PRE FIC RANTINGS AND A SPRINKLE OF DISCLAIMER: This is soooooooooo old. I think I spoofed this something like four years ago, but never got around to posting it. It was written for my friend Leslie, who for the life of her has never been able to breed a Gold chocobo despite her most valiant efforts. I stumbled across it again the other day, and ironically enough Leslie is once again attempting to breed those naughty chocobos with little to no success (we think their might be a glitch in her game disc. Y'know, it's one of those ugly 'Greatest Hits'. With the *shudder* GREEN STRIPE). I don't own FFVII or the original, english Pokemon theme song (may it rest in peace), but I do dedicate this to anyone who has ever wanted to throw their playstation across the room in fustration because of a certain breed of warking, yellow bird.
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Anime Karaoke Greatest Hits Vol. 3: CHOCOBOS!
Izzy Girl It was a hot, sticky day in Wutai and the party was rather miserable as they had been waiting around in the Turtle Paradise for upwards of three hours with no air conditioning and the gnawing notion in their heads that they ought to be doing something important. However, Cloud said that he had something important to tell them and ever since he had returned from his incarceration in that insane asylum- oops, I mean "special hospital"- the party had been careful to indulge the requests of the mentally fragile young man. So it didn't matter that Yuffie was practically bouncing off the walls with boredom, or that Cait Sith had gone into standby mode or even that poor, little Nanaki was curled up in the corner huffing and puffing as his nose went dry, Cloud had told them to wait so wait they would. "What the hell could be taking him so long..." Barret mumbled for about the umpteenth time. Tifa sighed and stirred her (non-alcoholic) beverage impatiently. Like she knew what went on in that boy's spiky, yellow head. True, she did love him with all her heart and she had braved the hells of Mideel's "special hospital" and the hells of Cloud's own conciousness in her devotion to him, but that did not mean that she ever would understand him. "I don't know, Barret." she said dryly, not really paying attention, "Maybe he's gone crazy again back there and is attempting to chew of his own arm in desperation." "It's not funny to joke about things that could happen, Tifa." Barret warned. Tifa's eyes flashed quickly and she took a sip of her (non alcoholic) beverage, "You're right, Barret. He's probably just..." she searched her mind for a possibility but fell short. She put her (non-alcoholic) drink down and shrugged. "You don't suppose he's crossdressing again?" Yuffie wondered a bit too eagerly, pausing momentarily beside Tifa and Barret's table. Although the only party members to actually witness Cloud's darkest (or finest, depending on how you look at it) moment were Tifa and Aerith (may she rest in peace despite the fact she can't return to the planet until Sephiroth's dead but we're not going to talk about that right now), the story had become well circulated throughout the whole party ever since Aerith mentioned it to Red who mentioned it to Cait Sith who laughed and laughed and laughed and decided that it was something the entire world should know. "If he were doing that again, he really would be crazy." Vincent noted offhandily from a dark table in the back where he was sitting calmly brushing his long, black bishounen hair. Yuffie was about to open her mouth and say something when the lights dimmed and the first few chords of a sickeningly familiar song chimed in. "Oooh!" said Elena excitedly, eyes shining and attempts to coerce her fellow Turks out of drinking the night away forgotten, "I remember this! It's the Pokemon theme song! I used to watch this show allllll the time when I was a kid!" Reno and Rude raised their heads, stared at Elena in horror, then looked at each other and simultaneously ordered more (alcoholic) beverages. Cloud stalked out on to the stage, dressed in jeans, a black t-shirt, blue-jacket and sneakers with a red hat attempting to sit on his head. "Shit." Cid stated prolifically. And Cloud sang. He sang for all he was worth- "I want to make
The very best
That there ever was
To catch them is annoying
To breed them, humerous
I will travel in Cid's airship
Looking for their tracks
It's stressful, but essential
To get 'Knights of the Round'
Cocobos!
Gotta catch a lot
-only if their wonderful
Chocobos!
Put them in a dark room,
Throw nuts
And a baby will come out!
Chocobos!
Gotta catch a bunch
-I'm only doing this to get revenge on Sephiroth
I used to like them
Now I don't
CHOO-COOO-BOOOOOS!
Gotta catch a bunch!
CHOCOBOS!" And the party stared and stared and stared. Elena hummed the song contendedly, Rude passed out and Tifa blinked a lot. Cloud sweatropped, turning red and scuffing his feet, "Uh, err... I just wanted to mention seeing that we're nearing the end of the second disc, we'll have to start breeding chocobos soon. I just wanted to present the matter... erm... in a creaive way. What did you all think?" No one ventured to answer. Indeed, the party just looked at each other awkwardly until Cid growled, rolled his eyes and stood, "Fine, fine. Geeze, you people expect me to do everything." he looked at Cloud, "Ya really want to know what we thought, kid?" Cloud nodded vigorously, "Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you." Cid took a deep breath, "%^$@&^$#%^$#%$^%#@$%#%^#&^$*(&^@&*^)." Cloud looked as if he were about to cry. Barret muttered under his breath, "Yup. That 'bout says it all." and Tifa couldn't help but smile. Just a little bit.
