Warning: OOC, weirdness, sexual references and foul language. Any misspellings or wrong grammar is unintentional. I am my own beta. I could have missed some stuff.

I do not own Naruto.

Written for the Anti-KakaIru Community at LJ. Because damnit, I was working on Room-mate and got sick of it when I couldn't squeeze anything that was remotely KakaIru anymore. So I said, well fuckit. It's not like those two are ever going to be together anyway.

So, here we go...

ROOM-MATE: NEVER HAD YOU

Iruka was heading back to his room, carrying a paper bag of munchkins from the bakery within campus. He was tired and had a pounding headache since he woke up that morning. It started off as a quiet buzz in the back of his head but now he felt like he had some rock band playing inside the said head with their amplifiers turned up to the max. It was quite a miracle he managed to reach the dorm in one piece without keeling over flat on the road or sidewalk (truth be told, he nearly got run over by a grey sedan on his way back).

Climbing the last flight of steps to his floor, Iruka managed to give himself a half-dead cheerful woot as he hobbled down the corridor, hand in his pocket and fishing for his keys. He managed to pull his keychain out, room key dangling in the bulk of keys as he yawned and started unlocking the door in his usual quiet habit.

The room was empty save for the two backpacks and foreign pair of sneakers lying by the foot rest of Kakashi's bed; the sound of water from the shower was the only noise in the room. Iruka set the munchkin bag on his table, toed his shoes off and tiredly allowed the backpack slung over his shoulder to slide down to the floor. He tiredly sat down on his own bed with a hiss, tiredly rubbing his back and remaining in a slumped down position for several minutes before he finally registered the muffled voices coming from the bathroom. At first, he didn't really pay them much attention since he couldn't hear them clearly from the running shower; the shower was turned off now and the voices were almost as clear as day.

"Can't believe he actually fell for it."

Iruka blinked, recognizing the voice. Genma?

Kakashi's laughter filled the bathroom - a hearty one that was full of mirth and the type that somehow convinced Iruka that he was in love with the man (somehow) - as he answered with an equally normal sounding voice. It seems like neither knew Iruka returned. "He did. He's a quick and easy fuck but he's really, really screwed up in the head."

"You told him you loved him or something?" Genma asked, chuckling. Iruka felt himself sighing, shaking his head in pity at himself for indeed falling for it.

"Yeah. Didn't believe me at first but I guess now he does. Unnn! Fuck! Genma, keep doing that with your tongue and -"

Genma's chuckle was very audible as he made loud sucking noises. "Well, if you told him you loved him while you're this hard, who could blame him for believing you? This baby, right here." Kakashi groaned out loud and Iruka bit his lower lip, eyes watering at the betrayal. "I didn't even start sucking you properly and you're this hard already."

"F-Fuck, Genma."

Iruka got to his feet and started putting on his shoes, headache getting worse. He knew he'd be an idiot if he tried to head out now. When he's this tired, he gets too reckless and unaware of his surroundings. But Genma's last words were the last straw.

"Fuck me, baby." Genma laughed, the sound of the shower stall slamming shut. "Want me over the sink or against the wall?"

"Doesn't matter!" Kakashi growled and Iruka could feel the sharp jagged knife called betrayal burry itself deep in his heart as Genma laughed and gave out a loud groan and Kakashi hiss in pleasure.

Iruka always knew that there was something between Kakashi and Genma (with the way they were so close when he first moved in and how Genma suddenly stopped appearing around him - it was fishy). In the end, Iruka never had Kakashi to start with and it ached.

With the pain came hate; he grabbed his phone and keys, dizzily making his way down the stair well of the dormitory, not bothered to close the door behind him. He made his way to the parking lot, crossed the distance and left the main gates. He couldn't think or couldn't remember crossing the road, just the boiling and reeling hate in his chest. He kept walking down the main road till he passed the hospital and started making his way towards the high-way.

He yelled at himself for falling for it, for thinking that the world could perhaps just offer him some sort of sanctuary after all that he's been through. Even after all was said and done, he could confidently say that he hated Kakashi now and most of all, he hated himself. Shaking his head, Iruka crossed the high-way to get to the other side without looking, a dazed look in his eyes. He didn't really hear the loud honking of the SUV coming his way, nor did he get blinded by the bright white headlights.

A loud crack sounded off as bone and flesh connected with the front bumper of the black SUV, the burning rubber and screeching of tires lost in the cool night air as his body flew several feet ahead. His bones cracking and his lungs collapsing were like drums in his ears. He found himself facing the night sky above him, a dark hooded figure standing before him, looking down at him. Even when he couldn't breathe, he laughed. He laughed at his stupidity and at his carelessness and at the waiting hooded figure above him.

Most of all, he laughed at the hate that felt like an invisible pressure ripping his soul out of his body. Blood trickled down his lips as his vision faded and the worried and freaked out driver of the SUV appeared within his field of vision, screaming words that he couldn't hear while several other cars stopped to see what happened.

Through all that, Iruka could only think and say one thing, "Damn you to hell, Hatake."

FIN

Three words: Happy April Fools!