The Art of Being Adorable
A Maximum Ride Oneshot
Note: Takes place five years after MAX, excludes FANG.
"Hey, Nudge, you like cute things, don't you?"
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Nudge sighed dreamily and snuggled into Iggy's chest as the movie in front of her reeled from the happy ending into the end credits. Her boyfriend stroked her hair fondly and smiled down at her, well aware of how perfect life was, now that he had her.
She giggled happily, humming along to the ending theme song in an incredibly adorable way. Iggy didn't know why he enjoyed that about her so much. She was just so…cute.
"Hey, Nudge," he asked casually, "you like cute things, don't you?"
"Oh, yes!" Nudge squealed. "I love them!"
Iggy frowned slightly. That certainly wasn't what he'd expected to hear from Nudge. Normally, he'd expect an incredibly sappy reaction, like, 'Not as much as I love you, my darling Iggy-bear!' followed by a comforting hug. But she'd said love. Nothing could beat 'love'.
He stared vacantly into space. Could there be the possibility that Nudge didn't love him as much as she loved cute things? He shook his head vigorously. No, that couldn't be right.
"Iggy?" Nudge asked, waving her hand in front of his face. "You're incredibly adorable when you get all spacy like that, but I'd much rather have you talking to me," she lectured, and proceeded to start another random conversation.
"I have to go to the…er…basement," he excused himself quickly. Nudge nodded vaguely and continued the conversation with the stuffed teddy bear Iggy had gotten her for Valentine's Day.
When he got to the bottom of the stairs, the rest of the flock was crowded around Dr. Martinez's entertainment system. Fang and Gazzy were busy on the Wii, Angel was painting her nails, Ella was practicing the flute, and Total and Max were making bets on whether or not Fang would beat Gazzy at the game.
Without warning, the screen shut off, and a cry of protest arose as they looked toward Iggy, who had appeared behind the TV and was twirling the plug in his right hand. "What was that for?" Max asked sourly. "I had ten bucks on that!"
"I need to talk to you guys," he said quietly, in a no-joking sort of voice. Ella put down her flute, and Angel looked up from her nails. They nodded. He was serious, and they knew it.
After five minutes of explanations, Ella scratched her head. "So you're in love with Nudge, but you're afraid that she loves cute things more than you, and you don't know how to tell her," Ella said. Iggy nodded, looking more pitiful than they'd ever seen him.
"I have a solution!" Total raised his…paw. "Just be cute and adorable, and she'll love you back!"
"Can't Iggy just tell Nudge how he feels?" Angel asked.
"Nothing that simple could ever work!" Total said, exasperated. Angel shrugged. "Fine, fine."
Iggy looked confused, and sat down on the couch next to Max. "Being adorable?" he asked, sounding mildly interested, and yet, somewhat scared and confused. "But how could I ever do that?"
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"Hey Iggy, do you remember where we put the-" Nudge paused as she entered the room to see Iggy sitting on his bed with a board game of some sort. But that wasn't what bothered her. "Iggy, what have you done to our room?" she asked, looking around her.
Their shared room had been completely transformed. A bright pink bow was hanging over the headboard, red ribbons floated around the ceilings and doorways, and at least a hundred stuffed animals were poking out from an assortment of places.
She shuddered, and paled immediately as she saw that Iggy was clothed entirely in pink. The box of the board game sitting next to him read 'Candy Land', and bright pink bunny slippers rested on his feet.
"I just thought I'd brighten the place up a little," he said, battling his eyelashes innocently. Nudge managed a half-hearted chuckle before eyeing the board game suspiciously. "I got Candy Land," he said enthusiastically. "Do you want to play?"
"N-No thanks," she stammered. "At least, not right now, honey-bear." And with that, she turned on her heels and fled the room. Iggy groaned and kicked off the bunny slippers, folding his arms over his chest. Maybe it was time to try harder.
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"Do I really have to do this?" Iggy asked reluctantly. Ella squinted at him. "You do if you want to be cute," she insisted. "Nudge loves cute things, so this ought to do it," she smiled. "Now do your best, Iggy!" She pushed him off into the living room, where Nudge was watching TV.
Nudge's eyes brightened when she saw him, and he sat down next to her. She eyed the object in his hands curiously. "What've you got there, sweetie?" she asked.
"Just a lollipop," he replied cutely, reminding himself to smile a lot and bat his eyelashes at least every second. "Would you like a lick?" he asked shyly, holding it out for her to take. He felt silly, and stupid. But then, he'd heard that love did that to a person.
"I'm good," she answered slowly, and got up off the couch. She wandered off to the kitchen, all the while murmuring something about "finding out which Powerpuff Girl switched places with my boyfriend". Iggy sighed and threw the lollipop in the trash can.
