A/N: The title's from Sia's "Breathe Me", simply because I think it's one of the most beautiful songs and it still manages to tighten my throat... :) There's not much else to say to this one...
Breathe Me
.
The bathroom door behind her hissed shut and Liara stopped momentarily, only to peel out of her labcoat, laying it carefully down on the sink to her left. Keeping her eyes stoically on the shower in front of her, she stepped out of her remaining clothes and turned on the water, closing her eyes with a sigh.
Only when the warm water touched her skin did she allow the tears to fall. And, knowing she was finally alone, she let them run down her cheeks freely where they mixed with the warm water from the shower and were immediately washed away as if they'd never existed in the first place.
There was another benefit that came with this shower (aside from the fact that it was in Shepard's cabin and she thus didn't have to worry about people disturbing her – Shepard included since the commander was momentarily held up in the Med Bay due to yet another demanding mission) which was the noise the running water created when it ran down her skin and hit the tiles underneath her feet, successfully drowning out her sobs.
And sob she did... She just couldn't hold back any longer and the solitude Shepard's cabin (and shower) provided allowed her to let all the sadness and pain that had built up during these last days, months, years, wash over her without having to fear it would attract any unwanted attention.
It hadn't been the first time she'd found herself in Shepard's shower when the commander hadn't been around, and ever since she'd learned about its uses – after all, walking out of the shower with slightly reddened eyes wasn't that unusual – it had become her sanctuary, a place where she allowed herself to show weakness, to give in to despair, only to walk out of it a couple of minutes later with the same professional expression she'd perfected over the years, ready to face whatever the next hours may bring...
But not today...
This day she suddenly felt a sudden rush of cold air hit her back just seconds before a hand lightly touched her shoulder. She spun around, finding herself facing Shepard, the woman's tired eyes immediately scanning her face, taking in the asari's pained expression. Liara's jaw tightened as she tried to fight back a new wave of tears but it was too late, Shepard had already seen the expression Liara had so deliberately tried to hide from the other woman... Within mere seconds, Shepard had read her face like she'd read a battlefield so many times before, and just like on a mission, she took action...
Without a word, Shepard wrapped her arms around Liara's shaking form, stepping into the shower where the both of them were quickly encased by the warm water as it soaked Shepard's uniform. The commander didn't care and she simply held on to the shaking figure in her arms, running a soothing hand over the other's back while she waited for Liara's sobs to subside.
It took Liara a few minutes to contain herself and after that, she selfishly decided to simply enjoy the feeling of comfort the other's body provided while she clung to it, burying her face in Shepard's neck.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered weakly, not sure if Shepard could hear her over the sound of the still running water.
She must have, because Shepard's embrace tightened momentarily and she shook her head, still refusing to break her silence though.
Liara pulled back slightly and locked eyes with her, one of her hands coming to rest on Shepard's cheek, her thumb gently stroking it. "I nearly lost you today... again..." she whispered, her eyes begging for Shepard to answer, to say... something, anything...
The silent plea was not lost on Shepard and the woman quickly whispered back, "You didn't."
Not satisfied with Shepard's answer, Liara shook her head. "What if Leviathan had decided to keep you down there? To study you like it had intended?" she asked, her eyes boring into Shepard's, not allowing the other to avert her gaze. Her silence just wasn't answer enough for Liara right now, she needed more.
Shepard was silent for a while, her hand motionless on Liara's back. Her eyes remained on Liara however, only blinking whenever a drop of water found its way from her hair down her face.
"I don't know how many more times I'll be able to just stand by and watch you risk your life for..." Liara's eyes teared up again and she bit her lower lip, turning her head away. "What if it's all for nothing? What if we can't win this war?" She shook her head weakly, clinging to Shepard's soaked uniform. "I can't always be the strong one... I can't always pretend we're still headed the right way..."
Shepard's body finally started moving again and her hand continued soothingly running over Liara's back. "And I don't want you to," she whispered. She placed a soft kiss on Liara's temple before continuing, "I'm sorry I put you through all of this, that I've relied on you so much... Hell, every time people were looking to me for guidance, I turned to you... You've picked me up so many times already..."
"That's what I'm here for," came the muffled response from her neck but Shepard shook her head.
"Absolutely not! You're here for so much more than that and I don't want you to hide your doubts. At least not from me." Softly, Shepard reached for Liara's chin and pulled it up until they were once more face to face. After placing a soft kiss on the asari's lips, Shepard smiled at her sadly. "We both know how uncertain our future is, but I can promise you one thing: that, as long as I'm able to, I'll be here for you. Until my last breath, I'll return to you and you'll always find me here, waiting for you whenever you need me. I-"
She stopped when Liara buried her face in her neck once more, a new wave of tears streaming down her blue cheeks. It may not have been what she'd wanted to hear, but it was the most honest promise Shepard could make and it would have to be enough...