Izzy Girl It was a hot, sticky day in Wutai and the party was rather miserable as they had been waiting around in the Turtle Paradise for upwards of three hours with no air conditioning and the gnawing notion in their heads that they ought to be doing something important. However, Cloud said that he had something important to tell them and ever since he had returned from his incarceration in that insane asylum- oops, I mean "special hospital"- the party had been careful to indulge the requests of the mentally fragile young man. So it didn't matter that Yuffie was practically bouncing off the walls with boredom, or that Cait Sith had gone into standby mode or even that poor, little Nanaki was curled up in the corner huffing and puffing as his nose went dry, Cloud had told them to wait so wait they would. "What the hell could be taking him so long..." Barret mumbled for about the umpteenth time. Tifa sighed and stirred her (non-alcoholic) beverage impatiently. Like she knew what went on in that boy's spiky, yellow head. True, she did love him with all her heart and she had braved the hells of Mideel's "special hospital" and the hells of Cloud's own conciousness in her devotion to him, but that did not mean that she ever would understand him. "I don't know, Barret." she said dryly, not really paying attention, "Maybe he's gone crazy again back there and is attempting to chew of his own arm in desperation." "It's not funny to joke about things that could happen, Tifa." Barret warned. Tifa's eyes flashed quickly and she took a sip of her (non alcoholic) beverage, "You're right, Barret. He's probably just..." she searched her mind for a possibility but fell short. She put her (non-alcoholic) drink down and shrugged. "You don't suppose he's crossdressing again?" Yuffie wondered a bit too eagerly, pausing momentarily beside Tifa and Barret's table. Although the only party members to actually witness Cloud's darkest (or finest, depending on how you look at it) moment were Tifa and Aerith (may she rest in peace despite the fact she can't return to the planet until Sephiroth's dead but we're not going to talk about that right now), the story had become well circulated throughout the whole party ever since Aerith mentioned it to Red who mentioned it to Cait Sith who laughed and laughed and laughed and decided that it was something the entire world should know. "If he were doing that again, he really would be crazy." Vincent noted offhandily from a dark table in the back where he was sitting calmly brushing his long, black bishounen hair. Yuffie was about to open her mouth and say something when the lights dimmed and the first few chords of a sickeningly familiar song chimed in. "Oooh!" said Elena excitedly, eyes shining and attempts to coerce her fellow Turks out of drinking the night away forgotten, "I remember this! It's the Pokemon theme song! I used to watch this show allllll the time when I was a kid!" Reno and Rude raised their heads, stared at Elena in horror, then looked at each other and simultaneously ordered more (alcoholic) beverages. Cloud stalked out on to the stage, dressed in jeans, a black t-shirt, blue-jacket and sneakers with a red hat attempting to sit on his head. "Shit." Cid stated prolifically. And Cloud sang. He sang for all he was worth- "I want to make
The very best
That there ever was
To catch them is annoying
To breed them, humerous
I will travel in Cid's airship
Looking for their tracks
It's stressful, but essential
To get 'Knights of the Round'
Cocobos!
Gotta catch a lot
-only if their wonderful
Chocobos!
Put them in a dark room,
Throw nuts
And a baby will come out!
Chocobos!
Gotta catch a bunch
-I'm only doing this to get revenge on Sephiroth
I used to like them
Now I don't
CHOO-COOO-BOOOOOS!
Gotta catch a bunch!
CHOCOBOS!" And the party stared and stared and stared. Elena hummed the song contendedly, Rude passed out and Tifa blinked a lot. Cloud sweatropped, turning red and scuffing his feet, "Uh, err... I just wanted to mention seeing that we're nearing the end of the second disc, we'll have to start breeding chocobos soon. I just wanted to present the matter... erm... in a creaive way. What did you all think?" No one ventured to answer. Indeed, the party just looked at each other awkwardly until Cid growled, rolled his eyes and stood, "Fine, fine. Geeze, you people expect me to do everything." he looked at Cloud, "Ya really want to know what we thought, kid?" Cloud nodded vigorously, "Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you." Cid took a deep breath, "%^$@&^$#%^$#%$^%#@$%#%^#&^$*(&^@&*^)." Cloud looked as if he were about to cry. Barret muttered under his breath, "Yup. That 'bout says it all." and Tifa couldn't help but smile. Just a little bit.