Happy October Fools ~ A Joker and Batman FanFic
It was a relatively busy, cool evening in Gotham City, children's screams and laughs could be heard all across town. Yes, it was that time of year again. October 31st, the day when children got the chance to dress up as their most feared creature or favorite super hero and eat as much candy as physically possible…Halloween.
Harley crossed off another day on the calendar, humming to the tune of a Halloween Jam's song on the Joker's Record Player before an unanticipated greeting came bursting through the door. . "Harleeeeyyy!" She jumped with a shriek. "I'm home." The Joker slammed the door to their rundown apartment loudly behind him, an anticipating smile on his face.
Harley crossed her arms. "Puddin!" She shouted surprised. "You're early! I haven't even finished the decorations yet or…or." She looked down at herself. She was wearing nothing but one of the Joker's purple button down tops which draped down on her like an oversized dress. Her hair hung high in two messy blonde pigtails.
"Oh don't worry about it Harley dear, tonight is going to be perfect. I just know it." He interrupted even more cheerful than usual.
"Oh yeah! What do you have planned Mistah J?" Harley asked excitedly walking towards him.
"Quiet Harley. Go get me my hair gel. It's ShowTime" He smiled running his hands through his deep green hair in the mirror. You could just tell he was plotting something very…very malevolent. Harley stood there gawking at her clown prince of crime. The Joker turned to her impatiently. "HARLEY. HAIR. GEL." She snapped out of it running down the hall "YESSIR" The Joker sighed and turned back to his reflection. "Just you wait till you see what I've got planned for us tonight Bats." He started laughing quietly, growing louder with each snicker.
It was a rather calm night for The Dark Knight. He sat down in his chair staring forward with a look of concentration on his face. Bats scattered and echoed across the cave walls. Bruce's beloved butler, Alfred walked up beside him holding his evening meal. Bruce sighed as he buried his face in his hands. "Longing for an evening date tonight sir?" Alfred sat the meal down.
"Not now Alfred." Bruce said straightly. "It's quiet out there…too quiet." He squinted. Alfred looked at the computers, all playing different news stations at once.
"Perhaps all the troublemakers are out trick or treating tonight sir."
"Yeah. That's exactly what I'm concerned about." Bruce said uneasily.
Without warning every computer in the Batcave switched to the same footage. Much to Bruce's expectations it was none other than Gotham's most notorious, reckless, and insane criminal. The Joker. He laughed maniacally placing the camera somewhere in front of him. "Mmmhahahahaaaa, how's it goin' bat-brains?!" He exclaimed.
"Joker." Batman uttered.
"I hope you're having a WONDERFUL Halloween Bats. Handing out candy to kiddies. Flaunting around in that childish batsuit of yours. I'd be delighted to let you know the fun hasn't even begun!" His voice grew with malice. "Tonight thousands of children run across the streets of Gotham from house to house, laughing, smiling. Tomorrow they cough and spit up blood, relishing in their final 12 hours of living. That's right bats. I have branded my own candy bar! Think of it like a twix, with a bit of a kick to it. Hahahaha…mmhahahaaa." He laughed uncontrollably.
Batman trembled at this horrific act. Imagining how many children had already been affected. And how much damage had already been done. Finally the Joker regained his composure. "There are currently 500 of my toxic jinx candy bars out there, circling across town from house to house. Child to child. Find them all, and you win buddy-boy. Fail to collect them all, and well…hahaha, you will see the damage you've caused." His eerie grin grew to a full blown smile. "Well then, Happy Halloween Bats! Ahahahaha-."
"Mistah J, I have your hair gel!"
"Not now Harley! I'm live! What is wrong with y-." The video cut out and every computer turned black.
Alfred spoke. "That doesn't sound good."
"No. Not at all. Joker's taking this too far." The Dark Knight said with anger in his voice, pulling on his suit. "Who knows how many children have already been poisoned?" He sighed with despair.
"Or who the main distributor is." Alfred contributed.
