NARUTO
Panic At The Wedding!
Sasuke and Sakura are getting married, but everything that COULD go wrong, DOES…features Dearly Beloved by Faith Hill…
Sasuke was standing at the alter, looking both cool and hell nervous in a black suit. He was getting married. He wasn't sure just then HOW Sakura had managed to achieve this, but at least SHE was gonna be eternally happy.
Maybe…
The vicar, who would marry of Uchiha and Haruno, was a totally beautiful, strong, smart, funny and drop-dead-gorgeous babe from Suna called Emma. She was standing at the front of the alter as everyone trickled in.
"Is that your best man?" She asked Sasuke.
"You mean Naruto? Umm, like, yeah…" He muttered.
Emma pointed silently.
Sasuke looked.
"NARUTO!!" Screamed about ten people. "GET DOWN FROM THAT CHANDELLIER!!"
"Look at me!" Naruto yelled. "I'm Tarzan! Aaaaa-AUURGH!!" He screamed, as he fell off, and landing on Sakura's maid of honor, Ino, whom was standing about two feet away from the cake.
Everyone gasped.
Okay. Chouji thought. Just keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake…
Emma sighed, and began to sing:
Good
morning, dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To watch two
people we know make a big mistake
"SHE'S HERE!!" Someone, probably Temari, screamed from the back of the church, and people suddenly began moving, running to their seats or their spots. Chouji ran to the cake. Ino detached herself from the best man and ran after him.
They'll
stand up at the alter
And solemnly swear i do
They'll be
together forever
'til they find somebody new
"Where is she?" Sasuke grumbled.
"See?" Kankurou, the ring-bearer, said smugly.
"She'll be here!" Sasuke muttered, glaring at Kankurou.
"Says who?" Kiba said cheekily.
Sasuke glared at him too. "Says me! She has to be here…"
"She's coming!" Announced Sakura's Mum, as Naruto led her awkwardly down the aisle. "I'm glad she's not marrying you, Uzumaki!" Mrs. Haruno snapped.
Somehow or other, maybe Naruto tripped her but Mrs. Haruno went flying into a pot of flowers, which tipped over and knocked over a ceremonial candelabra, which set fire to the flowers, the plastic pot (?), and Akamaru's fur.
"OH NO!" Kiba yelled, as Akamaru howled and ran across the church.
"EEK!" Ino screamed, as Akamaru bowled into her and a bowl of punch went all over her pink dress. "OH NO! RED PUNCH!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha!!" Naruto laughed at her.
"You shouldn't laugh at me, you'll get jinxed!" Ino snapped, blushing.
"No way, I'm the luckiest fox around!" Naruto smirked, just as a bunch of people on horseback galloped in, and a pack of blood-thirsty blood-hounds charged at Naruto.
"GYAAA!!" He screamed like a girl, and dived for cover under a nearby table.
The hounds charged in after him, and all anyone could hear was: "GET OFF ME YOU MUTTS! DON'T BITE MY ARM! GET AWAY FROM ME! I'M NOT A FOX! I'M NOT LYING! IIINNNOOO!! HEEELP MEEE!!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha!!" Now Ino laughed at Naruto.
Mr. Haruno put his head in his hands and groaned so loudly Emma wondered if he was hurt.
"So," Kankurou said to a pale Sasuke. "Why are you and Saki getting' hitched?"
Emma rolled her eyes.
Her
daddy's in the front row
Muttering oh no here we go again
They
had a couple dates
Now she's three months late
And it's twenty
buck a plate i spent, oh:
Sasuke gasped, as Hinata and Tenten came in as bridesmaids.
"That's not true!" Sasuke protested.
"Sasuke?" A voice said from behind him.
He groaned too. "What is it, Dr. Aburame?"
"Haruno's test results came back," Shino said. "It's a 100 positive!"
"Oooh!" Kankurou teased. "Uchiha told a lie!"
"I lied…by omission…" Sasuke lied again.
"But I'm HUNGRY!!" Chouji whined, as Ino dragged him away from the cake.
"Chouji!" Neji snapped. "Remember, this isn't a picnic! It's a wedding!"
