Title: Fanboy
Summary: Watch out Shinpachi, Tosshi! There's another otaku on the loose.
Notes: This is random. Inspired by the Snot Diamond arc. Words in italics are Yamazaki's thoughts. Enjoy!
Yamazaki Sagaru contemplated on the possibility of quitting the Shinsengumi and returning to being a full-fledged bum, otaku and video gamer after he received the details of his next spying assignment. However, after weighing all his other options, including being a professional badminton player, he sorely realized that all of it will lead him dying in the hands of his demon vice commander.
Resigned to that ominous fact, he opted to die at least trying to perform his duty. But in all honesty, Yamazaki thought he would have been happy if the vice commander told him to follow the Yorozuya danna again. At least, he was sure that any danger and harm that could befall him is unintentional, not to mention he could probably see Tama-san again.
Sighing, he clutched the anpan he brought, which was twice the amount he usually brings, and proceeded to follow the Shinsengumi's first division captain.
Aside from being a notorious sadist, Okita Sougo was also notorious for slacking. He was usually sleeping or feuding with random bystanders (read: China) during work hours. But even if he was being useless, he was always doing these activities near his fellow policemen. It had then caused great alarm when he was frequently found missing during patrol work and even during his day offs. However, what really worried their commander was that Sougo stopped trying to kill Hijikata. This prompted the two top Shinsengumi officers to send Yamazaki spying on him.
So now, Yamazaki found himself tailing after the sadist captain in the jam-packed streets of Akihabara.
Huh?! What is he doing here? Is he going to buy a video game? But I thought his handheld console got destroyed during one of his fights with Kagura-san.
"Do you have Snot Diamond's newest action figure? The one where she is picking her nose," Sougo asked. "How about the pillow with her face?"
Who the hell is Snot Diamond?! Is that a character from a game? Why would you want an action figure of someone picking up his nose?
"You're lucky Sir! We have both. Do you also want a poster of her? We have three versions? One solo, one HDZ48, and one with the duo and their backup band Diamond Perfume."
"The solo," Sougo said without hesitation.
"That'll be ¥12,500 for the action figure, ¥4,300 for the pillow and ¥2,000 for the poster; all for a total of ¥18,800," the cashier informed him. "You also get a free ticket to an HDZ48 event today."
"Oh really? That's great." Sougo answered as he handed him the money.
That's expensive! Why is he spending so much on that pop idol? Is that a pop idol? Why would a pop idol go by that name? More curious than ever, Yamazaki hurriedly left the store to follow his slacking captain. He was led to a park, where there was some sort of event happening.
Determined not be caught, Yamazaki positioned himself strategically behind the bushes, where he could not be seen but at the same time he could see and hear his target. His target was now marching in front; threatening those who dared called him out for deliberately ignoring the line with his bazooka.
The captain's destination was Snot Diamond's table, but all Yamazaki could see was the Yoruzuya trio. Puzzled, he moved closer to hear the conversation.
"Oi oi! What's this? China? You're a singer?"
Snot Diamond is that China girl? Woah! So all this time, the captain was just stalking that girl.
"Huh?! Of course I am! Oh! You must be here to get my autograph," Kagura teased him back, but looking extremely pleased that he was here.
"As if! I have taste."
"You damn sadist!"
But even before Kagura could lunge at him, she was held back by Shinpachi, who was determined to make this event successful for his precious Otsuu-chan. The Yorozuya boss also decided to intervene, saying, "Kagura don't get affected. Pop stars should be calm. You will encounter similar kinds of fans in the future. I'm sure all he wants is your album with a dedication to him. He's just shy."
After his patronizing speech, Gintoki found a shiny katana up his throat. "Now, now Souichiro-kun, there is no need for violence. Here, tell Snot Diamond what you want for a dedication."
Less hot-blooded that his rival, Sougo decided to play along the ruse. He sent a condescending smile to Kagura and proceeded to voice his wanted dedication message, "Okita Sougo, I promise to be your slave for all eternity. Love, China girl."
