It was meant to be only a simple visit to the clinic, but from the moment Draco hears the front door opening he feels that something has changed.
Something isn't alright. It's too quiet. There is a horrible feeling that twists and turns his insides. Astoria walks into the living room, a crestfallen look on her heart-shaped face. She looks like a mess – she is missing her other shoe and curls of her hair are falling from what once was an elegant bun. The mascara is smudged around her eyes.
Draco stands up, swiftly putting his book down on the table, and opening his arms for her. And Astoria runs to him, silent tears streaming down her cheeks, and pulls him into a hug.
Draco's heart breaks when the first sob breaks the suffocating silence between them.
"I-I'm sorry…" Astoria's voice is a mix of high-pitched spluttering and low groans, all veiled in gut-wrenching sadness. She's gripping desperately on Draco's shirt, sobbing as Draco rubs circles on her back. "I… We… We lost her… I'm so sorry…"
–Yesterday is not ours to recover–
Astoria doesn't cry anymore.
She doesn't even apologize.
Draco is grateful of that. The first few hundred times of 'I'm sorry' had been enough. She had half-sobbed and half-shouted the words at him before gradually – slowly, but steadily – calming down and allowing him to wipe the tears away. Draco had listened to her words, and let them sink in. It would've been less painful to receive a Cruciatus Curse.
He whispers sweet nonsense into her ear, soothingly running his thin, effeminately delicate fingers through her long and silky hair. Astoria wants to keep him close, in her grasp, and she tightens her grip on his shirt until her knuckles turn white. She's afraid he'll take the first chance and run away from, never to return. Because she feels like she has failed him.
It could be worse, Draco reassures himself, and listens to her now steadied heartbeat. Which is true, in a way. She is so close to him in so many levels. She has pulled him through so much and he has helped her as much. They still have each other. They'll just have to keep on trying.
Astoria doesn't even try to look away when Draco drops his gaze down, just to meet her eyes.
He wishes there is something he could do to make the guilty look disappear from her face. Her eyes are red and puffy and remains of the tears she shed are visible on her too pale cheeks. He nudges her with a pensive look on his face and she gives a tight-lipped smile in return.
"You shouldn't blame yourself," he manages to croak. His mouth feels like sandpaper when he utters the words. The usual edge lost in his voice. His words come out almost gently and he forces out a laugh because that's the exact opposite of what he is. He's supposed to be strong, and determined, and now…
Now he sounds almost pathetic.
Draco bites the inside of cheek to keep his composure when Astoria starts crying again. She leans on him and he can feel the only dry spot on the front of his shirt getting wet. She sniffles and wipes her nose on her sleeve, just to let out another sob.
We will survive this.
He repeats the sentence like it's a mantra. Over and over again, like it's his lifeline. He doesn't want to shed a tear. He pulls her closer, his arms wrapped around her tiny shoulders. He isn't sure how long has already passed, or how long will pass until everything is okay again.
We will survive this together.
A sour taste crawls up his throat. He can practically hear his blood coursing in his veins. His heart is like a jungle-drum, and he's sure she feels it too. He feels sick of the fate playing her cruel tricks on them. He wants justice. He wants to go and punch something or someone. He wants to scream, and shout, and just break down.
But Draco doesn't do any of those things.
He is the strong one of them; he's meant to keep them together through everything they face but at the times like this he wishes life would be fairer.
So instead of crumbling down like an abandoned building he cups Astoria's cheeks and offers a small, strained smile before kissing first her forehead, then her cheekbone, and lastly her lips. Soft and sweet – they're not in a hurry because the moment isn't for passion. It's for solace. It's for them both to know they're not alone with this pain. It's for staying strong.
Just a moment. Just a minute.
Just the two of them.
"We'll just have to try again," Draco says so quietly that the words almost die on his lips when he lets his hands caress her flat stomach. "We'll get there. The three of us."
They'll make it through this. Surely they will. They've been through so much already. They can always try again. They can keep on fighting.
Astoria inhales sharply and he feels her shift under his touch before giving him a small nod.
–But tomorrow is ours to win or lose–
She presses her hands over his, the small action followed by the tiniest of the smiles as she looks up. There is a glimmer of hope in her eyes and it shines like a thousand suns. Draco allows himself to finally let a lonely tear roll down his cheek when he returns Astoria's smile and whispers into her ear four small words:
"Tomorrow will be kinder."
QLFC Round 11 – Top of the Pops
MAGPIES: I Don't Want To Miss A Thing – Aerosmith
HODDIE: 'Feel your heart so close to mine'
OPTIONAL PROMPTS:
1. (word) delicate
8. (word) determined
12. (quote) 'Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose' - Lyndon B. Johnson
A/N: Special thanks to Raybe for betaing!