"I get it now." My hand moved quickly as I drove the small scissors into her shoulder. A shot rang out and I felt a searing pain in my head. Then blackness took over.
...
"Beth Dear you need to open your eyes." A soft melodic voice chimed in my ear. Slowly my eyes opened before I slammed them shut against the bright white light. "It's okay Beth, you can open them." The voice said again. I opened them up and adjusted to the light. I was back in my bedroom at the Farm, the posters of Ryan Gosling and Johnny Depp lining my floral walls. My head lay against my soft pillows and I could feel the plush down filled comforter under my fingers. Slowly I sat up and looked over to the window seat. A woman in a floral knee length skirt and white blouse sat with her legs crossed at the ankles.
"Am I dead?" I questioned the woman. Her round tanned face looked slightly amused. I could see now she had wide set blue eyes, a dark blue I had only seen on one other person before. But before I could think more on it she spoke again.
"Not yet."
"Yet?"
"Beth you are in the middle right now. Not many people get the chance to choose what happens." I stood up, nearly losing my balance before sitting down again. "I have been watching you since the group arrived here at your farm. You hide behind innocence but you are strong Beth. Stronger than most of them."
"Who are you?" I asked, not sure I wanted the answer. "Why have you been watching me?"
"I think you know the answer to that question dear." She said, the melodic sound still in her voice.
"You're Mrs. Dixon aren't you?" She smiled at me, a smile I remember seeing on Merles face once long ago while he spoke about his brother. We had been alone in the cell block while I watched Judith, he told me little things about his brother and how he always knew his baby brother was better than any other Dixon.
"Shouldn't you be watching Daryl instead of me."
"Your hearts were always meant to find each other dear."
"That makes no sense all Daryl sees when he looks at me is a child who needs to be protected. He could never..."
"He does, he tried to find you for so long and when they did... Well you should have seen the look on his face when you fell to the floor." I cringed at the thought of what had happened to me. I looked up at her with tears in my cobalt blue eyes. "I'm sorry I shouldn't say these things."
"Why did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Leave him like that. He told me once what happened to you. How could you leave him alone with his father like that? Have you seen what he did to him? The scars on his back." I spat. She looked down at her hands on her lap.
"It was a bad situation all around my dear. One that you couldn't even begin to understand."
"No that's bullshit and you know it."
"Beth this is not about me, I am simply here to guide you to the path you wish to take." I sighed and scooted into the centre of the bed. "You can choose to fight, to go back to the world and go through the pain of healing from your injuries and hopefully finding them again or you can go to him now as you are and say goodbye and join your family here at the farm to wait for your sister."
"If I go to him like this will he be able to see me."
"If you wish it and if he is open to it."
"It's Daryl."
"You would be surprised my son has a different heart than anyone of those travel companions know."
"I know Merle said that to me once."
"He tried his best with Daryl even though he was given a bad hand himself." She said sadly. "I wish things had been different and they could have grown up with a good life like yours."
"I want to see him and then I will choose." I said adamantly.
"Just know some time has passed since the hospital in Atlanta." The room faded around us as we were standing on a highway, the sun was hot and there was no water around.
"Imma go find water." I heard him say from the back of the group. He took off into the woods, I cast a glance around at my family, noting Tyresse was missing and Sasha was barely alive on her feet.
"A lot has happened in these three weeks dear." I nodded glumly. Still following behind Daryl. His mother who I learned was named Vanessa stayed close to my side. He stopped and took in the barn ahead of us, before I knew it he slumped down into the dirt with his back against a tree. He pulled a smoke from his vest pocket and light it pulling it between his teeth. The next thing I knew he was pressing the lit end into the flesh of his hand, a burning sensation rippled through me as he cried my name. I kneeled down in front of him and placed my hands on his knees. I looked up into Vanessa's eyes and saw her own tears filling them.
"Daryl." I said aloud. "Daryl can you hear me?" He looked straight into my eyes shifting a little but not moving away.
"Beth?"
"I don't have much time here so I am gonna make this quick." I told him, he nodded his head as if in understanding. "Don't hurt yourself, just hold on things will get better. I am going to fight. I will always fight." I smiled at him. "You taught me that."
"Beth."
"It's gonna be hell but I am strong."
"No don't... Where..." I was fading but he could still faintly see me I could tell.
