Genre: He. Hehe. No idea. How about a Romantic Friendship? Or a Funny Drama:D I can tell you for sure there will probably be lots of things. Nothing extremely sad, I'm a Happy Ending sucker.

Rating: hummm, R or a bit higher in this one, developing into an M if I get to keep it going?

Parings: Sirius and Remus. This one has mostly friendly interest. Or more, if you look really close or have my mind :P Developing into a SxR if I keep it going.

Warnings: hum. Language, a bit. Violence? Not brutal violence, just, yanno… not angst, not deaths, just teens and they're wonderings. Sap? Hey! They're friends! They say happy things:D

Disclaimer: Hahahaha….naaaah, don't own'em. Wait. Do you? O.o

Author's note: Ok. Same stuff, I don't have any beta and I probably need one. If you see any mistakes, and you surely will, inform me if they bother you or ignore them if they don't. Beta, anyone? grin

And about the fic. This is the first part of something that will probably have three or four parts. If someone's interested in the continuation, that is. So, read and tell me:D To review is so easy that it should be illegal ;P

Close to the full moon

By Complexly Simple Kiddo

There was moonlight in his angered features. It shone as if it was painted, as if it was alive. His amber eyes didn't left the window, where the almost full moon stood proud, as if mocking him. There was emptiness in that look, there was anger, fury. There was solitude. And blame.

He kept his gaze in the shining orb, as if challenging it to be full. But he knew better. He knew the moon would be full for sure, and it wouldn't even hesitate, challenge or not. He knew he despised it, and still couldn't help it. He felt so close to it, so damn close.

"Why is it" he started with a hoarse voice, empty tone, to no one in particular as he was all alone "that something so… beautiful…can bring such a harm?" he hesitated in the word beautiful. But he knew it was, everybody thought that way, and he was no exception. Even… even if it was different for him. So different…

He noticed a cloud heading in the moon's direction. And he stood still, waiting. The cloud passed by, and almost managed to cover the brightness. Almost. And he couldn't help it, he laughed. He had to, because otherwise, he would lose his sanity. Or maybe he would loose it. There was a difference, after all. Sometimes he even wondered if he still had any sanity left.

His bitter laugh ended; a laugh that didn't reach his eyes.

"So that's how it goes, isn't it? You shine, high and proud, and I suffer. Just like that" he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "After all, it's easier for both of us. You play your role. The nonchalant stylish character you are, while I play the character who's always in pain, who suffer, the one that everybody pitied."

He was now closer to the window, with each word he stood closer and closer, until his face was inches from the steamed glass. His hand reached up, and he placed his fingertips in it, leaving a trail from up to down, and then again, as if testing the material, trying it, wondering if he could…

The crashes sounded loud and clear in the night, in the empty room. Pieces of glass were now scattered in the carpet below the window, spread in the window-sill, embedded in his hand. And when the blood started to pour, the slowness of everything changed. His smell, amplified because of the close full moon, captured the scent. That metallic, beautiful scent that the beast inside him loved so much, craved with all his soul, even if he thought it didn't have one. And he couldn't stand it anymore. Maybe it was because of the influence of the wolf that started early to crawl deep inside him, scratching his skin from the inside. Maybe it was because he was just angry. He couldn't define it and, honestly, he didn't even care. But the slowness dissolved in an instant, and soon there were not only broken glass in the floor. It was so loud, so brutal, to just let go, not to care. It felt just so bloody nice to let the anger surface, to let it loose, and to not even care. It felt different, to just for one time, give in. He was so tired of fighting it, so tired. And when he stood amongst the chaos of the wrecked room, and a single beam of moonlight caressed his face, he let himself go. His face contorted into a feature never seen before in him, his eyes so closed that his temple was all wrinkled, his mouth open in a silent scream, although not for so long.

"What is it? WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM ME?" He screamed, and he crumbled to the floor, with the sheer force of the shout, head shaking, bowed. "I'M SO TIRED OF THIS! I WANT TO GIVE IN, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME?"

Panting, he grabbed the first thing he had by hand and prepared to throw it to the moon, as if he really believed it would hurt it. But when his hand brushed the glass of a portrait, he looked down.

There it was; the thing that started it all. Four persons stood in the picture, one was him, and the other three…

The other three…

Friends. Is was such a funny thing, to be the way he was, and to have them. One should think it's special; but, was it? He traced a finger over the smiling faces, leaving a trail of blood, and smiled bitterly. What an analogy, blood in his friend's faces.

