Self-control below zero. Impatience over 9000!

While I had planned to wait until I finish the whole thing for once and while my squad has advised me to wait, I have failed myself and them once again by being impatient af. Oops. Sorry.

What is this, you might ask. Well, it's another short story of mine. I don't want to give away too much and let the story tell itself, but I am asking for patience from all of you once again, don't let it fool you, this is not what it seems like, especially not with one not so loved character in the picture for some time. Please stay with me and give these peeps a chance.

As always, NOT BETAED!

Have fun.

Dalliance

Summary: It's a wicked game of them, the back and forth, the teasing and the release. A game they always lose, but never stop playing. AU, OOC, Lemon.

He arched his brow when he looked at his phone.

There on a 4.7 inch screen was a mocking image with its content blunt and dirty enough for him to try to shield the screen with his free hand, a flush crawling up his traitorous body. He could have sworn that all eyes were on him, knowing well what he was trying to hide desperately, shaking their heads at him with a disgusted expression on their faces, in their minds calling him names, son of a bitch, motherfucker, asshole. Under normal circumstances he would have laughed at them, calling them prudes and stuck up snobs, not giving a fuck about other people's opinion, maybe even proudly showing off the content of his newest text, bragging with it like the dipshit he was, but these were no normal circumstances.

His gray eyes bugged when he dared to take another look, a silent curse leaving his mouth as he covered his phone with his hand, internally counting to ten before he dared another look, this time even bothering taking in all of the picture and not just the most important details of it. He had to confess that the lighting was surprisingly good for a selfie – it had to be one since he could see one arm leading from the person's shoulder to the edge of the picture -, the shadows created by the room's light itself not disturbing the view which was accurately planned for his eyes to see. He wondered if he should be thankful for the thoughtfulness and appreciate the professionalism of it, not many people could take a picture like this without looking ruffled and being a victim of the harsh reality that was most phone's front camera.

Something zinged in his ears, a harsh, high-pitched sound nearly deafening him. Weirdly enough it was a noise only he could hear, its origins somewhere in his mind, lost between memories and fantasies. He clenched his jaw, gulped down hardly as the noise vanished slowly, leaving numbing silence, his bones like jelly, his guts bubbling with anxiety, the weirdest feelings caused by a simple selfie.

He wasn't the most emotional man on earth, his feelings never breaking out of his impassive shell. His thoughts touched the ears of others only when he felt like sharing his piece of mind, his feelings on the contrary were the only words he never spoke, no man's ear had actually heard them without him having a hidden agenda. In his own way he used his feelings to manipulate the people around him, especially if said people were so eager to her him speak of his emotions. It wasn't his fault if people voluntarily gave in to their weaknesses, it was his right to make use of them.

The picture was mocking him, he decided. It was a tasteless joke, something cruel and rude, a low blow if he had to be honest, but no matter how rude and tasteless it was, it was also one of the few things which made him want to speak more than his thoughts out loud.

He hated it for making him weak, he hated it for making him react to it with feelings.

The first thing he had felt was surprise, the picture only blurry at first glance, his mind comprehending the image in front of his eyes, the nerves inside him buzzing as they carried the information his eyes gathered to his brain, the picture becoming clearer with each passing second before he finally understood what he was looking at. His eyebrows had reached his forehead, his mouth parting as he let out a tiny gasp, the skin on his cheek and his neck flushing. The surprise had ended with him cursing silently.

The second thing he felt was embarrassment, which was another surprise since he hadn't felt embarrassed in a long time. He was surrounded by too many people for a picture like this, the content of it making him paranoid as he felt all eyes watching him, judging him, shaking heads at him with displeased expressions. He guts clenched uncomfortably as he squirmed in his seat, shielding his phone from anyone too close around him.

When the embarrassment made room for the confusion, he was sure that everyone around him could read him like an open book by the look on his face, another curse lingering in the air as he pushed the word through his pinched lips. He tilted his head to one side, squeezing his eyes as he wondered what possible reasons the sender of this troublesome picture could have to send it to him, said persons humor questionable if this was a poor excuse of a joke.

