Christmas of Mourning.
A Christmas craze took over the countryside as the festive season neared. Almost all shops had been lit up with Christmas decorations and every Christmas tree stood proudly adorned with colourful balls and ribbons. Children waited for their Santa Claus to come and deliver them their presents. Every square was lit up with bright banners and sparkling lights making people forget about the frost in the air.
A teenage boy of seventeen walked silently to the place he had actually considered his second home for a long time, observing all the festivities. He hugged his thin jacket, making his way through the crowded streets of people enjoying their Christmas Eve. Though his eyes could see the happiness on people's faces, he himself felt none of it.
The boy pulled on his hood and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he made his way down an alley, away from the cheerful street. He silently scanned the surroundings for any possible danger which fortunately he did not find. Finally coming to a stop at the end of the alley and after making sure no one was watching him, he disapparated.
Harry Potter now stood in front of the familiar gate he had walked through many times. A bushy haired girl stood beside him. She had been waiting for him and gave him a bone-crushing hug upon his arrival.
"Harry! I'm back. How have you been?" she asked.
Harry gave her a soft smile as he answered her question. "I've been okay, Hermione. Just helping McGonnagall in redeveloping Hogwarts. How are your Mum and Dad?"
"They were furious when I told them that I had run away after wiping their memories. But after I explained everything to them and I told them about the war, they understood."
"Ah! Well then, shall we go inside? Ron must be waiting for us." Harry asked, placing his hand on the gate to push it open. Hermione did not reply but just studied him silently for a few moments.
"What's wrong with you, Harry?" Hermione asked, gently taking his hand in hers and making him turn around to look at her. "Of course, if you don't want to share then I'm not going to force you to." She added, quickly.
Harry just gave her a small hug in reply. His friend patted him with the kind of understanding that no one else showed towards him. Even now he still remembered the days when he fought with Ron and Hermione stayed with him. She never left his side even though she loved Ron and could have easily followed the redhead out. She was the one who would hold him when nothing in the world made sense to him and everything else was against him. She was that friend who put her problems aside for him and at the same time never hesitated to ask him for help when needed. She was the girl who protected him at the same time never let him think that he was weak.
They broke apart and together silently walked to the party.
"Enjoying?" George asked, as he sipped his fire-whisky. The redhead looked totally drunk.
Harry gave a small nod of his head. It was only a polite gesture. He just couldn't make himself happy no matter how hard he tried. Especially not when he saw Andromeda Tonks and what he guessed to be baby Teddy.
He had not been able to talk to Ginny and sort out things with her either. He sighed as he sat down beside Ron and sipped pumpkin juice. Ron was telling the little group sitting in front of him about how he and Harry had been travelling in the countryside after helping the professors rebuild Hogwarts. Harry had distanced himself from everyone only in the past two weeks. Ron had left to help his family so that they could start preparing for Christmas.
"Hey! What have you been doing these past two weeks?" A voice beside him snapped Harry out of his reverie. Neville pushed a plate of chips under his nose. The other replied only with a sigh.
"I, er, was relaxing." The Boy-who-lived answered after making up his mind.
Neville patted his shoulder making him look at his fellow Gryffindor. The small gesture held a lot of meaning and understanding. After all both of them had gone through similar situations and if it hadn't been for Harry then Neville would've been a part of that prophecy which took away Harry's parents from him.
"Um... Neville, excuse me. I want to have a word with Harry." Hermione intervened as Harry downed the last of his juice. He got up and followed Hermione, pushing past the crowd of drunken people, through the little back door and out into the fresh air. It felt surprisingly better to be outside and away from the people. The sky was clear and Harry could clearly see the bright stars from where he was standing. The cold, though, made him shiver slightly.
Hermione snapped her fingers in front of his face to bring his attention back to her. "Earth to, Harry. I know you've not been enjoying the party tad bit and don't try to deny it - I was watching you." She added matter-of-factly.