It was not a blessing, but a curse. A curse to be designed just for him. He had friends, so now he must live scared. It's a price you must pay for happiness. Even if sometimes the price is bigger and it swallows the happiness. He lived scared, scared to hurt them at any time, scared to lose them and stay alone, knowing what happiness felt, having tasted a bit, then loneliness wouldn't be okay anymore. It will hurt more. Scared of that analogy that was in his hand, the faces of his friends drenched in his blood. And the funny thing was that, even if he would try to clean it, he would only succeed on spreading it the more.

How funny.

How bloody funny.

His destiny was to live in loneliness, and so he was cursed with friends. Such happiness, it was all a joke, 'befriend the werewolf, and he won't bite you'. He laughed. Such a bitter laugh.

"Oh, but the wolf will bite you" he whispered into the emptiness, with a mocking smile in his lips. It didn't take too much time for that mocking to turn into sadness "the wolf will still bite you"

"Remus?"

Someone whispered from the doorway, and it barely reached his ears. He didn't look up, didn't need to. He could recognize that voice anywhere. He shuddered, but he spoke firmly.

"The wolf could still bite you, Sirius, no matter what."

The voice was so soft, so fragile, almost imperceptible, but it held such strength behind.

Footsteps in the dark, muffled by the carpet. A foot knocking the edge of the chaos. And the footsteps stopped.

"What happened here?" Sirius asked softly, trying to adjust his vision to the darkness and to see something. Remus didn't move, didn't say a thing. 'You'll see, my friend' he thought 'you'll see the chaos, and this time… this time, the wolf won't be here to blame. You're not afraid of the wolf, but you should be afraid of me instead' he softly whispered, though he didn't even notice he said that aloud.

"What are you talking about, Remus? What happened here? Where are you?" Sirius panicked voice asked, still from somewhere in the darkness. Remus didn't answer that, he just kept murmuring.

"The wolf may bite you, but I'll kill you". Sirius heard this, and started to get afraid. Not for him, but for his friend, so he tried to follow the voice and not to fall because of the mess in the floor. And he finally found him, beside the window, in the floor, all curled up bracing his knees and with an empty look, the beam of moonlight almost touching his left cheek. When Sirius finally crouched to reach him, he noticed the blood in Remus hands.

"Shit, Rem, what happened to you?" The voice sounded so close that Remus flinched away. He hadn't noticed Sirius getting closer, so he pressed himself to the wall, close to the corner of the room, away from his friend.

"Go away, Sirius" he said; a hard tone in his voice "you shouldn't be here"

"Why not?" Sirius asked, closing the distance again. Now he was right below the beam of light, his black hair shining in an opaque dusty way, making him look older; his grey eyes fixed in amber ones. When he noticed that Remus wasn't going to answer, he kept going. "What have you done to yourself? Look at your hands! Remus, look at me!" He ordered. Remus did as he was told; And Sirius flinched at the emptiness in those eyes. "We will never leave your side" he said solemnly, and Remus smiled.

A cynic smile.

A sadistic smile.

"No, you won't. And by that, you condemn us all"

"You're talking nonsense, Moony, come on!" He tried to grab Remus hand and found himself grabbed in return, with such a force that it started to hurt. Sirius looked up, and found Remus stare fixed in his eyes. Those empty angered eyes.

When Remus started to talk, he didn't sound as himself, his voice rough, hoarse, and deep, with such a strength that he was trembling.

"What would you know about nonsense? What would you know about not leaving sides? About being what I am?" Sirius eyes widened with each word. He couldn't believe the malice that dripped of that voice, never from him. Never. And still…

Remus smiled.

"I can see it, you know? You're not afraid of the wolf, and you shouldn't. But I think" he paused, and frowned, thinking "yes, I think you're afraid of me, and you better be" He looked down, where his hand was grabbing Sirius's so strongly, his own blood drenching Sirius pale skin. "Now you have my blood in your hands, not because of you but because of me" he looked up, finally, and meet Sirius gaze "and you'll deserve it, for that's what you get for trying to befriend the werewolf". Sirius frowned at this and shook his head, strands of hair letting loose of his hair tie.

"If I ever let your blood in my hands, it's because I wanted to protect you, and that will not kill my soul. But it will never happen, Moony, that's why Padfoot's here for. That's why I am here for". A tentative smile. So far from the always present and confident one that Sirius had, that it looked misplaced in his face.

Remus laughed at that. It was more like an explosion of air, and he widened his eyes as if trying to take in the whole world at once.

