Hii! My friend and I had these ideas a little while back, and I think that they deserve to be put into fanfiction form. A reminder: this whole story isn't just about Lorian in the Mafia. That's just a story in this fic, said fic having a collection of 'what if' stories. What if no one had interesting eyes? What if Matt grew his very first beard? You will indeed find out.

Oh, and there are spoilers for the Dark in this chapter, a spoiler that's only revealed at the end of the book. So if you have not completely FINISHED the Dark, don't read this chapter.

Disclaimer: Dude, seriously? If I owned GOT, I'd find some way for Arkarian to lose his wings so he'd be stuck with me and couldn't get away. But as you can see me in my Arkarian-less state, I do not own the trilogy I adore so.

Dr. Reminder says: Remember to R&R! :D

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What if…

Lorian was in the Mafia?

A knock was heard on the plain white door of his office. The window shutters were closed just enough that little streamlets of sunlight found its way through the cracks, illuminating the dust floating around in the air, yet somehow not the man's face, the man that was sitting behind the desk. Well, he's not a man, really, nor is he a woman. But for now I'll call him a 'he', since no one can really say that Lorian is a girl. Did I just say his name? Crap. It was supposed to be dramatically revealed in slow motion, to create more anticipation. You know what? I don't care anymore. Let's get this plot going.

The knock echoed through the silent room, and a husky, not at all attractive Italian-sounding voice, called out, none too loudly, "Come in."

The door creaked open, a hand, then a foot emerging through the opening.

"Oh, get in here, boy!" Lorian growled.

Arkarian crept into the dark room, squinting so he could see. "Why don't you just turn the lights on? You're gonna ruin your eyes."

Arkarian could see his father glaring at him now that his eyes had adjusted. Lorian motioned for Arkarian to sit.

Lorian folded his hands in front of his face, so only his violet eyes were visible. Arkarian, in the uncomfortable leather seat, swallowed.

"You come to me with a problem… Arkarian, my son, how could you come to ask me, your own fah'da, such a 'ding?"

Arkarian's expression changed from fear to disappointment. "But daddy! I want a puppy! Why can't I just have this one thing? You are soooo unfair!"

Lorian sighed. "Arkarian, I am the don of 'da mafia. And you want a puppy."

Arkarian put out his bottom lip and filled his eyes with tears. Nodding, he sniffed.

Lorian rubbed his temples as he stood from his big leather chair, beginning to pace behind his ornate mahogany desk. "What went wrong?" He mumbled, shaking his head. "Was it because I wasn't there for 'dose first 'undred years? What kind of boy needs his fah'dah 'den?"

Sighing again, Lorian sat down and looked at his son. Face straight, he said, "You really wan' a puppy."

Arkarian nodded vigorously.

Arkarian's father stared at him for a very long moment. Finally he shook his head, shoulders slumped. "Go get your puppy. But don't tell no one, you hear?"

Arkarian squealed happily, hugged Lorian and kissed his ring. With a, "I'm getting a poodle!" he ran out of the office.

Lorian stared after his son, wondering what he had just let loose. Suddenly Sir Syford burst through the door holding a bazooka with one of those hats on that detectives wear. "Little Johnny squealed." He spat, settling the bazooka on his shoulder.

Lorian grabbed the machine gun from under his desk and cocked it. "Let's go."

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Yaaaaay! Chapter one is ova! The next chapter: What if Artemis was dating King Richard? Warning: You might want a little background knowledge about Greek Mythology.

Find out next time! Remember Dr. Reminder!

Dr. Reminder: R&R or DIE

Doctor! Watch yourself! You'll get us both arrested again!

Dr. Reminder: But they SHOULD R&R!

I know that, Dr. Reminder, but that is no excuse to threaten people with their lives!

Dr. Reminder: :(

Now get outta here, you homicidal man, you.

And there you have it. I'm having imaginary conversations with a non-existent doctor.