Characters/Pairings: Aeleus-x-Ienzo (Aeleus 1st-Narrative). Time Setting: Pre/Post-BBS Ratings/Warnings: T/PG-13 - Homosexual relationship. Teenage, sexual and other issues.

This was written when BBS was announced but not yet released, so things are not strictly canon.

I never had a boyfriend before, so I have no idea what I am meant to do. Unsurprisingly, Ienzo doesn't either, but he doesn't care. Ienzo never cares. He doesn't understand romantic relationships at all. I am his first love and he's in deep. Not blowing my own trumpet, (alright, maybe a little) but he is in awe with me and enjoys being with me all the time. I do too, with him. I think he is brilliant. I just don't understand my feeling for him.

Wait. I guess I should start from the beginning. This is a story, right? All good stories work in the same order: beginning, middle and end. The beginning of all of this I believe started back at home. I lived in the countryside. You know, the green, green grass and the "fatta the lan'." That's me: the farmer's son; the cattle farmer, to be perfectly correct. My family earns a good profit, but we are nothing special… well, everyone calls me special, because of the apprenticeship but we are not at that part yet. Until my teenaged years life was mellow and average. I helped around the farm, played football in the dirt with my school friends and siblings, and everything was slow and lazy, humdrum.

Just so you know, I dated girls, not boys back home. Homosexually in a small, dignified town like mine? Oh, please! I was like everyone else: Normal. I flirted with the lasses in the schoolyard, stole lipstick kisses, took some of the prettier ones on dates to the farm community parties and barn dances. I sometimes made love to them under the autumn stars, skirts pushed up and panties yanked away. I was like any other boy in our town.

It was a sheltered life really if I think about it now. We didn't know much of news beyond our town, just the big subjects like polities and the economy. Well… I say "we." I knew things, I knew the lives outside. I was curious - still am. I read the national newspapers, and listened to the radio all the time. I even ordered books and objects from the capital, paying for them with my hard-earned munny.

Around the age of ten, I gained a taste for "classic music" and "rock and roll music" which continued well into her adolescence. The genres originated from other worlds, but have become very popular here. I got my dad's record player and put on my tunes. My mother didn't mind the classics, but when I listen to rock, I like it loud - you are meant to listen to it like that - and I bounced around the rhythm as a little kid, playing air-guitar. Mother would shout from the kitchen, ordering me to turn the racket down and to stop leaping about because I sounded like a stampede. I had the attic bedroom so the sound was heard all through the echoing house…

I'm losing track, aren't I? Sorry. I don't normally do that. It is a difficult thing for me to talk about. Bear with me, please.

What was I talking about? …Oh, yeah. I knew things. I was the cleverest child in my class, advanced for my years. Still am. I never bragged about it. I thought nothing of it, but the praise had always stuck with me in the back of my mind, pushed away for the meantime. Later, when I heard about the apprenticeship, I thought about it for a long time. It was a chance to work with the ruler of Radiant Gardens. The king, Ansem the Wise, and learn from his wisdom. Five lucky little children - Ha, it's like that foreign book about the chocolate factory! - get to learn from the great man himself, live in the castle in luxury. Basically, be like his charges, his young princes.

It all sounded tempting. Sure, I had to move away - and it is a long, long way from home to the capital - and I wouldn't be able to see my family much, only for the holidays, but… my gut and my heart were telling me to go for it. I wasn't sure that I was going to be accepted at all. I was almost positive it would never happen so I told no one about it when I applied. Picture the whole families' surprise when one of my older brothers collected the morning post and handed me a very formal letter, sealed with the mark of the king of all people, requesting to see me about the possibility of joining the apprenticeship.

Although confused at first, my father was delighted of my success; his little boy, young Allie, brilliant enough to be considered a place in the king's apprenticeship. The honour! He gloated about it to the other men of the town at the pub, even dragged me down with him, embarrassing me like all good parents do to their children. While I nursed the pint of bitter he gave me, he patted me on the back, shouting at the top of his voice of how proud he was of his darling child. The other men didn't help my red blushing or shyness that evening, ruffling my curls and giving me friendly punches in the arm, saying things I can still remember: "You are going to knock them dead, Al!" "You have really grown-up now, haven't you Allie?" "Mister big-shot, eh? You clever lad." Blah, Blah, Blah and so on. You get the general idea.

I went to the city with Dad on the train. He had to come because the capital is big and, although I'm tall, I might have gotten lost in the crowds by myself. I was in shock. The capital is over-crowded, I understood that but… I never thought… I was thinking to myself "how can so many people fit within the walls?" The noise and nerves for the meeting hurt my head and I wanted to throw-up. Dad got me a drink, made me sit down for a moment and told me to get a hold of myself. Thanks Dad. I spat an eggcup of vomit into a litter bin.

