Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, but by god I wish I did. This is rated the way it is for strong language, a smidge of violence and maybe some kissing which shall be done by women that love women. If you don't like that than I guess you shouldn't have picked two women pairing.

Inspired by BakaGaijin's Series Mamoru Must Die!

So on with the story.

All the Unusual Ways!

Part 1: Dancing with Katanas

By Middlen

Hino Rei sat in her room with her chin in her hand, staring at a picture in front of her. She lets out a sigh in abject sadness.

"Oh, I'm so sad. Why must I feel this way? I love you so!" She exclaims before picking up the picture and proceeds to make out with the picture of a smiling, young girl with blonde hair and what looks like meat balls on top of her head.

She pulls away from the picture and a string of drool coming away with her while the picture of the girl now has a horrific look on her face, with her eyes wide open. Rei looks down at the picture and gasps before wiping the drool away from the glass of the picture.

"Oh, Usagi, I'm so sorry. Did I get you covered with drool again? Damn!" The girl exclaims before placing the picture back on top of her desk then gazes at the picture longingly. "Oh, how I love you so."

She gets up from her chair and takes a step back away from the desk then begins to strip slowly for the picture on her desk, now the picture of the girl has another look, but this one is more of intrigue, lust and well a dash of fake horror. She smiles at the picture and keeps on stripping to the music that only she can hear until the sound of her door sliding open breaks her out of her twirling her shirt around her head with her bra resting onto of her head with the straps buckled under her chin.

She turns around with a dazed expression on her face until she sees that Yuuichirou is standing in the doorway while trying to stifle the flow of blood from his nose. She screams and covers herself with her hands before walking backwards and trips over a chair. Pin wheeling backwards she ends up knocking over the picture that's on her desk which now features the girl with her mouth open in a silent scream.

The black haired girls hand shoots out and catches the picture frame, but she forgets that she's falling backwards, half naked and with Yuuichirou still standing in the doorway watching the girls breasts bounce around while still covering his bleeding nose. She lands on her rump with a squeak of surprise while clutching the picture frame to her bosom.

"Shit! That's going to leave a mark," she mumbles before leaning to the side and pulls her henshin wand from under her butt.

She stares at the now broken wand and lets out a sigh.

"That's the hundredth one this month alone. Luna's going to be pissed off at me again," she states before pulling the picture away from her chest and looks down at the now sweat dropping and nose bleeding girl, Yuuichirou forgotten for the moment.

"Thank god you didn't fall on the floor!"

Yuuichirou rolls his eyes from where he's standing and clears his voice.

"Um, Rei, your friends are here," he states while trying to avoid looking at the girls heaving breasts, but being the typical male, he's very unsuccessful.

Rei looks up and frowns then squeaks once more before covering her breasts with the still sweat dropping picture and growls at Yuuichirou.

"Fine, tell them to come in, but knock first!" She exclaims before rushing around the room looking for the shirt that she had accidentally tossed when she saw the man standing in her door way.

Yuuichirou shakes his head and walks off slightly wishing that he would've been quieter in order to get a better view of Rei stripping. He lets out a sigh and continues down the hall, leaving Rei dashing around her room now looking for her bra.

"Where's my bra? Where is that damn thing?" She asks herself while looking under her desk then gets up from the floor and looks into the mirror only to see the bra still on her head.

She lets out a sigh then takes the thing from her head and puts it on before pulling her shirt on then stuffs the picture of an amused looking blonde into her drawer then jumps onto her futon and tries to compose herself for when her friends come into her room.

There's a knock and Rei tells them to come in. The sailor senshi all troop into the dark haired woman's room, each one of them with their respectable lesbian girlfriend, wave to the miko before taking a seat at a table that suddenly appears in the girl's room.

"Hey, Rei, what are you up too?" Mako asks from her spot next to her bluenette girlfriend, Ami.

Rei leans her head to the side then walks over to her closet and looks at the tiny black marks on the door frame.

"Well according to this, I'm up to about 5'8" and a half, but who's keeping track?" the miko asks before turning around to take a spot next to Usagi.

"Hey, Usagi, Did you eat tuna for lunch today?" She asks while sniffing at the blonde hime.

"REI! YOU ARE SO MEAN!" Usagi yells before shoving the miko into Haruka who's sitting beside Rei.

Haruka looks down at Rei who had landed into her lap and she wiggles her eyebrows.

"Hey, Rei, while you're down there!" The blonde tomboy exclaims while a disgusted looking Michiru smacks Haruka upside the head. "What, Michi? I was just gonna ask her to zip up my zipper!"

Michiru smiles and kisses her girlfriend then hugs her after the black haired girl got out of the older woman's lap. Michiru lets go then looks over to Ami who had tapped her on her shoulder to speak to her about something. While the girls back is turned, Haruka holds up a hand in a mock phone and mouths, "call me," before turning around to face Michiru and smiles sweetly at her girlfriend.

Shaking her head the dark haired girl turns to Usagi and gently takes the girls hand into her own.

