How to Get Itachi Uchiha to Kill You
Tell him he is a good boy.
Go up to him and jab in the side with a newly sharpened pencil.
Tell him you know he left Sasuke alive cause he loved him too much.
Tell him that he has a new mission to go to a Brotherly Picnic with Sasuke.
Repeat number 5 but say Tobi.
Before he leaves to go on his 'mission' with Sasuke/Tobi give Sasuke/Tobi 10 pounds of sugar.
Call him Weasel-chan, Weasel kun or Weasel Fan (Itachi means weasel and Uchiha is a giant fan)
Tell him Mangekyo Sharingan sucks.
After doing number 8 tell him Byakugan is so much better.
When he is sleeping dye his hair pink.
Replace all of his Akatsuki cloaks, including the dirty ones, with ballet outfits.
Make sure they're female.
When you see him wearing one, since he has nothing to wear, tell him that you except that he is gay.
Announce that he is gay to all of the Akatsuki.
Tell Sasuke.
Go up to him and say that Naruto is unguarded on his way back to Konoha after saving Gaara and that he must go alone.
Follow him and watch him get beaten to a bloody pulp.
Record it.
Edit it and make sure you add a lot of girlish screams.
Show it to him and then when he asks why you didn't help him say cause you stole my cookie.
When he says he never stole your cookie say Oh yeah that was Gaara, you stole my Klondike bar.
When he says he only stole Sasuke's Klondike bar yell at him for being a mean older brother.
Cut his hair. Enough said.
Give him a hug.
For his birthday do a weasel and chicken theme (Sasuke's hair looks like a chicken's butt)
For a present give him the whole Icha Icha series.
That you stole from Kakashi.
When Kakashi asks you where his books are tell him Itachi took them.
Tell Kakashi to meet him at the hide out in 2 hours.
In those 2 hours spar Itachi so he gets tired and he is out of chakra.
Watch him get beaten to a bloody pulp….again.
Record it.
Edit it….making it look like he did nothing.
Make an Akatsuki Movie Night.
Show both videos of Itachi.
Tape his reaction.
Show that next Wednesday, aka Akatsuki Movie Night.
Take his cloaks again, bleach them and them wash them with the reds so they are pink.
Say it was an accident.
Take his journal and call it a diary.
Keep asking him why he has a diary.
When he says why just keep asking him why.
Trip him.
After he falls, knock him unconscious.
Poke him with a stick when he's unconscious, then splash water.
There all done….Note: I am not responsible for anything Itachi does to you.