"I'd eat that if it was covered in icing sugar!" Chouji informed him. "Or even desiccated coconut!"
Rock Lee suddenly ran in, waving a bottle of Sake.
"Uh oh." Temari muttered as he streaked past her, if you know what I mean.
Emma shook her head.
Good
morning, dearly beloved
I'd like to welcome ya'll
To see the
side-effects of sex and alcohol
"LEE!!" Tenten gasped. "HIDE YOUR SHAME!!"
"Hey Lee," Neji laughed at him. "I can see your 'thing'!"
"Shut up Hyuga!" Lee snapped, sobering up as Tenten doused him with water.
"Daddy?" Hinata's little sister tugged on her Father's sleeve. "What is it?"
Her Dad put his hands over her eyes.
Please
bow your heads and join me
In a prayer for these two
Who'll be
together forever
'til they find somebody new
"Lee, go put some clothes on!" Ino snapped.
"What a drag…" Shikamaru muttered. "I should've stayed at home…"
"TEMARI!!" Sasuke screamed. "YOU SAID SAKI WAS HERE!!"
"SORRY!!" She yelled back. "IT WAS MY BROTHER!!" She suddenly grinned nervously and sheepishly as Garaa and his sand were right in her face. "Joking…" She said quickly.
"Garaa," Temari suddenly said. "You have lipgloss on your face…"
"IS IT CHERRY BLOSSOM SCENTED!!" Sasuke screamed from the front of the church, where Kiba was examining a scary statue of Jesus and Mary.
"Evil baby…" He muttered.
"You take that back!" Emma snapped.
"Sorry…"
"Yes!" Temari answered Sasuke.
Garaa glared at her. "Traitor!"
Kankurou suddenly dropped the ring he was holding, and Sasuke, to give himself something to do, went chasing it down the aisle.
He grabbed it, and found himself staring up at Kin and Ino.
"Ladies…" He said, smirking.
He'd been looking partially up their dresses!
Kin rolled her eyes and stomped away, but Ino just blushed and struck up a conversation with Sasuke.
Emma sighed.
The
bride is a flirt and the groom is worse
As he's putting the ring
on her
He's checking out the bridesmaids
Thinking that he might
take
The maid of honor's honor, oh:
"Hey, Em?" Kankurou was asking her suddenly. "Can we..?" He whispered something in her ear.
She scowled at him, but then patiently explained to him why she couldn't say in The Lord's Prayer: Give us this day, our daily hamburger…
"Where is my daughter!?" Mrs. Haruno suddenly screamed, as Lee came back inside with a Hawaiian shirt and boardies.
"Lee can't wear that!" Tenten yelled.
"I can where what I like, Tenten!" Lee shouted.
Emma suddenly looked up, and saw a pink head past the sea of other heads.
"Sakura!" She called.
"I'm coming!" The bride added. "Zaku, Dosu move it!" She ordered.
Sasuke hurried up to the front of the church, as Sakura began her walk.
"Ooh…" Everyone said.
"Ahh…" Some other people said.
"Goooo Saki!" The rent-a-crowd said.
Emma tsked.
Welcome,
dearly beloved
We are here this afternoon
To throw rice as
these two
Drive down the road to ruin
Just as Sakura came to stand beside Sasuke, the hounds chased Naruto out from underneath the table.
Sakura screamed as they barreled into her, kept on going, and then hit the cake table.
"NOOOO!!" Chouji howled, as the cake fell in slow-motion.
"There it goes…" Kin smirked.
With
cans tied to the bumper
And a dragging muffler too
They'll be
together forever
Until they find somebody new
Sakura and Naruto were standing there in a mess of cake, hounds and flowers.
"MY WEDDING IS RUINED!!" She screamed.
Naruto put an arm around her.
"N…Na…Naruto!!" Sasuke spluttered.
"You should talk!" The blonde snapped. "You've got your arm around Ino!"
Sakura gasped. "S…Sa…Sasuke!!"
"Lord have mercy on us all…" Emma muttered, before turning to the crowd.
So
raise your glass and join me
Here's to the bride and
groom
They'll be together forever
'til they find somebody
new…