"Usagi, I'm terribly sorry for making such a horrible comment to you. Because you are my princess I have no other choice then to commit seppuku!" The dark haired woman exclaims loudly with her hand up in the air, before getting up with a sword that suddenly appears out of nowhere.

(An: that means ritual suicide for those of you that don't know.)

"NO! You'll throw off the course of future!" Setsuna yells from where she is sitting with her face in Minako's chest while the other blonde wiggles her shoulders in an imitation of the shimmy.

"I must! For I have insulted the princess one to many times and in turn this has to be done!" Rei yells before turning and swinging the sword in a large arch to try to take her own head off with the sword when the door slides open.

"Hey, guys, I'm, ooof," there's a squishing noise that rings throughout the room and everyone turns when they hear a quiet, "ooops."

There standing in the door way is Mamoru with a katana sunk into his chest to the hilt. He staggers into the room then turns sideways showing the blade sticking out of his back. The dark haired man turns white then looks at the others gathered in the room.

"Well that's not good is it?" He asks before falling face forward onto the floor to the wail of Usagi as her twin braids flying through the air while she runs in slow motion to the fallen Mamoru.

"No, no, no! You can't die! Mamoru, come back to me!" She yells while shaking the shoulders of the fallen man.

"Usagi, I'm not dead yet, but I want you to promise me one thing," the man states with a cough while clutching at the hilt of the katana.

Usagi leans closer to her only love to hear what he has to say. "What is it my love?" She asks with tears streaming down her face.

"Promise me that you won't have sex with anyone," he states in a soft whisper.

"Oh Mamoru, my dear your time is ending, you were so kind, loving and so sweet. You are dying. You are going to the light," she whispers while closing the man's eyes, but they snap open.

"No, Sex!" He exclaims with a look of pain on his face.

"My dear Mamoru, You were well loved," Usagi states while closing the man's eyes again then looks around the room while everyone looks at the two lovers with raised eyebrows.

"Usagi, Promise me, ack," Mamoru groans out when the sword is suddenly pulled out and something hard hits him on the head.

Usagi gets up with the katana in her hand and she looks around at the gathered senshi.

"My prince will be well missed. Oh it's all sticky!" She exclaims when some blood runs down to her hand.

Everyone looks at each other before nodding their heads in order to not anger the hime with the very large katana.

Rei bits her bottom lip then walks over to Usagi and stands before her smiling a soft smile.

"Usagi, I know that Mamoru has just died, but I must tell you that I'm in love with you and I have been for some time. All the name calling, bickering and juvenile things I've been doing for some many years with you was because I was trying to hide how I truly felt for you. I hope that you can accept my love," Rei states with a hopeful look on her face.

Usagi places her finger against her lips while tilting her head to the side for a moment before smiling when a thought crosses her mind.

"Do I get sex?" The blonde hime asks with a Kawii voice.

Rei smiles lustfully before leaning forward and whispers. "Right now, if you want."

Usagi looks around the room then stands up straight.

"I want to tell everyone this. GET OUT! NOW!" The blonde yells while swinging the katana around in the air.

Everyone jumps to their feet fearing for their lives and run out of the room, all except Haruka who stays where she's been sitting, throughout the whole ordeal, with an eager look on her face. That is until Michiru runs back in, grabs the blonde haired tom boy by the ear and proceeds to drag her out of the room.

"What? I swear I was only staying for observing rights. Someone has to make sure that they are doing their first lesbian act together right! I was only going to judge ifÂ…" They don't get to hear it all because Haruka is drowned out by Michiru growling while she drags the tom boy down the hall.

Rei watches them leave with an amused expression her face then looks back the blonde hime, sans katana and smiles at her.

"Now, my little princess, let me show you something," Rei purrs while beginning to dance for the blonde in front of her.

Outside the window is Yuuichirou with a camera in his hand and a devious smile on his face.

"Oh yeah, this is so great. This will sell for millions on the Internet! I'll be rich. All those fans will want a picture of this!" He exclaims with his fist in the air, but then ends up going backwards with a katana sticking out of his forehead.

"So that's where that went," he states from the ground before his body convulses and the camera falls from his hand which is now slack in death.

Walking down the steps with Setsuna, Minako looks up at her green/black haired girlfriend.

"So, what is gonna happen now that Mamoru is dead?"

Setsuna looks down at her goddess and smiles.

"You know I can't tell you that, Mina," Setsuna states with a small laugh, but the laugh turns to a groan when Minako leans up to whisper something into the Senshi of Times ear causing her to turn red.

"Oh well, then, everything turns out well in its shoujo-ai sort of way. Now, about that position you were talking about."

The two walk down the steps hand in hand while Minako describes the position she was talking about in detail to the enrapture and blushing Senshi of Time.

The End . . .

Author's Ramblings: Okay a long time ago I got a review saying that they couldn't understand the plot and it went in to many different directions. Okay I want to clear it up. There isn't a plot. It's a spoof for ways that Usagi and Rei can become a couple. I guess I never really was specific about the whole concept with this so there you have it.

~Middlen