Bickering, a "Zoey 101" fanfiction
by l-NonToxic-l
03.06.2008
Disclaimer: I don't own "Zoey 101" or the characters.
Pairings: Quinn/Logan
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"You guys sound like an old married couple."
- Michael Barret in the episode 'Walk-A-Thon'
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"We do not need milk!"
"Yes we do! I like cereal and we have no milk!"
"Get soy milk!"
"I hate soy milk!"
"You've never even had it!"
I looked down the aisle to see what the commotion was about and noticed an elderly couple standing in front of the dairy.
"They genetically alter those cows!"
"I wish I could genetically alter you into someone I actually want to be married to."
"You can't even tell me what genetics is!"
"Yes I can!"
The man had thin, white hair, that was extremely well-groomed, though his scalp was free of bald spots. He seemed to be in good shape for a man his age. The woman, apparently his wife, was short and thin. I was impressed that neither of them appeared hunched-over or used a walker. They also both were fairly free of wrinkles an looked incredible. The only thing that gave away their ages were their voices, likely hoarse from decades of bickering.
"They give those cows growth hormones!"
"I don't care, it tastes good."
"Then again, you could use it, considering your…" She trailed off, and gestured to his groin. I stifled a laugh, slowly approaching the couple. They looked slightly familiar, and I was hoping for a clue as to who they were before approaching.
"You didn't seem to mind it last night."
"Oh, please. As if we've had decent sex in the last twenty years."
"Take that back!"
"No!"
"Fine. Then I guess we can just stop having sex, even though we're the only couple our age who still does."
"Logan, I sold my cream to the same company that produces Viagra. That is why we still have an active sex life."
"There are plenty of widows out there who would love a piece of this."
"And you know if you did, I could take you for every penny you're worth. No pre-nup, remember?"
He flashed her a smile, which I assume was charming back in the day, but on an 80-some-year-old, it seemed downright creepy. Then again, I was young, so any smile from an elderly man would be creepy. I was just thankful the grin was not directed at me. "You know you're the only woman I want, Quinn."
I nearly heard my brain click as all the pieces fell into place. It was Logan and Quinn Reese! Quinn Reese has been my idol for years. I loved chemistry and hoped to one day invent as many life-changing products as she has. And Logan Reese was the male version of Paris Hilton while in his twenties, minus the endless stream of significant others. He'd been with Quinn forever.
"I wish I could say the same, but there are plenty of other men that come to mind."
"And I could take you for everything you're worth, as well."
"So we're stuck with each other?"
"Looks like it."
"God help me," she said with a smirk. He bent down and briefly kissed her.
That was the beauty of the Reese's. I'd read in an old interview they did after announcing their engagement that they bickered a lot, but at the end of the day, there was no one else. It was apparent in all the video interviews I had found, as well.
"Now, can we get the milk?"
"Absolutely not."
"Quinn!"
"End of discussion, Logan!"
"What about cereal?"
"You shouldn't eat that anyway! You need your fiber, eat Raisin Bran!"
"I hate raisins! And I hate bran!"
"I hate when you have too much sugar!"
"I hate when you don't let me eat my Fruit Loops!"
"That stuff is horrible for you!"
"You're horrible for me!"
"Then how could you stand to be married to me for fifty three years?"
He smiled again. "The sex."
"You're disgusting."
"I know," he replied with a shrug.
There was a moment of precious silence, and I decided to use that to my advantage, quickly approaching the pair.
"Excuse me, are you Dr. Quinn Reese?" I asked.
"Yes I am, honey. What's your name?"
"I'm Adriana, and I am a huge fan of yours." I nervously tucked a braid out of my face. In my research, I had found old photos of Dr. Reese back when she was simply Quinn Pensky. Before her doctorate and marriage, and emulated her hairstyles. They were quirky and I loved it.
"Really?" She turned to Logan. "See, I have fans. Where are your fans, Logan?"
"Waiting outside our house for a piece of this," he replied, gesturing to himself.
Quinn rolled her eyes and retorted, "You're old, get over it."
Before her husband had a chance to reply, I cut in. "Do you mind autographing my AllOne?" Dr. Reese had invented the AllOne, which was a touch-screen phone, a full computer, a media player, television, and camera, all in one device.
"Certainly, dear!" I rummaged around in my bag for a marker, finally finding one. I was thankful AllOnes were white. She quickly scribbled 'Dr. Quinn Reese' on the device and handed it back to me.
"Thank you so much, Dr. Reese, and not just for the autograph, but for everything you've done for science."
"You're welcome, Adriana!"
I shook her hand, as well as her husband's, before walking away.
I had barely made it two steps when I bumped into Blake Carter. "Watch it, spaz!" He shouted.
"I hate you, Carter."
He shook his head before continuing on his way.
"Quinn, what did you tell me once about déjà vu?"
"That it was your brain's way of predicting things by finding a pattern."
He nodded before asking her if they could get Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.
"Absolutely not, it's fake, modified, and dehydrated!"
"Isn't that all scientific? Shouldn't you love it?"
"I love the process, but I love you more and would rather you not poison yourself with that junk!"
"I'm old anyway! Don't tell me I can't enjoy my last few years."
"These aren't your last few years, I'm working on that!"
"Quinn, I just want mac and cheese!" He whined, even stomping his foot.
"No! Now let's go look at the natural foods. Maybe I can get some soy cheese and make you macaroni," she turned and began quickly walking to the organic section.
He groaned before following her.
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Author's Note:
Yeah, just a plot bunny that would not leave me alone after seeing the snippet of 'Walk-A-Thon.'
I wrote this in about an hour, just to get it done. It's not my best, but I just wanted to get it done so I could move on to a present-day Quinn/Logan fanfic.
And in case there is any confusion, I wrote that they had great skin and that Logan was not bald thanks to a few concoctions Quinn had invented. Perhaps one of them is the one she sold to the makers of Viagra.
Also, the mention of no pre-nup: In my mind, they got married before her big scientific breakthroughs, and people were worried about them lasting, considering the differences. Since Logan is, after all, rich, everyone around him was warning him to get one. But he knew they didn't need one, and never asked her to even consider it. Just more background information on the story.
Review, and "Zoey 101" writers, write more Quinn/Logan! There is not enough.