Rage filled his body, making it tremble with hard waves hitting him over and over again, as the content of the rude text mocked him, a clear voice giggling in the far back corners of his mind, a place he kept all the memories he would rather forget completely. He certainly was no man of idiotic jokes like this one, the thought that somebody took him for mundane enough to laugh at pranks like this was insulting.

The most ugliest emotion, the most deadliest one, the one that was the root of every problem, the unspeakable, the most despised one of them all spread in him with thick waves of green mud, biting his intestines, his nerves and every single one of his cells as it crawled up from his toes to his head, leaving a bad taste in his mouth and an angry voice in his head, his whole immune system crumbling underneath the heavy strokes of the most dangerous feeling humankind was capable of.

Jealousy.

He clenched his jaw as the jealousy raved inside him, clouding his mind with irresponsibility, all of his muscles tensing underneath the weight of his emotions. If he hadn't been in public, if he had been in the safety of his own apartment, he would have thrown his phone against the closest wall, cursing loudly over and over again, his fists hitting whatever they could find, a few inanimate objects breaking in the process.

That was the problem with suppressing emotions. When they finally got out, they usually left a big mess.

He was certain that tonight's suppressed emotions would leave the biggest mess he had ever seen, the strange reactions caused by what his eyes were looking at dangerous like a force of nature, a consuming tsunami wiping out civilizations, a burning volcano leaving back only ashes of what was before, a thunderstorm ramping and raging over the helpless souls. Everything about him was intense, too intense, his feelings a unyielding storm inside him. In a way he was doing the people around him a favor by keeping them to himself, the few people who had actually seen a piece of his soul, the real one, the one he didn't use for manipulating others, had been afraid of its strength, their instincts kicking in as they left one by one, searching safety in places far away from him.

He couldn't blame them, wishing that he could leave this abnormal, irresponsible concept of emotions behind him. Whenever he fell for the trap of human nature's biggest weakness he shuddered with disgust, his so loved control slipping away from his hands as he watched his world crumble underneath the heavy weight of illogical emotions, their reasons sometimes discursive even though his own body gave those reactions. One would think he should know why his body did what it did, but that was the problem with emotions, often times we didn't know how to explain our own.

He hated being left in the dark, wanting to know everything, its reasons or its roots, but emotions didn't necessarily need to have those, only their effects comprehensible to him, broken objects often time the indicators of his anger, his spare tears giving away the sadness he felt from time to time, and his heart raging whenever he was full of hate.

It was a mirror to his soul, something so precious, so fragile, a weakness through and through, something too powerful to be trusted, especially when he couldn't even control it himself.

Yet here he was, bound to the disgusting reactions his body gave to the content of his latest text, God himself punishing him it seemed.

Naked skin stretched over lean limbs, feminine curves, bouncy tits with pinkish, hardened nipples, a soft layer of hair cut into a thin trim between her legs were her folds were wet with arousal, her labia warm and soft, her tight cunt begging to be fucked as she was on her knees, an azure blue, square pillow underneath her so she wouldn't get a rug burn. One of her arms lead from her shoulder to the edge of the picture, she was holding the phone obviously, the other hand was wrapped around a hard cock with its veins thick and pulsing underneath the skin, her blue eyes popped open, shining at him through the screen of his phone, mocking him, daring him even like the silly girl she was, her brown waves cascading down her head to her shoulders, hair meant to be tugged while she was fucked, her plump lips wrapped around the cock in front of her, her mouth smeared with pre cum, the outline of the dick's head visible underneath her reddened cheek.

He might not be a master of his own world of emotions, but he was no fool when it came to read other people.

The disobedience in her eyes was crystal clear, so obvious and harsh like the edge of a sword cutting through human flesh, the mocking hurting his pride, the daring look infuriating him and making him feel like a rejected child, a temper tantrum raging inside him while his outer self remained surprisingly calm, an impassive expression on his face, something he only managed with all the control he could find in his traitorous body.

It didn't take him too long to figure out what she had tried to reach with this selfie, the content of it speaking volumes about her activities with the dick in her mouth.

This was an act of showing off, bragging maybe, not a joke to make him laugh, this was a call for a reaction, any kind of reaction.

