A little gift

… As far as the crew's work cycle goes, it was evening on the SSV Normandy. Everyone who was involved in the ground actions were gathered by the sleeper pods, where I had built a miniature podium. Tali'Zorah, Kaiden Alenko, and Garrus were seated up by the front, and the others were seated and standing behind us, with me at the end of the hallway by the wall. The only one absent was Ashley…

Just as my thoughts started to get morbid, my attention was instantly drawn back to reality, as I realized that I had yet to speak to the crew. As I scanned the group, I thought of all the time that we'd spent together. Despite the context of the memories, they brought a smile to my face… Confusing Liara with my jokes, stifling my laughter as she stammered around her nervousness; all the impromptu sniping competitions with Garrus…

Then, my eyes fell on Tali, the young Quarian woman I'd gotten onto the crew at the beginning. I heard all the speculation which revolved around my love life, but surprisingly nobody was even close. As much time as I'd spent speaking with Liara or Ashley, none of that time even compared in my mind. Ever since I'd first seen her, I'd had a very strong attachment to the young engineer, and I did my best to get to know her as much as I could. Whenever I wasn't working, speaking with the crew, or her, I was sitting in my room, researching everything I could about Quarians. I was really stricken with her…

But, I don't think the feeling is mutual. Either way, tonight is going to be nerve-wrenchingly eventful.

Gathering my thoughts, I opened my mouth, and started talking.

"… I know what everybody is thinking; the past couple of days have been less than ideal. Losing Ashley, and the support of the Council, have both been major blows to us, and to the integrity of the mission. Now, with Ilos on the horizon, the mission truly feels like it's coming to a close."

I received a wave of nods, so I continued.

"… Even then, everything we've done up until here has been more than impressive. Working with you all has been an honour, and I really feel like we've shifted the views of the entire galaxy. Throughout our entire mission, I've bonded and learned so much about all of you, and I just wanted to say that no matter what happens, no matter how many of us don't make it, that I'm proud to call you all my friends, and even my family… " Taking a final breath, I set my eyes on Tali, and finished. "Be strong, fight hard, and die proud."

I put my arm up in a salute, and everyone gathered in front of me returned the gesture. Tali'Zorah was slower than the rest, and as my arm went down, the crew started to disperse. Eventually, everyone but she and I had gone back to their postings, with Kaiden going to a sleeper pod instead. Tali'Zorah was looking down at the ground, and she was playing with her hands again. Why does she do that? I never really understood. Maybe she's intimidated by me? I'd be scared too, knowing what I've done…

"… Hey Tali, you got something on your mind?"

Her hands stopped, and she lifted her head. Looking her straight in the eyes, I grinned a little, and she loosened up.

"… I – well, uh – I – I don't really know. It's just…"

Holding my hand up, take a step closer, and despite my mind objecting violently, I gestured past her, and said, "… wait. Would you like to speak a little more in my cabin? It's a hell of a lot more private than out here, where everybody sleeps."

Freezing in place, I felt my heart sink. Oh shit, you fucked it up. Why would she ever accept that offer? Now she's probably going to run away, or think I'm a creepy pervert…

***
After his speech, he looked to me, and started speaking. "Be strong, fight hard, and die proud."

Feeling his attention, I blushed and my thoughts started racing. Why is he looking at me? Everybody knows that he and Liara are together. Maybe I'm imagining it, or maybe I got a fever back on Virmire…

All of a sudden, Kaiden stood up, and I got up as well. Taking a sideways glance, I saw that Garrus was saluting, so I joined in hesitantly. Looking back at Shepard, his eyes were still trained on me, but his body was stock still. Then, his hand dropped, and he placed them behind his back. Averting my eyes, I started thinking again. No, I definitely think he's looking at me. Maybe I was wrong? Should I tell him? We may not get another chance to – my thoughts were caught off by Shepard, who had taken on an unusual tone.

"… Hey Tali, you got something on your mind?"

My world was shaking, and I could barely put together a sentence.

"… I – well, uh – I – I don't really know. It's just…"

Just as I finally built up the courage to say something, he put his hand up, and my mind went blank. I looked up at him, and his hand was up. Damn it! I knew that he didn't feel that way!

"… Would you like to speak a little more in my cabin? It's a hell of a lot more private…"

Then, just like that, my mind was racing again. … Wait; was that me, being asked to join Shepard, alone, IN HIS CABIN? Oh Keelah, I must be daydreaming again! Shaking myself, I noticed that Shepard looked extremely nervous. Seeing him like this was comforting, and it also made me giggle.

