Author: Raven Shadowrose

Rating: T

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: Sequel to Epiphany, Jeff and Dixie are trying to have a baby, what happens when it is likely to be more difficult than they first thought?

Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for either of them to be used.

A/N: This is a direct sequel to Epiphany, please read that first to understand this story :) Reviews are welcome :)

Chapter One.

Dixie stood outside the ambulance station and waited for Jeff, she was worried, they had been trying for a baby for six months and so far she still wasn't pregnant. 'Princess, are you ready?'

'Yeah, best to get it over and done with.'

'Don't worry Dixie, whatever it is we will face it together.' Jeff put his arm around Dixie and they went into the hospital and up to the ante-natal clinic. Dixie felt like she had failed somehow, no matter how many times Jeff told her that it wasn't her fault she still felt that it was. She held onto Jeff as they approached. 'Hi, we have an appointment today, Mr and Mrs Collier.' The nurse looked on the computer and then smiled at them.

'Okay, you're all booked in, take a seat and someone will be with you shortly.'

'Thank you.' Dixie sat down with Jeff in the waiting area, she looked at the pregnant women in there and wished that she was pregnant now.

Jeff held Dixie's hand as they sat in the waiting area of the clinic, he could see Dixie looking at the pregnant women in there and squeezed her hand. 'If I had told you earlier Jeff, I might have been pregnant by now.'

'Dixie, it isn't your fault, I'm sure that everything will be fine.' Jeff kissed Dixie's head and hugged her, he hated that she was blaming herself for something that she had no control over.

'I hope you're right.'

'I am.' Jeff held Dixie closer in his arms and tried to comfort her the best that he could.

Dixie looked up when the doctor called their names, she was dreading this appointment, what if he told her that she could never have a child? She sat down in one of the chairs and folded her hands in her lap. 'I have looked over your test results from the last time that you were here and I believe I have found the cause of your inability to get pregnant. When we were examining your tests Mrs Collier we found that your fallopian tubes are blocked meaning that you will not be able to get pregnant.' Dixie just stared at the doctor, she didn't know what to say, this was her fault.

Jeff looked at Dixie, she looked as if she was in shock, he held her hands in his and stroked them gently. 'What can we do?'

'The blockages are only small, I have every hope that we can remove them with laparoscopic surgery. I have prepared an information pack for you to read at your leisure, I understand that this is quite a shock and you will need some time to discuss what I have told you. I have taken the liberty of organising a slot for the surgery to take place, if you decide not to go ahead then let us know.'

'Thank you doctor, can we go?'

'Yes, see you soon.' Jeff smiled weakly at the doctor and escorted Dixie from his room, he knew that she was going to be blaming herself for this.

Dixie got into the car, she had given Jeff her key for her locker so he could get her stuff, she didn't want to see anyone or have them fussing around her. She couldn't have a baby, already she was failing as a mother, she couldn't even get past the first stage of getting pregnant. She blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill down her face, she very rarely cried but now looked as if this was going to be one of those rare times. She barely paid attention to anything that Jeff said, the only thing that she could hear was the doctor telling her that couldn't get pregnant. She got out of the car the minute that it stopped and went upstairs, she just wanted for all of this to be a dream.

Jeff looked up the stairs, he wanted to go to Dixie, would she bite his head off if he went up there? He decided that she could tell him to go away and shout at him all she liked but now was not the best time for her to be alone. He knocked on the door. 'Dixie?'

'Go away.' He could hear the tears clouding her voice and pushed open the door. 'Go away Jeffrey.'

'No.' He went over to the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

'Get off me Jeff, this is all my fault.'

'It is not princess, I love you.' Jeff held Dixie as she broke down, it killed him inside to see her like this. He knew that she needed to cry, that she needed to get it all out of her system. Dixie rarely cried but he understood that she needed to cry now, he needed to be the strong one for her during this time. 'I love you princess.' Jeff stroked Dixie's hair and just held her tightly, he loved her dearly and he wasn't going anywhere.

Dixie held onto Jeff, she had been determined to make him go away and let her suffer but the feeling of his arms around her made her crumble. She needed him now, he was the only one that she wanted with her at this time. Her crying faded to nothing and she just lay in Jeff's arms, she was tired and she couldn't fight him any more. 'Jeff?'

'Yes princess.'

'Is this my fault?'

'No, you are not to blame. This is something that could happen to anyone.'

'I wish I believed that.'

'Dixie, look at me, this is not your fault.' She looked at Jeff and tried to smile.

'I must look a mess.'

'Nonsense, you're beautiful Dixie.'

'Liar.'

'I am not.'

'What are we going to do Jeff?'

'For tonight, nothing, I am going to run you a bath and then you're going to bed.'

