Chapter One: A Bit of Mischief

The day began the way it always did – with James and Sirius bored out of their minds. Sitting in the back of their Potions class, they were both dozing off as Slughorn ranted about the importance of some potion they'd never heard from and Peter took diligent notes for Remus, who was still in the Hospital Wing. The full moon had been last night, and an unfortunate fall had left him bruised and battered.

"So, James, what should we do today?" Sirius asked briskly, suddenly sitting up, as if his sixth sense had gone off. He had an uncanny ability to spot segways into mischief, and indeed, as James looked, he saw that from here they had a clear shot at the back of Severus Snape's greasy head.

"I think we should throw something, mate," James said thoughtfully, rummaging in his bag. "What we really need is a slingshot."

"What's a slingshot?" Sirius asked curiously, looking at him.

"It's a Muggle contraption, of course! It's sort of like a fork and a rubber band, and it works like a catapult. Basically, it's built to chuck stuff." Still rummaging, James began the hunt for something with which to build the slingshot.

"Excellent," Sirius said slowly, and plucked a metal fork from his jacket. "I've got one left over from dinner."

"No, not that kind of fork! Like tweezers!"

"Oh." Sirius turned to look at Peter. "You got a pair of tweezers, Wormtail? Cos I sure don't." He shrugged when the boy looked up, and let out a sigh when he shook his head. "I thought not."

"Well," Peter wheezed quietly, "I do have electric nose-hair clippers, but they don't work here. Not without electricity."

"Electric nose-hair clippers? What are those?"

"Another Muggle contraption, Sirius. They use them to get the hair out of their noses without using tweezers." James rolled his eyes, still searching, and then his hand closed around something that could be highly useful. Triumphantly, he pulled a pair of fire tongs from his schoolbag and held it up. "Aha! We have liftoff!"

Sirius's cry of, "Ew! Gross!" was cut off as he saw the new acquisition. Eyes shining with anticipation, he took them from James. "Good work, Prongs." He pulled up one sleeve, then the other, and frowned. "Damn. I don't have a rubber band. Do you?"

James shook his head. "Peter?"

"No… I don't have anything. Lucius Malfoy fed my pajamas to the squid again, and that's where I keep them." Peter sighed. "He keeps doing that. It's quite annoying, really, especially when you have to sleep in your clothes instead."

Sirius nodded, about to move on to something else when the full impact of this statement hit him. "Wait. How did Lucius Malfoy get ahold of your pajamas in the first place?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "I was sleepwalking, and he knocked me out and ran off with them." A blush spread over his pale face. "It was McGonagall who found me in the morning, locked in a broom cupboard. I've never seen anyone turn a brighter shade of red, honestly."

James snorted with laughter. "Oh, so that's what you were doing that night you disappeared! I just assumed you were off snogging a girl."

"As if he could get a girl in the first place?" Sirius lifted an eyebrow. "Face it, mate, you're not a chick magnet like yours truly." Chest puffing out in pride, he turned and threw a wink at one of the girls staring in his direction, who blushed furiously and knocked over her ink bottle.

"Oh, and so humble, too." James let out a sigh and returned his attention to the fire tongs. "Alright, we don't have a rubber band either. We'll have to improvise." He leaned forward towards the redhead in front of him and hissed, "Psst! Evans! D'you have a spare hair elastic we can use?"

Lily turned around to look at him, giving him a cold glare. "Not if you're going to use it to torment Severus again. Honestly, I don't know why you jerks pick on him, except for the fact that you're empty-headed egomaniacs." She turned back to her work, after offering James a death-glare.

"Ouch. Bad luck, Prongs. That hurt." Sirius leaned forward, too, and tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned again, he placed a hand over his heart with a dramatic flourish, exclaiming. "You have wounded me deeply, gentle maiden! Mine intentions were entirely honourable, and Snivellus-free to boot!"

Lily shook her head. "Alright then, who are you picking on, then?"

"Malfoy, if you must know," Sirius told her in an undertone. "We think he needs a haircut, the git, and besides, he fed Peter's pajamas to the giant squid again."

Lily snorted with laughter despite herself, and removed an elastic from her wrist, holding it out. "Fine, take it. But if I find out you two are using it to go Snape-baiting, I'll smack both of you upside the head." With that, she went back to note-taking, humming as if she hadn't just aided the Marauders' newest hapless plot.

"We have our materials, mate," James announced. "Alright, Padfoot, you crumple up a sheet of parchment, and when I say to, we'll light it. Then all we have to do is aim it at Malfoy's bloated head, and we'll have filled our chaos quota for the day."

