F.R.I.E.N.D.S

My story

Copyright 2002

It will be over soon. The life I now live will be over. They will be gone, my wife my friends, they will never want to see me again. That is once they find out about my past. The past I have tried to forget and had hoped would go away. But its not that easy, they past can and will (sooner or later) brake out and destroy you. Don't forget that, the past is never at rest.

Right now I'm sitting at my kitchen table debating whether or not to take the pills that sit in front of me. I reach for the bottle completely sure I'm gonna do it, I want to do it ... but what about Monica? I can see her walking into the apartment and finding me on the floor with an empty bottle of pills not far away. My heart breaks as I imagine the look of hurt and pain on her face.

I sigh as I screw the lid back onto the pills. What was I thinking? GET A GRIP CHANDLER! Not long after I put them back into the cabinet Monica walks in.

'Hey baby'

"How was your day?' I ask trying to sound cheerful, but she can tell. I'm not good at hiding stuff from her.

'Chandler what's wrong?'

'Nothing' I hate lying to her but 'Nothing' is better than 'I just almost killed myself'

'Are you sure?' she sets her purse down on the table 'You don't look to good'

'Really I'm fine'

'Don't lie to me Chandler' she walks over and wraps her arms around my neck kissing me softly 'What's wrong?'

I push her off of me with more force than meant because she stumbles back into the table, ' Jesus Monica! I'm fine really so just drop it!'

She backs away from me, I can tell she's hurt. I've never yelled at her let alone pushed her. I don't know what to say, an uncomfortable silence follows. A silent tear finds its ways down her cheek. It kills me inside whenever I see her cry, but words can not express the pain I feel knowing that I'M the reason that tear is falling.

'Oh Mon' I reach for her and she takes a step back. I can feel my heart breaking. We stand there in another awkward silence follows. I decide to reach for again knowing my heart wouldn't be able to take it if she backed away again. I reach out and walk towards her, she stands her ground. I bring her into an apologetic hug.

'I'm sorry please don't cry, I've just been under a lot of stress lately' DAMNIT! Another lie, why can't I just tell her the truth. Why? Because she would never be in my arms again, because when I wake up in the mornings she won't be next to me.

Wait, maybe it's not as bad as I think it is. I mean maybe she'll understand my side of the story.

'Mon,' I whisper ' We need to talk'

She looks up at me with a questioning look. She has stopped crying which will make this easier. She opens her mouth to speak but is cut off by a knock at the door.

'Its open Joe!' they knock again 'OK Pheebs, Ross, or Rach I'TS OPEN!' I yell as I walk towards the door. I swing it open. ' I told you it was…' my voice trails off. I can't believe this. I was about to tell Monica about the best keep secrete of my life, not even Joey knows, and standing in my door way is the person that could ruin it. I knew she was in town trying to find me but I never thought she'd come knocking on my door. It has been so long since I have seen her, since I was 16, but there is no mistaking her. I know who she is there's no mistaking her, my sister. As I look at her its like a floodgate opens in my mind and the past I have tried so hard to forget comes flooding back.

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A/N: ok I know this is really short and a little confusing but I promise the next chapter will be longer and will help solve any confusion. Please R/R be as brutal or as nice as you want. I will have the next chapter up soon I'm almost done with it but I need lots of reviews! Please!