Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, hetalia, or anything else featured in this fic. No money was made off the writing of this.
KakuHida, A Dramatic Tale (Part 2- Tonight I Settle All Family Business)
Six and a half hours after the flyer fiasco, Hidan and Kakuzu where on the hunt for new members. Just as they were about to turn in for the day, Hidan noticed a young man stuck in a tree. Hidan happily approached.
"Help!" The young man called to Hidan.
The Jashin smiled, "oh how cute. A maplestory noob!"
The man snarled, "I'm not a noob! I'm Canada!"
Hidan helped Canada out of the maple tree and dragged him by the curl toward Kakuzu. "—Maporu!" Canada protested. Kakuzu spotted Hidan and Canada.
"Why did you help that maplenoob? We're looking for strong members..."
"I'm not a maplenoob! I'm Canada!" He snarled again.
"Canada? Well then you could come in handy."
"Maporu?"
Kakuzu grabbed Canada by the ankles and shook out all his money. He then tossed Canada aside and collected all the loonies that fell from Canada. "Well Hidan, our work here is done."
"But we didn't find any new members." Hidan replied.
"We got four Canadian dollars. That's good enough."
"Ok. Let's meet up with the rest of Akatsuki atop the faces of evil and deposit our earnings."
The Akatsuki members left with their earning, leaving Canada penniless. Canada stood, with fire in his eyes, he declared, "those stupid hosers! I'm going to march right up to that guy and politely request he return my change!" And so Canada set out in search of his stolen change. On his way, he stopped by a local ramen shop and chatted with Sai about the situation.
"...And that's how it happened." Canada snivelled.
"Hmm. That sounds rough. But you won't be able to get your change back." Sai emotionlessly stated.
"What do you mean?"
"It is written, only Naruto can defeat Akatsuki."
"Well Maple! How am I going to get my coffee and donut from Tim's now?"
"Aw, don't look so down maple guy," Sai said with a smile, "your penis is so huge, you could probably crush all of Akatsuki with it."
"You really think so?" Canada said hopefully.
"I sure do! You've got the biggest penis of anyone I know."
Just then, Canada and Sai Turned their attention slightly to the left. They noticed a bottle of catalina salad dressing and Russia. Sighing, Sai said, "never mind, he's almost double your size." Then he waddled away, waddle waddle.
Russia moved closer, "I heard your sad story little Matvey. I wish to be helping you get your change back."
And so, the partnership of Russia and Canada began.
Chapter 2, Journey Through the Desert of Space and Time
"There's only one way they could have gone." Russia declared, gesturing toward the faces of evil, "We will pour vodka in their water supply and get your change back when they are all drunk da?"
"Maporu." Canada nodded in agreement.
The two then tiptoed through the tulips toward their target. (Masterful alliteration)
-Meanwhile, half way up the faces of evil-
"Fuck this!" Hidan said out of the blue.
"Quit bitching, or I'll have to instill some discipline!" The geezer replied.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Kakuzu used his threads like whips, and a lemon soon follows. During this, Hidan gets an idea.
"Hey Kakuzu, I just though of how to get new members."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah." The white haired buff masochist said. He proceeded to strip down naked and started praying. Fourteen noobs appeared, all of them were naked except one, in which was wearing the akatsuki robe.
"Look! A new member!" Hidan stated, pointing to the not naked noob as all the others left sadly.
"What a great method." Kakuzu said, even though he was clearly not paying attention due to the sexy novel he found randomly. He then set up the relaxer and said, "do that 72 more times." Then he used a mana potion and began reading again.
"Okie dokie then!" The buffest uke in the history of yaoi happily replied.
When Kakuzu was finished his sexy novel, he began doing pilates with Will and Hercules until S&M enthusiast Hidan very rudely interrupted, "Guys! I got a real good new recruit. He knows the strongest of all jutsu."
"Wait, you don't mean-"
"That's right." The new recruit stated brashly, "I know the strongest, most forbidden jutsu... aru."
-Meanwhile, in Russia (The Place)-
"This hockey stick should be making very good weapon for you Matvey." Russia said as they prepared for battle.
"All these maplenoobs should come in handy too, they think I'm one of them for some reason."
Denny swooped in and squirted cake frosting all over Canada and Russia in a very suggestive manner. Pierre from the window threw a cake at Canada's face and declared, "It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, BITCH!" Then they both waddled away waddle waddle.
Russia licked off all the frosting and said, "are you ready to be starting the fight Matvey?"
"Um, yes."
"Good, let us be going."
Just as they were about to leave, the new recruit from Akatsuki appeared before them it was...CHINA!1one!
CHapTEr 3- This Pis is Not Quite American Enough
"You will die!" China delclared.
"Want to join our team?" Canada asked hopefully.
"Hm, ok."
And so the newly formed trio made their way back to Konoha.
-Outside the Akatsuki base-
"Come out aru!" China called.
Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara and Tobi all exited the hotdog cart and stared at the army of maple noobs and Canada proudly leading them. Kakuzu said, "what do you want?"
"I came because I would really like to have my change back!"
"Well too fucking bad!" Kakuzu replied."
Enraged, Canada rallied the maplenoobs to attack. Akatsuki called out all their gaia noobs and the war began. Russia attacked Kakuzu, only to get his heart ripped out. Deidara blew up Canada, sending him flying toward a near by hill. It caught the attention of everyone.
"Ma-maporu." Canda said meekly as he free fell. Suddenly, he was caught by a mysterious person.
Everyone gasped. Deidara called out, "who do you think you are? Ruining my kill like that!"
The newcomer smiled broadly and said, "I'm ALFRED FUCKING JONES!" Then he jumped in the air and he did a somersault and nuked everyone (even the maplenoobes on his team).
Canada took back his change, China proposed to Russia who said no. China used the forbidden jutsu, 'wok and ladle no jutsu' and they all went to Tim's, except America who went to star bucks.
-THE END-
Hey hey Danzo, I need more ink!
Hey Hokage, Hey Hokage~
I can't forget the taste of the ramen I fed Naruto last week!
Draw a leaf, that's Konoha,
Draw a leaf, that's Konoha,
Draw a leaf, that's Konoha, I am the one called Sai.
Ah, wonderful village, it can be seen with my brush stroke,
That bastard Sasuke's such a prick,
Stealing my Naruto from me!