"Uhh...okay." Harry said, unsure of where this was going.
"So, I want you to do something that I feel is important for you." The bushy haired witch continued.
"Which is?"
"You should talk to Andromeda Tonks and tell her if she doesn't know already that you are Teddy's godfather." Hermione said, in one go.
Her friend's shoulders dropped. He did not feel surprised for some reason that she wanted him to do this and in a way it was the right thing to do too but Harry still felt hesitant about it.
"Hermione... I don't think I'm ready for this. I mean what can I even do for the child? He would be happier with his grandmother than with me. I really don't have an experience of taking care of babies. Besides, I still don't have a job or any good place to live other than the House of the Black family." Harry pointed out weakly.
"So? Harry, I didn't say that you have to take Teddy with you wherever you go. You can at least help the old woman in taking care of the child. Remus Lupin did not make you his son's godfather for you to shake off all your responsibilities towards him." Hermione countered.
"I still don't know why he did that." The young wizard mumbled.
"Stop mumbling! Come on, Harry. Sirius did not shake off his responsibility towards you because he did not have a stable life. Instead he-"
"Hermione, that was before the war. Now the circumstances are-"
"They are not different, Harry! All that I'm saying is that you need to make Teddy understand the depth of his parents' sacrifices. You are the only person who can understand his situation and help him out when he needs it." Hermione cried in exasperation.
There was a sudden silence between them. The two friends looked away, each repeating the conversation in their mind. Harry was about to say something when the door opened and Ron stepped out.
"You guys okay?" he asked looking from one to the other. Both of them nodded in unison. The redhead just raised his eyebrows as he studied his best-friends' indignant faces but said nothing.
"Umm... We...er.. we were just talking about..." Harry began but Hermione beat him to it.
"Ron, you were saying something?" she asked turning to Ron with an exaggerated expression of interest.
"Uh... yeah. Mum was calling Harry for something important." Ron replied.
"Oh! Is it so?" Harry asked nervously chewing on his lower lip. "I'm coming. You guys go ahead. I... I just need to... um... tie my shoelaces." He added feebly.
Ron and Hermione both gave him a look that said 'that was a lame excuse' but left him alone all the same. As the door closed behind them, Harry collapsed on to his knees. What could he do for Teddy? That was the only question that preoccupied his mind as for the first time he realised how alone he was. How miserable he would have been if not for this little house with its truly hospitable dwellers.
"Come Harry, come in." Molly Weasley said with her usual gentle tones.
Harry obliged and entered the little room which probably belonged to Mr and Mrs Weasley. The redheaded woman was sitting on the bed and beside her was Andromeda Tonks with her grandson peacefully sleeping between the two women. Now that he took a moment to notice, Harry could see how tired and worn out they looked with black circles under their eyes and slightly wrinkled faces. They had both lost the people closest to them and still carried the pain and grief with them as a souvenir of the war and it hurt the teenager a lot.
"Um... how can I be of help?" Harry asked, feeling rather silly and awkward.
Molly Weasley chuckled as she replied, "Harry, no need to be so formal. Take a seat." She indicated to a chair beside him which the boy gladly took.
"Andromeda here and I were talking about Teddy's future and as to who should take responsibility of raising him. So we were planning that as she lives alone it would be better if Teddy is well acquainted with more people and that he keeps visiting us. What do you suggest?" she continued.
"I? What can I suggest?" The black-haired wizard asked, timidly.
"Harry you're Teddy's godfather. Wouldn't you want to spend some time with him? So suggest us as to when you would like to reserve your time for him."
Harry's mouth felt dry. He just looked at the baby who was still thankfully in a blissful siesta.
"I have no idea. My life is still quite a mess. I haven't trained myself to become an auror and so I don't even have a job. How can I give any specific time to Teddy?"
"Merlin's beard!" Andromeda slapped her forehead with her hand in exasperation. "I wonder why my daughter and son-in-law thought of making Harry the godfather."