I was sent to see Ansem in his study as soon as I arrived by myself. I'm a confident boy but I was completely out of my comfort zone that day, in the deep end. My mouth tasted of bail and I was shivering, cold sweat under my hair. I started to think. I just started this on a whim. What am I going to say? What if he asks me lots of questions? My head started to ache again. I stepped into the private study and Ansem stood up from his side of the desk in a respectful manner. He smiled at me warmly, which caught me off guard completely.

"You must be Aeleus," he said to me, voice a-booming. Mum told me I must be up-most respectful to our ruler, so I took my hat off my head and bowed, never taking my eyes off the man.

"Thank you for the invitation, sire" I said in a calm tone. "This is a real privilege."

The man chuckled at me, shaking his head. He could sense I was nervous. I know it. He told me to rise straight away and gestured with his hand to come over.

"Please don't worry, my boy. I don't bite. Much." I smiled at his joke. "Please, do make yourself comfortable. Take off your coat and take a seat." His kindness made me feel a little better and I relaxed. Ansem took his seat, and from the top of a pile of papers took my letter I sent to him. He was quiet for a moment, rereading it while I watched him, waiting like a good little boy.

"…You live in the countryside" he said factually after such a long while.

I nodded my head. "yes, your majesty."

"Your family own a farm."

"Yes. A big cattle farm. It's been the family trade for sixteen generations."

"And you will not be inheriting a part of the land when you become of age, or even through your parent's will?" Ansem asked me, placing the letter onto the desktop. I couldn't remember what I wrote, and I rewrote that damn letter countless of times, wanting to get it right.

"Not really. That is for my older brothers to inherit. I believe I will just gain some munny like the rest of my siblings. I still would be helping out on the farm. Family business and all."

The man nods his head. His expression was neutral so I hadn't a clue what he was thinking… but I know he was reading me with his dark-red eyes. His stare cut through me like a knife through butter.

"You are very clever" the man said. "A very clever young man."

I nodded once slowly. "Thank you, sire."

"Your grades are incredible." Again from the pile he picked up a bundle of papers: copies of my school reports. "You are the top of your class and one of the best students in your county. The comments from your teachers are good as well. They all say you are a flawless student." My ego raised a few levels. I smiled smugly. "What is your favourite subject?"

"Physical Geography, sir. I like Maths and Science too, and lots of sports."

"Good. Good… I can see that you are very healthy-looking boy. Big for your age. That's good… Aeleus," he pauses. Dramatic effect. "why are you here?"

"Erm… Pardon?"

"Why do you wish a place in the apprenticeship? What do you want to achieve?"

I swallowed hard, gulping. I had no proper reason to speak of. I did it for the sake of doing it. I couldn't tell him that. What will that look like?

"I want… to achieve my mark in history" I said slowly. "I want my intelligence to peak beyond my limit and I want to be the best I can be. Maybe even more than that. I want to make myself and my family proud. I want to learn. I want to understand. I want… to be a success in my eyes."

Ansem arched a brow. "You think you can achieve that?"

"No, sir." I smiled broadly. "I don't think I can. I know I can."

I got a letter inviting me into the apprenticeship one month later.

My family were thrilled for me, hosted a big party on my final night. I kissed many girls that night, and got tipsy as people said farewell to me. The next morning, Mum didn't want me to go. She didn't say it but she was obviously heartbroken. She kept hugging me and holding my face in her hands, saying how much I've grown and that I wasn't her little boy anymore, I was a man. She was crying silently and I wanted to cry too, tell her I was still her little boy, but I had to be strong. I told her that I would be home for Christmas and I promised to write every week. That seemed to satisfy her but she still cried.

Dad travelled with me to the capital again, helping me with suitcases. My other belongings would be sent later. He walked me to the gate and we said goodbye. I gave me a hug - a long one - and lost track of time before he disappeared back into the crowds and I walked my way up to the castle.

Three lads had joined before me, Braig, Dilan and Even, and although we were all completely different, we made friends in our own special way. They are all older than me, which was strange at the time. I am the middle child at home and I liked being that. I didn't like being the youngest. I was just as tall as Even and Dilan, and I had already beaten Braig in height although he is second eldest, but I got all the little child jokes. My homesickness didn't help either. They (mostly Braig) called me a baby. Even told me to get over it, but they didn't understand. I didn't like the city. It's too loud, too crowded and the people pushes pass you in the streets. Not like back at home. I got stomach-aches and I lived for the next letter from Mum. Ansem took me to the side and said I could go home for a while if I really wanted. I said no. I didn't want to let anyone down.

