Okay, so this idea came about after I watched "The Rings of Akhaten", I thought the concepts between the barter system and the auction in "What's Up, Tiger Mommy?" were somewhat similar.
And so, this came about.
Note, this is set during "What's Up Tiger Mommy?" (S08E02) and after "The Rings of Akhaten" (S07E08) and as such, contains spoilers for both.
Also, Clara does not feature in this story.
Anyway, enjoy!
"Plan C tanked," Dean Winchester announced, taking his place in a seat next to his brother. The Word of God was getting farther and farther away from their reach; even getting a look at the thing was impossible.
"Maybe you should try Plan D for 'Dumbass'," a voice crowed from behind them, making Dean wish he'd been allowed his knife so he could stick it in Crowley's goddamn mouth right then. Screw getting the tablet, the satisfaction of seeing Crowley's life-force fade would be a victory in itself.
Sam Winchester was still processing the idea of bartering 5/8 of a virgin for a mythological hammer. Why 5/8? He wasn't sure he wanted to know what the remaining 3/8 were for.
"And now for our next item," Beau, Plutus' assistant, announced. "We only recently acquired this item, and as such, it was not listed on our lists for sale and not shown in the viewing room beforehand."
At this announcement, a few of the prospective buyers sat up a little straighter, including Mr Vili, the creepy guy who'd just paid for Thor's hammer. Even Crowley looked interested. Beau nodded to a pair of the guards, who exited through one of the doors behind the auctioneer.
They returned quickly, bringing between them a man – well, something that looked like a man anyway. With all the supernatural beings around them, Sam and Dean couldn't be sure. Chains bound the man's wrists together – Sam would have bet good money there was some spell on them to prevent escape.
The new 'item' was dropped to the floor. He knelt, not looking up at the people now viewing him; ones towards the back even stood up to take a look.
"This, my fellow buyers, is the last Time Lord," Beau announced. "While legend and myth states they were all vanquished, this one survived, and we managed to procure it."
Beau turned to look at the kneeling man for a moment. "Stand up, let them look at you," he said, before continuing to address the buyers.
"For those who are not aware, the Time Lords are an ancient race from a world which is now lost. They were once branded the guardians of time, keeping an everlasting watch over the borders between parallel worlds, as well as the vortex of space and time. A powerful race, yes, but no more. Such power was lost in their extinction."
As Beau spoke, Dean looked at the man now stood in front of them. He kept his head bowed – a mass of floppy dark hair obscuring his facial features. For a second Dean entertained the idea of the guy having something like four eyes, before his gaze raked over the rest of the man. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but purple tweed was not it.
Beau's next words broke into Dean's thoughts: "Time Lords possess the ability to see time in a non-linear sense. Everything that has happened, could happen, and will happen. They have some telepathic ability, but our friend here hasn't been forthcoming in demonstrating just how far it exceeds; they have almost eidetic memories; and most interestingly, they can speak almost every known language in existence."
"Why has this suddenly turned into a slave auction?" Kevin Tran whispered. Next to him, his mother covered her mouth with a hand, horrified at the new turn the auction had taken.
Sam noticed that the man's bowed head turned to the side slightly, like he'd heard them. Well, he wasn't human, maybe he did.
"Did you hear that?" Dean whispered to Sam. "Every known language. If this guy was kept with the tablet he might know what it says."
"Are you saying we should buy him?" Sam whispered back. "With what? Our Costco membership card? We're already trying to get the freaking tablet!"
"Do you wanna leave him with one of these guys?!" Linda Tran hissed.
"Our final piece of information about this piece is that nobody knows his name. This Time Lord chose to hide his name, instead he travelled using the moniker of-"
"-The Doctor," a voice interrupted from behind Sam and Dean. "His name is the Doctor," Crowley repeated.
At Crowley's announcement, the Time Lord's head snapped up, revealing a young face, framed by the fringe of dark hair, as well as a slightly-overlarge chin and deep-set green eyes.
His brow creased with recognition upon looking at Crowley.
"Canton?" he asked, his voice sounding a little cracked with disuse, but he cleared his throat and spoke again. "Canton Everett Delaware the Third?"
The man's voice was authoritative, accusing and disbelieving at the same time, and he spoke with an English accent. Dean certainly hadn't been expecting that one, but then again, he'd not been expecting the bow tie either. Or that this man knew Crowley, albeit by another name.
"You know this person, Mr Crowley?" Beau asked, suddenly more interested.
"I saw him die," Crowley said, standing up and walking forward. "You were definitely dead when I last saw you," he said.
The Doctor smirked. "You were an old man when I last saw you. And you were American. And Crowley?" he asked. "Since when were you Crowley?"
"The Third?" Sam muttered, causing Crowley to turn to him.