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"Here, try this," Max insisted, and stuffed an entire chocolate bar in Iggy's mouth. "Mmmph," he groaned and tried to chew before Gazzy dumped an entire bag of cookies down his throat. Max concentrated on raiding through the pantry for more fattening snacks.
"Here," Max thrust a tub of ice cream into his hands. "It's extremely fattening."
Iggy tore into it immediately.
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"Quit moving so much!" Ella sighed, exasperated, as she brushed the powder onto Iggy's cheeks. Max squinted as she slathered some lipstick on for good measure. Fang stifled a snicker as he ripped open the small packet of fake eyelashes.
"But nothing's working," Iggy moaned. "Makeup is cute," Ella pointed out. "This will definitely get her." She turned to Max and Fang. "Can you go back into the bathroom and find the blush for me?" They nodded and scuttled away.
At that moment, Nudge walked through the door. "Ella, I can't find my favorite purse, the one with the stripes and the – why are you putting makeup on my boyfriend?" she shrieked.
"I thought rosy cheeks might be a good look for him," Ella replied nonchalantly, moving aside so that Nudge could see his face better.
"I have no idea what's gotten into you today, but it's just weird, Iggy!" Nudge cried, and ran out.
Iggy blushed, and Ella squealed. "You look positively edible!"
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"This, too," Total replied, dropping a small packet at Iggy's feet. "I got it from McDonald's. It has lots of fatty oils in it, so it should put some weight on your bones in no time," he said, determined.
Gratefully, Iggy smiled and took several large bites of the burger. "Thanks," he said in between mouthfuls.
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Nudge emerged from the bathroom later that night, stretching lazily. "Goodnight, Iggy," she started to say, and then she saw him, lying in bed, with dozens of stuffed animals surrounding him. "Iggy, what's going on?"
Iggy tried to make his eyes large and cute. But it wasn't like he could see them. "What do you mean?" he asked innocently. Her eyes narrowed. "Why are there stuffed animals all over your bed?" she asked.
He smiled weakly. "For comfort?" he tried to force a smile.
"I didn't know you were afraid of the dark," Nudge scratched her head uncertainly. "But if you are, you shouldn't have to sleep with a bunch of stuffed animals. I'm sure you'll fit in my bed, just for tonight," she smiled.
"Thank you, honey," he said shyly. Total would have been proud of his acting. As he crawled into her bed, he made sure to snuggle up to her, and he even stuck his thumb in his mouth for good measure. She pulled it out, however, saying that it was bad for his teeth.
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"Fudge brownies," Gazzy said proudly, and stuffed three into Iggy's mouth at once. Max dug out a store-bought coconut cream pie and forced large bites into his mouth. He gagged, but managed to swallow all of it. He ate until he felt like he could throw up, and then he ate more.
When it was over, Max dragged him into the bathroom and ordered him to stand on the scale. He crossed his fingers in anticipation as the number rose. "Unbelievable," Max replied a few seconds later. "You've lost weight."
"Why can't I gain weight?" Iggy yelled, frustrated. Upon hearing the yell, Nudge walked into the kitchen, and noticed the pie tin in Iggy's right hand. "You want to gain weight?" she asked, disbelieving. "Don't you know how difficult it is for me to lose weight?"
"But you have a perfect figure, honey," he pouted weakly. "And I want to be chubby."
Nudge blinked at him. "You want to be chubby?" she asked, her voice cracking. Iggy nodded, cowering in fear by this point. "Why would you want to be fat?" she screamed.
"You think animals are cuter when they're fat," he pointed out. "So I want to be adorably chubby."
Nudge grabbed the pie tin, walked to the door, and chucked it at his head. "I like you skinny!" she screamed, and ran from the room.
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Max and Fang were in their room when Nudge walked in, sniffling slightly. "What's wrong, Nudge?" Max asked, mildly concerned. Whenever something was bothering Nudge, it was always easier to just distract her.
"Something's wrong with Iggy," she almost sobbed. "And I don't know why!"
"What is it?" Fang asked, picking something out of his nails. "You mean you haven't noticed it?" her voice broke. Fang and Max shook their heads obliviously. "Ugh!" she screamed, and fled.
Fang turned back to face Max. "You know I love you," he commented. "But if you ever make me do anything that horrible, just to act cute to impress you, I'll take you to a Justin Bieber concert and record your screams."
She smiled wryly. "Oh, shut up," she sighed, but she was smiling. He opened his mouth to reply with a witty comeback, but her lips covered his, and it didn't matter anymore.
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"I've always wanted to find a use for this," Fang said, sounding delighted with himself, as he zipped up the costume. Iggy grumbled, but thanked his friend as he walked into the living room.
"Nudgie," he cooed, wrapping his wings around his girlfriend and kissing her on the cheek cutely. Nudge wrinkled her nose. "Iggy, what are you wearing?" she gasped, her eyes beginning to was doing it again. Acting strange.