I got a little better as time went by, and we all got into our studies. I still felt ill, missing home like crazy but that only kicked in at the evening. It was just the four of us in the classes for quite some time. Ansem was having some thought over the final spot. Many had sent in applications and many were very good. Sometimes we thought he would never find someone.

Months later, Ienzo arrived.

This is the part of the story were the beginning stops and the middle takes place. We have background information, the origin of the protagonist (yours truly) and the small, little problems he had to face before the main dilemma arrives. The dilemma of this story is Ienzo, although he didn't mean to be so. I guess it's a little unfair to call him that. Sorry Ienzo. You didn't know that all of this has happened because of you and me. What would have happened if we never met? …I can't imagine my life without you now…

We were surprised by Ienzo at first. He was only eight, nine years old and very small and frail-looking. He always has been, but even then, you can tell he was an attractive boy, blessed with heart-shaped face baring rosy cheeks and nose, flushed soft lips, tresses of bluish silky hair tucked over his cap and framing his face, and two big silver-blue eyes filled with young curiosity, thoughtfulness, with dark eyelashes.

He looked, to be blunt, adorable. In his winter coat and with a nice honey-brown teddy bear tuck in the crook of his arm, he was like a lost child wondering where his parents were. We all stared in disbelieve at him, but after a moment, I started smiling. I couldn't help it. He just made me smile. Ienzo noticed and furrowed his brow at me, hand on hip.

"What are you laughing at!" he snapped and I nearly did laugh, holding it back.

"Master Ansem…" Dilan looked up at the man standing behind the child, "don't you think he is a little young?"

"Ienzo is young but he is very intelligent," Ansem placed a hand on Ienzo's crown, "I want you to be nice to him. Treat him as an equal."

Ienzo was equal to us. He was a child but talked so confidently, so sure of himself. The baby jibs shifted from me to him in a matter of days. He comes from a family higher up the social scale then all of us, so he got teased for that too. He teased back, holding his own. I never said anything to anyone. I let them all have fights between them.

A few weeks later, I walked past Ienzo's room and I hear him crying. I don't like hearing little children crying. It's a painful noise. I looked inside and he was on his bed, face burying into his pillow. I walked over to him. He didn't look up but told me to go away in a very angry voice. I didn't listen and sat on the mattress next to him. I rest my hand to his back and draw circles between his shoulder blades to sooth him.

"Hey. What's wrong, little guy?" I asked softly, smiling. "What are you crying about?" I saw a piece of parchment next to him and I picked it up. It was a letter for his mother. I quickly read it. There was nothing upsetting in her words; just updates and kind words, saying how much they miss their only child. "You miss your mama and papa, right?"

Understandably, he snatched the letter out of my grasp and put it under his pillow, sitting on it. His expression was hard and threatening, pure anger but he had big, pearly tears rolling down his cheeks, along his jaw, collecting at his pointed chin before the weight made them fall.

"You have no right to read that" he tells me sharply. I nodded my head.

"I understand. It's your letter so it's your property. I'm sorry for reading it." He gave me this look I could not place. It was like a look one gives when someone is acting odd or said something stupid. Maybe I did both. Who knows? "If it's any comfort," I added, "I miss my mama and papa too."

"…That sounds lame coming from a teenager," he mumbled and I laughed. He was quite correct. It did sound pretty lame. I found a tissue - crumpled but clean - in my pocket and I handed it to him. Ienzo took a moment to check if it wasn't laced with poison or mucus before he wiped his eyes, mumbling a tiny little "thank you."

"…Do you want to talk about it?" I asked very politely. He glared at me over the tissue.

"Not with you!"

"Then who will you talk to?" I asked. He opened his mouth to snap another barked response at me, than closed it again because he had nothing to say. He couldn't think of anyone to talk to. Reluctantly, he started to talk to me about his patents and the life of a higher class child. How he wished he had proper friends to play with. That he wished he had a best friend.

I said I'll be his best friend.

Yeah. I didn't know what I was thinking either. I was a teen and he was a child. There is about a decade between us, and between a seventeen year old and nine year old, a decade is a very long time indeed… but it made Ienzo happy. He even hugged him, which surprised me. I didn't know the little bugger could be affectionate. That same morning he tripped Braig up without any good reason and shout at him for hurting his ankle.

I sometimes wonder what have happened if I didn't say that. What would have happened if I never opened my stupid mouth? Maybe I should just stay quiet like I normally do… Um. Maybe this is a situation of "what's done is done…"

I'm doing it again. Back to the plot.

