A bit AU-ish and characters will be quite OOC
Summary-Quatre is sent on a quest with many missions any ordinary man would have refused. All so he can prove himself worthy for Dorothy Catalonia. Mostly hilarious chaos when the boys try to help Quatre.
Disclaimer-I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters. The rest of the disclaimer will be at the bottom.
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Title-Mission Improbable
Test 1
By-Moon Prynces
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Dorothy cackled like a madman as Relena watched her with a weird expression.
"Is this really necessary?" Relena asked the other blonde warily.
Dorothy stopped laughing and looked up at her friend. "What? This was your idea!" She accused.
"Hey, I never said to put him through all this torture." Relena argued.
"But just think of how funny it will be! Wouldn't you just love if you could get Heero to do something like this?" The blonde with longer hair smirked.
The other girl grinned. "That would take a miracle. You know, you're right, this will be interesting. We should record this!"
They both jumped up from their seats on the sofa and yelled simultaneously, "Off to find a video camera!" And they quickly left the house in search of an electronics store.
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"I can't believe you Q-man! I would never have fallen into a trap like that!" Duo commented, laughing as his friend sat down in a chair and let his head bang on the table. "I thought you were smarter than that, with running all those business' and all."
Trowa, standing off to the side and leaning against the counter with his arms folded opened his mouth, to finally add to the conversation. "Duo, that's not very encouraging."
Wufei, who was also sitting down at the table eating an ice pop, cherry-flavored, looked at the blonde. "That was a weak move. Why would such a man let a woman draw out the rules to a game he would surely lose?" Then he went back to sucking his popsicle.
Quatre finally picked his head off the table. "I thought it was only a joke. I told her that we should stop playing games and to join me for an evening for dinner. And she said something about me not being worthy and next thing I know, she's caught me in some kind of agreement where I have to pass a bunch of tests." His face became frustrated. "Why are women so- so-"
"Infuriating? Weak?" Wufei guessed.
"Manipulative?" Was Trowa's voice.
"Abusive?" Came Duo's answer.
They all turned to stare at him. Wufei in digust yelling, "Don't tell me you already lost to your woman!"
Trowa in mild amusement.
And Quatre in wonderment. "How-?"
Duo backed up. "Hey, all I did was ask if she ate all the chocolate and she went psycho on me!" He said, referring to Hilde. "I still have the bruises to prove it!" He made to pull down his pants but everyone looked away quickly.
"That's quite alright Duo." Quatre said nervously.
"We really don't need a visual." Said the usually silent acrobat.
Wufei was too busy going through the fridge... until he came out empty-handed. "HEY! Who ate all my popsicles!" He shouted furiously.
A few footsteps were heard and soon Heero appeared at the doorway to the kitchen. "What's going on?" He asked in his predictably monotone voice.
"YOU!" Wufei yelled and tried to lunge for the other gundam pilot. Obviously he wasn't thinking straight, too deluded in his love of cherry-flavored popsicles.
Trowa and Duo grabbed him before he reached Heero and each one held an arm as Wufei tried to desperately escape. They both glanced at each other, nodded and then let go as the third fell face-first onto the hard kitchen tile.
Heero still stood at the entrance, and raised an eyebrow at them. Then he walked in and took a seat at the table where Quatre was sulking.
"What were you talking about in here? Something about women?" He asked, trying to keep his tone nuetral.
Before he could answer, the phone started to ring incessantly. Quatre got up to answer it, since it was his humble abode.
"Hello?"
"Why hello, darling!" Came Dorothy's exaggerated voice.
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Relena held the phone tightly as she tried not to burst out laughing. Hearing Dorothy say such a thing was just so unbelievable. Dorothy continued with the conversation, making eye contact with Relena, each holding a phone.
They heard someone ask something and Quatre answered with a 'you know who' in a serious tone, although it was muffled as he tried to not let them hear it on the other line. Then another sound as if a brawl had started.
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The American gundam pilot shouted, "Calm down Wufei! She's not evil like Pokémon!"
"Pokémon?" And a few sounds of confused gundam pilots.
Duo sweatdropped as they eyed him cautiously.
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Quatre suddenly came back on the line with a nervous voice. "Hello?"
Dorothy smiled evilly. "I need you to work on a project for me. I kind of have my hands full at the moment."
"Er... sure, anything." He said unsurely.
"I need you to make something for me..."