Iggy shrugged. "I'm a penguin," he said weakly. "'Cause penguins are cute?"
"And you're dressing up as one because…" Nudge trailed off, biting her lip.
"I thought it would be fun?" Iggy invented, flapping his wings experimentally. Nudge just blinked and backed away slowly.
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"For the hundredth time, we're adding the chocolate chips after we add the flour," Max sighed, handing him the mixing spoon. "Stir that until it's all mixed in, okay?" she directed, and walked away to hunt down the vanilla extract.
"Why don't we just use M&M's?" Iggy asked. "Nudge likes them better. And besides, you don't even cook!" Max glared and balled up two fists. "Don't you talk back to me in my kitchen, boy," she ordered, and he fell silent.
Max softened after a while and put her hands over Iggy's to help him stir the mixture. After all, she had agreed to make him do it on his own. Nudge chose that moment to walk in. "Iggy what the hell are you doing?" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Making you cookies?" Iggy said helplessly. He was shocked to find tears in her eyes. "We make cookies together, Iggy, not with other girls!" she hissed, and Max ran from the kitchen. "Next time you want to make cookies, you call me, your girlfriend, not Max!" she shouted, and stalked away.
Iggy nodded sadly and Max poked her head back in. "Should we stop?" she asked, but Iggy didn't notice her. He was too busy wiping away his tears.
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Nudge walked into her room that night, feeling depressed and alone. She grabbed the teddy bear off the dresser and crawled into bed, snuggling up to it. Her tears soaked its fur. "I really like him," she whispered.
The bear said nothing.
"What's wrong with him?" she asked it.
The bear said nothing.
"I just don't understand," she howled into her pillow.
The bear said nothing.
At that moment, Iggy flounced in, feeling incredibly stupid, but hoping that this would work once in for all. Nudge turned around to see Iggy greeting his stuffed animals and dressed in highwater pink pajama pants and a pink shirt, complete with the fuzzy bunny slippers.
"You got new pajamas," she said, somewhat amused. "Yeah," he replied, happy to hear that her voice sounded close to normal again. "Do you like them?" he asked eagerly. She started to nod, and then frowned.
"Those are Ella's pajamas!" she howled, and buried her head into the tear-soaked bear again. He sighed and flopped down on the bed, exhausted.
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Iggy was dressed entirely in pink once again, and walking down the hallway with a poem about bunnies and hearts and girly crap, especially for Nudge. He was reciting it in his head when he rounded the corner and ran straight into Dr. Martinez.
"Iggy?" she asked in disbelief. "What are you doing?" He looked at the ground guiltily. "Iggy, the jig is up. What's going on with you? I've heard…stories," she whispered. He sighed.
"I'm in love with Nudge," he sighed. "And she likes things that are adorable. So I thought that if I was adorable, she'd love me. But nothing's working!"
She sighed. "Iggy, did you ever just consider telling her yourself?"
"But nothing that simple could ever work!" he sighed.
Dr. Martinez rolled her eyes, left, and returned a few minutes later with Nudge. "Tell her," she ordered, and Iggy sighed. Nudge was looking very confused as Iggy dragged her into their now-pink bedroom and scratched his head.
Iggy took one look at Nudge and burst into tears, finally tired of it all. "I just wanted to be adorable," he sobbed.
"What? Why?" Nudge asked, her own eyes starting to water.
"Because," Iggy mumbled. "You love cute things, and I want you to l-love me, so I thought-"
Nudge laughed and kissed him. "Iggy," she whispered, "I love you too. I always have, and I thought you knew that." She looked happier than he'd ever seen her. "But why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?"
"Because he's an idiot," they spun around to see Angel standing in the doorway with the rest of the flock. Fang wrapped an arm around Max, and Ella ruffled Gazzy's hair. "They were all trying to help you, but Nudge doesn't want you to be cute. She loves you."
Nudge smiled. "Guilty as charged," she beamed up at him. "You really went through all that trouble to become adorable?" He nodded sheepishly. "Well, it's a skill, you know," she said defensively. "It's not as easy as it looks."
"More importantly, why didn't you listen to me in the first place?" Angel asked, amused.
Iggy just shrugged and kissed Nudge again. It didn't matter anymore. What he had been through for her hadn't been easy, but it had been worth it.
Nevertheless, maybe next time he'd listen to Angel, if only for once.
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Thanks for reading! That was September's oneshot! (I get bored at three in the mornings once a month.) I thought I'd take a shot at writing fluff. And I gotta tell you, it was incredibly difficult, -I stuck with fluff 'cause I tend to suck at writing humor- but also incredibly cute and fun to write. I actually like how this one turned out. So please tell me how I did! Was this one a hit or a miss?
First oneshot I did with Nudge and Iggy. ^^ But I couldn't help it. I did stick some Fax in there. :)
~Rachel