Cry Me a River

You revelled in red.
I felt it raw - like crisp gauze edges
Of a stiffening wound. I could touch
The open vein in it, the crusted gleam

By Ted Hues

It was cold. So abstemiously cold and she had nowhere to go. Where would she go in this blistering wind in this vast, white and rocky wilderness of desertion? Numbly she bit her lip and continued walking although her legs were stiff and frozen, her site blurry and her mouth as dry and tasteless as the rocks that covered Northern Crater.

Dry blood caked her arm from the injuries she had sustained during her fall, but it was a minor pain and did not compare in the least to the emotional wreckage Sephiroth had caused her. She had expected no different from him and as usual he had left her feeling humiliated, broken, ashamed and suicidal. But he did not leave her dead. He never did and never would and she could never understand why, but something about her had sparked some sort of obsession within him to haunt her for the rest of her days.

She never forgot. He never forgot. But he would always win in the end. The only thing that she could console herself in was the fact that Sephiroth didn't taunt or indulge Cloud in his little victory over her and she was amazed he still hadn't…but…If her friends saw her in this state with her shirt ripped, her skirt hanging loosely over her hips and her hair disheveled, they would know that something went on however knowing if they would sniff out the truth, she couldn't contemplate.

Shivering, she kept moving to find a place between some rocks where she could fix herself up. Tightening the belt around her skirt, tying up her hair and doing her best to rearrange her shirt; she did her best to look dignified and strong as always. Strong for him. And strong for Cloud. Feeling exhaustion and weakness overcome her, Tifa Lockhart sat down against one of the large boulders and huddled to herself in an effort to keep warm. No doubt her friends would find her soon, but she needed this time alone to recollect her thoughts and needed this cold abyss as a form of punishment for everything she did that went against nature.

"Sephiroth!" She screamed as she ran towards him with his elegant long sword ready to strike him for everything wrong he had done to her. And he turned around and grabbed it without a word and lifted her up off the ground. There she found herself staring into the wildest, vivid and most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen before he struck her in the chest and she bumped her way down the stairs. Her body convulsed in pain as she tried to catch her breath wondering when Cloud was going to come and fulfill his promise. But it was not to be for he was too late. Sephiroth's heavy boots marched straight down those stairs and cruelly with his boot flipped her over on to her back. He held the sword to her throat and smiled at her wickedly.

"You're all the same," he said coldly although she did not understand what he was talking about. "The same with your foolish emotions, your greedy needs, your worthless hopes." Tifa told herself to remain calm as she tried to breathe and tried not to cringe as he knelt down and leaned closer to her. "But I have my own needs Miss Lockhart," he whispered coldly next to her ear.

Tifa shuddered and kept breathing over her hands and rubbing them to stay warm. The clef of her womanhood was still throbbing just as it had been five years ago, but it was a different sort of pain now. A wonderful pain that brought upon the guilt of a thousand burdens. Why her? Why out of all people would he choose her? She was nothing. She had done nothing to spark his attention and yet he chose to waste his time and indulge himself in her folly. Maybe it was something in his sick twisted mind that allowed him to enjoy the pursuit and the catch in order to give him some sort of thrill or fulfillment.

She closed her eyes and began to rock back and forth. If he saw her now he would be laughing, but then again…he was already laughing when he had finished with her and gave her that last kiss of farewell. No matter how much she tried to block it out, the incident that had taken place earlier kept popping back in her mind and was overlapping with the events that taken place five years ago.

Separated from her friends in the crater after coming into contact with some difficult fiends, she attempted to recollect herself and ended up going into a slide down a small cliff and grazing her elbow. And after managing to get up and walk a small distance in an effort to find her way back up to her friends, she saw him up there. Standing, staring. Waiting for her. She remembered how hard her heart was beating in her chest when he appeared out of nowhere and ran a gloved finger over the jaw line.

"Well Miss Lockhart, it has been a long time hasn't it? Five years? You've changed," he said mockingly and in her response, attempted to slam his face in with her fist. Of course he stopped it easily with the palm of his hand and twisted it so that she fell to the ground in pain. "That's not how you give someone a greeting Miss Lockhart. Didn't your father teach you any manners?" She stared up at him in utter hatred at the mention of her father's name. "You killed him you bastard," she spat amazed at her own strength at this point.

Sephiroth merely smiled at her and ran his eyes over her body as if she was a pretty piece of ribbon for sale. "I may have killed him, but it is you who soiled his name," he laughed. Tifa's eyes widened and she looked away in humiliation. How dare he reference that assault he committed on her five years ago! She opened her mouth to say something, but in an instant he was kneeling in front of her just as he had done before with his hand gently cupping her chin.

"Tell me Tifa, how much do you hate me?" She was not going to dignify that with an answer, causing him to smirk and run his fingers over her neck. She wanted to attack him, but her body was frozen either in fear or because he was doing something that kept her from moving. "You want to know what I think Lockhart?" She didn't reply. She didn't want to know what he thought. She wanted him to just go away. She wanted him to evaporate and disappear into thin air so that she could just forget him.

His hands were gripping her hair as he pulled her closer to him so that he could whisper in her ear. Just like before. "I don't think you hate me enough." And he was right in a sense. She barely fought when he pushed her back, pulled off her skirt, ripped off her underwear and had her there against the rocky plain. But he was gentle and made sure she enjoyed every single second he gave her for what reasons, she couldn't comprehend.

It didn't hurt. It was not like before.

"Wha-what are you doing?" Tifa asked in alarm as he pulled her legs closer to him and lifted up her mini-skirt. She tried to fight back, but was greeted with his hard backhand against her cheek that made her mouth fill with blood and her head spin. "What am I doing? Fulfilling my needs." No matter how loud she screamed and how loud his groans were, no one came to help her. No one came to save Tifa Lockhart.

When he had finished, she immediately shut her legs and sprawled away from him earning a chuckle of his amusement. "Women are so pathetically weak. You say you hate me yet you writhe and groan under the weight of the man who killed your father and your whole village," he paused and looked at her up and down quite satisfied with everything he had done to her. He stalked up to her and grabbed her before she could back away and pressed a hard and furious kiss on her lips and bit into her flesh. Her lips were bleeding, but she was so exhausted, frail and mentally ruined that she had stopped fighting back.

A few tears ran down her cheeks and he brushed one of them away. "Yes Tifa that will always be between us. You and your tears and nothing more. You have no one Lockhart so cry for me. Cry me a river." And with that said he was gone, leaving her to muster up the strength and courage to fix herself and wedge her way between the boulders and rocks and wait for her friends.

Tifa sobbed when he had had his way with her and made his way up the stairs into the inner chambers of the mako reactor. She was sure her face was badly bruised, but she was also bleeding between her legs where there was a significant amount of pain. He didn't even turn back to her, but she heard him utter such cruel and dire words that had an impact on a girl barely sixteen years old.

"Yes Lockhart that's you can do for me now. Cry. Cry for me. Cry me a river."

Tifa bit her lip numbly as the events finished overlapping and felt her vision going black. It was so cold and she couldn't feel most of the digits on her body. But there was one thing she would not do anymore. She would not let him have that small ounce of victory over her and kept her eyes closed and her mouth shut as she made the promise. She would not cry for him. She would not cry for Sephiroth. She was not going to cry him a river.