Ranma ½
As written by Areku1993
Also with a little Inuyasha…
"Hup." Sisoga climbed the ladder out of the well. "Made it. Hah, and that Kagome thinks she's the only person who can warp through time. Where the Hell am I?"
Sisoga had a strange background. Long ago, there was a dreadful legend of a beautiful woman named Omosaui Sisoga. Sisoga was the princess of an old, forgotten city called Kentorii. Her father was Omosaui Kentorii, the founder of the city. When Sisoga died, she was only seventeen years old. Her death was terrible, gruesome, and overall, she was murdered. Her father did not want her to be his successor, for his wife had died early and Sisoga was their only child.
So one day as Sisoga slept, he crept up on her with two iron nails and a hammer, intent on hammering one through her heart. However, Sisoga awoke at the very moment and ran. He threw the nail, and when Sisoga jumped, the nail thudded into her wrist, pinning her to the wall, four feet in the air. Kentorii finished her off with another nail through her heart; this one he pulled out. Kentorii forbid anyone from entering the room. He posted guards at every entrance and said that Sisoga was dying from a terrible sickness. He died and his city died with him, everyone leaving and moving away. They burned down everything, including Kentorii's old palace.
She had long, white hair, with brown streaks, that dropped all the way to her ankles. Her skin was a light brown; it could have been mistaken for a tan. Brown rags were draped over her shoulders, once a beautiful sleeping kimono but now old anddirty. Truly, her hand was nailed into the wood and there was a hole through her old kimono through her heart. Sisoga had tiny brown cat ears poking from her hair… A cat demon.
Years later, Inuyasha and the gang freed her from the wall after she was revived by two shards of the Shikon jewel, which were now embedded in her hands, giving her superhuman strength. She ran away from them and fell in the well. Are you still with me? Good. Back to the story. Sorry for the delay.
Sisoga walked out of the well and off the Higurashi shrine. "Ew. My kimono is so gross! I should…" She glanced into a shop. "Ooh… Pretty…"
Later, she walked out of the store in a casual black dress and a wide-brimmed straw sun hat. "I look so cute now! Hehe. I'm so glad I had some yen with me!"
She walked around the modern world for a while… But she soon got lost, all the way on the other side of Tokyo. Sisoga looked around. "Oh, Hell. Where am I?" She walked into a café and rang the bell at the counter. A small, old woman popped up behind the register. "Hello! Welcome to the cat café. How may I help a lovely young woman like yourself?"
"Hi. Umm, can you give me directions to the Higurashi shrine?" Sisoga asked, rubbing the back of her head.
"Higurashi? I've never heard of it, sorry. Shampoo? Have you ever heard of the Higurashi shrine?"
Shampoo poked her head out of the kitchen. "No. Sorry grandma. Shampoo no know where Higurashi shrine is."
Sisoga sighed. "Thanks, anyway…"
"Your welcome. I hope you find what you are looking for." Shampoo's great grandma bobbed her head.
"Thank you. Good bye."
For the next hour or so, Sisoga went around asking people where the Higurashi shrine was. Then she saw a very peculiar sight. A giant panda, walking through the streets, with a sign that said 'Help' on it in clear letters.
"Uh, you need help?" Sisoga asked, her eyes confused. The panda nodded. "Well, umm…" Sisoga shrugged. "I can bring you home… Where do you live?" The panda turned the sign around, with a clear address on the back. He froze as he was lifted from the ground by one hand and set on Sisoga's shoulder. "Alright, big guy. I'll get you home."
Later, at Akane's
"What the…" Ranma was laid back on the roof, as a guy. He sat up and blinked, rubbing his eyes. "What the Hell…"
Sisoga was standing on the front porch, Ranma's dad still rested on her shoulder. "Hello?" She called and knocked on the door. Akane and the family were all out at a summer carnival. "Anyone home? Hello, I'm carrying a giant panda here…"
Ranma jumped off the roof, landing on his father's head. "Yo."
Sisoga looked up at Ranma just standing on the panda's head which was rested on her shoulder. "Hi. Is this yours?"
"Yeah. This is my dad. Can you put us down?" He asked, slightly irritated.
"Oh, sorry." She set Ranma and his father down. "If this is your father, then why aren't you a demon?" She took off her sun hat and sat down.
Ranma stared at the ears on her head. "What the Hell are those?"