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Duo rubbed the bump on his head. After Quatre hung up the phone with a disbelieving look the others pounced on him with questions like 'Are you mad? Pokémon? Are you trying to make us look like five-year olds!'
Now the five gundam pilots were wandering the aisles of Walmart looking for the supplies necessary for Dorothy's project.
"This is ridiculous! How did I get dragged into this?" Wufei grumbling, folding his arms.
"Stop complaining. We can't just let Quatre go on this mission on his own." Duo replied.
"Mission?" They watched as Heero's eyes lit up at the word. Then they sweatdropped. What a workaholic...
Quatre tried to ignore the less than helpful remarks his friends were making. He searched the store, being the lead, and finally came to the aisle he was looking for. Luckily, he had yet to tell them Dorothy's request... except when they realized what was around them everyone freaked...
"AHH! The bright colors sting my eyes!" Wufei shouted and closed his eyes, putting his hands in front of him to try and block the rays of... colors that weren't actually shooting at him, but just sitting there undisturbed.
Duo screamed like a girl and passed out, being used to only wearing his usually dark attire this sight was something new to him. And well... he just couldn't handle it.
Trowa and Heero went wide-eyed, which is something we all thought was impossible. They stared up at the shelves and had to grab onto each other for support.
Quatre glanced at them all and sighed. "It's only Crayola..." He muttered under his breath. "Would you all snap out of it and help me carry some stuff!" He said trying to gain their attention. Too bad it didn't work.
So he proceeded to grab a bunch of stuff, a box of 120 crayons, a box of every pack of 8 markers he could find, a box of 50 colored pencils and... by now he could barely hold anything. Suddenly someone pushed a shopping cart next to him and he looked up to see Trowa had recovered from his temporary insanity. Then he dropped everything inside and went on with grabbing more items and putting them in the cart.
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When they made it to the cashier, she gave them an odd look before scanning all the items they had dumped on the conveyor belt. Certainly the sight of five young men, one being dragged (Duo) and another being restrained (Wufei) buying a bunch of art supplies intended for children ten and under was a strange thing. She didn't question them but half way through her arm started to hurt.
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"Hey! I was gonna use that!" Duo argued.
"Too bad!" Wufei stuck out his tongue. "First come, first serve."
Duo glared at him from his spot on the floor. He sat with his legs spread open and a piece of paper on the floor inbetween them with numerous utensils surrounding him.
Heero briefly looked up at the bickering two, narrowed his eyes and then turned back to his work. He was lying on the floor on his stomach trying to find the right color to use in his creation, his legs waving around in the air.
Wufei and Trowa sat on opposite ends of a table, both working furiously on something.
Quatre looked up at the sight of him and his friends, then sweatdropped wondering how this happened. They had all suddenly devolved into little kids. Duo had silver glitter sparkling in his hair from when Heero and Trowa were fighting over it and had been caught in the crossfire. Wufei had just smudged some red paint on his face. Trowa looked too giddy to be normal and a few markers rolled off the table to land on the floor. Then Heero started laughing maniacally as he proclaimed he had made a fortune teller.
The others perked up at this and crowded around him to see if this fortune teller would work. Even Quatre moved closer.
"How'd you make that?" The blonde asked curiously.
"Can't tell you, old family recipe." Heero said with a glint in his eye.
Trowa made a face. "But that's not food."
"Whatever, tell me my fortune first!" Duo yelled, raising his hand in the air, which knocked out Wufei in the process. "Oops..."
"Pick one." Heero instructed, ignoring what had just happened, holding out the fortune teller for him to see the choices.
"Er... hey! How come Deathscythe's not on there!" He cried out.
Heero scratched his head. "Cuz I couldn't fit it!"
"Then you could have taken out Wing Zero or Tall Geese or Epyon or Heavy Arms!" He argued. Trowa nodded approvingly.
"Are you gonna pick one or not?" Heero asked annoyed.
"Fine... Epyon." He mumbled.
"E- P- Y- O- N." And then he stopped so the inside showed the numbers 1, 2, 5 and 6. "Pick a number."
Duo was once again fascinated. "Six!"
"One- Two- Three- Four- Five- Six." Seeing that he was at the same place again Duo's expression dropped slightly. "Another one."
"Two!" He said with hope.
Instead of counting, Heero opened a flap and read the words under the number two. "Violence solves everything." A thoughtful silence. "I don't remember writing that."
