I can't believe it, I did it, I got him back. I've missed him so much, I can't wait to get him home, I mean actually to my place. He looks different, distant, not exactly what I was expecting but then what was I expecting, I mean he's been stuck here for months, that's bound to change a person. I just need to hold him, but I can't, I have to keep this professional, even now, so I start talking. I start explaining what I did, what I went through to get him back, I guess I need him to know how much I tried, and that I never gave up on him. He looks beyond me and suddenly I get a really bad feeling, and then he walks past me, us, like we're not there, like we never were.
He walks to her, to Lara, and straight away I know, I know that while I worked all that time trying to get the particle generator to work, building it from scratch he was partaking in the local delights. While I was working my hardest, hardly sleeping, barely eating he was moving on with his life with her.
He hugs her and I just watch, daring him to kiss her, daring him to make my heartbreak complete, but he doesn't he says something to her and then walks back to us. What do I do, scream, rage, shout at him, ask him what the hell happened? No of course not, because of all the things I am, of all the things I have ever been, a good little soldier is what I do best.
So we walk back to the gate. Daniel strikes up a conversation but I don't know what about, I can't seem to make the act real, I just feel hollow. I smile when I think I should, and for the most part I think I do quite well because no one brings me up on it. I just try to not let the pain show. I wonder whether he's realised that I know, whether he even cares. I daren't risk even a glance at him because I know if I look at him I might just stop, I might break right here on this godforsaken planet, so I just keep walking, I just keeping going eyes forward trying not to think. I am so exhausted I pushed myself to the limit and beyond to get here to get him and now all I want to do is sleep for a week, or a month or you know even a year.
We have just arrived at the gate and Jack, NO it's Colonel O'Neill from now on. The Colonel asks me to dial home, and for a split second I just want to run, run away, because going home won't make me happy, it will just mean having to deal with this, to pick up the pieces. But I dial home, good little soldier winning through yet again. When I look up I catch the Colonel looking at me with a look on his face that I don't even want to think about trying to analyse, so I turn away. He doesn't say anything, we just all walk through the stargate, and I know I am walking into a reality that I don't want to have anything to do with.