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Chapter 1
Case 612: The Case of the Stupid Windbag
It all started on June 12, a day like any other. I was sitting in my office trying to figure out what to do, seeing as nothing interesting had happened. Which, big fucking surprise, nothing interesting ever does! I was just about to call my partner, when a man walked in.
He was dressed in sky blue, with a long hood, and some kind of weird creature following him, some kind of Lizard? Long story short, he came in and I wanted to punch him immediately. I could barely stand the guy when he spoke. His voice was high-pitched and kind of squeaky, like he swallowed a rubber duck. It was so annoying; I almost couldn't resist jumping over the desk and clobbering the jerk.
"Are you Detective Vantas' secretary?"
The nerve of this ass! He walks in to my office looking all stupid and irritating, and then asks me if I'm my own secretary. I don't have a secretary. Because unlike some shitty detective straight from the pages of a book for children, I don't need a secretary. And if I wanted one, I would have one. I don't need someone to sit there and tell me how to do my job! Well…my partner already does that…but she…no fuck this I'm getting off topic back to the case.
"Depends. Who's asking?"
"I need his help. Can you get me a meeting with your boss?"
How stupid is this guy?
"NO! I can't! Because I am NOT Detective Vantas' secretary, fuckass. He doesn't HAVE a secretary! I might take your case though, if it's not a stupid as you."
"Oh." He looked offended. Good. I was glad. This was going well. "Sorry, I just expected you to look, different."
He sized me up and I realized what he meant.
"I'm NOT fucking short and don't you dare call me that! Call me short and I won't even think about taking your shit case."
"Uh…."
"You know what? NO! I won't. Bye! Get your ass the fuck out of my office!"
He was still in the office door. I slammed it in his face with a loud bang. I went back to my desk with a smile on my face.
I propped my feet up and I started thinking about things that were not how much I hated him. He was just such an IDIOT! I had just achieved the perfect fucking blend of not-giving-a-shit and successfully failing to not think about how much that fucknozzle rubbed me the wrong way. Of course my phone going off like a fucking alarm clock and scaring the shit out of me interrupted my concentration.
"Hello?" I growled. "This is Detec-"
An excited voice on the other side of the line cut me off.
"Karkles! We got a case! It's going to be awesome! I just got a request! We are SO taking it!"
"Ok, just...wait, what does he look like?"
"Huh?"
"WHAT IS HE WEARING?"
"Why does it-"
"JUST humor me."
"OK. Blue a hood. Got a…um"
"WEIRD LIZARD THING?!"
"How did you know that?"
"We're not taking it."
"Already did"
"No we'r-"
"Yes we are."
"Bu-"
"I don't care if you think he's an idiot!"
"I-"
"Just be down here in an hour. I'll get lunch."
"I never agreed to this!"
"See you soon."
She hung up. She was so annoying. Shit, she still is.
Whatever. When my maniac of a partner had her mind set on something, I couldn't change it.
I sighed, grabbed my keys and headed out the door.