"Ears."
"Yeah, I KNOW that. But… Why are they on your head?" Ranma tugged on them.
"OW! What the Hell? Let go of those!"
"Sorry." He laughed. "It's not every day you have a sideshow freak bring your panda bear of a dad home."
"Sideshow freak? Listen you, I'm a proud cat demon!"
"C… C… CAT?" Ranma leapt back.
"Yeah. Cat. Come on, do I look like an ACTUAL cat to you?"
"…No. I guess not." He sat down next to her, rubbing his temples. "Now. What the Hell are you doing here?"
"I fell into a well and came out here and now I need to find the Higurashi shrine."
"Oh… Higurashi? I can take you there. My friend's friend's brother's crush's family owns that place."
"I can't go back."
"WHAT? How do you know?"
Sisoga got a sort of sly look on her face. In truth, she was really just trying to buy time to stay with Ranma. She was the kind of girl who fell for the first guy who said five words to her. "Don't you think I tried going back in when I came out here?"
"Good point. Uh… maybe you can stay with Shampoo or something…"
"What? Let me stay with you. Don't you have a guest room or something?"
"I don't know…"
Sisoga flung her arms around him and stared into his eyes, her eyes glassy. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"
"Ugh… Um…" Ranma just stared at her, more nervous that he ever was. "Sure, why not…"
"Whee! Thank you, um…"
"Ranma."
"Thank you Ranma!" She let go and turned away, hopping up and down. "I have a place to stay! Woohoo!"
"So, um, where exactly did a freak like you come from?" He asked… Very stupidly, I might add.
Sisoga froze. "Freak? YOU BASTARD!" She spun around with a kick.
Ranma caught her ankle. "Yo, I'm sorry…"
"Oh, come on!" She positioned her foot on his shoulder and spun herself into the air, her foot catching his ear. "Freak? The nerve! Just because I'm a demon doesn't make me much different than you!"
Ranma still held on to her ankle, seeming unfazed by the kick. "Sheesh, come on, look at you, you have freaking cat ears…"
"… Let go of my ankle and face me, dammit."
He let go of her ankle and sighed. "Sheesh, lady, you are so paranoid… I'm a martial arts master, you can barely hurt…"
He was silenced when Sisoga's jewel shard-powered fist crashed into his cheek. Something cracked painfully in his neck.
"Oh, God…" He growled. "What the Hell…"
"I'm fed up with you insulting me!" Sisoga shouted at him. A tiny black piglet ran from the from door and oinked, as if to say 'What's going on out here?' Ryouga just stared at Sisoga and oinked again. 'Pretty girl.'
"Look, It's nice of you to give me a room and all, but if I have to stay within twenty feet of you I'll break a wall or something. I can find the shrine again, and I'll just keep jumping in until I can go back!"
Ranma rubbed his cheek. "Aw, Hell… Lucky shot. You couldn't break a wall. A girl like you?"
Ryouga sighed and oinked. 'As a girl, you could probably break a wall, Ranma.'
"I would break a wall but I don't want to cost you anything." Sisoga snarled. "Hmph. Peasants…"
"Peasant? I'm no peasant!" Ranma proclaimed angrily. "I'm a normal civilian!"
"Normal? Hah. You couldn't pass as even the most average person in a freak show! Peasant? Hah! To me, everyone around here is a peasant."
"So what, are you saying you're royalty?"
"Yes, in fact." She pulled a diamond-studded gold tiara from a bag at her side and placed it delicately on her head. "I am. Princess Omosaui Sisoga."
There was silence for a moment. Then Ranma's father jumped and scribbled something on a sign: "THE Princess Omosaui Sisoga? Killed with a nail in her heart, burned with her village?"
"Yes."
Ranma and Ryouga looked at each other. Of course, Ryouga leapt into Sisoga's arms and snuggled into her chest, laughing evilly, if pigs could laugh.
"Ryouga, you pervert." Ranma yelled at him. "You just want to marry rich."
OINK. OINK. 'I do not. She's just very, very, very pretty.'
"You named the pig?" Sisoga asked, looking down.
"Akane named him P-Chan, but his real name is Ryouga. And he's at least 70 human." Ranma mumbled angrily.
"So he's a demon?"
"You could SAY that. But he's really just a guy who turns into a pig when he gets wet. Um, are you okay?"
