Dean Winchester is saved.
"I don't deserve to be saved." Dean thinks to himself. He looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He thinks of his flaws, his crushed dreams, his failures. Dean Winchester is broken. He can no longer smile. Can no longer laugh. Hell, he can't even remember the last time he was even genuinely happy. He's a failure. He's good for nothing. He has nobody. Although there are people who love him, he feels alone.
"I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."
Another shot of whiskey to drown out the pain. Dean Winchester's biggest accomplishment is raising Sam to be a good person when his own father could not. Sam Winchester. His baby brother; his only reason to live. Sammy makes him smile when nobody else can. Can make him laugh on his darkest days. They keep each other alive. They keep each other sane. Sam is Dean's and Dean is Sam's. And as tears begin to form around Dean's eyes, he thinks of his baby brother. His reason to live.
Dean can't even look at himself in the mirror anymore.
What has he become? Dean Winchester, the man who saved the world, is now an alcoholic. He's pathetic. Worthless. Castiel is just as broken as he is. The righteous angel. The warrior of God. "Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" Dean regrets those words he once spoke to his angel. Dean never told Cas how much he meant to him. Dean rubs his hands over his filthy face and takes another shot of whiskey.
Dean's whole life is an apology. Every breathe he takes, every choice makes, he's trying to make everything right. The weight of his self-hatred is crushing him, but he keeps going because he needs to look after his baby brother. He needs to fix all of the things he's fucked up. He needs to fix himself.
Dean's too busy to sleep in the day and too worried to sleep at night. He worries about his baby brother, among other things. And sometimes, Dean wonders, "do I deserve this?" He feels the familiar burn in the pit of his stomach as he downs another shot. Thinking about his little brother always leads to one of Dean's worst failures. Although Dean had never told him so, he loved the youngest Winchester. Maybe he wasn't a full Winchester, but Dean considered him part of the family. His youngest brother, Adam still waits for one of his older brothers to save him from Hell. The tears are now streaming down Dean's face as he pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind.
Dean was always a disappointment. He always thought that his Mother's death was his fault. He had always believed it. His Father had raised him and his brother to be fearless. They never had a childhood. Dean always had tried his best to protect his baby brother.
Dean Winchester wipes the tears from his face and lifts his shirt over his head. He looks at the sleeping form of Sam, curled up under the covers of a shitty motel bed. His broken baby brother. Dean staggers over to his bed on the other side of Sam's. He falls onto the creaky bed and pulls his boots off, setting the nearly empty bottle of whiskey on the bedside table. He slides his jeans off and throws them across the room. The alarm clock reads 3:26. Dean downs the rest of the amber colored liquid and sobs into his pillow. He refuses to let his baby brother see him cry.
And as Dean's vision blurs and he falls into a deep sleep, Sam Winchester whispers "Everything's gonna be okay, Dean."