It was an annual ritual, Arthur would show up with a paper bag full of groceries at around noon, Mal would make salad, Dom would grill some chicken, and Arthur would watch James and Phillipa as they giggled while struggling to make lemonade, and that year was no different.
Of course, since they came back, it wasn't exactly like it used to be. Mal always seemed a more little down than before, which was still a whole lot happier than the average Joe, and Dom would always cast her worried glances. Arthur contemplated talking to them, but after running the idea past Eames, he decided against it. If Eames was all for the idea, the best course of action was to steer well away from it.
After Dom and Mal left after lunch to the hotel, Arthur seated himself in the usual armchair and cracked open a book, making sure that he would be able to see the kids if they decided to play outside.
...
James squealed with excitement as he and his sister crouched behind a bookshelf. Phillipa gave him a stern look that didn't quite reach her eyes and mouthed for him to be quiet.
Whenever two or more children are put together for extended periods of time, practical jokes will be though of, planned, edited, organized, and in some cases carried through.
Their parents were no fun to prank, their mother would just smile knowingly which was a pretty nice reaction in comparison to their father's but still not the reaction one looks for when pulling a practical joke.
When Uncle Eames comes over to visit, they're on such a high alert of any practical jokes coming their way, there isn't any time to plan an offense. Uncle Arthur on the other hand was perfect. While he never gets mad, he does get genuinely shocked at the horrific things that the adorable duo comes up with. Ever since before they could remember, James and Phillipa try their best to bring out his "freaking out trying to keep it cool" look as much as possible. They were highly proficient in that field.
...
Stephen Miles smiled to himself as he stepped out of the stuffy airplane that brought him to the stuffy city that he loved so much.
He usually doesn't come over to see his daughter and her family on their anniversary, but fifteen years was a milestone. In his opinion, he thought that a big dinner with a house full of people that started at four and lasted for eight hours a much more jubilant way to celebrate that revisiting the same hotel room, but who was he to make decisions like these?
While he knew that in no way would he catch his daughter on her anniversary, he rather fancied the idea of surprising her the next morning with pancakes and a tin of condensed milk.
He looked at the few items that he had on him, the bulk of his luggage were his daughter's childhood favourites that he thought would please his grandchildren. While condensed milk out of the can was high on that list, he decided something a bit more...exclusive was in order for James and Phillipa.
...
Arthur concealed his smile with ease as he heard the scuffling behind the bookshelf, he didn't know what possible morbid idea had taken hold of Dom and Mal's children, but he wasn't going to be the one to crush their childhood game. If he was honest with himself, he rather enjoyed the suspense and anticipation without having his life on the line.
It almost made him want to be a father.
fatherhood's not all that it's cracked up to be, it's better
I assume then that you've never had to spend April Fools with your children?
Arthur!
Dom, seriously
Well...no...they spend April Fools with Stephen
Try that out and then we'll talk
Are you saying that as a friend or as they guy that shot me in the head a few days ago
Would you rather I let the projections torture you?
You're not answering my question
I'm saying that as the guy that got corn syrup poured over when I opened the bathroom door, then drenched in kool-aid when I turned on the shower, then covered in baby powder when I turned on the fan, then having a pictorial essay of the entire affair sent to Eames
Ouch
He has it framed and hung in his apartment
His reverie was broken when a bucket of water was thrown over his head along with a camping tarp, the latter being pegged down to the sinisterly porous floor.
...
James and Phillipa were giggling madly as they heard Uncle Arthur's yelp, then followed by much gruffer exasperated grunts underneath the camping tarp. They were going to let him out, but why waste the opportunity of having an unwatched kitchen?
The two were halfway through a jar of cookies and a tub of ice cream when they heard the doorbell ring.
James shot his older sister a quizzical look who put down her cookie, grabbed a chair, and walked over to the door.
Standing on her chair and looking through the peephole to see who it was before opening the door, Phillipa squealed with delight when she saw who it was.
