Book One: Dibbunhood
Prickle just came in from playing outside, and he was excited. "Hurr, oi be a gurt, gurt mole, burr aye!"
He just learned about moles from Geruld Spike, or Mista Spikeyspike as the dibbuns called him. Prickle and Prin, his best friend just found some desert grass from outside, and they crawled down through the roof to get into the underground house, hoping Miss Noodles could make some of her famous healthy, lightly salted Desert Noodles.
Prin ran up to Miss Noodles and exclaimed, "Miz Noddles, I found some desert grasses, by me spikeys I want you ta make noddles n' salt fer me!"
"Not until you finish cleaning your spikes, they're filthy with desert dust, and by me spikes you're to go to bed, miss Prin," She replied. Prin started toddling away, and jumped behind Prickle. "I don' wanna go ta bed Miz Noddles, save me gurt moley Prickle!" she screeched hiding behind the tall, plump dibbun.
"I ain't a mole no more. I'm a badgerlord, I stop villainous searat villains," Prickle said with a heroic pose.
"Miz Noddles is a villainy searat, stop her!" Prin continued shrieking at the prospect of cleaning her spikes.
"I beg your pardon, Prin! Apologize this instant and clean your spikes. Geruld Spike! Come and control these hedgebabes," She roared to the hefty hedgehog.
"Must I always fix these problems. C'mon mister Prickle, miss Prin, let's go fight us some searats in the bathtub," He sighed and led both hedgehogs by the hand to the bathtub. Plopping them both into the bathtub.
They were crying and protesting bathtime, and they wouldn't stop until Geruld started telling them poems. He started with one he conjured on the spot.
A searat named, er, Hubb, um, Dubber Doodah Dee
Well, he kinda sailed the open sea
My friend life wasn't good fer me
Because he came, cut down my trees
The trees I used to grow my peas
And hit my knees until I fell
Then I did yell,
"You go to-"
"What are you talking about Geruld?" Called Miss Noodles conveniently.
"I said, 'oh my, hedgehogs, you both do smell!' That's what I said" the rhyming hedgehog quickly shouted back smartly.
Then Miss Noodles called to the dibbuns, "The first one to clean their spikes gets noodles first,"
The two noisy hedgehogs quickly scrubbed their spikes until they believed they scrubbed them off, and climbed out of the bathtub. Prickle pushed Prin down playfully, and started meandering towards the kitchen. Quickly Prin caught up and passed him.
She exclaimed triumphantly upon entry into the kitchen, "You silly, bumblin' 'og. You couldn't even beat me in a wrestlin'!"
"I bet all me noddles fer all yer noddles that I could beat yer with me paws be'ind me back!" Prickle replied toughly.
"It be a deal!" Prin accepted confidently, and got into a crouched hedgehog wrestling position.
Prickle and Prin moved furniture to make sufficient room for a Hog-Wrestle. Then they got into their positions and stances, and started throwing taunts, which is the traditional way to start Hog-Wrestles.
"Yer eyeballs are dumb n' blind!"
"Yew couldn't beat Desert Noddles if'n you were armed with knife and forky!"
"Well, neither could you!"
Then the wrestling began. They slammed into each other with might unheard of by dibbuns. They had their hands crushing the other's shoulder, but neither would let up. Then Prickle tried to ground Prin, and Prin retaliated by strafing to the right and pushing the plump, sweaty hedgehog to the ground.
"It okay, Prickley, I will give you some of mine," Prin said sympathetically.
"Thanky Prin, you be'n my best friend," Prickle sniffled, and picked himself up.
Together the two buddies went to get their light brown Desert Noodles.
"Ironspike, my good mate, are we bally there yet?" The hare inquired the bulky hedgehog.
"You ask me that one more time I'm gonna rip yer floppy ears off, ya stinkin' bunny," Ironspike growled, and his threats are not to be taken lightly.
"Ya don' hafta be such a blinkin' crank, wot," the hare said annoyingly.
The Hedgehog whirled around and pinned the hare, standing on his legs, and holding his arms, "I'm serious."
The hare stopped talking for a few hours, but he always starts again.
"When will we be there? I want to get to that confounded place, wot, wot," The hare would never stop asking.
"Why do you want to go to the stinkin' flamin' mountain anyways? I'm beginning to think the dagger you gave me wasn't worth this," The hedgehog regretted this, but he dare not go back on his word, for the sake of honor.
The two unlikely companions trudged through the desert for another day, but it wasn't long before they happened upon some vermin.
"Let's follow them, it'll be like the Long Patrol, wot!" The hare suggested excitedly.
"Finally, an outlet fer all me frustrations. If'n any o' these vermin survive, they're gonna owe their misfortunes to you, 'cause it's your fault I'm gonna kill them," The warrior hog grunted happily.
They followed the vermin for a day, and that night they decided to eavesdrop. They sneaked up behind a tent with light, and dropped on their bellies listening to the plans of the rogues.
"I say we go and take a ship from some of those stupid searats,"
"Aye, rats is so stupid they would give us a ship if we showed them a badge, or something,"
"That's stupid, Flakcut! Why would we show them a medal?"