The said China girl pounded her fists on the table. Her eyes were red with fury. "GIN-CHAN! I don't want to write that! It's untrue. This bad policeman is teaching me to lie."
"Kagura-chan, it's okay. Just write it down. This kind of illusion is what keeps men like him alive. Do you want him to become like Shinpachi and Oogushi-kun? You are doing a big favor to the world if you sign that."
"Oi!" Shinpachi and Sougo protested. But Gintoki just ignored them. As it was also the time for the performance, Kagura had no choice but to sign the cd to shove off Sougo. She proceeded to the stage, where Otsuu and the Diamond Perfume are.
"Minna! This will be the last performance of HDZ48. Snot Diamond will be retiring and I will go back to being solo. Please enjoy! – your rainbow donkey stinks," said Tsuu.
Kagura stared at the cheering crowd and focused her sight to Sadist, who was still in the event. Hoping to embarrass him, she said, "I'm dedicating my last performance to my number one fan, the sadist. HOHOHO!"
"I am not your fan!" Sougo shouted back, although he was trying to hide the reddening of his cheek after hearing that it was Wo Ai Ni that she was dedicating to him. And despite his protest, he didn't bother leaving. In fact, he had threatened other fans to move a little farther from the stage, while he comfortably positioned himself in the middle front row.
"He's definitely her number one fan," Shinpachi, Gintoki and Yamazaki muttered as they looked at the sadist shouting insults instead of cheers to Kagura. However, they can also hear him telling other fans to go cheer for Otsuu-chan only. "Yeah, definitely her number one fan."
After the performance, Yamazaki could see that Gintoki and Shinpachi were forcing Kagura to go with the captain. The two had asked Sougo to be her bodyguard until she reached their home, as they had to deal with business matters. It would not be wise to leave her alone as she might be swarmed with fans. After seeing what had transpired today, Yamazaki expected him to agree, which he did.
As the two proceeded to bicker while walking, Yamazaki also made his move to follow him, resulting to the rustling of the leaves.
"Unbelievable. You have a stalker already?" Sougo said as he watched the bushes move. He took out his bazooka out of nowhere and aimed at it. "Oi. She's retired. Go look for other lame pop idols to follow. This one is off-limits."
BOOM.
Delighted with his possessiveness, Kagura gave him a knowing smirk and said, "I am so not lame. I am young, talented and beautiful. Who wouldn't want to stalk me?"
"Want to be my personal pop idol instead? I'll still be your bodyguard, but I want a different kind of payment."
"You wish! I can protect myself and I am already your idol!" Kagura exclaimed, but it belied the lingering smile on her face.
"So sign my posters later?"
I really should not have taken this assignment.
Dear Vice Commander,
Love moves in mysterious ways. The more you hate, the more you love. I believe the captain will be joining as more frequently soon. He just had an important side job he had to finish. Because there is no best time to prepare for the future but now.
However, I am saddened to inform you that there is a bigger possibility of you being in harm's way more as two are better than one. It is my sincerest wish that you stay healthy to overcome this.
Sincerely,
Yamazaki Sagaru
"YAMAZAKI!"
A/N: The Wo Ai Ni song referred here is one of the ending themes of Gintama. I found the song perfect for Kagura and Sougo. Also, Wo Ai Ni means I love you in Mandarin Chinese.
Thank you for reading. I really had fun writing this. Please do review too. And since, I'm really in a generous mood, there's an omake below. Thank you again!
OMAKE
"Gin-san! Gin-san!"
"What megane?"
"We got money! We got money!"
"Huh?"
"The Snot Diamond merchandise really sold well! Wow! Maybe I was wrong and Kagura-chan really has got what it takes to be a star," Shinpachi said.
"She does," Otsuu-chan's mother and manager interjected. "Unfortunately, she doesn't want that. By the way, a note was left for you."
Danna, Megane,
I bought tons of Snot Diamond merchandise because I don't want other men fantasizing about China. In exchange, I am ordering her to give me private performance. Don't bother go looking for her. I'll return her to you next week. Ja!
Okita Sougo
"Do you think the money will be enough to cover hospital expenses if Baldie decides to send us there?"