She was begging for it.

"Is everything alright?" The girl sitting across from him asked suddenly, her British accent alluring as always, making him look up from the text he had interrupted their conversation for.

He smiled at her, his charming smile, infamous for dropping panties, but this time it didn't reach his eyes, something she didn't miss.

"Yes, just a silly text. A tasteless prank." He lied professionally, turning off his phone with an angry push on its keylock before he put it back inside the pocket of his jacket hanging on the back of the chair he was sitting in. He felt how his phone buzzed, cursing internally as his curiosity ran riot, dying to see what she had send now. Since he didn't know how he would react if she had send him another tasteless selfie, he didn't risk it, trying to ignore the pestering ache to reach for his phone.

"I'm sorry for the interruption. If I had known that it was just an annoying friend of mine, I wouldn't have bothered to look at it. Where were we?" He smiled, taking no prisoners as he tried to dazzle her with everything he had, the blush on her cheeks giving her away before she spoke.

"I was just saying that I was surprised that you called. You know, after last time I thought that you weren't interested in this." She said with an awkward chuckle, waving around between them where their halfway finished meals were placed on the small, square table they were sitting at, an orange table cloth and three different colored candles decorating it. She tried to play it cool, tried to look unbothered, but her eyes gave everything away, her nervousness mirrored in the mossy green irides of hers, a frantic expression crossing her face as she waited for a reaction from him.

The Mexican restaurant she had suggested had been a spontaneous idea, she had been too shocked when he called to consider her words, saying the first thing that came to her mind as she listened to his apologies, his words meant to wrap her in a soft, velvety web of promises, her heart skipping beats as she flushed. He had been the last person she had expected to hear from, their last meeting lying three months in the past at the Christmas party of his office, something she had accompanied her roommate to rather reluctantly, but her night had definitely turned interesting when she had met the handsome, tall man sitting across from her, his gray eyes mesmerizing, his words charming. Flirting, drinks and the stifling sadness caused by her inability to visit her parents at Christmas had clouded her mind, his presence soothing the pain of what had been going on in her life, his laughs causing hers, his touches – gentle and subtle, brushing away a strand of blonde hair away from her face as he told her about his dissertation he was working on, his fingers touching hers when he handed her a new drink, his hand at the small of her back when he lead her, subtle, but oh so present – numbing her bones, making the muscles in her groin ache with lust. It hadn't surprised her one bit when she had agreed to go back to his place after the party, she had never shied away from a one night stand before and she certainly wasn't going to reject a guy like him – witty, sexy and more mature than any guy she had been with before.

Their night together had been magnificent, his arousal knew no end as he fucked her from orgasm to orgasm, her body melting underneath his as he flipped and turned her like a rag doll, his whispered dirty words encouraging her for another orgasm before the current one's effects had left her body, in the end she had fallen asleep with her body tired, her nerves tingling with the satisfaction of the orgasms he had given her, a stupid smile on her face as her mind drifted away. He had been very rough with her, tugging her hair, biting her nipples hard enough to make her squeal, before he released them to continue his torture with kisses and sucking, a buzzing mix of pain and pleasure making her toes curl, his love bites covering her neck and the sensitive skin around her breasts, his eyes darkening when the look of the marks he had left went to his head.

Possession and marking his territory spurred him, making him hornier and hornier the more he looked at the marks he left, his voice rough as he demanded her to tell him whom she belonged to over and over again, spanking her butt whenever he wasn't pleased with her answer, expecting her to scream out his name instead of the hushed whispers she thought would be enough to please him. He had utterly used her body, making her go to the limits of her capabilities, her body humming with fear as she thought he would demand something she wouldn't be able to do, but he never crossed her limits, simply enjoying the look of sudden fear in her green eyes, before he stepped away from the invisible line of her limits.

Afterward she had been sure that it had been what had tired her the most, the dangling over the edge of her limits, the fear of him to cross any lines, the sudden feeling of euphoria when he stopped fucking with her mind, only to repeat the process over and over again, all night long.

