think of any sort of semi normal future was 'so overrated' she liked to claim. He took the moment then to move his hand. With her back now against his chest Puck place his hand, palm down, to her stomach. His hand resting against where their mistake lingered and making the tiny hole in her existence shatter a little bit more. As she tried to swat his hand away she had no luck as he stayed set there, there wasn't a chance that Puck was moving. He needed Santana to live in the real world for a moment. not the one that she believed she needed to be perfect, the one where she felt like everyone was out to get her.

"Puck let go, I can't… we can't do this. This is nothing Puck. Absolutely nothing."

She fought against him as her mind worked over time to protect its self. She didn't want to dip into thinking that anything was real. She wanted to live in the blissfully stupid world where the only thing that mattered was how far up on the 'food chain' she was when it came to her high school life.

"Abortion or no abortion Ana, you're still pregnant right now. You can hate me all you want for doing this to you and for saying this. But, Ana, we're pregnant. There for the time being is something inside of you, something growing with its own heartbeat. It scares the shit out of me but, we both fucked up. Can you just drop your god damn attitude for the night."

Feeling her start to deflate in his arms he knew he was winning. It was when her hand finally slipped on top of his that he knew he was getting though her block of ice heart. It made him shutter a second. He hated being so cold to her and he knew that if he pushed her very far when it was all over it would just hit her harder but, he didn't want her living in denial. Why should they both pretend it didn't happen when Quinn was sleeping in his bed with their bastard of an accident right under her shirt. He'd hardly made it outside with his Transformers quilt to take to her.

"I just want it to be over. I don't want to think about having a fucking kid. I don't want to think about me screwing up my life when you've already done that enough for the both of us. Just gimmie your phone, the sooner we get this shit over with, the faster it'll be over and we can put it all behind us. And you can go back to screwing whoever you want wherever you want without having to worry about someone you've knocked up catching you."

Anger flared in his eyes for a moment things had been so different for the past few weeks and she wouldn't allow herself to get close to it. he was frustrated by it. since the news about baby gate had broken the only thing that had mattered to him was making sure that she didn't crack under the pressure. Of course, the way he was raised had taught him well enough to take care of Quinn but Quinn wasn't Santana. Quinn wasn't the one he'd worried about on a daily basis from the moment her mother was pronounced dead on scene.

"My mom… She'll… it'll be taken care of Puck. I might be going to hell… along with you. But, it'll be taken care of."

At least she was giving some thought to the fact that this wasn't nothing. That was all he wanted. He wasn't begging her to change her mind. It wouldn't have gotten him anywhere and he knew it, when Ana made her mind up about something there wasn't any going back on it. But, it did help him to feel a little bit better knowing that she wasn't completely detaching herself from what was going on. He was worried about the long term effects of what would happen if she disregarded it. who was he to think about long term, it wasn't exactly Noah Puckerman behavior.

"Pregnancy in high school… that's just not me Puckerman"

Her hand laced with his over her abdomen and he dropped his head to her shoulder. It was all such a mess, he couldn't help all of the regrets that were swirling around his head. All he wanted to do was apologize but, apologizing wasn't going to get him anywhere. He knew he'd been silent to long when she kissed his cheek on her own accord. Something she didn't ever do, kissing his cheek wasn't who she was either but, then again this night wasn't exactly something they knew. This was every raw emotion that they hadn't expected to experience at the age of sixteen seeping out of place. It was that thought that made him cling to her tightly. Of course, knocking Quinn up had been a wakeup call but this, this was something different all together. This was something that could have actually meant something if it had been at any different time.

"I know it's not Ana"

He said after a breath as he let go of her and braced himself above her leaning on his forearms as she lie on the transformers blanket. He watched her silently and he saw her coil under her gaze. She'd never liked to be looked at so intensely, he'd been yelled at on numerous occasions for doing exactly what he was doing. He couldn't stop himself though. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with a small sigh exerted from his lips.

"I'm not expecting you to stay pregnant. you told me when we started two years ago that if this ever happened that would be your first stop. I guess I didn't expect you would ever tell me. I'm glad you did, don't get me wrong but, Santana, I'm worried about you. I know you're whole 'I'm tough' bull shit but are you really gonna be ok with this Ana? "

By the time he got his last words out her deep brown eyes were foggy with sleep and she looked like she was somewhere to far off to respond to. He kissed her lips one more time saving the moment as he unlaced their hands and rubbed his thumb over her stomach for a moment. this had been the last thing he'd expected. Sure, knocking up Santana probably would have been on his to do list for ten years down the line when he could have talked some sense into her. When she wasn't fully connected to the fact that the world revolved around Sue Sylvester, but, that was the future and Puck never thought that far down the road. The places you could go was too much of a vast thing to decide on the one thing for the rest of your life. Even if he understood why she wanted to do what she planned on doing or if he should have been relieved he didn't have to be the laughing stock of the school, it didn't matter, it all still hurt. Because she wasn't Quinn, because he'd cared about her from the day he'd held her hand through her mother's funeral service.