Opening the tongs, he placed the elastic around it and checked to make sure that it stayed in place. Sirius handed him the paper and he placed it carefully into the slingshot, murmuring "Incendio," when James motioned for it. Raising it, he took aim, and sent the flaming ball of parchment sailing through the air.

"Damn… Padfoot, we're dead."

"What makes you say that?"

"Slughorn just walked into our line of fire…. Merlin's Beard, we've set the teacher on fire! Quick, do something!"

The pair of them peered carefully over the edge of the desk to see Slughorn running about, trying to extract his wand from a back pocket while yelping at the flames that licked at his already sparse hair, rapidly wearing it down. James and Sirius looked at each other, swallowing.

"Escape plan 23B, mate," James muttered.

"Right." He paused. "Which one's that?"

"The one where you fake sick and get us the hell out of here!"

"Oh. Right." Sirius paused for a moment. "Now that you say it, I do feel a tad lightheaded." Abruptly, he broke into a fit of coughing and turned an interesting shade of purple, falling out of his seat. James leapt to his feet, escorting him towards the door of the dungeon at inhuman speed.

"Sorry, Professor!" James gasped, propelling Sirius out the door. "Got to get him to Madam Pomfrey!" They sprinted the hallway once out of Slughorn's sight, and didn't stop until they were on the next floor up, outside of the great hall.

"Great work, my friend." James clapped him on the back. "I didn't think you could even turn that color, Padfoot."

Sirius grinned and swept into a theatrical bow. "Just one of my many talents!" He looked around at the empty Entrance Hall, quirked a brow, and looked at James. "Well, now that we've got the rest of the class, what say we drop in on Remus?"

James smirked. "Excellent."

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"You did WHAT?" Remus yelled, looking at his two friends in disbelief. The pair of them had pulled up chairs beside his bed, and were both looking at him with identical impish grins on their faces.

"Set a professor on fire just for you." Sirius's grin widened. "Because we just love you that much, Moony."

He shook his head, halfway between amused and annoyed. "Honestly. I leave you alone for one day, and you risk getting yourselves expelled." He sighed, leaned back against the pillows, and folded his bandaged hands. "Without me, I think you two would self-destruct from boredom."

"Aw, c'mon, Remus! No one knows it was us, except for maybe Evans, and she won't tell because then she'd have to admit she's an accomplice." When Remus gave him a bemused look, Sirius added, "We used her elastic to make the slingshot. That and fire tongs, courtesy of Prongs."

"Fire tongs? Where did you get fire tongs?"

"The house-elves," James answered easily, putting his feet up in Sirius's lap and earning himself a glare. "I swear, they'd give you the shirt off their backs, if they could wear clothes. And maybe hand over the furniture."

"Why does this not surprise me?" He settled back again, looking from one to the other and rolling his eyes heavenward. Of course, he knew well what troublemakers his best mates were, but sometimes they were unbelievably stupid. Boredom was a powerful tool, especially when dropped into their laps.

"So, how are you, Moony? Any better?"

He nodded. "Yeah, actually. Madame Pomfrey says I should be out of here by lunchtime, which'll be good. I can use the free period to unwind."

Sirius let out a mock-gasp. "What? Moony, not reading? Be still my heart!" He slumped sideways, nearly landing on James in his mock-swoon. Righting himself, he offered Remus a wicked grin and tucked a strand of dark hair behind his ear.

"Well, what do you think I've been doing all day? It's bloody boring in here if you don't have a book to read." Remus shook his head. "What time is it now?"

"Lunchtime!" James announced in a singsong voice, and exchanged a meaningful look with Sirius. The two of them jumped to their feet, each seizing one of his arms, and together they tugged him out of the bed.

"C'mon, Reme, put your trainers on. You're coming with us whether you like it or not." James reached down and handed them to him, and then began to tug.

"Where do you boys think you're going? Come back with my patient!"

Madame Pomfrey's shriek fell on deaf ears, as together they three boys tore out of the Hospital Wing and down the staircase, heading pell-mell towards the Great Hall, trying to disappear into the crowd before the vengeful nurse found them.

They found Peter being bullied by Lucius Malfoy as usual, and swept up on either side of him to drag him off before he could get into any more trouble. Seated at the Gryffindor table, they watched Remus eat like a man who'd been starved for three weeks, and then turned their attention to something else.

"Oy! Lucius!" James called, and when the boy turned, he received a faceful of Sirius's peas. He'd become an expert at lobbing things with spoons, and by the dead-on hit he achieved, he'd royally pissed off the Slytherin.

"Y'know, mate," Sirius murmured to Remus, "I don't think he likes us very much."

"I wonder why?" Remus grinned. "I wonder why."