"What, guy can't change his name? It was the sixties, alright?" He turned back to the Doctor. "What happened to your groupies? What was it – the Legs, the Nose and Mrs Robinson? Loved that reference when I finally saw the movie."
The Doctor held Crowley's gaze, before saying softly, "Gone."
"Enough." Plutus – the host of the auction – announced. "We are not here to discuss previous acquaintances, so I suggest, Mr Crowley, you either remove yourself from this sale or you stop talking."
Crowley glanced over at Plutus, before his gaze returned to the Doctor. "Sorry Doc," he shrugged, "but times have changed since we last talked."
He turned, making his way back to his seat behind the Winchesters.
"The Doctor?" Mr Vili asked. He stood, coming to stand directly in front of the man. They held each others' gaze for a moment, before Vili broke it, and spat at the man's feet. "You are a defiler, a destroyer of worlds. A being that committed genocide of two races, one of them being his own; a manipulator, callously sending those he called friends to their deaths. As for the Time Lords, I spit on them as well. They decimated the Great Vampires and the Racnoss, and then had the audacity to deem themselves a higher form of creature than any other, and took it upon themselves to protect the gateways between worlds. They deserved everything they got."
He turned away in disgust while many others in the room appraised the Doctor again. Vili's words about the Doctor almost seemed like they were addressed to someone else – the Doctor looked so unassuming it seemed impossible for him to kill even a fly, let alone an entire species. But Sam saw the look on his face, the almost imperceptible flash of pain that registered for an instant. He saw a man who repented for his actions every single day.
"Don't forget the time he orchestrated the moon landing video to coerce humanity into destroying an alien race," Crowley called out. "Although I still can't remember what the bastards look like," he muttered.
"If we're all quite done," Beau said, attempting to regain control of the situation, "the bidding shall start."
"Not sure why you're bidding on me really," the Doctor spoke up. "Like you said: the last of my species. I'm certainly not going to live out my life as a translator app for you – or a telepathic manipulator. I'm not really of use to any of you."
"Slavery's illegal," Linda Tran spoke up, unable to sit by and watch a man – alien or not – get sold to another party. "I won't allow this to happen."
At her comment, Plutus – and many others – broke into laughter.
"Ms Tran," he said condescendingly. "Do you really think a human is going to have any influence on the proceedings here? The sale will continue – a Time Lord is a unique item, like the others we offered here, and while I admire your courage, it will do little to help the Doctor here."
The Doctor, for his part, offered Linda a soft, sad smile.
"We need to do something," Kevin said. "My mom'll kill us if we don't."
"Yeah, but we have nothing to bid," Dean hissed. "And we were here for the tablet anyway! Unless we've got some magic item that can suddenly pay for him, we're not getting this guy for a defrauded credit card."
Next to him, Sam was silent. "Wait here," he said suddenly, rising. "I've got an idea."
He left the room quickly, leaving the other three frowning in his wake.
"Are there any bids?" Beau asked, bringing the attention to the front of the room, and the Doctor, who was inspecting the manacles on his wrists and looking not at all concerned at the fact he was being sold. He looked towards the back of the room, making eye contact with Samandriel, who had not spoken during the entire time.
"I would love to take him," Vili said, "3/8 of a virgin."
"Horn of a unicorn," Crowley offered, although it was clear his heart wasn't in it. "And that's all I'm bidding. I'm here for something else and I'm not going to waste my good bids on you, Doctor, even if we do go back."
"I wouldn't expect you to, Crowley," the Doctor replied, emphasising the name he used – clearly indicating that he saw that the Canton he knew had changed.
For a moment, nothing was said, until a woman near the front row spoke.
"The sword of Arthur Pendragon; Excalibur."
Kevin's mouth dropped open. Did she just say Excalibur?
"Ms Andarta, such an artefact would need to be displayed before a bid can be accepted," Beau said. "A formality, but one we must have to ensure we do not have cheats, or those who bid things they do not own."
The woman named Andarta nodded to the man sitting on her right, who stood, pulling a case next to him up. He opened it, revealing a sword – silver and gold with runes inscribed down the middle.
"May I?" Beau asked, holding out a hand. Ms Andarta nodded, allowing Beau to take the sword in his hands for inspection. Even the Doctor was intrigued by the blade, peering over Beau's shoulder to inspect it.
"It's Excalibur," he announced before Beau could say anything. "The runes are ancient British, reading 'take me up' on one side and 'cast me away' on the other. Words only ever associated with Caledfwlch."
"Caledfwlch being the Welsh name for Excalibur," Crowley offered. "Never understood the Welsh language, it was like someone sneezed and made a word."
"Well, now the authenticity has been confirmed, the bid now stands at the sword of Arthur Pendragon. Any other takers?" Beau asked.
