Pairing: Catherine Willows/Sara Sidle
Disclaimer: I don't own anything...If I did...hooo, baby, things would be soooo different
Warning: Femslash ahead, ppl. Don't like it, call 1-800-Too-Bad
A.N. So, i just got this idea in my head, and i just had to get it out.Hope you guys enjoy.
"You left me!" I cried, tears pouring down my cheeks. "I loved you so much, and you…you just left!" 'Why am I so weak? Why can't I stop crying?' "How could you, Sara? How could you…"
She looked up at me, and I saw the unshed tears in her eyes as well. Damn her, always so strong, so un-reachable...
"I was scared." Her voice is a whisper, so soft but I can hear it so clearly. "I'm so, so sorry, Cath. So sorry." The tears begin to fall.
"Why?" I asked her, my voice pleading. Make me understand. "Why?"
"I've never felt this way before…this strongly. You consume all of me, you have all of my heart…and that…I've never given anyone my heart before. I was scared…scared of how much I loved you, scared that you loved me. Scared of what I wanted…to take you on dates, give you flowers and chocolates and jewelry for no reason. I wanted to laugh with you, watch movies in bed with you, make you breakfast, make you smile and laugh. I wanted to spend lazy mornings in bed, showing you just how much you mean to me…I wanted to take you and Lindsey to the park. I wanted to tell you about my past, and I wanted you to be my future.
So…I did what I've always done. I ran. I ran so far and so fast, trying to get away from your face, your voice…but…it…didn't work."
She looked away.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you. I tried everything…everything. But it all came back to you. I knew I'd hurt you, and I couldn't forgive myself…"
She sobbed once, just once, trying to get control of herself.
"That's what I do, Cath. I hurt people. I don't…want to hurt you, but I know I will. I thought…if I ran…if I wasn't near you…maybe, just maybe…I couldn't hurt you." She looked me in the eye.
"I'm so…so sorry, Catherine."
"Two months, Sara." I had to make her understand. I didn't care about her scars…her troubled past or her relationship issues. I didn't care, and as long as she was near me, I never would.
"Two months of crying every night, wondering where you were, praying you were alright. I thought it was me…that I had done something to scare you away…"
"…Never!" She interrupted me vehemently, stepping closer and reaching out to stroke my cheek. "You could never, ever do anything wrong, amour. I'm so sorry I made you think that."
I could feel the hot tears on my cheeks as I leaned into her touch.
"I love you, Sara. So, so much. I don't care about your past or your relationship issues. All I care about is you, right here, right now. I want to be with you. I want you to love me, just as much as I love you. Whatever happens, we can work through it together, Sara. All I want is to be with you…I can't bare to be without you."
I pull my love to me, unable to be without her touch any longer. "Please don't leave me again. It hurt so much…to have you gone. It was like…you had ripped my heart out and taken it with you. Whatever you're scared of, let me help. We can take this slow…however slow you need."
I know we started fast…it just happened. I'd been in love with her for so long, and I finally told her…she loved me back. We made love…so passionately, so lovingly…it was amazing. I woke up in her arms, and I knew that's how I wanted to spend the rest of my days, with Sara. In her arms, forever.
But then she started to avoid me…I couldn't get through to her. I thought maybe, she just wanted the sex, or maybe she realized that I wasn't good enough for her after all. And the next day, Grissom announced that she had taken a leave of absence…for an un-known amount of time.
"I love you Sara." I whispered, holding her tighter. "Please…don't leave again."
I could feel her nod. "I promise, Kitten. I'm sorry I hurt you. Will you forgive me?"
As I pulled her down for a kiss, my answer was a mere whisper. "Always."
And that's what I wanted…us, together…Always.