It had been too good, she should have known, he had been too charming, too demanding, too intense, the sex far too good, the illusion he gave her far too spotless. She shouldn't have been surprised when she found him missing the next morning, her body still aching from last night's activities, a single note scribbled on a piece of paper beside her on the empty pillow where he had been lying hours before, his written words clear.

I had to leave for work. Sorry.

No phone number left, no see you soon, no leave your phone number so I can call you, no that was nice, nothing. Get out and leave, the message was clear, he wasn't asking for another night, he was simply not interested.

In her idiotic heart broken state, she had been dumb enough to write her phone number down and put it on his kitchen counter before she had left his place, cursing herself for her stupidity as she took a cab, asking herself why the fuck she had given him her number, he was obviously not interested. It wasn't her style to be emotionally attached to a one night stand, she had dozens of them, but he hadn't been like the other guys, everything that should make her want to stay away from him – his intensity, his kinky problems with possession, his well thought lies -, all these things made her want him more.

Christian Grey left his mark on whoever he touched, their souls branded with him.

When her phone had rung with an unknown number on its display last Monday, she had been at work, a frown crossing her face as she had wondered who was calling her, the phone nearly slipping from her hands when she heard his voice. He hadn't been on her minds in the last two months, she had pouted the first month after their one night stand, only to decide to turn her sadness into anger so she could fume over him, instead of pouting like a silly girl. Her anger had vanished when she heard his voice, though.

"Hello, Elena." He had said with a sigh, the noises caused by the crowd he was in audible in the background, just like cars and buses, he had obviously been walking down the street while he talked to her.

She hadn't need for him to say his name, recognizing him by his voice immediately, but for the sake of her dignity, she had pretended not to know him for a second, failing as she tried to be nonchalant.

"It's me, Christian Grey." He had said, chuckling lightly into the phone, oblivious to the flush that spread on her face.

"Ah, yes. Christian. I remember." Elena had said, feigning confident while her heart beat rapidly in her chest, the memories of their night together back with the force of a wrecking ball, nearly knocking her off her socks. She had cursed herself, her bones weakening when his voice her ears.

"I'm happy that you do. I know this call comes three months too late, and I would understand if you don't want to listen to me, I don't deserve anything else honestly, but if there is a small chance, I would love to talk to you. Please."

Bang. Headshot. Hearing him plead was intoxicating, his tone tiny bit weepy, full of hope, full of promises and potential, potential for a future together, her hormones going crazy inside her as she went on a mental journey, drawing the perfect picture of a perfect relationship with him, a one night stand turning into marriage with kids, a pretty house and even a dog which they could name a silly name like Rex or Spock, maybe even Snooby, she wasn't even a dog person, but with him she would love to have one. It shouldn't have been that easy, but hearing his voice, hearing her own thoughts about their potential future together, and hearing the tiny whisper in her heart which told her to go for it, hearing the ghost of a hopeless romantic in her head had been enough to listen to him, listen to him apologizing for his behavior from last time, it was rude to leave you like that, I should have treated you the way you deserve it like a lady, I should have made you breakfast, I shouldn't have run away.

Forgive me.

I was a fool.

I was too scared of my own emotions.

She had wondered which part of what he said was the truth, even his lies sweet and alluring enough for her to forget the lesson she had learned last time, don't fall for his trap. Life was too short, she had decided, too short to run away like he had done, even if she got her heart broken in the process, she was willing to risk it.

They had agreed on going out on Saturday night, she had proposed the Mexican restaurant her friend had told her about, he hadn't objected, saying that he was happy to see her wherever she wanted to go, making her swoon again. He had picked her up dutifully and punctually, one look at him waiting at her door dressed in a nice, white shirt, his dark copper hair stylishly chaotic, his smile dazzling, and whoosh, she was falling for him again, the past memories of him forgotten, their date a new chance for them.

Their night had been surprisingly nice, the small talk not awkward like she had expected it to be, the chemistry between them buzzing once again, both of them pleased with each other. Even the food had turned out nice, her friend's suggestion a lucky one, the drinks coming and going as they had chatted about this and that, her childhood in London, his childhood in Seattle where he was born and raised, their work, his love for classical music, and everything else they felt like talking about, not daring to address the elephant in the room, even though both of them knew that they would eventually have to talk about it. She had wondered why he was beating around the bush, her first expression of him being bluntly honest which was why she had expected him to bring up the topic himself, but he had shied away from it somehow, making her take the reins herself.

