Title: For the Perfect Romance, Address the Elephant in the Room

(You know, like, "For The Advertised Over-The-Phone Service, Press One"? No? OK.)

Rating: M for a lot of uncensored swearing, Kenny being a drunk like his dad, and maybe some suggested sexual scenes- suggested, not detailed, this isn't 50 Shades of Grey

Disclaimer: I own nothing. At all. The plot yes, but characters, setting… All belong to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Life's tough.

Ships: Eventually Stenny, one-sided Style, one-sided Kenman, Kyman... Random others, such as (Butters x Annie Knitts), Bendy, Creek, and (Token x Red)

(Please note that although the original intent of this story was to be a Style / Kenman fanfic, this Stenny business is so interesting that that's probably how it's going to turn out. Plot permitting.)

Summary: ~EVERYONE IS LIKE 23, OKAY~ Stan is too late again. First it was Kenny's death (as Kenny and Cartman say), then it was the musical phase back in elementary... Now it's Kyle. And this time, there isn't a possibility that Cartman will let Kyle go. Stan isn't the only one that's too late, however. Now it's the gang's five-year reunion of graduating high school. In order to hopefully rebuild their friendship (to get their loves to hopefully love them back), Kenny and Stan will have to address the looming elephant in the room preventing them from getting close. And that won't be easy.

One - Stan

It wasn't uncommon for Stan to muddle through work, only thinking about Skyping Kyle that evening. There was only an hour difference as far as time zones were concerned, which made it really easy for them to plan: at eight Stan would Skype Kyle, and at seven Kyle would pick up.

"Hey, Kyle," Stan smiled wistfully as he waved to the redhead before him on his computer screen.

"What's up, Stan? How many people complained about wrong orders today?" Kyle teased him playfully. True, Stan was a prep chef at a somewhat cheap restaurant in San Diego (a glorious feat on his part, only being 22 and freshly graduated from college when he got the job). Of course, he'd never say he was a prep chef; he's simply a chef.

"Just two. One bitch said her order wrong, and the other guy wanted his steak well-done. I swear, man. People in San Diego are stupid." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose at the memories.

"Not as stupid as the people in South Park. Kenny's brother Kevin ran around town naked, screaming to fight his dad or whatever." Stan and Kyle laughed at that.

Cartman entered the room on Stan's screen and kissed Kyle, unintentionally making Stan's heart ache. (Of course Cartman had to come home from his fancy CEO job at Cartman's Chicken and make Stan look really poor.) "Hey, babe, how was your day?" He asked Kyle sweetly (sweeter than Stan remembers Cartman, anyway).

"It went well. Just hung out at home today, since I had no classes to go to or homework to do." Stan remembered how Kyle had mentioned going to college to be a lawyer like his father.

"Sounds boring." Cartman replied truthfully.

"Yeah. Anyway, say hi to Stan." Kyle motioned toward the monitor, making Stan slightly blush.

"Hello, Stan. How's the low-paying job of cutting up food working out for you?" Cartman asked innocently, his words telling another story. Stan only rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Eric!" Stan was not used to Kyle, or anyone, calling Cartman by his first name. "That's rude!" Kyle glared at Cartman.

Eric sighed and said. "My apologies, Stan. How was your day?"

"It was fine," Stan said simply. Nothing worth telling Cartman happened, anyway.

Cartman left after saying goodnight to Stan and telling Kyle to make him dinner when he was done talking to Stan. Cartman has been nice ever since he started dating Kyle; he must really not want to lose him.

"Anyway," Kyle was pretty flustered at this point, "I've been meaning to ask you this, but I've forgotten until today. Are you going to the reunion?"

Reunion? Stan wasn't invited to any reunion...

Stan didn't have to say anything. "Check your Facebook."

"Dude, no one's used Facebook since sixth grade. By then it was all about Snapchat." Stan guffawed at Kyle's words.

"Check it. Our class is having the five-year reunion! And Wendy is coordinating it!"

"Fine." Stan logged onto Facebook, barely remembering his password and email. He saw that no one had posted anything in about ten years and felt ridiculous opening it up. However, he had a message from his ex-girlfriend. Sent about three weeks ago. He opened it.

Hey, Stan! I didn't know your current number, email, or address, so I'm contacting you on here. But in about three weeks, on June 1st, our graduating class is having a reunion to see how everyone is doing! It'll be held at South Park High, of course, at 5 pm. There will be food and drink provided, and Lorde will be doing a final encore performance! I hope you can come!

-Wendy Testaburger

"Aw, man!" Stan whined. "That's in two days. I got this really late." He quickly replied to Wendy.

Of course I can come! See you on the first!

"Kyle, I got to buy a plane ticket. See you on the first!" Stan said, hearing Kyle say good-bye as he logged off his computer.

Stan was fortunate enough to find a cheap flight to Denver, planning on getting it right after he called his parents to have them pick him up at the airport.

His roommate wouldn't need money, would he? No, no... Still. Why was Bridon Gueermo, star point guard for the Lakers, rooming with him? Stan reflected back to about fourth grade, when he encouraged Bridon to follow his dreams. Was it a thank you? Did he need someone to babysit his apartment while he goes away for weeks at a time? Did he pity Stan?Still, Bridon had asked him to room with him. Whatever his intentions were...

Stan shrugged it off and phoned his parents. His mother picked up almost right away. "Hello?"

"Hey, mom, it's me, Stan."

"Oh, Stanley, honey, how are you doing?" His mother would have bulldozed him if she was here right now. "How is your cook job going? Haven't gotten fired yet? Oh! How's that Bridon kid doing?"

"I'm fine, mom, I'm still working, and Bridon is doing fine. Mom I'm coming home on the first-"

"So you're finally visiting us when it's not a holiday?"

"Well my class is having a reunion..."

"Oh! Your father's playing. That's right. You need to stay with us, Stanley. We miss you. Your father became a drunk again, you know-"

"-I know, mom."

"You need to visit us more. Sheila, Carol, and Liane are always talking about how they get to see their boys all grow up, and I never get to see you."

"I'm sorry, mom. I'll come home tomorrow." He was guilt-tripped into coming home a day earlier and he knew it.

"Oh, I'm so happy, honey!" His mother nearly cried.

Stan booked the earliest available flight and told his mother the details. He'd have to pack his stuff for two nights, which he did hastily. He wrote out a note to Bridon in case he came back, explaining that he went back to South Park for the weekend. He set it out on the counter, set his bags next to the door, and went to sleep.

A/N: Next chapter (probably to be done and posted next week some time) will be about Kenny. I can't wait. -stardustintheair