There was some problems with Keyblade Masters and the Unversed for a while, and Master Ansem found a white-haired boy along the way and invited him into our lives, but apart from that... for the first few years, things were great. No joking. They were. With Master Ansem as tutor and guardian alike, we had the best of both worlds, in a way. We respect the man as our king and we love him like a relative. He is a little like a kind, old uncle who just happened to be the ruler of the nation. With him looking over our timetable and lesson plans all the time, even the ones taught by other teachers, we all felt that we were becoming mentally stronger. Better. Greater.

We hung out together outside during our personal time - just the five of us. Sometimes Xehanort joined in, but he normally kept to himself. We did homework together, messed around, the usual. Of course, Ienzo stuck to my side every step of the way. He was like a kid brother back then and I wasn't embarrassed with the affection like some other guys would have been. Hand on heart, I enjoyed the time we spent together. I taught him how to fish, the names the individual stars in the night sky, the way the earth works and changes, and in turn he taught me how to draw, how to ice-skate in the winter and how to make brownies with just the right amount of fudge.

I was the one he sat next to in dinner. I was the one he told all his little secrets to. I was the one he ran to in the middle of the night during a thunder storm. I was the one he admired. I was the big brother he never had but always wanted, even if he didn't know it himself. Life was good. Our bond grew. Loyalty and care was shared between us. We lived in a blissful brotherhood.

Now, this is where things turn pear-shaped; the point where things turn… not bad but… difficult.

Ienzo changed.

No. He was still Ienzo; my Ienzo; the one who I saw every day and goofed around with… but a child does a lot of growing up in a few short years. I didn't notice it at first. I didn't see it over the first five years but by the time he had turned twelve, thirteen, he wasn't little Ienzo anymore. Damn puberty.

He caught up to the rest of us in maturity and looks and that decade between us didn't seem so long anymore. He got bigger, taller. He lost the puppy fat from his body and face. He became slim and slender, and his facial features became more defined and striking. Not soft. Not innocent. He turned into the young man he is today. He stopped asking for help to reach the top shelf. He stopped tripping over his untangling shoelaces. He stopped hiding in my bed from the storms.

I was sad. Yes. I missed the childish affection and habits he showed me. I was sad, but not hurt. I know it would happen sooner or later. People grow, people change. We were still great friends. That was not my problem. My problem was that I started to find him very attractive.

I wanted my best friend.

I was worried. People have always said he was a handsome child, and I always agreed. Who wouldn't? But then? Now? Now, I saw a beauty. He was perfection in my eyes. No one was nicer; no one. The way he moved was elegance. The way he talked was clear and powerfully, even when he whispered. The way he smelt was intoxicating and clean; a drug. He was my toxin. I didn't like women anymore, but I didn't even like any other man. Just Ienzo. My Zoey.

Yes. I saw him with love. I was blinded by love, but I just never cared. I didn't understand. I had never let anything twist my sense of opinion before. I would not have let anything shadow my goal to achieve everything in life, but suddenly I would sacrifice everything I had at the drop of a hat for Ienzo, just to see him smile in my direction, even if it was for the last time.

I hid it deep in my heart. I couldn't love my best friend, another boy, someone who was still very much a child. It would ruin everything I worked for. On the outside I remind strong and structure Aeleus: the logical one. I was the one who had a clear hand for intelligent thought when everyone else panicked. Inside, I was the one panicking.

Everything changed again when I was twenty-five and Ienzo was fifteen. I remember that rainy day so clearly. I was in the library, reading as per usual and Ienzo came in quietly but I felt his presence and turned around to face him. I knew something was bothering him, because he was embracing himself, and something in his eyes gave him a wary feel. I took off my glasses and smiled at him.

"What's up, Zo?"

The boy stood there for a while, looking at me. He looked almost helpless, ahich is not like Ienzo at all.

"…Aeleus, may I talk to you about something?"

"You can always talk to me."

He walked around the table and sat across from me on the other side of the table. He didn't look at me properly. He looked at my face but not at my eyes. He was nervous. I pursed my lips.

"What's up?" I asked again, this time with a serious, concerned tone to my voice. He sighed. We sat in uncomfortable silence for such a long time. I thought I was going insane from the feeling. Ienzo dropped his gaze to his knees.

"…I think I like you, Aeleus."

I thought he was playing a joke with me, so I laughed and smiled, shaking my head at him.

"I know you like me, silly. You are my best friend."

"No. I…" He was feeling uneasy. He didn't understand or what to do because Ienzo didn't live in uncertainty. His world was and still is full of fact. "…I think I love you, Aeleus."