Just when she had finally dared to ask him about his sudden mood change, his phone had buzzed, interrupting them as he had excused himself to take a look, his smile vanishing when he starred at the text he had gotten.

The mood he had been in was officially gone she noticed, whatever he had gotten must have been rather surprising news. For a second her heart skipped a beat when she wondered if this was the cliché and infamous I have to go because of an emergency phone call / text, her guts clenching with fear since the night had been fun, at least for her, she hadn't given him a reason to run away again, had she?

Thank God, it wasn't anything like that at all, he assured her that it had been just a silly text, a prank he called it, nothing important enough to interrupt their date, trying to sound as convincing as possible, even though his eyes darkened with something strange in them, something she couldn't really name, but she decided to ignore it for the sake of tonight, going on with her words.

"I was just wondering why you left last time. I had thought we had a nice night, at least it was nice for me." Elena mumbled shyly, her fingers playing with the fork on her plate as she dipped her head with flushed cheeks.

Nice, he mused with an impassive face as he suppressed the need to laugh. It wasn't a word he would have chosen for their first and last night together, at least not to describe his performance, he would have chosen something like extraordinary, or life-changing, or out of this world and all the other worlds, his confidence not lacking of volume – just like another part of his body -, but if it pleased her, he would allow her the ill-fitting word just because he was nice.

The smile that tugged at his perfectly sculptured lips not stoppable, humor glistening in his gray eyes, scaring off the darkness which had made her shiver and squirm in her seat.

His voice was soothing as he spoke, naive hope rising in her chest.

"That night with you meant so much to me, Elena. It was so precious and fragile that I got scared to ruin it with being my usual self." Christian murmured, shaking his head with pity crossing his handsome face.

She looked at him as if he had grown another head, his answer the last thing she had expected to hear from him, men usually opting for cliché answers like I had to leave for work, that's why I left you only a short note, I even forgot to ask you for your number, and so on. The lies were endless, losing quality with time but Elena being Elena fell for it each time. This time was no different, only that she knew that he was just being more creative with his excuses than the guys before him, but even his lies were wrapping her in a soft cocoon of lies, a cozy spot where her muscles numbed, her bones jelly, her heart fluttering like an impatient bird's wings.

"I thought that it was only a one night stand, one of many, for you." Elena said with a shaky voice, gasping as he arched an eyebrow at her, looking insulted.

"I didn't mean to say that you are, um." She stuttered, her body heating with embarrassment. "Sorry. I just assumed that you have lots of one night stands because you look so good."

Ugh.

She wished somebody would sew her lips so she could stop talking, her brain to mouth filter broken once again, the words blustering out of her like an angry flood. Her body tensed as she saw a displeased line curl his lips, the fear of having insulted him shortening her breaths.

"It saddens me that you think that." He said with a shook of his head, narrowing his eyes at her as he reached for his glass of beer, enjoying a long sip as she squirmed in her seat with her green eyes frantic, her teeth biting her lip.

"I don't understand why you would think that of me just because we had a nice night together. Have I given you a reason to assume I am whoring around?" Christian asked with both of his eyebrows raised, his jaw clenched as he spoke, watching her as if she was a petulant child.

She felt small underneath his stare, another flood of excuses coming out of her mouth, the last thing she had wanted was to insult him out of all people, their date had started so good, but here she was ruining it as always, her stupid mouth always in the way of her happiness, her last boyfriend having left her because she had outed his bisexuality to his parents in one of her infamous no filter moments.

"I didn't want to say that you whore around." She whispered horrified at the thought, nervously looking around the busy room they were sitting in, other customers happily munching their delicious food, waiters serving drinks and meals with happy smiles plastered on their faces.