"Vanessa, I'm not done yet. No make it stop." I cried looking back to her.
"Mom?" He said flabbergasted. "BETH." He practically screamed as he stood up from the ground. I was back in my bedroom at the farm only this time in the window seat sat my mother and father. The tears where pouring out of my eyes and down my cheeks.
"No... No... No... Vanessa take me back." I screeched whirling around to bang on the bedroom door.
"Bethy please come sit." My father instructed. I turned to face them, my brother Shawn sat on the bed playing with one of the many pillows I kept. "Have you made your choice?"
"I want to go back. I'm not ready yet. I need the pain, I need the constant fear, I need Daryl." I said flinging myself onto the floor.
"Then go back love." My mother's soft voice said next to my ear.
"Yeah, go back Bethy you have the power." Shawn said standing from the bed and walking over to grab my hand. "Ya always have sis."
"You are stronger than any of us ever knew Beth, all you have to do is will yourself back to your body."
"What if I'm buried under ground, we always try and bury our dead."
"Nah sis you lucked out in that department. They got swarmed by the dead ones and had ta leave ya in the back of a car just outside the city." Shawn told me as he pulled me from the ground.
"Why didn't any of you fight back and come back."
"We were bit dear." My mother said.
"And well you don't get to come back all the time, some deaths have to stick. You however, the bullet only grazed the top of your skull. There might not even be any side effects." My father told me, his voice sad.
I laid back down on my bed giving my family one last look. "I hope I remember all of this." I closed my eyes and thought about moving my limbs and opening my eyes to see the roof of a car. I thought of Daryl and how he lost Merle, and I thought of Vanessa leaving her children the way she did. I thought of the life Daryl should have. The life he could have if we found the right safe place.
...
My eyes snapped open and a dull ache pounded in my head. I groan as I rolled onto my side, puking into the floor boards on the car I was in. I knew a few things for sure. I knew I was thirsty as hell and that I needed to eat. I lifted my hand to my head and felt the dried blood there, slowly I moved onto the back of my head where a bandage was taped loosely. "Damn." I muttered making my head swim. My eyes roamed the car for any supplies. A small bottle of water was tucked into the seat pocket, I greedily drank from it hoping it would help the pounding in my head. Looking around I found an old hunting knife, not the one Daryl had found for me when we were alone but it would do.
I slowly sat up and took in my surroundings, no walkers were in sight but that didn't mean they weren't close. A sign saying 'Thank you for visiting Atlanta' was stood in front of the car a few feet. I moved into the front seat hoping I could start the car up with no problem. The engine rolled and rolled until it finally roared to life. Half a tank of gas, not bad. "Why would they leave me in a car that works and has fuel. They should have taken it for themselves."
In pulled away from the side of the road and turned for the first exit to get on a back road. The highways were a dangerous place now a days. I drove down a back road heading north until the tank ran out of fuel. No other cars lined the roads so I pulled off into the ditch. I covered the windows with the few things I could find and climbed into the back seat to try and get some sleep. My head was still pounding and I need more water but the fear of leaving the sanctuary of this car was too much to take right now.
When morning came I braced myself for leaving the car. I held the knife firmly in my hand as I slid open the door, the sunlight streaming down on me. I walked into the trees hoping to stay out of sight like Daryl taught me all those weeks ago. I eventually came to a clearing with a small church. The doors were broken and spikes that were once guarding the door now lay broken in a heap. I cautiously made my way inside the church. No sign of walkers anymore, so I walked inside looking around for any sign of supplies. A few bottles of water were left sitting on the alter along with an old granola bar. I hungrily at the bar and tossed the wrapper aside. The water I kept with me after taking a small drink from one of the bottles. My gaze fell to the floor for a moment when I noticed a map sitting in a pile of garbage.
The words printed in messy black handwriting had my heart stopping. Sorry I was an asshole. Come to Washington. The worlds gonna need Rick Grimes.
I dropped the map back to the ground and took off in the direction of the road. I would stick to the trees but now I had an idea of where to go. I needed to get to DC.
...