Flakcut responded harshly, "I happen to know you lick the desert, sand eater, yer dumber than a stupid rat,"
Then the vermin started fighting, with Flakcut winning after he yelled, "I'll kill yer, yew stupid stoat!"
But before he could stab his rival with his spear, Ironspike and the floppy-eared beast cut the stakes holding up the tent, sending it crashing down on the arguing vermin.
"Time to leave, old chum," The hare quickly whispered.
"That was the best noddles to ever touch my tongue," Prickle said patting his rotund tummy. He had just finished his helping of Desert Noodles, and he was stuffed.
Then the two dibbuns climbed out of the underground house to find more desert grass. They had been taught a few numbers, and were eager to count things.
"There be one buggy. It be beetle buggy," Prickle said knowingly, "Ooh, and there be three grass! I be a learned 'og, yep! Prin be smarty too!"
"I see one, two, three… almost a hundred sands!" Prin yelled triumphantly.
"Silly Prin! There's at least twenty-two," Prickle corrected, and looked over Prin's shoulder, "Oh, you're right, there's only a hundred,"
"A hundred is a lot Prickle," Prin said flatly, "We're not even a hundred seasons old, Mista Spikeyspike isn't even that seasony,"
"Miss Noddles is a hundred seasons old!" whispered Prickle to Prin.
Prin agreed while nodding her head, and suggested they go inside and find some dessert. They quietly walked into the kitchen, and started sneaking. Prickle pointed to a jar in a cupboard. Prin stood on Prickle, and climbed onto the counter. She silently crawled to the cupboard, and plucked the jar from its rest.
Suddenly Miss Noddles was heard, "Geruld where are you?"
Prin tossed the jar to Prickle who jumped to catch the flying container of sweets, and fell down. She started running and jumped off the counter, and the two friends ran into their room, unnoticed. When Miss Noodles appeared at the doorway, the dibbuns were fast asleep, and the jar hidden.
The next day the dibbuns snacked periodically on the stolen candied chestnuts. They were taught more about numbers, and of course since Geruld Spike was teaching them about it, it had something to do with war.
He made himself ready, and drew a number five in the sand, "If there are more than five opponents of the same skill and strength as you, run. If it's less than you can probably take 'em. Now count how many clouds there are."
Prickle and Prin observed the sky for a few moments, "There be none, nope, none. Can we get Desert Noddles now?" Prickle popped a candied chestnut into his mouth and held his feet.
Then Prin stated, "There be none 'cause clouds mean rain, and we don't get rain. I remember when we got rain once, for four seconds, it was fun."
"You're right Prin, that's why we don't have baths every week. It's a plain and simple life out here, but I love it. Everywhere else has so much war and strife, out here there's nobeast but us," The nostalgia of having baths every week reminded Geruld of his old life.
"I see one, two, three, four, five, um…" Prin forgot what came after five, so she stopped talking.
Quickly Prickle finished her sentence, "Sixed, seven, eight, nine. Nine searats, I counted to nine, Prin!"
The only beast out of the twelve in the desert that wasn't excited about the discovery of each other was Geruld Spike.
Ironspike and his hare pulled back after bringing down the tent, and then they laid low, literally. The two travelers had to lay on the hot sand to escape being seen by the vermin, but they still followed. After a day's worth of traveling, the vermin stopped and looked like they were going to attack something.
"My good prickly friend, it looks like they're gonna attack some poor beast, wot. We better take 'em by surprise," The hare suggested.
"That's a good idea, my annoying rabbit. I'll be able to lay half of them flat before I go down," Ironspike whispered in his rough voice while inspecting his blade.
"And I'll take down the other blinkin' half, wot!" The hare smiled, and started to get excited.
They got up and ran after they saw the vermin start to charge, but they couldn't get to the scoundrels before they got to their victim, an unusually large hedgehog and two dibbuns. They charged into the battle, the hare shouting taunts as he punched and kicked wildly, not caring which vermin he hit. Ironspike got to the victims of the attack and fought side by side with the other hedgehog.
"Hello, my 'og brother. Why are you in the middle of this here desert?" the hedgehog warrior asked while ridding a ferret of his arm. He could tell that this hedgehog didn't enjoy the fighting.
"Trying to get away from things like this," He answered while indicating the fight going on around him. All the blood was beginning to make him queasy, but he dare not stop, or run away.
The battle was soon over, and the survivors introduced themselves.
"Hi, I'm Geruld Spike. Thank you two for saving me and my dibbuns."
"I'm Ironspike. It was my pleasure brother 'og."
"I'm Prickle, and this is Prin."
"Hiya! I be called Prin by everybeast!"
The hare had made himself unnoticeable for the introductions, but now he would make it clear to everyone who he was, "Hallo, me buckoes! My name is… Commandah Vermin Bashah. Try saying that five times fast, 'cause I can't even bally do that! I beat up vermin with my fists and my feet, and that's how I got my name, wot, wot."
Please review. This is my first Fan Fiction, but I think it's pretty good