"I need to find out which house is selling his Jinx candy bars and put an end to this. I'll have the GCPD broadcast live warnings all over the news. I have to stop this." Batman buckled himself into his armored black Batmobile zooming off.
"Harleeeyy, how many times have I told you not to interrupt me when I'm live!?" The Joker beamed with anger at Harley.
"I-I'm s-sorry sir I just didn't know." Harley apologized backing up slowly. The Joker growled before taking a deep breath and letting it go. He walked up to her, holding her chin softly in his hand. Harley looked up at him. Her bright blue eyes beamed with love.
"I love what you've done with the place sweets." He smiled, letting go and looking at the room around him. Green and purple party streamers hung from the ceiling messily. Fake spiders hung randomly around the room and the Record player was playing one of his favorite songs. Horror movies filled with blood and gore played in the corner of the room, and their bed, right in the center of their studio apartment was a beautiful mess of purple sheets and spray painted laughter all over the posts. "It really is festive in here." The Joker walked around taking it all in.
"You really think so Puddin"? I tried my best!" Harley giggled.
"Of course Harley girl, you never fail to surprise me." He smiled.
"Why don't you turn around to see your full surprise Puddin'?" Harley said slowly in a seductive and shy tone.
The Joker's face grew curious. "And what would that be pooh?" He turned around gasping at the sight in front of him. Harley blushed, leaning up against the wall wearing nothing but a pair of tight black and red panties and a black lacey bra. Her blonde hair now draped down over her chest softly. "Y-ya wanna have some fun Puddin'?" Harley inquired quietly looking up at him.
"Harleyyy. You sexy little minx." He walked up towards her grabbing her by the waist and pulling her against him roughly. "Now now, normally there wouldn't be any playtime while I'm working but…" He looked her up and down, swallowing. "I'll make an exception for tonight. Happy Holidays." He grinned throwing her onto the bed. Harley screamed excitedly ripping off his shirt and throwing it across the room. The two started to make out roughly on their queen size bed, panting and exploring each other's bodies with their hands.
"Mmm, let's make some magic, Puddin'" Harley moaned suggestively. The two were suddenly interrupted by the busting down of their apartment door. Harley screamed.
"Joker! Where?!" The batman asked loudly and angrily before realizing what he had just walked into. Everybody froze for a solid ten seconds.
Batman let out an uncontrollable chuckle, covering his mouth trying to hold it in. "Batsy you pervert!" Harley shrieked running out of the bed, The Joker grabbed her pulling her back.
"Cover yourself up Harl, you seem to have misplaced your bra." The Joker prodded. Harley yelped again covering herself with the blankets.
"Joker. What have you done?" Batman had returned to his serious tone, walking towards the bed.
The Joker stood up nonchalantly, zipping up his pants. "I was having a bit of fun Bats, before you had to come breaking down my door and ruining it for me, that'll be one hundred bucks by the way."
"Do you have zero remorse? All those children are going to die because of you." Batman continued, grabbing the Joker by the neck and pinning him against the bedpost.
"Admitting defeat already Bats?" The Joker cackled through his limited breathing. Batman squeezed harder.
"Tell me who's distributing the candy. NOW." Batman smashed Joker's head against the wall roughly.
"Let go of my Puddin'! Harley yelled as she flipped in the air knocking the Dark Knight across the head and to the ground.
"Nice going Harls." The Joker brushed himself off and cleared his throat.
Batman stood up tall. "You tell me right now Joker. Or you will-." Joker interrupted, "5th street, Longrove Rd. Gotham City, knock yourself out Bats."
The batman stood up. "Why tell me so easily?" Batman asked cautiously. The Joker laughed some more, as if the bat had just made the greatest joke ever heard.
"You seemed so desperate I just had to help you out." The Joker smiled continuing to laugh like a maniac.
Harley tapped her foot against the ground. "Time's a' ticking Batsy, if I were you I'd be getting a move on." Harley put her hands on her hips, smirking. Batman stood up walking out of the room and shoving Harley backwards onto the ground as he did so. She screeched.