"C'mon Sammy," Dean muttered, wondering where on Earth his brother had gone. What was it that he thought they could bid anyway?
At that moment, almost as if he'd heard his brother, Sam arrived. He seemingly had nothing, but he stepped forward towards Beau and held his hand out.
"What are you bidding?" Beau asked, curious at the item Sam held.
"An amulet that can help a person locate God," Sam announced. Behind him, Dean frowned. He'd dropped that thing into a motel room bin after Cas had brought it back. Sam had kept it?
At the back of the room, the angel, Samandriel, sat up a little straighter, eyes fixed on the amulet that his brother had once tried to use to find his father during the apocalypse. He'd heard of its existence long ago, and after Lucifer and Michael had fallen had often wondered what had become of it.
Beau took the amulet from Sam, inspecting it. He clearly wasn't convinced by it, and handed it back to Plutus, who looked much more intrigued.
"You could have used that for the God-rock y'know," Crowley said. "Instead of the Doctor here. He'll probably escape anyway in that box of his."
The Doctor shook his head. "The box isn't here," he said. "What, you think I'd let a bunch of pretend gods get their hands on it?" he asked incredulously. "And before you all start complaining, let me tell you something – I've travelled through the universe and beyond for over a thousand years now, and I've never met anything that remotely looks like a God. Only recently I encountered something revered as a God, and do you know what it was? A parasitical sun. I've met would-be gods and I've met things that have no concept of God, I've even met something that claimed it was every devil in existence, from Lucifer to the Kaled God of War. And I threw him into a black hole. But I've never encountered a God – you might have the name of Odin's brother, Mr Vili, or a Celtic goddess of War, Ms Andarta, but you're far from a true God, in my opinion. And as for that," he gestured to the amulet Plutus now held, "I've yet to be convinced that there is anything in this universe and beyond that could help you locate a deity of any kind, real or not."
"It is not its properties I am interested in," Plutus said. "While it can indeed detect God – real or not – it was once very important to many people. This was yours once, was it not?" he asked Dean, who swallowed, suddenly uncomfortable.
"Yeah," he answered, wondering how Plutus knew. "What about it?"
"It was of great sentimental value, to you, your brother, and to someone else," Plutus continued. "Your brother obviously kept it because he thought you might want it back, and now he is sacrificing it for a creature he never knew of until today, and today he's learned that this Time Lord was the destroyer of his own species. Why is that, may I ask, Sam Winchester?"
"None of your business," Sam returned, ignoring the look this Doctor was now giving him.
"The bid is accepted," Plutus said, "not on its properties, but on the sacrifice made to use it."
Beau was silent for a moment, before he smiled. "Right. Any more bids?"
Sam went to sit next to his brother, ignoring the look Dean was giving him.
"Crowley's right," Kevin said. "You could have used it for the tablet."
"Actually, no, he couldn't," Beau interrupted. "Anything related to a God cannot be bought with something else related to the same God. House rules, unfortunately. You trade in a car for a newer model – you get a variation of the same thing. The same principle applies here. Anyway," he changed the subject, "If there are no more bids-"
He looked expectantly round the room. Mr Vili was looking particularly annoyed that he hadn't been able to procure the Doctor, but he'd gotten his intended prize of Mjolnir.
"-the Time Lord is yours, Sam Winchester. You may do with him as you please, although I'm afraid you cannot remove the cuffs until the auction is over."
"All right," Sam said, as Linda Tran gave him a grateful smile – throughout the entire bidding process she'd been silent, horrified as to what was happening.
The Doctor, for his part, grinned. "Right, so, I can finally get off this stage now?" he asked. "Good."
He stepped forward, before turning back, drawing eye-to-eye with Beau.
"By the way," he said softly. "What you did to me to get me here was callous and cruel. I may or may not be this great destroyer of legend, but I pray that you are not one to experience just how much I can destroy of you."
He paused for a moment, before smiling, in which Beau got a glimpse of the creature Vili had spat upon. "After all, what's one more death after genocide of your own kind?"
A/N: Yeah, so I really like writing a threatening Doctor. Also, the writing on the sword of Excalibur and it's description I took from the Merlin wikia - just thought I'd make a small reference to a great show and see who noticed! Also, the character of Andarta is indeed named after a Celtic warrior goddess - she's from Gaul.
And yes, there is more to come, we've got the whole tablet segment to deal with, and I'm hoping to write more interactions between the Doctor and Crowley.
I also firmly believe that Sam did pick up that damn amulet, in the same way I believe it would indeed outbid Excalibur.
So yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Also for those of you waiting for a sequel to Spider's Print, do not fear, there is an idea being fleshed out in my mind. I just need to get this fic and then another short one out of my system.