Letting go of her he stepped over her and bent beside her on his knees as he watched her sleep for a moment before tucking her in with the transformers quilt and kissing her head.

"I love you Ana, no matter what"

He whispered lifting her hand and placing it pretty picture perfectly over her stomach. For one night she could provide comfort to something that didn't know the difference. Another deep sigh escaped him as he reached for the pregnancy test slipping it back in the box and placing it in a neat pile with the rest of the papers from school and things thrown to the side of the tree house. while he organized the chaos so that she didn't have to wake up to it in the morning his eyes fell upon the abortion brochure and his throat tightened, he knew he needed to get over it. silently he picked it up and placed it on top of the photo of the two of them at the pizza place and his mother when they were eight. It felt like it was another life time ago when he thought about it now. He knew she didn't have much of a choice in her options. It was either have the abortion or be mocked though her last two years in high school. If she wasn't the whore more of the chicks wanted to be she was the one all the guys scored to get down on her knees. He knew it was the way she kept herself protected from him. never allowing him to have her completely. Just sex was close as she was willing to get. He wouldn't have been able to take everyone whispering 'slut' behind her back. He shook the thought from his mind as he turned to leave the tree house. From what he guessed they wouldn't be going into classes till late the next day, if could persuade her anyway. Shutting the door behind him he headed down the creaky old latter. He felt like he needed to go back up when his feet touched the bottom. He knew he couldn't. Had he been found with Santana, Quinn would have worked her ass off to make sure Santana was punished.

Rubbing the back of his neck he glanced back up the tree house and wondered if he was doing the right thing. Leaving her alone on a difficult night just to protect her reputation, it didn't seem like a really smart idea. But he knew better than to cross her. Walking into the house Puck laid his head against the fridge at sixteen he should have only been worrying about who's skirt was easiest to look up at cheerios practice, not, what to do between his girlfriend (if she was even that anymore he was still fuzzy on that) and his baby mama. Puck just didn't feel like himself after the events that had taken place in the early hours of morning. He turned to pick up some of the junk that was on the table till his hand stopped on Santana's backpack. Of course in her haze she'd forgotten to zip it. A second EPT box stuck out like a sore thumb only this one from what it seemed was un open. It wasn't like they needed any more proof. He went to zip her backpack, to keep anyone else from finding out what would eventually soon be just a nightmare. He wasn't sure which part about it was more of a nightmare. He sighed as he pulled the zipper closed till it got caught on a crumpled up piece of paper. It wasn't like Puck had ever stopped himself from reading her things before. Ironing out the white lined sheet his eyes noticed the salty water drip stains that blotched some of the writing. He could hardly make out anything on the paper. Bits of words like his own name and the word abortion, it was somewhere through the lines that he got the gist that she'd never planned on telling him. She'd never planned on making him feel the numb pain that had crept through his bones. He knew that had it not been to much for her to handle on her own she wouldn't have told him. He knew that in all of the times that they'd talked about what would happen if… it hadn't ever been real before this and they hadn't ever judged it the way it really was. It was so much more than either one of them had thought it would be. He tossed the paper back into her bag and shook his head. He needed sleep, if it was even going to be possible to sleep.

Looking at the shut door of his bedroom he shook his head. He really didn't feel like sleeping on the floor. He couldn't have cared less if that was the system Quinn had demanded when she'd arrived. Because if she needed him in the middle of the night he was supposed to be there for her, 'he'd knocked her up he could at least do her favors' according to her. He just didn't have it in him to listen to her first thing in the morning. He looked back and forth between his door and the door to the outside before taking the door to the left. Walking into the softly pained pink room he tiptoed over to the twin size bed and pushed his little sister over. So he and the nine year old weren't exactly on close brother and sister terms all the time they did have their moments.

"Hey jellybean move over"

He whispered as the little brunette rolled over in her sleep leaving Puck enough room to sleep for a few hours. He pulled the High School musical quilt over him and closed his eyes hoping that sleep would eventually drift his way.