"Oh walk it off Harls." The Joker teased.
Meanwhile, the Bat was well on his way to the address given to him by the Joker. The Batmobile setting him on a direct track to the street provided. "Alfred." Batman tapped his phone icon to which the device automatically dialed the butler's number. "Alfred I have the address to the main distributer. I'll be there In 15 minutes going full speed…it's all the way across town."
"May I suggest taking the backroads sir? The streets are quite busy this time of night." Alfred informed.
"Damnit, I almost forgot about that." Batman fumed. "I guess we'll be taking this to the sky then. Alfred call in the Batwing."
"As you wish sir." Alfred consented as he located the Dark Knight and sent the batwing on a direct path. "I'd give it 2 or 3 minutes sir."
"Great, thanks Alf." Batman hopped out of his vehicle, waiting patiently in the dark alley until his Batwing finally arrived. "This ends now Joker." He seethed to himself.
Back at Harley and The Joker's apartment a night to remember was about to commence. Harley pulled on her black and red jester suit, zipping it up to the top as the Joker straightened out his purple jacket. Harley grabbed her big wooden bat with excitement, swinging it back and forth giggling.
"Put that down Harley, we aren't going to be needing it." The Joker ordered.
"But Mistah J, what if we run into Batsy? I've gotta show him who's boss again… just like earlier." She smiled continuing to swing the bat back and forth.
"You think I needed your help back there Harley? You're absolutely incorrect." The Joker's voice grew deep and impatient. "Put it down and go grab my machine gun."
Harley paused. "B-but Mistah J…You said we wouldn't be needin-."
"Always good to be prepared my dear." The Joker grinned walking towards the window before taking notice of the unmanned Batmobile sitting right outside their apartment. "Oohoho. What do we have here?" He inquired excitedly.
Harley bounced over beside the Joker. "Somebody left their toys out for us to play witthhh" Harley dragged out. They both exchanged mischievous looks before heading out the front door and hopping into their new ride.
BEEP BEEP BEEP. An alert sounded from the Batwing alarming the Dark Knight that someone was currently using the Batmobile. "Goddamnit" He sighed, paging Alfred. "We've got a problem Alf."
"As I am well aware sir. It seems the clown and his psycho queen have hijacked your ride." Alfred assured.
"This isn't good Alfred. They could be putting so many people in danger…There's no limit to what they're capable of. I need to stop them." Batman raged.
"While true sir, you could also be endangering the lives of many more by failing to find that house as soon as possible. But even Batman can't be in two places at once." Alfred said worriedly.
The Bat paused to think over the situation. "Your right Alfred. I need to stop any more candy from being given out. I'll worry about them when I take care of the problem at hand. Disable any of the weapon chambers from being used in the Batmobile. I'm almost to the destination."
"Floor it Puddin'!" Harley screamed, rolling down the black tinted window and sticking her head out, her pigtails blowing back in the wind.
"You've got it Harley-girl, hahahaaaa." The Joker laughed, whisking the batmobile through the busy city streets. "Outta my way kiddies I'm on a mission here. Hahahahaa." He shouted out the window.
The two drove full speed through the city streets, laughing insanely as they did so. "I wanna turn on the radio!" Harley cheered poking one of the random buttons in front of her.
"No Harley don't touch any-." The Joker tried to stop her but suddenly they were both jerked backwards with immense force, a parachute of sorts shooting out from the back of the Batmobile taking them from 150 to 0 in five seconds. They jolted in their seats. The Joker turned to Harley slowly, the two locking eyes for a moment before busting out with insuppressible laughter.
"That was fun huh Mistah J!" Harley cracked up. The Joker continued laughing before slowly cutting off. "Aaahhhh Harley girl." He cooed.
"P-puddin'" Harley giggled, the two moving closer to each other slowly. Their lips barely brushed against each other. "I l-love you mistah J" Harley blushed moving in even closer, their lips coming together in a full on kiss. The Joker grabbed Harley's face, kissing her harder as he did so. Harley ran her fingers through his messy green hair.