"Even I don't know that." Harry muttered under his breath.
"Andromeda, wait a minute. Harry it doesn't matter that you are not working yet. Teddy is going to be with either Andromeda or be here at the Burrow with us. You can visit any of the houses to spend time with the baby whenever you feel like. In fact, when you settle down you can take the boy with you to stay for a few days if you wish." Molly calmly explained.
Her reassuring voice was enough to give him strength but he still considered her words. It was a simple solution but he had never thought about it. Wasn't it always that way?
"If you say so, Mrs Weasley. I think you are right. I will keep visiting whenever possible." He declared.
Molly Weasley looked visibly relaxed and gave him an approving look. "Good! So now it is decided that Teddy will take turns in staying with us and Harry will make sure to visit whenever he can. It would be truly convenient."
Andromeda looked unperturbed. Harry got up and taking one last glance of the sleeping baby, left the room.
"So! Finally someone managed to knock sense into that dense brain of yours." Hermione said with a relieved smile.
"I don't have a dense brain!" Harry protested while Ron simply grinned.
The trio was standing in the backyard and Harry had just finished telling them about his conversation with the two old ladies. Hermione was as expected quite impressed with Ron's mother while Ron just gave him an encouraging pat.
"You do and everyone knows that." Hermione giggled.
Harry glared at her, sending Ron into chortles too. They fell quiet as a breeze blew in their faces and the silence felt welcoming. Each of them was lost in their own thoughts as they walked together through the rocky garden path. Many of the guests had left by now and it was only the family members and a few close ones who were staying at the Burrow including Harry and Hermione.
"Guys, I need to do something important, sort some things out. I'll be back." Harry said, suddenly as a thought struck him.
He hurried back towards the house before either of his friends could react. The teen pushed open the front door and walked in. He was about to search the house for the one important person he so badly wanted to talk to since the starting of the party but had not summoned up enough courage. But he spotted her in the doorway chatting with Luna Lovegood, who seemed to be just as usual giving the former a dreamy looked as she blabbered about something. Harry suddenly felt awkward and was reconsidering his plan of speaking with the redhead when she seemed to notice him. She excused herself from Luna politely and directing her gaze towards him, pointed towards the kitchen.
Harry obliged and once when they were finally facing each other, standing at a safe distance from each other, they just stared. Neither of them had any ideas of how to break the silence.
The Chosen One cleared his throat at last and spoke what came to his mind first. "How have you been, Ginny?"
"How do you think I have been? As usual rocking at life!" Ginny said with a laugh that clearly didn't reach her eyes.
"I heard about your little rebellious feat. It was the only thing that told me that you were okay. I... I just... I'm sorry. I really am. I mean all the war and..." Harry began, trying his best to explain but Ginny took his hands in hers and stopped his rambling.
"Any other girl would've been mad with you but you obviously don't expect me to act the same way as other girls, do you? I do understand that you had important things to do. You don't need to be sorry." She said comfortingly.
Though Harry relaxed a little, he did not let go off Ginny's hands. He knew her well enough to know that even if she might say what she said to comfort him, she still must have felt hurt. He pulled her nearer and looking directly into her eyes spoke with the courage that her warm words had given him.
"Ginny, I promise you that I will never ever leave you alone again. I will stay with you through thick and thin, of course, that is if you wish to give us a chance again. Whatever your decision is, I just want you to know that I love you and I don't think that I can ever dream of being with any other girl. I'm still sorry though that I had to leave you while all hell was breaking lose."
Ginny just looked at him, her face morphed into a variety of emotions and her hands still tightly clasped with Harry's. They both stood still, unable to let go of each other or even look away from each other.
Someone cleared their throat and both of them moved away so quickly that Harry nearly tripped over himself. He quickly regained his balance and adjusted his glasses, glancing around for the source of the sound which had disturbed that little precious moment. Percy stood there in his pyjamas, a packet of biscuits in his hand and an awkward smile plastered on his face.