"Uh, yes Shepard, I would enjoy that..."

'I would enjoy that'? What the hell has gotten into me? And laughing at him? He must think I'm some awful bitch who likes to taunt people!

My mind was going faster than a Salarian on stims as we walked into his private quarters. Walking into his room, he turned to me, and he uneasily said "… Here, sit down at the table, which is across from where I want to sit, because it – well, um – yeah." Turning to himself, he grabbed his face, and muttered something to himself, before pulling the chair across from me away, and sitting down. Shifting in his place a bit, he looked at me, and let out a sigh. Wiping his face, he looked at me, and he gave a nervous smile. Taking that as my cue to talk, I stood up, and started pacing.

"Um, well Shepard, I just wanted to talk to you about, well, you know, about… about… shit. Shepard, do you hate me?"

He stood up immediately at my words, and he looked worried.

"WHAT? No, Tali, I could never hate you. Ever since I first met you, I've done nothing but try to prove the opposite! Even from the beginning, you were always kind, and selfless, and… well, everything I'm not."

Even though his words made my heart flutter, I couldn't get my previous thoughts off of my mind.

"… Oh. Well, it's just, you've always had to watch my back, and make accommodations for me, and when you were giving your speech you looked right at me when you told me not to die… like you didn't believe in me…"

Shepard shocked me then. Acting on emotions, he stepped right up to me, and put his hands on my shoulders. Speaking quickly, he stammered, "Tali, you could never burden me, that's just what I do, and I believe in you implicitly, it's just that I don't want you to die because, well, I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you…" freezing in his tracks at what he just said, his eyes went wide, and his grip was tight. "Uh, Tali, I – I can explain, I mean, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, and uh -" My hand zipped up to his face, and I put my middle finger on his mouth. His grip loosened, and his entire body seemed to relax and shudder at my touch. His hands drifted down, and he looked down at the ground. Walking up to him, I let my finger slide down his chest, and I grabbed his hands. Now standing inches away from him, I turned my head, and I felt myself start to speak…

***
Feeling her finger on my lips, I stopped dead in my tracks, and looked to the ground. GODDAMIT! Great, that's just fucking great, Shepard! You took the ONLY good thing that's EVER made you truly happy, and you piss on it just like you always do… I was pulled from my self-loathing when I felt her hand leave my face… and float down my chest. As she passed my sternum, my heart rate skyrocketed, and it only got worse when she slid her hands into mine. Pulling her next to me, it was then that I realised how foolish I had been. Sensing my shift in attitude, she started speaking lowly.

"… Shepard, are you alright?"

Sighing at her words, I squeezed her hands, and spoke. "… no, I don't think so. It's just, with Ilos merely hours away, I realised how much you really meant to me… Goddamit, I'm just so scared… I'm scared that I'll never be able to truly be happy. I'm scared that Saren will succeed, and all our efforts will be in vein… I'm scared that something will happen to you, and I'll never be able to see you again." Feeling her wrap her arms around me, my eyes got hot, and I felt myself start to cry. Cry over Mindoir, and all the family and friends that were stolen from me. Cry about Akuze, and all the horrifying things I had seen. Cry about Virmire, and how I was forced to murder one of my closest friends…

My hands went around her, and her hands went from wrapping around my waist, to stroking my back and hair. Even as I broke down further, she held me close, and whispered in my ear. With each word she spoke, my heart opened more, and more tears came out. "Shh, shh… There, there, Shepard, I'm here. I'm here, and I'm not leaving you. I'm coming back to you tomorrow. I'm never leaving your side, and I'll always be there for you..."

After a short while, my tears wouldn't come anymore, and I felt renewed. Holding her close, I whispered in her ear, "… Hey, I have something for you. After all that you've given me, I felt like I needed to give you something in return…"

***
I heard him speak, and his hands went down to my sides. I brought my hands down as well, and he took them. Pulling me over, he sat me in his chair. Dragging his hand up my arm, he rested them on my shoulders, and I heard him whisper into my earpiece.

"Hey, stay still. Just sit back, and relax… Don't turn around."