Sisoga was staring greedily at Ryouga. Cat instinct.
"Uh… Uh… I'm… Fine… Er…" Her cat ears twitched. Ryouga stared at her nervously, as did Ranma.
"Uh, Sisoga…" Ranma reached towards her and Ryouga. "You don't look so…"
"MREOOOOOOOOW!" Sisoga dropped Ryouga and turned into a tiger-sized short furred cat. Ryouga pounced into the air and took off, Sisoga close at his heels.
"CAT!" Ranma jumped on the roof, clinging to the tiles. "Cat, cat, cat…"
'What a baby.' His father's sign read. 'Be a man.'
Sisoga chased Ryouga all around Tokyo, until Ryouga cut through someone's yard… And tripped into someone's hot tub. Sisoga pounced in after him, of course, catching his leg in her teeth before he turned back. Unfortunately, Sisoga ran out of power, and had to turn back to her human form. And so they sat there, Sisoga's hand on Ryouga's ankle and knee, her teeth gnawing into the flesh on his leg. Ryouga just crossed his arms and closed his eyes, obviously angry. "Can I help you, Sisoga?"
Sisoga lifted her eyes as her chewing slowed. She let go of his leg and rubbed the back of her head, sinking into the water. "Ha ha ha… Rotten cats, hah…"
"Rotten cats is right…" He mumbled.
"I'M SORRY, okay? I was born this way. If I had my way I would be something else. Something cute. Something like…" She flashed a mischievous grin. "Something like a pig."
Ryouga flushed red. "Shut up."
"Is that any way to speak to a woman?" Sisoga demanded. "Hmph. You compliment someone and just because you're royal they think you're a snob and…"
"No, no!" Ryouga waved his hands when Sisoga started crying. "It's not that, it's just… HELLO you were trying to chew my leg off!"
"I CAN'T HELP IT!" She cried. "I'M HALF CAT!"
"Aw, Ryouga, you made her cry."
Ryouga suddenly found Ranma standing on his head, his hands in his pockets, watching them. "Meanie."
"RANMA!" Ryouga shook his head, throwing Ranma off. Ranma, laughing, fled against the fence, kicking off of it and landing on his feet.
"Come on, at least try to apologize." Ranma smirked.
"You could apologize for calling her a freak."
"NO FAIR!"
"It's totally fair… Hah…" Ryouga smirked back at him.
"Well, Ryouga, maybe you might want to explain why you are a naked boy sitting in a hot tub with a naked girl?"
Ryouga gave a sort of 'erk' noise. "Hell… Ranma, get me something to wear!"
"ME TOO!" Sisoga stopped crying just to growl this.
Ranma laughed the whole way home and returned with Ryouga's clothes and something from Akane's closet for Sisoga. "Here. Sisoga, Akane has never worn this and I don't think she will. It's all yours!"
"Hmph." Sisoga grabbed the clothes. "Care to explain why you brought me a miniskirt and a halter top?"
Ranma turned red while Ryouga just stared at him. "Because Akane won't miss it and you will look hot."
Sisoga fumed, but pulled on the skirt under the water. "Bastard."
When she stood up—Dressed, of course—Ranma just stared at…
"Stop staring at my breasts, Ranma!"
"Erk… I wasn't!"
"Shut up."
"Yes ma'am."
When Akane got home…
"IS THAT A HOOKER?" Akane screamed, pointing at Sisoga, who was lounging on the couch. Sisoga sprang up and glared at her. "HOOKER? Ranma told me to wear this because my clothes are ruined!"
"RANMA!" Akane screamed. Ranma popped his head around the kitchen door. "Hullo?"
"Who the Hell is she? And why the Hell is she wearing my clothes?" She demanded.
"YOUR clothes?" Kasumi giggled. "You wouldn't wear that in a million years. You don't have the boobs for it."
"Shut up." Akane hissed. "Ranma! Tell me, who the…" She sniffed the air. "Are you COOKING?"
"Correction, Sisoga is cooking. Well, she was. She made Chinese noodles and ramen! And chicken!"
Ryouga shoved Ranma out onto the floor and popped his own head around the door. "It's real good!"
"Where exactly did you FIND Sisoga, hm?" Akane asked. "Because if it was in a parking lot…"
"Why you…" Sisoga almost turned into a cat and sprang on her.
