No Easy Journeys

Of Mistletoe, Salsa and Guardian Angels.

Chapter One...Letting go

Fletch leaned over Tess' bed in Resus, drinking in the sight of this amazing , strong woman who took his breath away. Even though her face bore the the aftermath of the crash, to him, she had never looked more beautiful.

He wasn't afraid anymore. He knew what he wanted and knew he'd done the right thing by being honest with Natalie. She deserved the truth.

'You carried me through the flames' Tess said, softly, still in disbelief as she looked up at his filthy, besmudged face smiling warmly down at her.

Fletch leant against the bed, leaning down towards her, wanting to be as close as possible. He didn't care who knew about them. He loved her and wanted everyone to know.

'I thought it was the least I could do"

Tess felt the hot tears stinging the backs of her eyes, and knew if he stayed any longer, she'd crumble. She had to be strong.

"You're a good man" she managed through the pain.

Fletch smiled wryly

"Not everyone agrees"

"Make it right with her"

Fletch looked down into her pleading brown eyes and suddenly found himself, for the first time in a long time, thinking with clarity.

"I think were past that point"

"Please?"

"I want to make it right with you" he replied, moving in closer to Tess.

Tess took a deep breath

"This can't happen" she said firmly, hoping she'd manage to keep her resolve. She'd been weak once before and that's the reason why they were in this mess in the first place.

Fletch felt all his emotions rush to the surface. Her words stung, cut through his heart with a knife. She'd stood there and told him she didn't feel the same way once before, and he wasn't going to walk away this time.

"So you don't love me, is that what you're saying?" He asked, hearing his own voice begin to wobble. "So what, you were just going to quit Holby and get a job in some other hospital?"

"I can't come in here every morning and see you" Tess replied, her eyes shining with tears " it hurts too much"

"So you do love me then"

The words caught in her throat, and suddenly found herself unable to articulate. Tearing her gaze away from his beautiful green eyes. Her nod was so slight, if Fletch hadn'tve been looking for it, he would have missed it.

A small smile worked its way onto his face.

"Well, then let's try and make something of this mess and be together"

"No!"

"Yes!" Fletch replied quickly, almost speaking over the top of her. His heart began to pound, and the feeling of sheer panic encompassed him. He couldn't lose her. Not again.

"You have a wife and four children. I'm not going to be that woman." Tess hesitated, her voice changing into nothing more than a whisper.

"Loving you, made me hate me"

"But together, we can make this right!"

Tess sighed deeply

"What we did to Natalie was wrong"

A tear rolled down Fletch's cheek as he considered his answer. He knew she was right.

"But in time- we'll, um..." Fletch shook his head, desperately trying to find the right words. Any words that would show Tess that he wanted to be with her more than anything. " put this behind us. You'll forget"

"Please!" Tess begged, gathering up all the strength she still possessed "let me go"

The tears now flowed freely down his cheeks, and he'd known he outcome even before he'd walked back into Resus. If he truly loved her, he had to let her go.

His bottom lip trembled as he fought to keep it together. He never knew anything could hurt this much. He finally realised what he had to do. He'd lost her forever.

He nodded.

"Okay." He sniffed "I'll let you go. But you have to stay"

"No!" Tess opened her mouth to speak, but Fletch silenced her with a shake of his head

"Yeah, if anyone goes it's me" he said sadly, somehow managing a small smile.

"Besides" he said with a sniff "Charlie' would have ginger kittens if you went!"

Gazing down into her deep brown eyes, Fletch quickly leaned forward, closing the gap between them before she had time to protest. Framing her face with his hands and closing he placed a long, tender, final kiss on her lips, pouring in every single ounce of love he had for her.

As he pulled away, Tess opened her eyes and turned away, refusing to let him see the tears she couldn't keep from falling.

Fletch brushed his sleeve across his nose, and looked back at Tess with a small smile. Wiping his eyes, he turned and finally, walked away.

Tess lay alone on the ward, the only sound the distant ringing of a telephone. She glanced at a passing nurse as she replayed the days events over in her mind. She felt empty, desolate and more alone than she had ever felt in her life. She hadn't, until now realised she had fallen completely and inexorably in love, even though everyone had been hurt in the process. She closed her eyes, and the image of Fletch walking through the Resus doors, came flooding back to her mind. Had she made the right decision?

As her eyes flickered open, a single, solitary tear rolled down her cheek, and plopped onto the pillow.

Fletch sat alone at the counter in the staff room, rubbing his mouth thoughtfully as he replayed the days events over in his mind. He felt empty, desolate and more alone than he had ever felt in his life and the enormity of what he had lost, hit him like a ten ton truck. Should he go and see her upstairs? Tell her, this time he wasn't walking away so easily. The urge to get in the lift was overwhelming; instead he reached over, dragged his bag off the table and walked dejectedly out of the staff room. He stopped in the corridor and took a final look at his surroundings, where so much had happened, where he'd met his soul mate. This was it.

Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, he turned and walked towards the exit- out of the ED and out of Tess' life.