Disclaimer: The characters belong exclusively to Eastenders.
Author's Note: This is my first fanfic and I hope you like it! I really wanted to give it a try and thought what better couple to start with than cryed!
I'm planning to continue this if anyone likes it. One fanfic author I read vows to update as soon as she gets 3 reviews and won't update until then, I think that makes sense so I'm going to do the same. Thanks so much for reading! Please review!
O so they say baby for everything a reason
And those who loved before will be brought back together
Yea those who loved before will be brought back together
And so they baby for everything a reason
And so they say baby you will be brought
Brought back to me… (For everything a reason - Carina Round)
It was raining. It had been now for 3 solid weeks, I felt a hollow laugh begin to rise up my throat threatening to reveal my distraction; I hadn't been listening to anything Amira had said. I was back there again, back in that flat, in that bed, my mind played tricks on me now, for increasing seconds each morning as the light dragged me into a hell of my own making, back to my punishment for my countless sins, I was there, his arms around my waist, head nestled in the crook of my neck breathing steadily and rhythmically against my back. The dreams lasted longer now, they were all I had left so I welcomed them, looked forward to the moment my eyelids closed and my brain shut off from the world and allowed me some relief, to the only place that soothed my worthless battered soul. Only the more frequent these dreams, the harder the waking became, the harder it was to be dragged from his tender touch, his peace. The image was shattering now, random words from Amira seeping into my consciousness, like nails. I was with her now.
"Syeeed!!! Are you listening?" she wined.
"Yes princess" I lie, used to it by now.
I focus on a single drop running down the window, intent on finding myself back there, her voice beginning to fade into the background. I'm looking at him. He smiles as he sees me, beckoning me inside, I follow not caring if anyone sees me, my open smile widening as I enter his flat. He's walking up the stairs to the door and I follow, eager to see what happens next. He turns and kisses me lightly on the mouth before he laughs about something and heads to the kitchen to unpack his shopping. I stare at him dumbfounded. He's not angry, he's still laughing about something and I find myself joining in. there's a warmth in me I'm no longer used to, the sensation is strange but pleasant so I hold on to it, like I hold onto his image, my eyes never leaving his face. He's mine, it's as if none of this ever happened. I ignore my last thought, afraid that any acknowledgment of reality will ruin the bliss that is this dream. I wonder for a second if it is a dream, what if it's real? I quickly shake that from my head, it'll only make waking harder. He's looking at me now, concern in his eyes, he doesn't understand my sadness, I smile and tell him that's its nothing, I'm even lying in my dreams. His eyes tell me he doesn't believe me whilst he walks towards me frowning, he could always read me. I hate that. His hand rests on my cheek as he asks me again. I freeze afraid. I can't tell him. Suddenly his eyes dim, that beautiful green begins to slip from my view, I'm waking. I reach forward to kiss him, hoping that the contact will keep me there, keep me his. At the very least I could say goodbye. I wake remembering my wedding day, his eyes glistening with moisture from the tears that I caused, the memory is so vivid I can feel the wetness of those tears. I sit there reliving the pain in the darkness. Gentle breaths expel from the body laying on the opposite side of the bed, I lean over to make sure I haven't disturbed her peaceful slumber, I feel that dampness again and I realise those tears are my own.