"Padfoot? Padfoot, Sirius, in nothing more but an extension of yourself. If your soul dies, he will die with you. If my soul were to die, then the wolf would simply take over" Sirius frowned again and was about to retort when Remus laughed again, sounding almost like a bark, much like Sirius's laughter. "Hell, Sirius! I even think he doesn't need any soul to die to take over, he's already doing that!"

Sirius stepped back, surprised.

"He?" his caring eyes were blackened with anger. "Since when it's a he? We already told you, Rem! Why can't you just understand that the wolf is a part of you! And why the fuck can't you for once accept that we love you anyway!" He looked aside; he couldn't stand the look of those empty yellowish eyes. He dropped his gaze and it landed on the photo Remus had in his hand. He saw the four smiling faces covered in blood and suddenly a thought entered his mind. Unwanted, but no less true; sort of an epiphany. He sighed, grabbed the photo and smile saddened.

"Why, Rem? We may have so little time, you know? Why do you feel the need to throw all this work every time? Why do you keep doing this to you? Can't you see I…"

"Why, you ask?" He interrupted. "Why? BECAUSE I'M A MONSTER, THAT'S WHY! AND THIS IS WHAT MONSTERS DO!" Sirius's face showed so many emotions in those few seconds. Surprise, disbelief, anger, and finally, resolution.

While Remus stayed panting because of that outburst, Sirius looked at him with decision.

"Is that so?" Remus didn't thought dignified to answer that question, so Sirius simply grabbed one of the bigger pieces of broken glass and put it in Remus hands, while still trying to catch his gaze. When he finally looked from the piece of glass in his hand, to Sirius hand in the floor, to Sirius's darkened eyes, he continued "Then do it. If you're a monster, as you insist in calling yourself, then do it, Rem. Go ahead and kill me. Show me you're really a monster, and I will die to believe you".

Remus looked hard into Sirius daring eyes. He slowly grabbed the glass stronger, the sharp edges slicing his already mistreated skin, and with blind determination he launched himself forward. Sirius fell to the floor by the impact, Remus hovering above him. The piece of glass between his eyes, just one inch away from touching the skin. Deathly silence fell upon them in the static tight scene, both motionless, staring at each other. Sirius gaze went from the glass before his face to Remus eyes, and he found a little speck of indecision. He grabbed into that with all his hope. Slowly so he wouldn't scare Remus, he murmured. The words echoing in the stillness of the room.

"You can't, can you?"

Remus face contorted into a pained expression and looked away, suddenly Sirius's gaze being too much to endure. The glass lowered a millimeter, slipped from Remus grip and fell onto the carpet with an ominous 'thud'.

"Damn you, Sirius" he murmured between clenched teeth. "Why?" he grimaced, still with the same pained expression, eyes closed as if he didn't even dare to see the truth. He wanted to ask a lot of questions but suddenly realized that the one that summarize them all was just 'why'. Sirius let out the breath he didn't knew was holding and smiled a tiny smile, so different from his wicked grin, his day to day mischievous leer and know-it-all smile. This was Sirius, this tiny smile was the real him. It felt truer than all the others.

"Because" He said, and Remus looked at him, surprise in his features. He wasn't expecting that, nor was he expecting to see the smile disappear into a serious and frank expression, as if daring Remus to disagree. He almost never saw that face in Sirius.

"That's all? Just 'because'?" Remus asked, and Sirius frowned at that. Wasn't that enough? Did he had to have more reasons than that? It was just so…

And then he understood. Remus was testing him. If the reason could be that simple, then perhaps Remus could start to believe. He smiled again in comprehension and nodded firmly.

"Just because".

Then it happened. Remus façade soon dismantled into a milliard of expressions, from regret and shame to gratitude and forgiveness. Tears started to gather in his eyes but he wouldn't let them go. 'Stubborn bastard' Sirius thought, and grabbed Remus neck with his hand to push him into a reassuring embrace.

"Just because, Rem"

Remus first froze with the contact but then relaxed, as if all his strength were being absorbed. Sirius expected to hear sobs, but even then he wouldn't cry. He had yet to see Remus cry. Soon, he heard something, muffled by clothes and a tight throat.

"What if I had killed you?"

Sirius thought about that. He almost answered 'I rather die by your hands than by any other', but he just knew Remus would misunderstand him, so he answered instead

" I rather take that chance than see you being consumed by a lie and senseless anguish". And even if he couldn't see Remus face, he felt the smile in his voice when he heard the soft and muffled 'thanks'. He smiled in return and said

"Anytime, Moony. Anytime".

To be continued…

Now do tell me if ya liked it, huh:D I accept everything, even people telling me that I suck, but ya have to give me a good reason! ;P