"The thing is, I rarely have one night stands because I think of them as waste of my time. I never understood the appeal of meeting a stranger and fucking them before we part ways because if I decide that you are worth my time, I usually expect to see you more than one night." Christian went on, his tone lecturing, as he dipped a nacho into the cheese sauce he had ordered. She hadn't tried it, being lactose-intolerant, but he had sworn that it tasted delicious.

"But you left." Elena blurted, making him stop his hand mid-air as he was raising yet another to his mouth, his eyes accusing. She was quick to notice that he hated being interrupted, lesson learned.

"Meeting you was catching fresh air in a room full of heavy, gray smoke, so I broke my own rules that night by taking you home with me. Our night together was nice, as you have said, it was nice enough to make me wonder about more, more with you in particularly. But yes, I left because I was scared of a rejection since I didn't know if you would want more with me. After all it could have been just a one night thing for you. Of course, now I know that I was a total idiot, I should have asked you out back then, instead of wondering about your answer or possible rejection for three months. What can I say? You kinda took me off guard with... everything."

Just when he ended his speech with a shy shrug, his phone buzzed in his pocket, vibrating against the wood of his chair, but he felt it right through his bones to the very core of his body, the memory of the selfie he had gotten back with the force of a blizzard, freezing his senses and nerves, tying his tongue for a quick second.

It shouldn't have surprised him, her texts were always accurately planned, always hitting the nail on the head, always punctually ruining a moment in his life. She was shadowing over his life like a ghost from another century, hunting the people around him as well, her presence overbearing, intoxicating, deadly. More than once he had wondered if she had magical powers, if she was a witch, an evil one who shattered the lives of others wherever she went, his being her favorite to fuck with.

She does it so well, though.

Elena was too busy with swooning over his words, she missed the change of his mood, his eyes darkening again as his lips pressed into a thin line.

"Christian, there was no need to feel insecure." She said with a happy smile making her face glow. "A simple talk would have saved us the past three months."

His phone buzzed again, another time following seconds after, making his skin prickle with anxiety, the need to take a look unyielding, but he resisted it, trying really hard to give his attention to the girl sitting across from him, concentrating on her pretty face.

Blondes had never been his type, too shiny, too yellowish, something just felt off about blonde hair. He had never bothered to look for a real reason since he didn't have to explain himself or his tastes to anyone, opting for brunettes or redheads in his past, the later only if she wasn't too pale like a freaking ghost, but it wasn't like he had forgone blondes completely. Here and there, he had shared his bed with one, sometimes out of boredom, sometimes because of impatience, sometimes just out of curiosity caused by the woman herself.

Elena Lincoln had been one of those women who had awakened his curiosity, her feigned confidence making him wonder what she was hiding underneath her walls which had been surprisingly easy to take down, to be honest. It hadn't taken him long to make her willing, his charm taking no prisoners as he had talked, his mind wandering off to places where he fucked her insecurity and desperation out of her, making her his little pet project. He had failed unfortunately, her shyness still present even while she was taking his dick up her ass, she had wanted to cuddle afterward, feeling ashamed of what they had done obviously, making him frown with distaste as she gave reasons after reasons to lose interest in her. He wondered how someone who had let him teabag her could feel ashamed about it afterward, she should be confident about her choices or don't make them at all.

He had left her the next morning in his own apartment, wishing they had gone to her place instead so he wouldn't have to leave her at his own place, but it had been too late for regrets, the last thing he had wanted was her getting stupid ideas of having breakfast together – he was a bagel and coffee guy, he couldn't remember having breakfast at his place before, he wasn't even sure if he had enough ingredients for a breakfast meal – or getting her hopes up for another round of sex, her shyness a huge turn off. The courtesy to leave a note had been mandatory, he had owed her that much, but the words on the little piece of paper he had left clear enough for her to understand, get out of here, the memory of her fading the closer he got to work, his mind full of all the papers he had yet to grade, Elena Lincoln becoming one of many faces in his spectrum of people.

It had surprised him when he had called her out of all the people. She had neither been interesting enough to keep around for a longer amount of time, nor had she been sexually fitting, but his fingers had automatically typed her number as soon as he found the piece of paper she had written it on somewhere in between old thumb drives, bills and pens. He had thought that it surely had to have a meaning, her number not thrown away like he would have done normally, somewhere up in the sky, God must have written a fate for them.