The trek was long and the city was gone. I walked north around the famous city, keeping my knife in my hand and ready for anything. I ran mostly when faced with walkers, my entire body was caked in dirt and blood and guts. My head still throbbed but it was getting duller and duller. I kept the thoughts of those moments with my family and Vanessa at the forefront of my mind. I couldn't allow myself to forget. I knew one day I would find them and I had to tell them everything. Fear crept into my heart as I thought of what they would say or do when they saw me again. Hell fear of what I would do or say struck me like lightening. What if they don't believe it's real. What if they think I am just some figment? Or a walker, I know the bullet hit my head but not the brain, if I had died I would have come back. Oh god. The dread stayed with me as I neared a giant steel wall. A shot rang out from a tower making me jump slightly. Thank god it missed. I knocked very human like on the wall hoping someone would come and open it. A walker hearing the commotion crept toward me, I lunged my knife into the side of its head toppling down on top of it as it fell limp. The fence opened up as I pulled the knife and whipped the black blood on the shirt of the male walker, A distinct W carved neatly into its forehead. "Who are you?" a male voice said from the other side.
"I'm looking for refuge. I have been on my own for a long time. Came up from Georgia. I don't plan on staying long I am searching for people."
"Come in." He ushered me in side before speaking again. "I will take you to Deanna. She is our leader."
"Thank you?"
"Spencer."
"Thank you Spencer." I said walking in front of him a few steps. He grabbed my arm lightly.
"What the hell happened to your head?"
"Oh umm. I was shot." I said ripping it off like a Band-Aid. "I'm Beth." He seemed confused for a moment. "I'm pretty sure my people think I'm dead. I just need to find some supplies so I can keep going, I need to find them."
"Alright well let's get the Doc to take a look at ya too."
"Doctor no I am totally fine." I said, fear lacing my voice. He chuckled.
"You sound like this other new guy who came in about two weeks ago. Refused to see the doc. " We walked up the steps of a nice home, clearly this community was untouched by the undead outside. He knocked a few times before an older woman answered the door. "This here is Beth she came from the outside just now. Say's she isn't staying long, just here to recoup before going back out to search for her people." She ushered me inside her nicely decorated home and told me to sit in a very comfy looking chair.
"No I'll get it dirty, you have no idea how much blood and guts are on these clothes."
"Well no worries dear please sit. I just have a few questions then we will get you settled and cleaned up and fed." I smiled slightly at her. "Welcome to Alexandria."
The questions took no time at all. I refrained from answering too many of them, preferring to keep guarded about these people. She told me about herself and the town and how it came to be. She took me over to a small house which had only two other people living in it. Aaron and Eric, the town's recruiters. Since they were not home she stayed with me until I showered, the hot water releasing the tension in my sore muscles. I washed the blood and dirt from my hair, hoping the wound in the back wasn't infected. She handed me knew clothes as I stepped out of the bathroom. A pair of blue skinny jeans and a nice yellow top. I felt better than I had since waking up in that damn hospital. "Thank you."
"Now let's get you fed and rehydrated." She said happily.
"This place is so clean." I commented.
"My late husband Reg started putting the walls up almost immediately. We got everything together fairly quickly, we have been able to keep these people safe."
"That's great." We came to a stop in front of her house again.
"Come on in, Spencer made some sandwiches." I followed her inside and sat on a stool next to her. I ate the sandwich quickly and thanked them for their hospitality. I stood to leave when Spencer spoke again.
"You gonna see the doctor?"
"No, my head is fine thank you."
"Your head?" Deanna questioned from her spot near the kitchen sink. I turned to face her.
"I had a bit of an accident a few months back. I ended up being shot." I said pointing to the round scar on my forehead. "I'm fine though, it's just a dull ache."
"Pete would have been able to fix it for you."
"Mom, Pete is gone no need to bring it up." Spencer said.
"It doesn't matter, I don't need or want to see a doctor. But thank you. I think I will get a few days rest and then be on my way." I walked to the door, Deanna close behind me as the sun shone down on the perfectly manicured lawn. I looked out across the street to see a familiar form walking towards the gate. Before I could even process what I was doing I was running and tears were pouring down my face. "DARYL." I yelled not caring who heard or saw me. He spun around as I crashed into his chest, my arms winding around his middle and connecting behind his back. His hands landed on my back, I could feel his body go completely still. I pulled away and looked up into his blue eyes. "I found you."
"Beth?" he asked confused. I just smiled up at him afraid to speak anymore. I could see Deanna approaching from the side a blank look on her face.
"Beth?" She asked.