I felt slightly confused, but I complied nonetheless. Sitting back, I closed my eyes, and I listened intently, trying to find out what he was doing. Amongst other things, I heard some rustling, and him sitting down on his bed. Then, after about a minute of silence, one of the oddest noises started from behind me. Starting out relatively low, it changed its tone, and then quickly blended together in my mind. A single English word came to mind, and it stunned me. Music…

***
Opening my personal storage unit, I pushed my portable sterilisation device to the side, and reached for the large black case which sat in the back corner. Pulling it out, I set it down on my bed, and released the snaps on its side. Opening it, I pulled out the large instrument which sat inside, and went for the papers which I had left underneath it. Reading over the papers one last time, I sat on my bed, and I readied my instrument. Gripping the bow with a loose wrist, I rested it on the strings and I started my song. Almost instantly, my eyes closed, and instincts took over. Getting lost in the strange melodies of my own composure, my mind floated back to my off time on Mindoir, when my parents and I would play music together, always laughing. Now, when I did this, joy went through my mind, and my thoughts were free to flow once more. Soon after, my thoughts floated off to Tali, who had stolen the fractured shards of my heart, and left only peace in its place. Warmth flowed through my body, and I heard her voice behind my music.

"… Shepard…"

A few seconds later, my hands slowed, and my song came to a close. A truly blissful smile rose across my features, and I opened my eyes. Looking up from my instrument, I was mildly surprised to find Tali, right in front of me, sitting perplexed.

***
As I realised there was music, I turned around, expecting to find him lying about in some skimpy human dressing. When I realised what I was seeing however, I was instantly stupefied, as I banished such shamefully scornful thoughts out of my head forever. Sitting before me, head hunched, was Shepard, actually playing the music which I was hearing. His body was partially obscured by the bulk of the instrument, and what could be seen were only his head, his arms, and some of his shoulders. His right hand was moving a stick with threads back and fourth, and his left hand was sliding and slapping on a curved board with his fingers. All in all, every aspect of the image before me was beautiful.

I pulled the chair up closer, and I lost myself in the music. My mind was swept away, as I recalled pleasant memories of my mother, and the occasional proud moment with my father. Then, Shepard was holding me, and I was wearing my people's traditional garb. We were standing on a cliff, overlooking the ocean, and the sun was setting into the distance. We turned to each other, and embraced lovingly.

Pulling out of my imaginings, I realised why this meant so much to me… it was completely new to me, but it sounded like something a Quarian would compose. Seeing Shepard playing it without anything to read I also realised something else…

That he had written it himself.

Feeling tremendous joy, my hand went to my mouthpiece, and I started to cry. Through my tears, I could only manage a single word…

"… Shepard…"

Soon after that, his song ended, and one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen graced his features. Then he looked up at me, and our eyes met. Slowly, he pushed his instrument to the side, and without breaking eye contact, he started talking.

"… You've done so much for me… and, after that talk you and I had about you being homesick, I couldn't rest. Even though you seemingly got past that, I realised that there was more to your words that simply wishing to be with your loved ones again. So, ever since then, I tried my hardest to bring a little bit of 'home' to you…"

With a sob, my voice sang back with utter joy; "Oh, Shepard… What you did for me was absolutely beautiful… I've never heard anything so amazing in my entire life."

I got up from my chair, and he stood as well. When he stood, we were merely inches away, and I felt his hands grab mine.

"Tali… that's not all I wanted you to hear…"

Looking down, I gripped his hands tightly, and I looked back to him expectantly. He shifted on his feet a little, and he almost whispered. "Tali… I – you… I have feelings for you, more than just a friend. I didn't know if you felt the same, but I just needed for you to hear that… but, I would understand you having certain… reservations… about getting involved."

I was smiling uncontrollably as I slid up to him, and our bodies touched. "… Shepard… being with you would make me the happiest woman in the galaxy..." then, my thoughts went back to their usual arguments, and I felt my heart tear as I spoke. "… but, I could never do that to you… you deserve to… be happy with someone… and I can't do that. As much as I want to, there's just so much -" Shepard flinched at my words, and he looked down to the side. "… I know, Tali. I… I looked into it. You'll get sick or worse and… well, as much as I care about you, I don't want to rush you, or put you in harm's way… but what if you could? Would you?"

My heart instantly fluttered, and I blushed profusely. "Well, I – uh, well I suppose there are some, uh, precautions that we could take – but I doubt that we'd ever be able to – Keelah, it's hot in here... simply put? Yes… I would like that."

Shepard's face lit up once more, and he excitedly jumped backwards, carrying me with him. Squealing in surprise and delight, we laughed together as we bounced lightly on Shepard's bed, and settled in. Lying on top of him, I barely suppressed a shocked gasp as I exclaimed "Shepard! What are – what are you doing?"

My face broke out into a joyous grin as he beamed back at me, smoothly stating "… getting a good night's sleep with the woman of my dreams."

… And a good night it was.