Just like her, he had wondered why he had called her, the sudden need for human contact maybe, or his blue balls which were desperate for a release and even though she had been shy and ashamed, she had at least done whatever he had wanted to do, not safe wording or declining him a wish. It had been an impulsive decision, he was aware, a decision with consequences even, but he didn't bother to look for reasons, he was a free man, he could do whatever he wanted – Elena Lincoln included.

Cracking her shell had been easy once again, her desperation reeking out of every pore of her wanton body as he fed her lies after lies, feigning insecurity, feigning hope for more, while he only wanted to have another night with her, a warm body in his otherwise empty bed and a tight pussy to bury his dick inside.

His plan had been going well, his victory making him cocky as he flirted with the blonde woman across from him, making her fall for his trap once again. He was going to fuck her again, maybe harder than last time so he could scare her away, but this time at her place so he could leave the next morning without worrying about a potential revenge act on his apartment.

If only he hadn't seen the content of his latest text.

Now his mind was full of loud, booming voices, soft giggling, angry cries, hushed whispers, dirty words, moans of pleasures, and questions, so many questions. It was unbearable, too loud, too hushed, too much inside his otherwise calm mind, his traitorous body reacting to his thoughts, his heart rapidly throbbing in his chest as his muscles tensed with surprise, embarrassment, confusion, rage and fucking jealousy, everything caused by a stupid selfie send from a stupid girl because of stupid reasons.

He hated this, he hated it with passion, he hated the lack of control he had over his emotions, he hated to feel crowded within his own head, he hated feeling helpless, his hands tied as the need to bite someone's head of grew with every passing second, the texts he was trying to ignore making his phone buzz again and again, testing his patience as the events around him slowed down, Elena's mouth moving as she spoke but her words didn't touch his ears, the people around him living their own lives and making him want to scream, hey, don't you see what is going on?

Glasses chinked, forks touched the surface of porcelain plates, the unattractive sounds of people chewing lingering in the air, soft music came out of the speakers, the heavy smells of spices and meals of Mexico gently penetrating his nostrils, the tiny hairs on his neck tickling his sensitive skin as his heart pounded with impatience sitting tight on his bones, a whirl of events not registered by his brain, life loosing importance, moments shattering in front of him, a frustrating puzzle impossible to solve, Elena talked and talked, oblivious to what he was thinking and worse, feeling.

She was begging for it.

"Excuse me for a moment." Christian sprang to his feet, nearly knocking off his chair as he grabbed his jacket from the back of it, not giving a surprised looking a chance to ask where he was going before he made his way to the restrooms, his blood pulsing in his ears.

With a bewildered expression on his otherwise impassive face he bursted into the men's room, a look into the mirror making him grimace as he saw the mess he was turning into. A cold splash of water hit his face as he tried to wash away these feelings, a pathetic try he knew, but there was nothing else he could have done, he at least wanted to try something, anything at this point.

The voices in his head didn't shut up when he was in the restrooms, only the noises of his surrounding fading away, but he was even thankful for that, crowded places not his favorite spot in times like this, times in which he felt like control was slipping between his fingers the harder he tried to hold onto it, his desperation making him lose in the end.

He cursed, raged, and cursed again in the privacy of a cabin, kicking the porcelain bowl over and over again, not caring about other people or his date, his life even, not while he was cornered once again, something he detested like nothing else. He had never wanted to get into this situation, he wished he could have prevented it years ago, being young and dumb back then, dumb enough not to care about consequences, young enough to be a naive fool, but he was neither of those things now.

Now he was just a helpless fool, his hands tied with invisible ropes, a powerful hand tight around his throat as he lost more and more of himself with each breakdown.

Everything caused by some selfie and texts.

Do you miss me?

- A

I miss your dick.

- A

Do you like the picture?

- A

Fuck me. Use me. Love me.

- A

She was begging for it.

To be continued, obviously.

Leave your thoughts, your love, maybe hate, whatever you feel like leaving as long as it is in a mature tone.

Until next time,

melii xoxo