I turned to face her without releasing my grip on Daryl. "I guess I won't be leaving after all." I could feel his eyes boring into my head. "Daryl I am real." I leaned up and placed my lips on his gently. He didn't move or respond but it didn't matter because I was here and he was here and it was just the two of us. I pulled back and stared into his eyes until his lips came crashing down on mine this time with a passion so deep I thought I would get lost forever.
"You're real."
"Why did you burn yourself like that?" I questioned turning the subject away from whether I was still a ghost.
"What?"
"I stopped by to see you to decide if I wanted to keep fighting to live, seeing you made me realize that that was not my time to die." I confessed.
"We left you." He stated.
"You thought I was dead, I would have to. Hell I kinda was."
"You said the name…"
"Vanessa." I finished for him. "She has been watching and guiding me since you first rolled up on the farm. She was the one who told me I could come back that it wasn't too late for me. She sent me back for you."
"I don't…"
"It's okay, I know it's a lot. Seeing my family again almost made me change my mind but I knew I wanted to be here and to find you again no matter how peaceful it was being back home at the farm with my mom and dad and Shawn." I smiled again pulling away a little more to better look at him. "But enough of all that. How is everyone else, I only saw a glimpse of them on that highway. Really I only saw Maggie."
"Ass-kicker is good. We lost a few."
"Tyresse."
"And Noah. Bob just before we lost you." He choked back on his words. I grabbed his hand and held on tightly. "Come on let's get you home." He said tightening his grip on my hand. "We got two houses, Glenn and Maggie live in one with some people they met after the prison. Rick the kids, Michonne, Carol and I live in the other."
"I want to live with you and Rick."
"Not yer sister?"
"No." I said adamantly.
We walked down the street our hands intertwined like they were in the graveyard all those weeks ago. The sun was setting in the distance and the people of the community milled about. Chatting idly about silly things I never thought I would hear again. We sat down on the porch our joined hands on his knee. "Merle looked like your mom, at least his smile." I said quietly. He chuckled a little.
"When the hell did ya see him smile?"
"We were alone in the cell block with Judith." His eyes flashed to my face.
"Who left you alone with him?" His anger was apparent as he spoke. I gipped his hand tighter trying to calm him down.
"It was fine Daryl, I promise if he had tried anything I would have told someone. He helped me reach a tin of formula that was out of my reach and since Judy wouldn't stop fussing he helped make the bottle. All he did was talk. Mostly about you." I told him.
"Oh."
"I liked him actually. I mean I was pissed at you for leaving when you did but real happy when you both came back." He looked a little flustered as I spoke. "Is it really so weird to think that I liked your brother."
"He was an ass."
"Yeah but he loved you more than anything."
"Why my mom? I don't even remember what she looks like." He said. I leaned my head on his shoulder as I spoke.
"She was very pretty, her hair was your colour and long like mine. She wore a pretty floral skirt and white top. Her voice was like music." I explained, I looked up at him to see a smile gracing his lips, a small one but I could tell he was happy. "She said our hearts were meant to find each other no matter what. I knew I had to fight even if my head hurts like a bitch." He tensed at that and sat up straighter.
"You're hurt."
"I'm fine." He placed his hands on my head looking over the entry and exit wounds. "I have taken care of them while on the road."
"You should see Denise, the doctor."
"NO." I stood up his hands falling from my hair. "No doctors, no hospitals, no, no ,no." He pulled me into his chest as I shock with fear, the tears falling down my cheeks once again. "Please no."
"You don't have to. No doctors, I promise." He sat me back down rubbing small circles on my back to calm me down.
"I don't wanna see Maggie either."
"Why?"
"On my way to find you, I saw the signs." I confessed. "The ones telling Glenn to go to Terminus or something like that. She didn't want to find me. Hell she wasn't even in that hospital hallway with you and the others. She didn't come find me."
He didn't say anything for which I am happy. I couldn't even comprehend forgiveness for my sister. "When she sees ya…"
"I'll put on a smile but I am not staying with her."
"You don't gotta. You can stay with me." I hugged him tight, his words and his arms keeping me standing. The door behind us opened and little sounds rang out around us as the small child in her father's arms squirmed to get free.
"Judith!" I jumped up and grabbed the little girl from Rick who stood staring at me with a mixture of emotions on his face. "Hi Rick."
"Welcome back Beth."