"No, nothing like that!" Ranma sat up and tripped Ryouga. "Dad got lost in the city and Sisoga carried him back."
"Sisoga 'carried' him? How does one go about CARRYING a 600 pound panda bear?"
"Like this." Sisoga picked up Ranma's father and hefted him onto her shoulder. "See? Easy."
Akane just stared. "Oh, my God!"
Ryouga stared too. This was the first time he saw her pick up the giant panda. "Oh, my God!"
"What? All demons can do this!" Sisoga proclaimed proudly. "It's in our genes."
"I wanna be a demon!" Ranma whined.
"Why?" Akane sneered. "So you'll be more like Sisoga and can then date her without feeling weird? Hmph!"
"Wha? NO WAY!" Ranma shook his head frantically. "We're just friends… Sisoga is my friend! I wouldn't date her!"
"I would."
"Shut up, Ryouga. Or I'll tell Akane about…"
"You wouldn't."
"I can. And I will…"
Ryouga grabbed a bucket and poured cold water on Ranma, turning him into a girl.
Girl Ranma twitched. "How rude of you, Ryouga."
Sisoga stared, a sweat drop falling down the side of her head. "What the Hell…"
"Well, um, Ranma turns into a girl when splashed with cold water." Ryouga explained.
Ranma poured hot water on himself. "I'll stick to being a guy today, thank you."
"Oh, just like you turn in—" She suddenly found Ryouga's hand clamped over her mouth.
"Don't. Say it."
"Mmph!"
Akane just laughed. "Why don't you just ask her out and get it over with, Ryouga?"
"Wha? NO WAY!" Ryouga flailed his arms. "I don't wanna!"
"Oh, Ryouga, why not?" Again, Ryouga found Ranma standing on his head. "She's a lovely young girl, totally your type. Being a cat demon doesn't make her much different than you."
"She's not my type, Ranma." Ryouga grabbed his ankle and tossed him off of his head.
"You mean your type isn't the cat-morphing old-Japan martial-arts master chick?" Ranma laughed.
"You should who that she's good at martial arts, considering she almost broke your neck."
Ranma rubbed his cheek and his neck. "Shut up. That really did hurt, I want to see you try it."
"Alright. Sisoga, punch me."
Sisoga shook her head. "Hell no! Look at Ranma, bruises like that don't come often…"
Ranma just glared at her. "Don't rub it in. I had my guard down."
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?" Ryouga begged. "I want to show Ranma that…"
BASH.
SLAM.
Ryouga sat up, dizzy. He was now pressed up against a wall, a bruise being colored on his cheek. "Hahaha… That hurt a lot! Hahaha!"
Sisoga shrugged. "I told you so."
"That… Was…" Akane furrowed her brow. But then her eyes lit up. "AWESOME! YOU HAVE TO TEACH ME HOW TO DO THAT! Please please please please please please?"
"Uh… I can't…" Sisoga rubbed the back of her head. "See, my hands are powered by two fragments of the Shikon jewel… It all depends on where they hit. Mine are in the palms on my hands, giving me supernatural strength, even for demons. Even a shard of the jewel enhances a person's natural power by at least multiplying it by two. In some cases, even a hundred. So, um, I could probably pick you all up plus the panda with one hand…"
Akane just stared at her wide-eyed. "The 'Shikon jewel?'"
"Formally known as the 'Shikon no Tama.' It's a powerful jewel that can enhance natural abilities by adding one thousand times their power. Long ago, a girl named Kagome broke the jewel with a arrow, and now demons all over the feudal era are searching for fragments. Some to just make themselves more powerful, but most to just turn themselves into something they are not. Inuyasha, a half-demon, wants to turn into a full demon by using the power of the jewel. He and his friends…"
She suddenly felt a clawed fist bonk the top of her head. Inuyasha hung off the support beams, a vein throbbing on his head, obviously, angry. "Who gave you permission to tell them about me, PRINCESS?"
Sisoga laughed nervously. "Inuyasha… Hi…"
"Don't get cute with me. How the Hell did you get through the well? And why didn't you hurry up and come home?"
Sisoga grabbed his fist and pulled him to the ground. "You think I didn't TRY, dog boy?"
"Ugh…" He looked around and noticed Ryouga, still up against a wall, half conscious. He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder at Ryouga. "Playing with the locals?"