Still pressing her face into the warm skin on Shepard's neck as if trying to meld their two bodies into one, a sheepish smile started forming on Liara's lips when she became aware of their surrounding once again.
"I'm soaking your uniform."
"Mmh, don't worry about it. I still might need your help to peel out of it afterwards though..."
"Anytime."
. . .
"Shepard?"
Liara took a careful step into the Captain's Cabin when she didn't hear a response after the cabin's door had hissed open. She knew she was always welcome, but she still preferred to be invited into Shepard's personal quarters, but the door hadn't been locked and no one had seen the Commander today so far, so she'd decided to check on her.
The cabin that greeted her was dark, the fishtank to her left as well as Shepard's blinking terminal – probably holding new messages – and the alarm clock on her nightstand being the only light sources in the room.
The dark room itself wasn't that unusual; after all, this wouldn't be the first time Liara had to wake the Commander whenever any urgent messages requiring Shepard's immediate attention had been forwarded to her terminal... What was unusual, however, was the changed atmosphere in the room.
It wasn't something she could easily explain with words, it was more of a feeling... Every object in the cabin seemed to be at its right place, creating an illusion of order, but it seemed the darkness wasn't the only thing dimming the room...
Liara's eyes settled on a figure lying on the bed, fairly illuminated by the alarm clock on her nightstand. At first, it seemed the person was asleep, but then Shepard slowly turned, answering with a weak, "Hey..."
Liara bit her lip at the Commander's tone, lacking her usual determination and strength, and she carefully approached the bed as if not to disturb whatever was going on.
"Are you all right?" she asked, her voice soft, but not quite able to mask her concern.
She had finally reached the bed and could see Shepard's face more clearly now as the Commander forced a smile. "I'm fine," she nodded.
With a sigh, Liara sat down on the edge of the bed. "No you're not," she stated softly and ran her hand through Shepard's hair, brushing a few loose strands out of her face.
Shepard rolled on her back again and shrugged, looking up at the ceiling. "Just tired, I guess..." she evaded.
"But that's not all, is it?" Liara pressed on.
Shepard's jaw immediately tightened, the alarm clock's light reflecting in the tears that had started to roll down her cheeks when she shook her head.
In one fluid motion, Liara slid onto the bed next to Shepard, cradling the other woman in her arms. She gently kissed Shepard's cheek, tasting the salt of her tears on her own lips when she leaned to Shepard's ear, whispering, "What is it?"
"I don't know," came the weak answer from the crook of her neck where Shepard had buried her face in. "I'm just so tired..."
Even with her limited understanding of the human psyche, she could tell Shepard wasn't talking about simple exhaustion... But sadly, that's where her knowledge ended, and the moment seemed way too delicate to risk asking the wrong questions, especially since Shepard's own uncertainty felt genuine...
"Is there anything I could do?"
Shepard weakly shook her head, taking a deep breath. "Not really, no..." She wrapped her free arm around Liara's waist before adding, "Just... stay... please?"
"Of course."
They remained silent for a while and Shepard seemed to relax in Liara's arms until she felt a calming presence in her mind. She immediately retreated, untangling herself and inching away from the asari.
"I don't want you to feel it," she whispered, her eyes wide in surprise.
Liara smiled warmly and extended her hand towards Shepard. "I can help you ease the pain," she stated softly. Nothing else. She knew Shepard trusted her. She didn't need to promise she wouldn't rummage through Shepard's memories; she wouldn't search for a reason behind the sadness as her scientific mind would tell her to, she'd simply try and ease the pain. A pain she didn't need to link their minds to feel...
"You don't need to do that..." Shepard evaded Liara's eyes, looking anywhere but at those honest, warm and inviting eyes... "I'll be fine. It'll pass, it always does."
The simple statement told her that this wasn't the first time – the first time she had found Shepard like this, sure, but not the first time the commander had been forced to deal with this sadness on her own – and Liara had to force herself not to let the effect those words had on her show on her face.
She remained silent, still lying on her side, her hand outstretched, patiently waiting while Shepard's mind raced. The silent invitation remained even when a few minutes passed and Shepard finally took a deep breath and returned to Liara's arms.
No more words were spoken while Shepard slowly closed her eyes, trying to relax and finding it surprisingly easy as soon as she felt Liara's familiar presence back in her mind, the asari's calm nature soothing her both mentally as well as through the physical embrace. She felt the warmth of the asari's body, her arms protectively wrapped around her while Shepard's mind was enveloped by Liara's presence, shielding her from the pain and darkness that had threatened to take her over just a few moments ago.
With this new-found feeling of being protected, Shepard's breathing quickly evened and her eyes remained closed, her body going limp when sleep finally took over; welcomed this time because she knew when she woke up, there would be someone waiting for her, ready to show her how much she loved her and cared about her every single day, ready to protect her from whatever darkness there might be. Whenever she needed it.