She sat in the closet, trying to hold back from tears. Again, Momma had forced her into the closet. She remembered the screaming and Momma violently dragging her across the floor. She hadn't sinned. No, her Momma had sinned. All the times her Momma had struck her and through hot tea at her and dragged her to the dreaded closet…
She prayed, to be free from this madness. But no one was answering. Nothing was ending. She felt miserable.
God won't talk to me
I'm guessing He's pretty busy lately.
And I'm starting to feel,
All of my bruises imagined are real.
She thought about school: about all of the horrible jokes, how everyone hated her and tormented….everyone her age teased her, tried to make her feel bad about herself. She so much didn't want to let them win. She wanted to be strong. And somehow, she got through. And waited, too patiently sometimes, for brighter days.
And I get through each day
I get through the bad ones
To get to the good ones
Who's keeping score anyways?
She looked around the creepy closet. Every night, it gave her nightmares. She wanted to run in the cold air, down a soft green valley of hills, feeling the icy wind beating at her shoulders and gently blowing at her light hair. She wanted to feel alive, and be somewhere beautiful. Not trapped. Life was supposed to be beautiful, right? It still was….and Carrie wanted so much to live it. She wanted so much to feel beautiful. She didn't really know it, but part of her soul already knew: she was, and she was waiting to fly.
And this is my beautiful life
The only thing certain is everything changes.
The lows and the highs,
And al the goodbyes,
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing,
To be alive.
In about five hours trapped in the putrid closet, her Momma let her out and told her to go to bed. In her sleep, in her dreams….it was the only place she was free. When she was asleep, she could fly, be herself, dance, escape…..
I talk in my sleep.
It's the only place I know that no one can hear me.
I tell myself things:
Don't walk in the shadows, there's always tomorrow, and I'm right where I want to be.
She let herself fall asleep, hoping tomorrow would be a better day. But even if it wasn't, she didn't mind the long wait. Sometimes she hurt so much, but she knew that one day she'd go to college and escape Margaret and never see all the people who made fun of her again. It wasn't really that far away……Carrie White thought about Julliard, and how she secretly played the violin….if she didn't she wouldn't be able to cope, she thought to herself. She had sent in the application in the beginning of the year, and she had already gotten her scholarship and acceptance letter…..
And this is my beautiful life,
The only thing certain is everything changes.
The lows and the highs,
And all the goodbyes.
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing,
To be alive.
It's a beautiful life.
It's a beautiful life.