I found this little telltale while scrounging through old papers that I was gonna recycle. It's good to recycle.
The story is loosely based off some trippy PoT doujin my friend found, I don't remember whether I either enjoyed it, or was deeply disturbed by it.
I obviously own no one from this story.
Oh, and please review. I don't even care what you write. If you view this page, I want you to write something.
Why Fuji is a Million Times Better than Tezuka
Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by the princess Oishi. One day, Oishi decided that it was time that he settled down, so he called all the eligible men in the kingdom to come the castle. But the suitors that came were sub-par; Eiji and Takashi had a terrible fashion taste (Eiji always wore that stupid bandaid, and Takashi had muttonchops: the worst kind of facial hair ever.) Inui was blind due to his opaque white glasses, and Ryoma was 13, which was statutory rape (Oishi is no pedophile). However, after he weeded out the suitors, two worthy ones remained: Tezuka and Fuji.
Oishi thought that both Tezuka and Fuji were both pretty cool guys, but unfortunately he could only choose one to be his mate. He sat down and thought about it despite the fact that Fuji was the obvious choice because he was so much better in Tezuka in everything.
Fuji was popular with everybody and sweeter than Snow White on sugar pills. And when he smiled (which was all the time), lights from the heavens would pour down on him and every songbird within a mile radius would gather around him and sing marvelous songs.
Talking to Tezuka was like talking to a brick wall. He never talked, mainly because his mouth had been glued shut in a freak arts and crafts accident. He mostly communicated by blinking in morse code, but most of the time he never had anything good to say.
Fuji was also more creative than Tezuka. Fuji was a sculptor who made the most wonderful creations out of play-dough. They were especially popular with parents of toddlers and infants, who ate the doughy sculptures as a nutritional snack.
Tezuka made only one creative thing in his life: a picture of a tennis ball that he drew in elementary school. Kaidoh gave him the paper, Inui drew the circle and grooves using advanced mathematics. And then he bribed Momoshiro with a hamburger to color it in.
With all these talents and gifts, it was obvious that Fuji was going to win the role of Oishi's love mate. However, in order to secure this position, Fuji wanted to have Tezuka out of the picture - permanently. So he devised an ingeniuous plan to send Tezuka to his eternal doom.
It is not commonly known that Fuji had the Midas touch, meaning that he could turn things into gold by touching them. One night, he sneaked over to Tezuka's house when he was sleeping and turned his rival's legs into gold. He then packed Tezuka and his golden legs into crate and shipped him to Silent Hill, where Tezuka spent the rest of his days being raped by Pyramid Head.
With Tezuka gone, Fuji became Oishi's prince and they lived a long, luxurious life in the castle, having hawt, passionate mansex every night.
And everything was right with the world.
End
A/N: Personally, I like Tezuka better than Fuji but that's just me. (Yes I know I just condradicted myself and the story. Don't judge me.)
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