Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight-related, Stephenie Meyer gets all the credit. Some dialogue is from the movie, so kudos to Melissa Rosenberg for that. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: This is essentially a Midnight Sun version of the scene where Edward shows Bella his room for the first time. It's mostly inspired from the deleted scene from Twilight that I really love but I also pulled stuff from the actual scene used in the movie and the book. Of course, I added in all of Edward's thoughts and changed some things to make it my own. I think everyone can relate to the awkwardness that comes with showing a special someone your room for the first time. Enjoy and please review!
EPOV:
"Uh, yeah," I said with a nervous laugh under my breath, "this is my room."
Incredible how Bella could be so calm in a house full of vampires and I was the one who was terrified. I had watched in amazement as she seemed to actually enjoy meeting my family, as if we were conventional, nuclear, normal. She didn't even flinch, like I had, when Jasper attempted to awkwardly introduce himself. Despite his best efforts at being polite, Bella could not have missed his pained expression as he mustered up all of his willpower to not kill her. She simply stood casually at my side.
I wondered privately if I should question the sanity of this girl. She seemed to be in her right mind. Bella so often surprised me. She never followed what I would expect from other humans.
Bella now walked to the center of my room and slowly turned to take in a panoramic view. I appreciated the opportunity to study every angle of her as well. I loved when she wore her hair down, long and a beautiful shade of brown that showcased her perfect skin. She wore a green top that fit snuggly to her small, delicate frame. It wasn't until she stopped, facing me, that I remembered myself and glanced up at her face.
She looked at me with a questioning expression and I became nervous. This is it, I thought, the most perfect girl on the planet is going to reject me not because I am not human or because I drink blood, but because I am extraordinarily lame. This will be my downfall.
"Do you realize how cool this is?" she asked.
I simply shook my head at her, not knowing what to say to that. I couldn't believe that she found any of my scattered belongings interesting. They were simply artifacts I had collected over the years with which I held no true value. Still yet, she began to circle the small space in wonder. I didn't understand her fascination. She surprised me again.
I was seriously regretting not straightening things up before having her over. I had been so worried about the potential negative confrontations with my family, that I had not thought of more trivial things such as my messy space. Never did I consider the most stressful part of this day would be showing her a room. But it was difficult. Even if I found my belongings uninteresting, they were still mine. My room was a snapshot of myself and was a vague reflection of who I was.
I had never before shared my true self with anyone other than my family. It felt freeing, yet extremely terrifying, to be this open with a human. On one hand, I wanted to sit Bella down and tell her everything, every deepest secret and insignificant fact about myself. I wanted her to know every faucet of who I was because I desired the same from her. I craved to be close to her. On the other hand, the cruel fear of rejection lingered with every detail I disclosed. I kept waiting for it all to catch up to her, for her to gain a sense of self-preservation and distance herself from me like other humans.
Bella shifted her gaze and I followed to where her eyes landed. Fuck, I forgot about those damn…
"It's like a hundred years worth of journals," she said quite observantly.
She fingered them lightly, reading the dates on the outsides of the mismatched notebooks that sat piled on my desk. I prayed that she wouldn't attempt to read them. They contained decades worth of angst and turmoil. More importantly, Bella had been the main focus of my most recent entries. Even though I wanted to share everything with her, I was pretty sure that my very descriptive writings of Bella as she slept each night would send her running for the door. I needed to reveal my unyielding love and fascination in small doses.
"Uh, yea, um," I cleared my throat, "I wouldn't read that," I warned. However, to my dismay, she appeared to be more curious now. I needed to make it sound like it would bore her rather than that I had anything to hide. "Unless you have trouble sleeping," I tried.
I could tell she didn't fall for it. She appeared slightly offended, as if I had scolded her. I attempted to backtrack. "You can if you want," I added quickly. But she had, thankfully, already moved on to look at the rest of my things.
She surveyed the room like she was looking for something. "No bed?" she asked.
Downstairs I heard Emmett chuckling. I told you to put a bed in there, Edward, he thought. But no, you said it was unnecessary. I ignored his mocking; however, the teenager rooted deep inside me quite liked the idea of her questioning this topic.
"No. I… don't sleep," I confessed. Could I possibly be a bigger freak?
She stared, considering this for a moment.
"Ever?"
"No, not at all." Bella simply nodded as if perpetual wakefulness was something ordinary, not needing to be questioned.
This was turning out to be mentally exhausting. If I could sweat, I would be by now from my anxiety. It was as if every step Bella took throughout my room, she hovered over a landmine. She was too observant and I worried about what she would notice next that would further drive a wedge between us. All pretenses of me being anywhere near human were surely thrown out the window. Sure she seemed to be absorbing it all well so far, but how much could she take? For the millionth time, I wished I could hear her thoughts.
At least my family was cooperating. Even Emmett had moved on from toying with the idea of me having a girl in my room for the first time. I only heard low murmurs throughout the house. I could tell they were trying to give me privacy, for whenever I heard them thinking of me and Bella, their thoughts were quickly redirected. However, I did catch bits of curiosity in their minds.
"Wow, you have so much music," she stated.
Ah, an easier topic. She scanned over my multiple long shelves of records and CDs as I wondered if I was redeeming myself in some small way. Then, she ambled over to my stereo.
"What are you listening to?" she asked as she turned the music on and the sweet melody filled the room.
I hesitated; slightly embarrassed again, as I guessed that the song was something she had never heard of.
"Debussy," I shrugged.
"Clair de Lune is great," she said. "It's one of my mom's favorites."
I wanted to kiss her on the spot. She was absolutely amazing. It began to sink in that maybe Bella truly was accepting me, at least thus far. She had mentioned to me once that I "dazzled" her, and in this moment she was dazzling me. I was in awe of her composed manner and shocked that we actually had more in common than I had ever anticipated.
I decided that as long as I was ahead at the moment, I would use it to my advantage. I reached for her.
"Dance with me?" I asked.
She gave a face. "I don't dance," she admitted.
I sighed and pulled her gently toward me anyway. I slowly stepped with her, then let go of her waist to spin her in front of me. When she turned to face me again, she was still giving me a look of agony and I laughed. Bella wasn't going to make this easy for my sake.
I stopped and brought her closer to me. Her heart picked up in pace but she did not appear to be frightened. I nudged her to walk backwards toward my small couch and eased her down onto it as I climbed over her, careful not to crush her fragile body. I ran my lips over her collarbones and neck, taking in her scent that tempted me in conflicting ways. Bella laced her arms around me and wove her fingers through my hair in a way that felt wonderful. I planted my mouth on hers and became lost in the movement of our lips together. Then, Bella wrapped her legs around my waist in an attempt to get even closer. I smiled and she continued to crush her mouth to mine until I gently pulled her to sit up on the couch with me, disregarding her feeble attempts to hold me down.
Relief washed over me as I realized that letting my guard down was oddly liberating. Not having to hide beneath a cloak of deception left me feeling elated. Once Bella caught her breath, she eyed me grinning at her.
"What?" she asked, smiling back at me.
"I like sharing myself with you. It makes me happy," I admitted honestly. Bella leaned in to hug me, snuggling her face against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her.
"I'm glad," she said simply.
I lowered my face to hers and kissed her. I kissed her for being perfect. I kissed her for still wanting me despite all that I was. I kissed her for allowing me to be completely myself.