Repent
Elliot knelt and began the familiar words. Guilt surged through him. There were so many things that needed to be forgiven. He offered his silent words to God along with his prayer.
I divorced my wife. I failed my marriage.
The divorce was not final. If his meeting with Kathy went well, the divorce may never be final. Still, he had signed the papers and that knowledge weighed heavy on his heart.
I don't love my wife as a husband should.
When he thought about what it felt like to be married to her, all he could feel was the pain of her leaving and the shame of his failure. The thought of spending the rest of his nights lying awake beside her filled him with ice. The thought of spending another night alone in his empty apartment was worse.
I shouldn't be getting back with Kathy.
As wrong as it was to let her go, to be divorced; he knew that what he was doing now was no better. He should let Kathy be free to find the love she deserved, but she had his kids. His children were his driving force. He was lost without their refuge. He needed his family.
I just want to go home.
It was selfish. He knew it was wrong. Eventually, Kathy would regret giving him a second chance. He had to try anyway.
I'm going to hurt my wife.
God would forgive him, even Kathy might, but he would never forgive himself for not loving her enough to stop.