"JOKER!" Batman slammed his hands on the front of the Batmobile with solid force. Joker rolled his eyes annoyingly turning to face the Bat. "Whaaaaaat is it nooooww?" He sneered.
"Can't ya see we were havin' a moment their B-man?" Harley shouted, waving her fist out the window at the Dark Knight.
"I don't care Quinn. Joker, WHERE IS THE DISTRIBUTER?!" Batman grabbed Joker by the collar angrily.
"Mmhahahaaaa Batman…You really are as dumb as you look aren't you?" The Joker mocked. Batman slammed his head against the side of the vehicle roughly. Harley gasped "Puddin'!"
"You're gonna tell me where the candy bars are right now Joker." Batman threatened.
"Hahahaa or what!? You're gonna…kill me? Aaaahahahahaaa" The Joker screamed with laughter. Harley sat up unsure of what to do.
"You hurt my Puddin' one more time and I'll, I'll-." Harley stammered.
"Shut it Quinn, you really think all this is funny? You think it's funny when he hurts people? You think it's romantic how he abuses you. Throws you, punches you. You think your so clever Quinn. But you're just scared. Scared of being alone. You're scared of-."
"No, no, no!" Harley bawled tears running down her face. "My puddin' loves me. He really does. You're just a STUPID BAT. Whattayou know about romance!?" Harley grabbed the Joker's machine gun from under her seat and began firing swiftly at the Bat. Batman jumped backwards taking a few bullets in his suit.
The Joker coughed, gasping in breaths. "Mistah J mistah J are you okay?" Harley cried leaning over her prince. The Joker coughed once more before slapping Harley roughly across the face throwing her backwards into her seat, hitting her head against the glass harshly.
"How dare you Harley!? You idiotic worthless fool that machine gun was MY punchline." He swung the door open hopping on top of the Batmobile. Batman stared him down.
"You are sick Joker." The Bat degraded.
"Hahaha tell me something I don't know Bats. Sooo you're concerned about your little mission are you? Didn't find that little home I sent you to?" The Joker taunted.
"There was nothing there but an empty field. What kind of joke are you playing here?" Batman implored.
"Aaaahahahaaa Bats bats bats. Mmhahahahahaha" The Joker laughed insanely, almost uncontrollably. "You see Bats, there…ahaha" He cracked up again, finishing his sentence. "There is no candy bar! Aaaahahaha."
"You mean you made this all up?" Batman seethed with anger. "Why?"
"It was funny! To see you searching for hours! Worrying yourself to death! Aaahaha, hell the look on your face was damn priceless!" Batman looked away in exasperation. "Aaaaaaaahahahaha just except it Bat-brains I got you good! Happy October Fools Bats! Hahahahaha"
Batman snickered a bit to the side. "You got me Joker." The Joker paused, his face growing serious as he'd never truly seen the Bat laugh before, especially not at a joke of his.
"Who turned out the lights?" Harley groaned, opening up her door slowly and catching her balance as she stood up slowly, her vision focused on Batman. "Youuu, you hurt my Puddin'!" She shouted running at Batman with her fists in the air. The Dark Knight grabbed her fists as she ran at him twisting them behind her back and handcuffing her still. She struggled, kicking and trembling.
"You gonna take us in Bats? I don't know about you but that's not very kind holiday etiquette." The Joker chaffled.
"Get off my ride." Batman said lowly in a monotone voice.
The Joker hopped off. "Whatever you want." He said jeeringly. And with that the Dark Knight jumped in and zoomed off into the distance, leaving the two in the middle of the street baffled. Joker put his hands on his hips. "I might just be developing a soft spot for that grotesque Bat." He chuckled. Harley stood up slowly, her hands still bound, blood dripped down her forehead. The Joker looked at her with compassion in his eyes. He put his arm around her softly, holding her against him as she cried loudly. "C'mon Harley girl. Let's go home." And with that they began walking back slowly into the distance.
THATS ALL, THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC SO I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED. HAPPY OCTOBER FOOLS