I couldn't tell you how I felt at that moment. I was a flood of emotion. There were waves of feelings crashing against my chest one after another, drowning me. The blood rushed in my ears, deafening me. I swear my heart skipped five beats and stopped living for a moment's breath. Why would it though? Was it the shock? The fear? Or was it relief that he felt something for me in return?

I pushed the feelings away for a moment, resisting the urge to leap over the table and pull the boy into my arms, to feel him. To tell him it is okay. Ienzo looked embarrassed. His cheeks were a pleasant pinkish colour. He was lost, in his mind.

"…I see," I said after some time, "…You meaning like a crush?"

"I think… Maybe it's more than that. I have never felt like this before." Over the years, Ienzo never had girlfriends. He didn't like females in that way. Maybe deep down he was scared of girls. That is always a possibility. He looked at me properly, eyes meeting "All I know is that I have feelings for you and you feel something for me in return."

My heart was pounding against my ribcage. How did he know? Was I that transparent? We couldn't. We would lose everything.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's okay, Al. Please don't feel guilt." He sounded so understanding, like he knew the pain and how anxious I felt. "I know you are confused. I am too. I didn't think I would be… attracted to a boy, and an older one at that."

"…We can't." I shook my head over and over again. "Ienzo. I care for you deeply, but I am no good for you."

"No good for me?"

"I am much more older then you and you are still just a child. Plus, we are both male. You know the public's option on homosexuality." Was that the right word? I never loved another man before so was I really gay? Was Ienzo? That is the only way we can describe it. The boy sighed and clenched his fingers into fists. He was having problems controlling his emotions too.

"I am not asking you to have sex with me or anything of the sort… I am asking you to love me." He was looking at me for support. He sounded so small and helpless and he wanted me to say something; something to make everything better, because that was my job. I chase the nightmares and bad feelings away just as the good knight does.

"Ienzo, I… I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to take your life away with my feelings. I wouldn't be a nice guy then. I won't be your hero anymore-"

"You are my hero," he whispered. "Forever and ever, you will be my hero."

He stood up and waked around the table towards me, putting himself into my arms. He held onto me for dear life, his arms around my shoulders and his face buried into the crook of neck. I tensed, froze up. I felt his warm breath against my skin. He didn't cry. He didn't shiver. He didn't even whimper. He just closed his eyes and breathed me in. Slowly, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him onto my lap. I rest my hand on his thigh but he didn't mind. I kissed his forehead ever so lightly, fearing that he would hate me for doing so.

He smiled.

He liked it.

The rest is now hidden history.

We now live in secret. Keep it safe. Our first kiss together - Ienzo's first kiss ever - was behind the bike shed, that old cliché. He liked the kissing. Still does. He likes creeping into my bed at night and snuggles up to me. I sometimes tell him to go back to his room, but he never does. He just pouts and leaches onto me so I can't move.

The hormones are getting the better of Ienzo. One afternoon in his bedroom, when I took off my shirt to cool down, he approached me and licked down from my Adam's apple to my navel. He thought it was funny when my face turned red. He didn't know he sent me to jack-off in a cold shower awhile later. I can't have sex with him. I can't. He is a child. It doesn't feel right. Yeah, I know. I'm being a hypercritic. You are properly thinking: "how can he think sex is bad when he is kissing and sharing a bed with the boy?" I guess you're right. You may even call me a pervert, a paedophile even. I mean, I am a decade older than him, he's a minor. Is there another word to describe me?

…Sometimes, I wonder want would happen if Master Ansem found out. The scandal it would create, growing like a weed. Like the sexual frustration. Ienzo wants me. He wants to be with me. I can see it every time he smiles at me, places his hand over mine, brush his lips against my skin. Little signs that show me he adores me, like tiny paper notes during lessons, or offering a small piece of his chocolate bar, or saying how nice I look in my new shirt…

Remember I said this was a story, and that all stories have a beginning, middle and an end? Well, this story isn't over. Ienzo and I are still living through this tale, but this is where I have to end it for now. Maybe we can pick up where we left off, but nothing much has happened since. I haven't had sex with Ienzo yet. We haven't been discovered. We still love each other.

I know. It's a bit of a rip-off hearing a story without an ending. You might want to ask: "Where are the smutty, dirty details, Aeleus?" There isn't. Not yet. I love Ienzo. I don't want the boy to go through anything too early.

I worry a lot about Ienzo, about myself… us. I worry about us. How long will we last? In a few years, will we still be living like this? The boy deserves better, but he doesn't care. He claims he doesn't care. He is blind. Blinded by love. So am I…