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At long last, Quatre stood outside of the house where Dorothy was staying, Relena's house. The other gundam pilots tried to make sounds of encouragement from the bushes they were hiding in, but it sounded more like a dying wild animal.
The blonde stood there for five minutes before Trowa whispered from the bushes.
"Ring the doorbell!"
"Oh!" And so he did.
The door opened to reveal Relena in a bathrobe. "Hello Quatre!" She greeted him warmly, making someone in the bushes growl like a dog. This startled Relena who bade Quatre to come inside. As the door closed Duo burst out laughing.
"Now how're we gonna see if he's failed or not?" Wufei complained.
"The window's right here." Trowa said easily as fours faces peered into the living room where Quatre sat waiting for Dorothy to enter. Relena had left to finish something she vaguely described.
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Dorothy entered the room with a smile. "Hello Quatre, it's so good to see you." She said calmly, taking a seat opposite of him. "What brings you here?"
Quatre fidgeted nervously and then put a bag on top of the table. "I finished..." He didn't know how to continue the statement.
Dorothy looked amused. "What is it that you've brought? Is it something for me?"
"Of course! You know what it is!" Quatre suddenly burst out, turning red at the stupidity of this situation.
"My project? You're done already? I wasn't expecting you to do it in one day." She commented. "Can I see?" She motioned for him to take it out of the bag.
His hands shaking, Quatre slowly removed the item. Dorothy gasped in pleasant surprise.
"It's so pretty!" She said getting up and examining it. Then she looked at Quatre who was staring out the window.
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"OW!"
"It's your fault he got suspicious!" Heero accused.
Duo glared back.
The four boys peeked back up at the window, luckily though Quatre wasn't looking their way anymore. They sighed in relief.
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Dorothy smiled and jumped on Quatre, who was still sitting on the couch in surprise at her actions. She threw her arms around his neck in a hug, although she was practically sitting on his lap.
"I just love it!" She exclaimed. Then leaned in to whisper in his ear. "But don't think this is the last test, dearest Quatre."
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"Oh yea! Q-man! Look's like someone's getting some action!" Duo cheered through the window, but the two inside didn't hear.
The other three pilots glared at him. Duo once again sweatdropped.
"What?"
"What are you talking about? What did you mean by that?" Trowa asked carefully.
"I meant... You know... He's gonna get some..." Duo said, trying to stay vague.
Heero cleared his throat. "Quatre wouldn't do that. We're all only seventeen, why would we need to do that?"
Duo gave a confused look. "I've already done that."
The other three stared at him, fascinated. "Are you lying?" Wufei asked with a wary look.
"Uh... no. Hilde and I-"
"We don't need all the details." Trowa said cutting him off.
"I can't believe this!" They looked to Heero who was waving his fists around crazily. "There's something he's already advanced at before me!"
The others sweatdropped.
"Dude, it's not a contest." Duo said, trying to put a hand on his shoulder. Heero made a move to bite him. Duo jumped back and fell out of the bushes, just as Quatre came out of the house. Dorothy didn't see though.
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"I'll be contacting you for your next assignment real soon." Dorothy said, waving cheerfully, the night air blowing her long hair around her.
Quatre waved and quickly said goodbye so she would leave and not notice the other pilots.
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Inside the house Relena and Dorothy were sitting in the kitchen giggling at the gundam pilots who were acting like high school freshmen. Dorothy held up her present from Quatre and placed it on her head. Relena burst out laughing.
"I can't believe it. He actually made you a crown! With the bright colors and glitter and everything! Look at all that fine detailing." She said between her laughter.
"I'm just so glad we have all this on tape. We can watch it over and over and over again!" Dorothy said, gasping for air.
"I didn't think Duo would actually pass out at the sight of all those crayola colors!"
"So what should mission number two be?" Dorothy looked up throughtfully, after recovering herself.
"I've got a great idea for it..." Relena smiled evilly, as Dorothy joined her.
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Uh... wow. I actually can't believe how this thing turned out. I didn't think it would turn out this hilariously stupid. Haha. It makes me smile with mirth. Anyway, I wanted to include all her tests and make this thing a one-shot but somehow I'm roped into making another fanfic. Thank god I got all the ideas on paper. I'll start the next one after I post this one. Just wanna get it outta the way.
Disclaimer-I do not own Pokémon, Walmart or Crayola.
8-10-05