'But...'

'No, the problem will still be there tomorrow, we can think about it once we've had some sleep.'

'A bath would be nice.'

'Your wish is my command princess.'

'Thank you.' Dixie watched Jeff leave the room, she would not be able to do this without him.

Jeff went into the bathroom and closed the door, only then did he let the tears that he had been holding back fall from his eyes. He had been devastated when he found out that it was Dixie that had something wrong with her, he would rather it have been himself. Now she was going to have to go through surgery and who knew what else. He wiped his eyes, he couldn't fall apart now, Dixie needed him to be strong for her. He splashed his face with water and got rid of all the evidence that he had been crying. Turning to the bath he started running water into it and added Dixie's favourite bubble bath, he just wanted to make her feel better in any way that he could.

Dixie looked up when Jeff came into the bedroom. 'Come on princess.' She slipped her hand into the one that Jeff held out and followed him into the bathroom. The scent of her favourite bubble bath filled her head the minute that she walked in. She took off the robe that was covering her body. 'Jeff?'

'Yes princess.'

'Will you come in with me?'

'Of course I will.' She was glad that they'd had the old bath replaced with one that could fit both of them in it, she needed Jeff now, needed him to be her anchor.

Jeff climbed into the bath and made room for Dixie, asking him to come in with her was her way of asking for help and he was only too pleased to give it to her. He made sure that she was warm enough, he didn't want her getting cold. 'I love you Jeff.'

'I love you too princess.'

'You won't leave me, will you?'

'Leave you? Why would I do that?'

'Because I can't get pregnant.'

'I'm not leaving you, I'll be with you through all of this, you'll never be alone. I promise.' Jeff held Dixie tightly as she snuggled up to him.

'Thank you.'

'No need to thank me princess, we're in this together, always.' Jeff breathed a sigh of relief, Dixie was calmer now, she'd had quite the shock today and he wished that he could take all of her suffering away.

Dixie relaxed, she was glad that Jeff wasn't going to leave her, deep down she had known that he wouldn't but she had to know for sure. The entire world had tipped on its head today and she still wasn't sure how she was going to deal with it. It was still sinking in, she had something wrong with her that was stopping her having a child, she was going to have to have an operation to sort it out and make things work as they should. Were they going to have cut her open, would she have scars? Many questions bounced around her head, this was not her area of expertise, she had no idea what was going to happen to her when she went into the hospital. 'Princess, stop thinking so much.'

'I can't, I'm scared.'

'There's nothing to be scared of, I'll protect you, nothing is going to happen to you.'

'How do you know?'

'Because I won't let anything happen to you.'

'You promise?'

'I do, come on princess, the water is getting cold.' Dixie stepped into the towel that Jeff held out to her and let him dry her off, she really was glad that he was here with her.

Jeff knew that Dixie was afraid, though she worked in a hospital she wasn't the biggest fan of them at all. It was going to be hard for her going in there but he knew that she could do it, Dixie was the strongest person that he'd ever met. He made sure that Dixie dressed in her warmest pyjamas and then sat her down at the kitchen table. He placed some toast in front of her. 'I can't eat Jeff.'

'You have to princess, you're going to need your strength, please Dixie.' Dixie nodded and nibbled at the toast, he was glad that she was eating something even if it was only a little something. He took the plate from her once she had finished and put it in the sink. 'Time for bed Dixie, you're exhausted, you need to rest.'

'I am tired.'

'You should think about taking some time off work.'

'No, I can't, I'll go mad if I'm here all day and thinking about it.'

'Okay.' Jeff wasn't happy about it but he knew that Dixie would be happier working.

Dixie climbed into bed with a sigh, she was worried and it was beginning to give her a headache. Jeff climbed into the bed and she cuddled up to him straight away. 'Hold me.' She relaxed when she felt Jeff's arms wrap around her, she felt safe when he was holding her. 'Don't go away, stay with me.'

'I'm not going anywhere princess.' Her eyes closed when Jeff started stroking her hair, she needed to sleep, she was worn out. Worrying about the appointment and then finding out that she couldn't get pregnant and needed an operation had exhausted her.

'I love you Jeff,' she said sleepily. She was asleep before Jeff could reply.

Jeff watched Dixie as she slept, it was good for her, it had been a terrible day and she was distraught over everything. He would discuss the information that they had been given with her tomorrow. Right now the only thing she needed was rest and comfort, he meant it, he would be with her every step of the way. He would be with her as she went into hospital and as she fell asleep, he would be there when she woke up too, he wasn't going to leave her alone at any time through the process. 'I love you princess.' Jeff kissed Dixie's head and hugged her sleeping form close to him, he was going to take care of her throughout all of this no matter what it took.