"Oh!... um sorry about that. Just helping mum to clean up the remains of the party. By the way, Ginny, Mum was searching for you and has told me that if I find you then you must be sent immediately to her." He said as he stuffed the packet into a drawer.
Ginny sighed and after giving Harry a wary look, followed her brother out. Harry remained standing there, staring at the doorway. His thoughts carried him back to the party and the strange atmosphere that had been created. People laughed but without any humour. Glasses clinked but with nothing much to give a toast. There was always a tension that couldn't be broken and grief that could not be soothed. There were always memories that could not be wiped away and tears which were tired of appearing.
The seventeen year old shook his head and brought himself to reality. After all he still had had the opportunity to meet his family again after the war.
"Goodnight Harry!" Hermione wished them as she left the two boys to retire for the night. The door closed behind her and Ron turned to look at Harry.
"You went to meet Ginny when you left us didn't you?" he asked.
Harry simply smiled in response and adjusted his pillow. He took off his glasses and pulled his covers up to his chin. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ron shake his head in resignation and retire for the night himself.
An hour passed and Harry was still tossing and turning. His mind could not rest and could not forget the day's events. The most prominent incident was where he had seen his godson for the first time.
'GODFATHER'. It was too big a word for him. It felt like suddenly he had been asked to hold the sky. He wondered what Sirius must have felt when he was made the godfather. 'Was he ecstatic? Nervous? Excited?'
Harry so badly wished he could ask him. He so badly wanted to turn to someone for advice and found no one. It wasn't the first time that he was feeling lost and miserable because of the war. It bothered him every day and every night for the past 8 months that somewhere it was the truth, though everyone denied, that the war had happened because of him and people had died because of him.
Teddy's godfather sat up with silent tears on his cheeks. He made sure Ron was fast asleep before tip-toeing to the door. He opened it and crept downstairs. The stairs creaked slightly making his heart skip a beat. Nothing moved, everything was quiet and still. He continued down and made his way towards Charlie's room making sure not to step on anything. The room was allotted to Andromeda Tonks and the baby since Charlie Weasley hadn't come home for Christmas.
The silence, although pleasant, made Harry shiver slightly. He closed his eyes for a moment, standing in front of the bedroom door, his hand resting on the door knob and his heart hammering in his chest. Opening his eyes, he pushed open the door as silently as possible. The door creaked a little and Harry paused. When there was no movement or sound, he tiptoed in and adjusting his glasses, he glanced around the room, spotting the old crib (it probably had been passed on to the Weasleys from their ancestors.).
Teddy Lupin lay there with a comfortable expression on his face. Harry now noticed how much he resembled his parents. Though the baby's features weren't very well developed, he still could see the slowly growing hair and lovely shape of his delicate face. A smile appeared on the godfather's face as another thought struck him.
'Was this how all babies look? Was this how he himself must've looked when he lost his parents and was placed on the Dursleys' doorstep?'
Harry Potter averted his gaze from the baby and walked over to the window, careful not to wake the sleepers. A crescent moon hung in the sky, casting a very faint silvery glow on the tall trees. The snow seemed to brighten up with the moon's glow too. A cold breeze blew in making the hairs on the boy's neck stand up. But he felt a calm and content feeling course through him. It was something that he had not felt for a long, long time.
It was a strange feeling. It was indescribable. But it was there alright. It was in some way reassuring. The feeling made him want to cry as well as smile till his cheeks hurt.
He turned away from the window and returned to the room he shared with Ron. He really hadn't done anything. But the prospect of being a godfather to Teddy Lupin, the son of his mentor who had so enthusiastically made him his child's godfather and had trusted him the most, suddenly did not terrify him. If Remus Lupin thought that he, Harry was capable of being responsible then he should as well trust himself.
He was going to take the responsibility and this time quite happily. If anything then he was going to do his best.
The Chosen One pulled his covers up to his chin as he got into his bed and closed his eyes with a determined thought and a satisfied look.