A/N: I can't help it! Ideas just hit me and it's impossible to resist, *breaks down crying* the cold war will just have to wait.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Mighty Boosh. Nor do I own the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. (Said myth is written below so as to help you understand what is happening).
Orpheus and Eurydice story is an ancient Greek tale of love. Orpheus fell deeply in love with (and married) Eurydice, a beautiful nymph. They were very much in love and very happy together. Aristaeus, a Greek god of the land, became quite fond of Eurydice, and actively pursued her. While fleeing from Aristaeus, Eurydice ran into a nest of snakes which bit her fatally on her legs. Distraught, Orpheus played such sad songs and sang so mournfully that all the nymphs and gods wept. On their advice, Orpheus travelled to the underworld and using his music softened the hearts of Hades and Persephone (he was the only person ever to do so), who agreed to allow Eurydice to return with him to earth on one condition: he should walk in front of her and not look back until they both had reached the upper world. In his anxiety he forgot that both needed to be in the upper world, and he turned to look at her, and she vanished for the second time, but now forever.
Chapter 1
Howard and Vince were sat side-by-side on the small sofa in front of the even smaller TV. Howard was trying and failing to read a book; failing because, of course, Vince was fidgeting and trying to get his attention.
"Howard? Howard, Howard, Howaaarrrddd!" Each call being accompanied by a sharp poke.
"Vince…" Howard warned, not looking up from his page, "If you are trying to waste my time…"
"No." Vince said sulkily. "I just wanted to know what you were reading."
In truth, he had wanted to break the silence that had enveloped the flat. Bollo and Naboo were in Naboo's room; getting wasted probably, and Colobus the crab didn't start for another hour. He didn't even have any evening plans. And Leroy was out hang-gliding.
"What?" Howard questioned, surprised. "You are interested in what I'm reading?"
"Well don't act so surprised. And if you're not going to tell me then I might as well just go and find something else to do…" Vince teased, he like it when Howard was like this; willing to just spend time with him. They hadn't had a moment like this since the zoo.
"No! No, stay here." Howard said, a little too quickly and loudly. He coughed, embarrassed, before continuing, "This is a book of myths. There are many stories in here, yes sir. Stories of real men-of-action, fighting dragons and-"
"Are there any unicorns?" Vince interrupted. Howard looked into his innocent eyes, and he didn't want to tell him that as far as he knew, there weren't even any unicorns in mythology.
"Not as yet, little man." He replied instead. Vince sighed,
"What are you reading about then?"
"This is the story of Orpheus and Eurydice."
"They sound a bit poncy. Not sure we'd get on." Vince said, wrinkling his nose at the Greek names.
"Vince, you know nothing of them!" Howard replied, trying to sound as if he was annoyed at the smaller man's conclusion. But secretly he was just enjoying the banter, and hoping that Vince wouldn't ask him to tell him more about the two characters; as he hadn't actually read that story yet.
"Read it to me." Vince whispered quietly.
"wh-what?"
"Read it to me, tell me about them. Please Howard?"
Howard recovered from the shock enough to realise that inside his chest his heart was doing somersaults. 'Vince needed him. He wanted him, Howard Moon, to read to him' he couldn't stop his smile from spreading across all his features.
"Ahh, if you insist…" he replied; and began the story of the two Greeks, changing it slightly so as to make it more interesting to Vince.
Vince sighed happily, and snuggled against Howard's arm, his hair brushing slightly against his neck. He closed his eyes and just let Howard's smooth voice wash over him.
"A long long time ago, there lived a man of action, by the name of Orpheus. He was tall, dark and handsome; with chocolatey hair and a small but manly moustache. He was blessed with a surprising amount of knowledge about the wilderness, which he had picked up from reading many scrolls."
"He sounds well boring." Piped up Vince from his position beside Howard, where he was peering over his arm to try and see if there were any pictures.
"Shhhh, he was a brave man, yes sir."Howard scolded him, before turning his attention back to the story. "Where was I? Oh yes; it was because of this knowledge of the wilderness that he often camped in the forests around the city where he lived. One day as he was lying beneath the stars he happened to glimpse a movement in one of the bushes. Being a very well organised man he produced a sword from beneath his cloak and began to move towards the noise. He went to attack but noticed that instead of a dragon or a, erm, unicorn there was a young lady."
"A unicorn wouldn't hurt him anyway." Vince mumbled. The prodded Howard with his elbow "Go on then, what happened next?"
"Well if you didn't keep interrupting…"
"Get on with it" Vince whined, and snuggled deeper into Howard's armpit, smiling happily.
"Fine." Howard huffed "instead of it being a dragon or a unicorn, that I am reliably informed wouldn't have hurt him anyway, there was a young lady. A nymph to be precise. She was pale as, ermm, cream, with glossy hair of a raven black colour. When Orpheus' brown eyes met her blue, they both fell deeply in love. "Here Howard glanced from the book to gauge Vince's reaction, and found the young man to be looking up at him, their eyes met and they both blushed, turning away embarrassed.
A loud cracking noise ruined their little moment, and the book jumped suddenly from Howard's hand where it fell onto the floor, the pages whipping about wildly, although there was no wind. The pair jumped up, shocked, and found themselves unable to move from the shock as a skeletal hand reached out of the book and slowly a figure heaved its way into view.
Howard was terrified, and Vince was terrified. He gripped Howards arm as Howard tried to subtly place himself between the thing, and Vince. There was a rasping noise, like rusty metal against stone, and they realised that the hooded figure now stood in front of them was laughing. The unnatural wind still whipped around the room; freezing the two men to the spot. It then spoke;
"I see you tell stories well, Orpheus, even after all these years."
Howard could only stand in shock, as his brain tried to make sense of the creature's accusation.
"n-no, I'm Howard. Howard T."
"Your new name does not interest me. You cannot escape your myth. Not even by creating a new identity and travelling to the future. You belong with in my world." Here, he stopped, having only just seemed to have noticed Vince who was cowering behind Howard's arm. "Ahhh" the figure sighed. "And you Eurydice, you are mine."
And with that, he flung his robes aside, giving Howard and Vince a quick glance at a rotting body, before a bright light encased them all and they disappeared into the book. Then with a 'Pop' the book disappeared, following them to the strange world in which they now resided.
….
Upstairs in the flat, Naboo shivered slightly. "Ergh" he lisped "Stick the heating on will you Bollo?"
The Gorilla did, and the two of them sat happily with the hookah. Completely unaware of the peril that their flatmates now found themselves in.
Another A/N: please review and tell me if you want this continued :) Also if someone could explain to me the difference between hits and visits it would be much appreciated. Oh, and do people always reply to reviews? Because if you want me to, I will :)
So yeah, reviews? It will make reading about Stalin a little more bearable. :')