"Hello?" came their grandfather's warm voice
"Anyone there?"
"Uh, just one minute Grandpa." called Phillapa as she sprinted into the kitchen to hide any evidence of the cookies and ice cream, James hot on her heels.
Stephen chuckled to himself as he heard the running footsteps on his grandchildren, he had distinctly head the creak of a chair which told him two things. One, that Mal and Dom had raised their kids right and that they were responsible enough to listen to their parents. Two, that they were taking the advantage of their parents being away and probably eating something that they shouldn't.
He heard the door unlock and grinned as his grandchildren rushed to greet him, in a whirlwind of hugs, Stephen looked to Arthur who was more likely than not watching the kids.
"You two aren't alone are you?"
he looked down to see James shake his head as his sister replied,
"Uncle Arthur's here"
"Where is he?"
"In the kitchen."
The three slowly made their way to said kitchen when a soaking wet Arthur pulled himself and his soggy excuse for a book out of the camping tarp that Stephen and Mal used when she was a kid.
"Oh," said Arthur who presumably didn't hear Stephen's entrance, "hello Stephen, it's good to see you again."
"Same to you, dear me it's not like you to get caught up and loose track of the mark, nor is it like you to be so easily impeded."
"Sir, was that a compliment or an insult?"
"Just take it son, just take it."
The two were grinning ear to ear, they had hit it off from the first time that Dom introduced his team to his father in law. Both shared cexpensive taste, obsessive organization, and a sharp sense of humor that no one else understood. Stephen made quick work of welcoming Arthur into their quirky family unit of clean cut criminals, family men, and demonic children.
...
Eames had just finished up a good'ole night of poker when a man who looked frantic enough to rival the white rabbit asked him for the time. As he glanced down at his watch, his eyes snapped on the date displayed on the chronograph. Swearing silently to himself, he relayed the time and made a beeline for the nearest pay phone.
He still had just under fifteen minutes until he "officially" missed Dom and Mal's anniversary, but he knew that they were probably in the Hotel sharing the big day. He mused with the idea of disturbing them for a few minutes but then decided that it would be a much more amusing to disturb Arthur and have him relay a message.
...
The rest of the night had been uneventful, Stephen offered to cook one of Mal's childhood favourite dinners while Arthur dried off and then popped in an old movie for the four of them to watch before sending the kids off to bed.
Arthur and Stephen were making small talk late into the night over a bottle of red wine when they heard the phone ring. Stephen leaned over to check the caller ID, then showed it to Arthur to see if he recognized it.
"Unknown number, middle of the night, important day, area code of a foreign city, must be Eames."
Arthur made his assessment in time for Stephen to answer.
"Hello?"
"lo'there Mr. Miles"
"Hello Eames."
Arthur shot an "I told you so" glance that he'd only feel comfortable using with Stephen who smiled
"Dom dragged you all the way here to look after the little buggers?"
"No, I made an appearance of my own accord."
"I see, then I suppose that the stick-in-the-mud is with ya"
"If you're talking about Arthur than yes, he's here with me."
"Excellent, can you put him on? I want to know what my favourite group of grandkids pulled on him today."
Stephen handed him the phone, which Arthur took a little hesitantly
"Hello Eames"he said cooly
"Geez Arthur, did I tell that you and the old man could be father and son?"
"Yes you have, under several occasions."
"Well then, I just called to wish Dom and Mal a happy fifteenth, let'em know for me will ya?"
"Sure thing Eames, good bye..."
"Aw I'm hurt, you're making me feel like I'm not part of the family"
Arthur rolled his eyes and put him on speaker. After hearing, the reassuring beep, Eames popped in another quarter
"Hello Eames"
"Will you two stop doing that? It's creepy...as in Hal 9000 creepy"
The rest of the night was passed in friendly arguments about ethics, the gentle snoring of small children, and the screams of Cobb as his wife leapt from an open window.