Pop Evil- Monster You Made Me
I sat statuesque on Gotham Cathedral, the tallest building in Gotham City. To my right sat a gargoyle, its mouth open in a menacing snarl. It's been over eight years since I took on the guise of Batgirl and now it was starting to weigh on me. The constant struggle of keeping it a secret from my family and what little friends I had, the ever-present thought that one of my patrols might just be my last, and the feeling that if I fail I'd let all of Gotham down. I love my job but lately, I've felt the strain it's been putting on my life. Recently, I've also been trying to deal with my lust for killing those criminals that I've fought so hard to keep locked up. I mean just yesterday I beat some thug to a bloody pulp for trying to mug a woman and her child. Bruce has got on my case about that and I'm trying to control myself, but I can't help it. Their constant lack of morals is just a trigger for my hate and my anger just erupts out of me like Old Faithful for God's since I could remember I loathed the thugs and gangsters my father associated with. Even back then I had wanted to do something about them, to make them pay for what they did to others. I couldn't though, not until Bruce took me under his wing, literally. He gave me skills that I never knew I could master, but he also gave me hope. Hope that Gotham could become the city that it had the potential to be. Unfortunately that hope was short-lived. After The Joker murdered Jason, my hope dwindled day by agonizing day until it was nonexistent and I then realized that this city wasn't worth mine or anyone else's time or energy. Every day since then, I have gone to war with my emotions. Every night before I go on patrol I will come to this very spot next to one of the many devilish gargoyles that perch on the tower that overlooks The East End and just think. My thinking sometimes turns to brooding then, once or twice; it has turned to planning this city's demise. Bruce has always tried to drill into my head the fact that my anger could either lead to my success or cause my downfall. I always listen and take what he says to heart, but lately I couldn't care less. This city has done nothing for me and I know that I shouldn't want anything from it, but I can't help but to think that its citizens should at least show some gratitude for all that I've sacrificed for them. For all the times I've bled and almost died for them. I wish they would realize that I have no superhuman powers, I'm not invincible, and I'm not indestructible. I'm only human. Sometimes I wish I never took this job. I wish I never became Batgirl and I never met Bruce and Jason. I try to think about what my life would be like if I lived like everyone else. Not a vigilante but a normal citizen who rides the bus or has a normal job. I always come up blank though. I haven't known what it's like to be normal, even at a young age. My Foster mother was from a wealthy family and was also the acting mayor of Gotham. My Foster father on the other hand was the leader of The Coterie, an exclusive gang dedicated to the selling of illegal narcotics and the procurement of information that would eventually lead to their overtaking of Gotham's crime community. Between the extravagant parties that my mom attended at Wayne Manor and the countless meetings my father would assemble in various abandoned warehouses, there never came a day or night that I would have to just be normal. If I wasn't dressing up and pretending like I gave a damn about the political affairs of this city, I was fending for myself at a gathering of the city's most dangerous criminals. My life has never been normal and as I perch here and revel in my self-pity, I realize that I wouldn't want it to be any other way. I am perfectly content in being an abnormal person who constantly risks their life for this physical representation of Hell on Earth. I truly find a strange peace in rectifying the wrongs of both my father's gang and every other criminal syndicate residing in Gotham.