"He TOLD me to hit him!"
"What about him?" He pointed at Ranma.
"He was SO asking for it!"
"Ugh, just… Come on! I'm not going to have you frolic around in this era!" Inuyasha proceeded to drag her off, if he was not stopped by a loud, angry, "SIT!"
He crashed to the ground. Kagome tapped her foot on the ground, glaring at him. "Inuyasha, be nice!"
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" He yelled at her.
"For not being nice. Hmph."
Akane blinked. "Er… What are you people doing in my house?"
Kagome shook her hand. "I am so sorry. My name is Kagome, and this is Inuyasha, one of the greatest demons of all time!"
"HALF-DEMON!"
"Whatever. We're sorry if Sisoga caused you any trouble."
Sisoga fumed. "I don't CAUSE people trouble. THEY cause ME trouble!"
"Quiet, Sisoga."
"No! I don't want to be quiet! I'm going to fight something. Akane, do you have any spare karate uniforms? Or a training hall?"
Akane smiled and led her to her room. "Come on Sisoga. No offence, but you look stupid in those clothes anyway."
"SHE DOES NOT!" Ranma called.
Akane just rolled her eyes. "Ignore him…"
Nabiki, the boy-crazy daughter of the Tendo family, smiled and fluttered her eyelashes at Inuyasha. Inuyasha just smiled nervously and waved awkwardly.
In the training hallCRACK.
BOOM.
"Wow, Ryouga! That was awesome!" Sisoga squealed. A boulder lay in pebbles at their feet. Akane just sat against the wall, watching and smiling. Sisoga was adapting quickly to the modern lifestyle.
"An old ghoul taught it to me." Ryouga explained, reveling in his five minutes of glory and praise. "You find the breaking point on the boulder and press on it. BOOM, it explodes into the dozens of little pebbles you see at your feet."
Ryouga rolled in a big boulder. "Here. Don't be frustrated if you don't get it the first…"
BOOM.
"Like that?"
Ryouga flailed his arms madly. "WHAT THE HELL IT TOOK ME A WEEK TO MASTER THAT!"
"Maybe I just learn faster than you… It's nothing to be upset about! Calm down!" Sisoga smiled.
Ryouga crossed his arms. "Hmph… Whatever. Sisoga, attack me."
"Why?"
"This IS a training hall, after all! And if you're going to be here for a long time, we need to enroll you in school, like Ranma and Akane."
Sisoga swung a kick at his head, which he ducked. "School? I haven't been to school for sixty years!"
"Too bad, princess." Ryouga grabbed her ankle and flung her at a wall. Sisoga kicked off the wall onto her feet.
"You're so… MEAN, Ryouga!" Sisoga punched his arm, which would have been his forehead if he had been any slower.
"I'm not mean. I'm aggressive!" He grabbed her parasol and jabbed it towards her. Sisoga caught it and wrenched it from his hands.
"What the Hell, this thing is heavy." She twirled it by the handle on her fingertip like a basketball. "Mortals your age shouldn't be able to even lift things this heavy!"
"Well, I'm no usual mortal, am I?"
"Oh, whatever." She swung the parasol like a sword, hearing it slice through the air. "Anyway, does this school have uniforms?"
"I think so… Does it, Akane?"
"Yeah."
"HELL no. I am NOT wearing a uniform!"
"I don't wear a uniform either." Ranma muttered. "It sucks." He suddenly dropped from the ceiling and landed next to Akane.
"Fine, see if I care. You'll just get in trouble." Akane sniffed.
"Fine by me." Sisoga let Ryouga hop away and she toyed with his parasol. She kept swinging is around as if it were a mere feather. Akane and Ranma looked at each other. "Cool." They said at once.
"Hey, Sisoga!" Akane asked, jumping up. "There is a martial arts tournament tomorrow. Why don't you enter?"
"I'm a demon. It would be unfair."
Akane walked over and pushed Sisoga's ears back into her hair. They were now currently invisible. "And if they pop up, people will just thing it's an accessory. Okay?"
"Great! I guess I'll enter. What about Ranma?"
"Akane, do you remember ALL THE OTHER TIMES I tried to compete in martial arts stuff? Something bad happened. I'm sitting out and watching Sisoga do this one."
"But I'm entering…"
"Too bad."
"Fine. Sisoga, hurry up and sign up for the tournament!"